Losing a Little Bit of Me

Random Quizziness

2012-01-30T14:54:00.000Z

I was searching through my blog directory the other day, for a post I'd started and not yet finished, and I ended up flipping the view to drafts .... what I found were a number of posts that had never seen the light of day.

Below was a quiz that was obviously doing the rounds at the time - it dates back to some time in 2009, and God knows why it never got posted, but I found it interesting looking to see how some of my answers have changed since then. I was obviously in the phase of my weightloss when I was committed and going great guns, and relishing my decreasing clothes size. I can see I had a lot of hopes and dreams, and that some have stayed the same, and others have moved right along since then.

It's trivial, but I thought it might be quite fun to post it, but with updates for the bits that have changed.

What is your current obsession? Losing weight and getting fitter - it's pretty much taken over my life! 2012 Sue: Hmmmmm, but there's so much more to life than losing weight (well, now I've lost a fair chunk anyway), so right now I'd say it's surfing. Or maybe running, since I seem to be doing a lot of that right now!
What are you wearing today? Smart black work trousers, a sandy-creamy coloured knitted top with short-sleeves and cut-out detail (actually really pretty - I appreciate that it sounds weird), flat tan sandles with a plaited thong down the front, miscellaneous jewellery as per usual, and my sunglasses are still perched on top of my head from sitting out at lunchtime. 2012 Sue: The good old black work trousers never change do they! Except I'm wearing a smaller pair now, so wide-leg black trousers, black suede pumps with tassels and metal detail, a long-sleeve purple jersey top with the sleeves pushed up, dark grey sleeveless jumper over it, cropped black jacket on top, purple and silver long multi-strand necklace, and as before random miscellaneous jewellery.
What’s for dinner? Errr - I've run out of points already - anybody know of anything for negative 2 points?? So possibly a walk then! 2012 Sue: Haha, nothing changes! Actually I've got a few points left today, so probably pasta and veg, after a run.
What’s the last thing you bought? White jeans, blue and white striped vest top and the black trousers I'm wearing. 2012 Sue: Flamin' expensive running socks!
What are you listening to right now? The window blinds fluttering in breeze from the open window. 2012 Sue: The low hum of conversation in the office.
If you could go anywhere in the world for the next YEAR, where would you go? The world. All over it. I pretty much want to see the whole thing - the South Pacific and Australia / NZ, South America, North America and Canada, Africa, Russia, Asia. Just leave out Europe as I've seen large chunks of it already.
Which language do you want to learn? I keep thinking about picking up German again. 2012 Sue: Or possibly Spanish after going to Central America in 2010.
What do you love most about where you currently live? The view from my window and that I'm surrounded by family and friends. 2012 Sue: My friends for taking me in, and that I'll have a new flat next Tuesday!
What is your favorite colour? Probably the colour of tropical seas.
What is your favorite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe? Everything in a size 16 lol! 2012 Sue: Tricky - my wardrobe's pretty well stocked with items I love and that make me feel good these days. I'm not sure I have a favourite though, maybe my navy silk dress from Coast, or an awesome fitting pair of jeans? Most worn is probably my denim mini-skirt from French Connection and my long brown leather boots.
Describe your personal style? Changeable - I dress myself up as different people depending on how I'm feeling! It's my armour against the world. 2012 Sue: Still changeable, but less armour and more an expression of how I'm feeling now. I've mellowed.
If you had £300 now, what would you spend it on? I'd love to say handbags, but realistically my credit card bill. 2012 Sue: Nothing bloody changes!
What are you going to do after this? Jump on a controllership conference call at work. 2012 Sue: Different job, more work.
Your favorite smell? How it smells in hot weather when it's just rained - kind of dusty but fresh. And old books.
Do you collect anything? Clothes, debts and lbs on my hips I think!
What makes you follow a blog? It varies - sometimes a sense of humour, sometimes they do something I admire and aspire too, sometimes just a sense of understanding and comradeship with that person.
What's your favorite drink? An icey cold vodka and tonic!
What’s one thing you dream of doing? Being financially sucessful and running my own business.
What is your biggest regret? So many - getting into debt, not getting a hold on my eating earlier, not grabbing opportunities or making them for myself, not telling my mum I loved her every day when I had the chance.
What is your favorite thing to do on a rainy day? Curl up and listen to it outside.
Do you have a tattoo? No.
What are your favorite books? Anything that offeres me a bit of escapism to a better place.
Are you left handed, right handed, ambidextrous, or a little of both? A little bit of both - my right hand's my dominant one, but then sometimes I'm convinced that my left is my right as that feels stronger.
What is your favorite fruit? Mango!
Blackberry or iPhone? I'm thinking of getting an iPhone shortly. 2012 Sue: I thought, I got, I'm on a new model of the same now.
What/Who inspired you to start your blog? I can't remember - I think it was a tip on the WW's forums when I started and I thought it might be a good idea - Bryher's was probably the first one I read.
What are you most happy about today? That my weekend starts in just under 2 hours. 2011 Sue: That the scales dropped back under 13 st this morning!

Day 2: What I Wore

2012-01-29T22:05:00.001Z

I had an exceptionally lazy morning which was lovely - I got to relax and loaf while Chris whipped out on his road bike for an hour. We spent this afternoon out for a walk. Typically, we ended up leaving late, so it was a bit of a route-march along the coastal path from Portishead to Clevedon, but we made it just before it got dark. It's been a day of several outfits - comfy shorts and a hooded top for lounging in this morning, then layers for the walk. I had to change my jeans when I got in as they were covered in mud, so thins was what I finished the day in ..... well, until I changed into my pyjamas to watch Downton Abbey .... :-)

- Posted from my iPhone

It Could Have Been Worse

2012-01-28T16:56:00.000Z

Well, Friday's are always my Dooms Day, in more ways than one. They're weigh-in day and the inescapable moment of truth for the week, and they're the start of a new week of tracking, which for some reason always leads me to be far more lenient with myself that I should be.

The scales said "up" yesterday. Not terribly surprising really, but ok when I consider that I didn't take control of my eating until mid-week. Actually though, Thursday was a good day for eats, meaning I've probably took back at least half of the week as mine, and the scales weren't as high as they'd been earlier in the week.

As always, the first few days of trying to get back on track are hard, and then it starts to feel a little more familiar. Yesterday could have been a total and utter disaster, as I had lunch with colleagues at a local Chinese restaurant (buffet-style if you please) and dinner with Hannah and her family, which meant very late takeaway by the time they arrived, we ordered and it finally got delivered. That has the makings of a dieter's horror story, but actually it wasn't

Firstly, I curbed my usual Friday breakfast (bacon and mushroom roll and maybe some hash browns), and stuck to porridge with banana, a little bit of cinnamon sugar and a swirl of maple syrup. Less calories and fat and lasts a heck of a lot longer. Also much less salt since there'd be plenty of that coming later on.

That kept me completely full til lunchtime, so there was no need to snack and at lunch I kept my head. Whilst the others seemed to be ramming down food and running back to the buffet as fast as they could (well, the boys were anyway), I consciously took my time and enjoyed what I had. I also tried to make sure that I either had only my favourites, or things I wouldn't normally get. A few starters on a plate (but only one of each thing), a medium plate of mains, a small bowl of chicken and sweetcorn soup (my favourite!) and two teeny shot-glass sized desserts of mousse (chocolate and strawberry).

I did the same at dinner time, try a few little bits of starters, but with definite white space left on my plate and just one bit of each, and a few spoonfuls of the mains I was interested in, a small portion of mushroom rice and half a naan. The evening was finished off with a couple of glasses of wine, although I switched to squash when dinner arrived, because I knew the spicier food would make me drink quicker.

Although there was a lot of rich food floating around yesterday, I'm happy with how I treated it. I trimmed down my other meals and banished the snacks, and just concentrated on samplings things I was interested in. I was never over-full or uncomfortable.

From a Weightwatchers perspective, it's obviously a difficult day to point up, so I've guessed to a certain extent, but I think that while I've used most of my weekly flex it wasn't all of it. Win.

On Thursday night I went back to the running shop and sorted my trainers out. God bless 'em but they were lovely. The miunte I walked in with one of their carrier bags, they told me to have a seat and they'd be right with me. The guy I spoke to was interested, attentive and informative. They've refitted me with a different pair of Asics Gels, more neutral this time than supportive, as they said the shoe's shape suits my foot, but the last pair were obviously too aggressively supportive when coupled with my orthotics. Considering I was trying all the new pairs of shoes with unhealed blisters, these definitely came up as more comfortable.

The shop staff were lovely: not only did they not even blink at exchanging the shoes after I'd run outside in them, but they spent quite a while chatting to me about general running, offering advice on training for my first HM (including finding a magazine article for me that might be relevant while I waited for shoes to be bought up from the stock room), asked for feedback on my original shoe-fitting experience on Sunday, encouraged me to join their intermediate running club (errrr, scary, since when was I not a beginner anymore?) and told me to pop in and grab back issues of any of their running magazines to take away and read whenever. How nice? So glad this will very soon be my (extremely) local new running shop!

I've actually been itching to get back out and run, but they advised me against it for a few days to let the blisters heal a bit. Then they said to just take a short 20 min run to bed the new shoes in / try them out. So this morning, I headed out for a short run in the lovely chilly sunny Winter's morning. These shoes definitely feel much better than either of the previous pairs, although I'm glad I didn't push it too far - I went a bit over 20 mins and at about 25 mins I could feel the blister just starting to sensitise again, so I ran a few mins longer then walked the rest of the way home. It's in no worse a state than it was before though, so I think it just needs to heal and these shoes should be good to go. Even better, I didn't realise until I was nearly home again that my nagging ache in my right foot, which prompted me to get new trainers in the first place, was absent - hooray!!!

So that's today. I've been in the office since then hammering out a few hours work, and then I'm off to see Chris for the rest of the weekend - I'm hoping for a nice walk tomorrow to shake off the cobwebs and make up for my lack of a 75 min run. I've eaten well today, and I'm planning on making this week, one day at a time, a good one. Easy enough hopefully for tomorrow, as Chris eats pretty healthily, so I just have to follow along.

I was also having a look back through my post archives earlier, and out of interest I flipped to drafts to see what posts I'd started but never published. There were a few interesting ones in there, so expect to see some of them dusted off and popping up on here over the next couple of days :o)

30 Day Photo Challenge

2012-01-28T16:05:00.000Z

I saw this over at Pink Chilli Vintage and like the idea. Now don't get carried away - we all know how bad I am at actually sticking with these things, but I nearly always have a camera of some sort with me so we'll see how I do!

Day 1:

Looking pensive at work (all on my own in the office on a Saturday).

Grumpy

2012-01-26T10:03:00.000Z

That's how I feel today. Partly with myself, and partly with the universe.

I'd forgotten that my professional subs for the year were due, so had to fork out £200 yesterday to pay them, which has demolished most of my over-payment for my credit card this month. I will try hard and claw some of that back from my monthly spending money, but it seems unlikely that I'll get anything close to as much as I wanted paid to them this month.

My headphones also chose this week to break, so that's another thing I'll have to spend on (I use them every day on my walk to and from work, and then at work when I need to concentrate and block everyone else out).

What really irked me yesterday though (irked - isn't that a great word? Seriously?) was I went for a run in my brand new trainers, which cost me £100 on Sunday and took around 40 mins to fit, and had to cut my run short at 30 mins because I could already feel that my left instep was forming a blister. Really not good.

Not only did I get the blister (luckily, I realised and walked the last bit home, but it's still a good centimetre long by nearly as much wide), but my right foot still ached. These trainers were meant to help with that, but it started aching 10 mins into the run and stayed there on and off. Not being an expert on feet, I don't know whether that should have stopped straight away with the new trainers or is like a bruise that will take a while to clear up, but I have to admit I was disappointed.

This all lead to me getting home and doing something a bit silly. We had tons of leftovers from the Chinese we had on Monday, so I had a plateful for tea, which was fine as I had points for it. What I didn't have points for was the entire bag of prawn crackers I slowly munched my way through. There is absolutely no point in me being saintly during the day if I do that in the evening.

I suppose really, if I'm going to be fair, yesterday did have some poisitve points. I was good during the rest of the day, despite there being cakes and sweets galore in the office. I did get a run, and I ran for 30 mins at a reasonable pace (a tiny bit slower than usual, but that was probably due to me stopping to try and figure out what was going on with my blister) and I felt pretty comfortable with the run itself. I am upset about the money, but at least I'm in a position where I can pay that in cash and still make some small overpayment to my card this month - that's certainly better than where I was last year.

So yesterday was a bit of a fail on my eating challenge, but that's the beauty of new days - there's always time to start over and begin again.

I am a bit worried about the trainer / feet situation, as I feel like I can't be missing runs at this point in my training. It's going to be a hard enough job getting fit enough to run the half marathon in time, without breaks to sort my feet out, so I have an alternative plan for the moment. Luckily, I didn't throw my old trainers out, so I think the plan is to give Moti a call and ask for advice on my new trainers, and hopefully they'll say come back for a re-fit (which is part of their service), and in the mean-time I'll continue to run my long runs in my old trainers, which at least don't blister my feet. Then I can try the new trainers again on next week's short run, by which time my blister will have healed hopefully.

It's always all about the plans, isn't it?

Not Bad For A Start

2012-01-25T10:45:00.000Z

Yesterday I made a promise on here that I would make the effort to eat right, and I'm pleased to say that I did. I had an unexpected dinner out to cope with and then the cinema, but I think I did a pretty good job, although I do have to own up to there being a small pic'n'mix at the cinema that probably wasn't entirely warranted. What can I say - it had been a long and tiresome day, and I'll emphasise the small part of that sentence.

What I always forget when I eat well after a period of, well, not, is that I actually enjoy the feeling of making a decision to balance my eating and occasionally denying myself the silly things. I know that sounds a bit weird, but there is a small amount of smugness present in making a good choice over a bad one.

Yesterday, in place of all the bad behaviours of Monday and the mistakes I made, were the things I know work. More fruit and less snacks for one. The tuck drawer stayed firmly closed at work yesterday, and instead there were bananas and a small pot of fresh fruit salad to eat. I wasn't hungry until dinner time, when I arrived at the restaurant direct from work as I finished late - and if you're not hungry at dinnertime, then there's not really much point in eating!

Dinner in itself was a small victory as well - we went to Zizzi's and I went in with an idea of what I would have - pasta, with some sort of tomato / vegetable-based sauce, and there it was - one of my staples on the menu - rigatoni with chicken and mushroom in a tomato and rosemary sauce. Perfect. I decided against wine when asked (although honestly that would have gone down a treat after the long day), stuck to Diet Coke, and actually stopped when I was full. I know, it's a shocker.

I did, as mentioned, have a small pic'n'mix at the cinema, but it was literally about 2 of each thing I wanted, and smaller than my usual. I'd even remembered a bottle of water to dodge having another fizzy drink. I went to bed last night feeling like I'd made good choices, and it's been a while since I think I could say that.

The proof of course, is in the morning. Not the fact that the scales had dropped almost a lb since yesterday's eye-opener, but that I didn't feel as bloated for a change. The clothes are still tight, but I feel a bit better in myself.

I want to use yesterday as a spring-board, a platform to build from. I work best with small challenges and goals - breaking down the big stuff into something achievable and non-threatening - especially whilst I'm trying to find my feet again. So, today is another day of challenging myself to stick to the plan. Easier than yesterday, or at least less strewn with obstacles, because it's a non-social night, my flatmates will be out this evening, and all I have on the agenda tonight is a nice, easy 40 min run (in my new trainers!). I want to be able to come and report another sucess to you tomorrow - just without the pick'n'mix!

I Swear

2012-01-24T10:35:00.000Z

Today I shall mostly be swearing on two counts:

That I will make today a good day on food.
There will be loud, cursing every time I move today because yesterday's Body Balance has broken me!

My eating has not been good recently, which I don't think I've hidden from you. I'm struggling with the scales and it's frustrating me. I've been here before, but rather than learning from it, it's like it's the same old struggle, and yet also new and impossible. Every time. The only way to deal with this is commit.

I know that that's exactly what I've done before. I reach my tipping point, and then for no obvious reason I can suddenly commit. Yesterday, I think I committed every cardinal sin of eating in the goddamn book. I ate when I wasn't hungry when I got to work and gave into the craving for a toast teacake, just an hour and a bit after I'd eaten cereal for breakfast. I ate when I wasn't hungry when I worried that I needed to eat before Body Balance at lunchtime and had soup and a sandwich. I was very late home from work (ha! No run either then!) and we massively over-order takeaway because we were starving (and were having Chinese to celebrate the Chinese New Year) - a rookie mistake if I ever made one. Then we had a piece of toast to tide us over til it arrived, but of course by the time it arrived we weren't really that hungry any more. But. We. Still. Overate. Stuffed ourselves uncomfortably full.

I feel it today - that horrible salted, MSG-laden bloat. I also faced the scales and saw the horrible truth of a new highest weight as a result.

Yep - today is definitely a good day to be good. And then tomorrow. And the day after. But one day at a time until I can re-find the habit. I want to be able to come on here tomorrow and say "I ate well yesterday and stuck to my points"!

On the second point - I can't believe how much I ache today. My butt is sore as. And my shoulders / upper arms are tight. My abs? Coughing is a carefully martialled military exercise today which leaves me groaning.

It's not just me either - I work with a lovely lady named Lili, who happens to be world champion in her Tai Kwondo discipline (I know! How cool is that??). We sometimes go to class together, and she confirmed that her butt is done in today too. I'm glad that I'm not alone!

Still - it's a reminder of what's weak and what's strong, and that I did something yesterday to try and change that.

Right - I'm off to work hard, and eat well today.

Rethinking The Running

2012-01-23T15:21:00.000Z

Life is busy at the moment, with lots going on at work, and at home, and a big chunk of my time at the moment revolves around my half-marathon training.

Considering how scared I was about this, it seems to be going fairly smoothly at the moment (which is a relief since I'm only in Week 5 of 12!), but it has high-lighted a number of things I've never really had to think about before.

Rethinking the Route

My past running hasn't required that many longer routes of me, so I've either been able to get away with running shorter routes in the evenings during the week- runs round the harbour, or back in the Malvern days, my local and well-lit neighbourhood - or get my longer runs in on the weekend during daylight hours. I've never really had to consider therefore whether a route is safe to run. After all, Malvern so sleepy it doesn't exactly have dodgy areas - the biggest problem on non-streetlit sections of road is probably tripping over a sheep in the dark!

Here in Bristol, on the current training plan, my runs are pretty much all 40 mins or more, and mostly in the dark, and suddenly I have to more careful. There's areas I don't know, areas I don't know and know I don't want to know, and areas that just plain creep me out. But I need routes that are 4 miles or more to run, and preferably not up the giant hill that runs across one side of the city from where I am currently.

Up until 2 weeks ago, my usual run was an extension of my standard harbour circuit, and I just followed a lot of what I would have run last year in the spring daylight. That involved running alongside the river for a short way, past a derelict warehouse and over a disused railway bridge which is completely unlit, and finally through an underpass section to get back on the road. I'd never realised before how creepy it is not being able to see who else is around in the shadows, but I'm a big girl and not scared of a few shadows (well, not enough to admit it and find another route).

Something happened then though that really made me think: we received a notification email at work to alert us that a young woman had been sexually assaulted by 4 youths on that railway bridge at 3.30pm on Friday afternoon. Yeah - awful isn't it? It wouldn't even have been dark at the time, but it is isolated. That poor, poor girl.

The railway bridge actually forms part of the local Sustrans bike path network, and is actually quite heavily used by local cyclists as well as walkers and runners, but if you hit it when no-one's there it feels like the arse-end of the world. I ran it one more time after I saw that notification, and it freaked me out - I suddenly became aware of just how alone solo runners are at night. After all, I've already been running for 20 mins or so by then, and while I can keep plodding on through the rest of my run, I think I'd struggle to sprint away from an attacker.

I am not a victim. It's not really in my vocabulary. I understand that there are a few times in life, where there are circumstances we can't avoid, that might make a victim of us, but I can damn well do my best to not make it easy. Since then, I've taken to running a bit further along the river, so I can stay on the well-lit streets and use the road bridge instead. Much safer, much less creepy. I'm definitely taking into consideration where my routes take me now.

Rethinking the Rest and Relaxation

One thing that I've always found I struggle with a little bit with training for anything is the aching muscles and residual tightness. I don't know if this is something particular to me and my old back injuries, but I'm prone to tight hamstrings and a sore lower back if I'm not careful. I always stretch after a run, but I've started finding that my usual static stretches aren't hitting the spot and aren't going deep enough.

The solution has turned out to be courtesy of yoga. I was doing a forward bend after one run at the beginning of last week, and thinking how nice it felt in multiple tight spots, and that led me to thinking Downward Dog would probably be good too. It was only a short leap from there to try out an experimental Sun Salutation sequence to see if it would help. One pass to each side, and it felt good - the poses get right into multiple tight areas and stretch them in different ways to any static stretch, so I've started incorporating it as a regular thing after my normal stretches, and it really seems to help.

I've also been meaning to get back into my weekly Body Balance classes, which I've somehow not been back to since Christmas. I was organised enough last night to pack my bag, so I made it to the class this lunchtime, and good God I've got some tight niggly spots!!! Not having been for over month I've also definitely lost some range of motion on some joints, so it will be interesting to see if I regain that over the next couple of weeks.

Rethinking the Routine

So far, I've stuck to the training schedule pretty damn well - in 5 weeks I've only dropped 3 short runs. The first two were dropped deliberately because they were very short interval runs in the first 2 weeks of training, and I honestly didn't see the point in getting changed and running for just 15-20 mins. Other than that, I've been really good about doing all of them .... until last week.Work and social committments somehow conspired to get in the way and I allowed them to.

I think the reason I've found the schedule easy to stick to so far is because I've been disciplined about when I run - if the timetable said Tuesday and Thursday, I went Tuesday and Thursday. Last week, my regular Tuesday night cinema "club" with friends kicked back in though, and Thursday was the AGM for the Surf Club so I needed to be there at 7.30pm instead of the usual 9ish. Combined with working longer hours at the office, I let myself drift a bit, and ended up dropping the shortest run for the week (which might just have been the interval run again ... ahem). On the other hand, I really enjoy getting runs ticked off and done - so much so that I got home (late) from work on Friday at 7.30pm and decided to go straight out and get my weekend long run done and dusted, so I could enjoy my weekend.

There's an easy solution to this I realise - I just move my two scheduled week day runs forward a day each to my quiet evenings in the week. Simple! I can then have a regular night to run that doesn't clash with my regular social engagements. It also means that I have a rest day on Thursday, meaning if I want to get my long weekend run done early on a Friday again I can, and I can run it on fresh legs too.

Friday's run was both good and bad. Good because I wanted to do it, even though it had been a long day. Good because I managed 65 mins steady without stopping, which was 5.5 miles. Bad because my right foot was still aching a bit, and right at the end my left one got in on the act too. Bad because I felt a bit low on energy the whole way. Good because when I logged my run afterwards, I'd actually increased my pace on all my previous "long" runs.

I'm still slow at the moment - Friday's run was at 12.02 min / mile. My times are very slowly improving, and my shorter runs are quicker, but even allowing for a little more improvement in my pace over the remainder of training, I think I'm looking at 2hr 30min half-marathon. Respectable but slow. However, I was never in this for the speed, and I'm sure I will by no means be last. This was only ever about completing it.

What worries me more is the foot pain. I have many more miles of training to get through, and I really don't want to develop either an injury, or something that creates an aversion to running for me. Even a little niggling pain is off-putting if you know it's coming. With that in mind, I finally managed to get up to the running shop yesterday afternoon and get new trainers fitted. They were lovely, spending a good 30 mins with me and discussing my custom insoles and my options. The good news is that the lady I saw thought that my foot pain might be due to the lack of cushioning in my very knackered trainers, rather than anything more serious.

I went to Moti in Bristol, and they have all sorts of tecnological goodies on offer, including video gait analysis on the treadmill, with side-by-side comparison of how you run in different shoes. Despite my custom insoles, they've put me in supportive trainers, rather than neutral, as the two seem to work well together, but I did get complimented on the fact I run with my mid-foot not my heel, especially since I've re-trained myself from being a heel-striker! I have some very white Asics Gels to try. I like'd Moti as they tell you to come back if they're not right after a couple of runs and they'll re-analyse!

I'm hoping to try the new shoes out tonight for a nice easy 40 min run. Fingers crossed they'll be comfortable, and there'll be less achy foot.

And just to stop ourselves getting too serious about our training / fitness (me - half-marathon, her - triathlon training), Hannah's talked me into entering this: The Banzai Charge. It's in September, and it's 8 miles of ludicrous hills, mud, bog, tarzan swings, more mud, more hills, river crossings, rope-assisted hill climbs, more hills, cargo netting, more mud, a 10m hill slide into hay bales assisted by washing-up liquid for added speed, more hills and a giant wall to climb over at the end. Oh yes - and you wear your race number on a Japanese bandana on your forehead.

How can you take yourself too seriously after that???

Swamped

2012-01-19T00:07:00.000Z

This week has mostly been about trying to keep my head above water, and even that seems to be a lot of effort right now.

Work is pure chaos, which makes this:

seem like a really, bloody long time ago. Yet it was only Saturday.

I ended up having to go into the office for a couple of hours on Saturday, so the run got bumped out of daylight hours into I've-just-about-got-time-to-spare hours instead. I could have done with a lie-in on Saturday morning, but woke up at 7.30am, and decided that I might as well get up and moving and into the office.

I managed to bundle myself in there by 9.30am, and took the car even though it's only 10 mins walk away from the flat, because I was going to meet my friends Bec and Graeme for lunch. It was really good to see them, even if it was very brief, although I think Bec was a bit disappointed that I hadn't dragged Chris along for her to meet! He was already off mountain-biking though, so that (trauma) will just have to wait for another day.

I managed to escape work at about 4ish, but the light was already fading by then, so any hopes of a daylight run were scuppered. More annoyingly, my iPod Shuffle's battery gave up 15 mins into the run, so I had to run the remaining 40 mins without it, although that actually wasn't nearly as bad as I'd anticipated it would be. The run felt quite loose and easy again, and I had just enough time when I got back to slam some food down my throat and have a mini-panic about what the hell to wear to the house party in the evening.

Top marks to our friends Cat and Ollie at the party, who know both Chris and myself, and hadn't been explicitly told that we were now seeing each other, and managed to diplomatically avoid any "oh-my-GOD" moments. It was a fairly chilled out party, rather than a crazy one, so I managed to get home at the relatively sensible time of 1am. Annoyingly, we'd thought that there would potentially be an entire flat full of people staying at ours, so Chris had decided to drive home rather than crash the flat, since I'm sleeping in the lounge at the moment. I couldn't head back with him, because I needed to get my surfboard out of my storage first thing on Sunday morning, so it was a very chaste night .... except that I got home to find that everybody else had ended up staying elsewhere so I had the entire flat to myself. Damnit! It's hard enough finding time alone at the moment, with work and me not having my own permanent place, so just ......... grrrrrr.

Impressively, I was up early on Sunday, and at the storage place at 10am to grab my board. Just by chance, I thought I see whether the board would fit inside the car - I suspected it would be a couple of inches too long to fit but thought it was worth a try. Unbelievably, my 8ft surfboard and it's board bag just fits in the car! In my little, tiny C1. It's literally a case of the nose being on the dashboard, pressed up against the windscreen and the tail end sitting against the boot lid, but it fits! That's going to be awesome for when I want to do a solo trip!!!

Saunton was beautiful when we got there. It was a little blustery - just on the edge of usable, but a glorious day. It's such a long walk down to the water though when you're carrying a board! It wasn't too bad on the way down as I was fresh and excited, but coming back up I was tired and the wind was against me, and it seemed like an insurmountable task! Chris was sweet enough to go and get me a hot chocolate whilst I was fighting my way out of my wetsuit and getting changed (he'd got in and out earlier than me) ..... he even bought back a choice of with-cream or with-marshmallows. Good stuff!

The view of the beach as we drove away was breath-taking - one of the things I love most about surfing is the huge sense of space you get when you're out there. It's so majestic and peaceful.

Since then it's been bloody chaos at work. Late nights, frantic phone-calls and emailing, and a lot of swearing. Eating has not been great, but it's better than last week, and I'm still tracking it all as best I can remember it. I managed to get out for my run tonight, and churned out 40 mins at (for me) a fairly decent pace. My mile times are slow at the moment - around the 12 min mark depending on what length of run I'm doing, but that's improved since the first week, when they were around the 12:30 mark, so hopefully they'll keep slowly improving.

Hetty asked last post when I started enjoying my runs. The honest answer is that there wasn't a lightbulb moment, but I think it was the combination of a few factors. I knew from the outset that this half-marathon and it's training would be hard for me, as I'm not a natural runner. I have one speed: plod. Accordingly, my one ambition as just been to complete it. I have no aspirations for speed or a particular predicted time. I don't even aim to finish it all without walking at all. I just aim to finish it. Period.

With that aim in mind, and only that, I dropped any worries about pace or distance during my training at the door. No point. The training is a long way, over a long period of weeks, and the only way to get through that and stay sane is make it as easy as possible for myself, and if that means deliberately setting out slow and steady, and checking my pace every so often to conserve energy, then that's just fine. I don't even care if I have to walk during a training run - there's no pressure on myself other than to work for the required period of time for each session. What that meant is that I've been very gentle on myself. I did need to walk during the first three runs, and I didn't beat myself up about it. I skipped (the only two runs of the training program I've skipped so far) the two short interval runs in the first two weeks as I wasn't interested in them.

Somewhere along the way, I've discovered that I have a gear that enables me to just keep going. In that gear, my breathing is deep, but even and controlled, and my muscles don't particularly ache. Since my 4th run, I haven't needed to stop and walk on any of my runs. I've just eased my pace and kept steadily plodding. I fully expect that at some point my runs will get to a distance where I will need to walk for a bit, and I'll cross that road when I get to it, but it's not yet.

The other factor in my increased enjoyment, is being able to tick off every run on my schedule and see it done. It's satisfying. And when a run stops being something you dread for how much it will hurt, it becomes a time when you feel strong, and also a time to mull stuff over.

I've had a 3+ years of love / hate relationship with running before getting to this point, but for the moment, something has clicked for me, and I enjoy most of my runs, and even quite look forward to them in the evening, as they're a good way to let go of the tension of the day. I have a lot of tension to let go of right now!!!

A Little Bit of Gossip pt 2

2012-01-13T14:37:00.001Z

I suppose I'd better tell you how this ends, hadn't I? How did we get from there to here? And although, we've already covered point 3 from yesterday, what the hell were points 1 and 2?

Still interested?

Really?

Ok ...

Fast-forward a couple of years, and I was feeling a lot better about myself. Good enough to smile at cute guys and strike up conversations at the bar.

There's a charity event each November that all the Canoe Club guys go to (actually, I realised yesterday that I didn't even explain that bit - they all went to uni together and met at the Canoe Club - they've remained friends ever since). As three of my close friends are ex-members of it, I know a lot of the crowd, and the annual event is a scream. November 2010, I went for the first time, and ran into a rather tasty guy at said bar. As we bantered, he told me he'd rowed across the Atlantic, and I laughingly said "yeah right". We flirted a lot, I teased him about his giant fib, and it turned into a great night. A great boost to the ego too, even though it wasn't anything serious that was going to go anywhere. He did have great biceps though - it turned out he really HAD rowed across the Atlantic earlier that year! ;o)

Last Spring, I ran into another cute Canoe Club guy at another event. We hit it off straight away, and again, it wasn't serious (he was moving to Australia just a month later), but we had a lot of fun killing some holiday we both had at the time. Unfortunately, there were a few toes trodden on (completely accidentally), so it was probably a good job he was leaving. It was fun while it lasted though.

There was also another cute Canoe Club guy in history, who shall Never Be Mentioned. All in all, I'd had my quota of Canoe Club boys in the last couple of years, and as much fun as they all are, I'd figured by last June that it was all too close-knit a group, too many potential toes to accidentally squash, and I should stay well away.

I held good to that and dated elsewhere, when I wasn't having fun learning to surf. In the Summer, there was James (he of the super-romantic dates). By the end of the Autumn, I'd been seeing Andy for a couple of months. He was fun, clever and a triathlete. Problem is, the spark just wasn't there. I'd given it a chance, I was about to move house, there was a lot going on, and I was coming to the conclusion that being single for a while would be good. I just had to do the deed and end it. Maybe in a few days time because, you know, I hate breaking up with people.

In need of a good night out, to take my mind off everything, I went to the annual charity bash again as a last minute decision. I let my hair down, had fun chatting and catching up, and over the shoulder of my friend who I was buying a drink for, I caught the eye of the guy from the coach. Yes, HIM. We smiled, and I went to get the drinks. A little while later, I caught his eye again - another smile. And it kept bloody happening.

I don't honestly remember who arrived at the bar first, or who spoke first, but we were soon chatting away animatedly. He was an accountant, like me. He liked being outdoors and extreme sports and travelling, like me. He didn't live in Bristol (booooooo), but did live quite nearby (yay!). I don't know how long we talked, with the carnage of the night going on around us, but at some point I reluctantly dragged myself away to go to the ladies. When I got back he wasn't there anymore, and I probably slumped a bit, but then returned to my friends. I think I'd been there about 2 mins, when a girl I know a little appeared and straight out said "you know, he really likes you but for all his confidence he won't make a move. He's on the dancefloor - pleeeeeease go find him".

Crap - I'm going to have to make a move? I think I muttered about not being drunk enough for that, and her response was a sly smile and this: "I'll get the drinks, you get to the dancefloor".

Deep breath, and a decision made. What was the worst that could happen? Nothing. Oh hell, did I feel self-conscious, but I moseyed on over to where they had congregated on the dancefloor. Ok, that's a lie, I allowed myself to be towed over to where they were. A long story short, we somehow got our shit together, and moves were made.

Before we parted, numbers were exchanged, and we said we'd like to see each other again. I then had a stressful weekend moving out of my flat and into Hannah's. Although we texted a few times in those days, by Wednesday I was starting to think it wouldn't go anywhere, as the text's were getting further apart. I was sitting on my (Hannah's) sofa in the evening sadly examining my phone, and noting no texts since the previous evening, and acknowledging to myself that it going to die a quiet little death. And at that exact instant, my phone rang in my hand. And it was him.

You know that moment of panic, when you're looking at the phone thinking "how soon can I reasonably answer this, without looking like I leapt on it in an undignified frenzy"? Yeah, that was me. We started chatting and it was easy. We chatted for nearly an hour, although the signal was crap and we had to call each other back 4 times (this should have been a sign of things to come - if things can go comically wrong for us, they usually do). Eventually we gave up, and he called my friend's landline instead. And eventually, he got round to asking me what he'd rung for. He said that he was extremely busy with work at the moment, and was currently house-sitting a load of holiday rentals for his employer for the next 10 days, so couldn't really leave them, but really wanted to see me. He said he knew it was a big step, and he'd understand if it was too much, but as soon as he stopped house-sitting he was off to Wales with friends for the weekend, and would I like to come too? Yikes!

I thought about it, and as I thought I realised that I was pretty sure I did want to go. In the interests of averting a possible disaster though, I took a deep breath and said I'd like to, but maybe we should meet up on the intervening weekend for a bit of a walk and a chat, and just see how we got on. And so it began. I went to see him, and we had a glorious stroll over late-Autumnal Exmoor. The sun shone, and a herd of deer even graced up with their presence. We were both a little shy, but the chat flowed easily, and I began to think that maybe the next weekend would be fun.

I just had one final thing to do before we went away the next weekend. I hadn't seen Andy for 2 weeks, and I was sort of hoping it would all just die away quietly on it's own, so when he texted and asked if I wanted to meet up for a drink the next week, I gently let him down, sure that I was making the right choice.

I think I did.

Back in the real world, I went for my run last night, gulped down beans-on-toast, and tore off up to the pub for the weekly surf club meet up. No alcohol for me, just a diet Coke or two.

Weigh in this week - final verdict was 13st 0.4lb. A little loss, on a week when I've eaten less than perfectly, is something I'm entirely happy with.

Same again this week - try and eat a little more moderately, and more running.

I'm looking forwards to a chilled out night in with Hannah tonight, and I think we're cooking something with roasted pumpkin in, maybe gnocchi. Then I'm looking forward to doing my long run in the daylight tomorrow for a change (another 55mins, same as last weekend) followed by a couple of hours in the office most likely. If I can, I'd really like to try and get to the running shop to sort my trainers out too. In the evening, Chris is coming up to Bristol for a party, which I believe I'm going to with him, and then we're planning on some surf action on Sunday, as I need to try my new board out!

Busy but fun.

And is it weird, that I'm almost enjoying my runs now? That is a little weird, right?

New House and A Little Bit of Gossip

2012-01-12T17:25:00.000Z

This morning, for the first time this year, the scales showed me back under 13st. And you know what? I'd like to keep them there.

I was thinking as I walked home last night, that I've got two pairs of new work trousers, that I bought towards the end of last year, and that I've never actually got round to wearing because they're rather too tight at the moment. Ignoring what the scales have been telling me, my clothes definitely tell me that a little less food and a little more exercise wouldn't go amiss at the moment. Things still fit, but they're snug, so it will definitely be interesting to see what another 8 weeks of HM training will do to my body shape, especially if I can keep my eating at least moderately on track. My eating may not be perfect at the moment, but I am tracking all of it honestly, so I'm conscious of what I'm getting through.

(Just a little aside - I still freak out everytime I think about that fact that I'm training for a half-marathon. Holy crap!!! I used to think that running a 5km was the holy grail and well beyond my abilities - how things change! Two months today, I will be recovering from yesterday's race, and I'll have a new bit of bling to show for it. Less than two months to learn to run over twice as far as I've ever run before ..... panicpanicpanicpanic ....)

Last night, after a delayed finish from work, I walked up to my new flat-to-be to go and see the girls for a post-Christmas catch-up. It was the first time I've walked there from my office, so it was interesting to see what my new daily commute will be. Even though I was running later to meet them (stupid busy office), I deliberately walked at my normal pace so I could get a feel for it. It was more hill than I thought, but also a bit quicker than I was expecting - or more accurately, I think I just crammed more gradient into a slightly shorter route! I made it up the hill in 25mins last night, and I suspect the other route, which would also be via the supermarket if I needed it - hello Waitrose now being on my way home! - would be more like 30mins. That's going to give me a nice bump of exercise everyday, more than doubling what I've been doing for the last year.

I've also made the decision to stop including my daily commute to work in my activity points when I track. I haven't done so since I started back last week. I just think that I probably over-rely on those few extra points, and since it's a walk I do 5 days a week, it's probably not as much of a challenge for my body as other exercise. Proper walks, or days when I've been on my feet a lot, will still be included, I'm just ommitting my commuting miles.

I really like the new district I'll be living in - it's a different part of town from my old flat and Hannah's place, and it has a much more bohemian feel. Up til now, I've been living on and around the harbourside - Hannah and I both do - which is very close to the city centre. It's quite a chic area, I suppose - lots of modern architecture and conversions like my old place, a few nice bars, but not really much in the way of shops, etc, until you get into the city centre itself. I'm moving up the hill to a different side of the city centre, into a district of grand Victorian and Georgian houses. The flat is over the top two floors of a big Victorian semi-detatched place, on a little side road full of similarly big houses and lots of trees. Walking up last night, I realised that just round the corner there's a thriving local high-street full of independent businesses - within 3 mins of the flat there's a whole foods store, deli, independent coffee-shops, bars and restaurants, a bike shop, book shop, a film company - it's quite a cool area really. The flat itself is more shabby-chic than the more sophisticated place I was living before, but it's comfy and I'm sure it will be homey once we're all in and have made it our own.

One lovely thing about moving to the new place will be my housemates. I'm blessed with two supremely chatty and happy new housemates, one of whom (plus her best friend who lives just round the corner) is also very outdoorsy and active. Yay!! Sam's training for the London marathon (so can give me tips) and likes climbing mountains and wants to do more mountain-biking as does her friend Lynsey. Sounds good to me. Both housemates, Sam and Krissie, have said they'd be interested in trying a bit of surfing some time too. I love the idea of having some active housemates to get out and do stuff with - awesome! Plus it means we're dedicating the hallway shelves on the way up to the attic to "kit" so I don't have to try and hide it somewhere in my room - all the tents and sleeping bags and general stuff is going to be easily accessible in future - whooop!

Now - something completely different - when I first mentioned that I was seeing Chris, I had several people demand more details, especially how we met, and I've realised I never told that story. It's quite sweet, so I thought I'd share. I haven't always talked much about my dating, just snippets here and there, so I realise a little back-story is required here, and I'm not quite sure where to start.

I suppose there are 3 key facts to this story:

I'd sworn off Canoe Club boys, and I broke my own rules.
I was actaully seeing someone else when I met Chris.
I've known of him for a couple of years, and thought he was rather yummy, but never had the opportunuity to talk to him before now.

Let us go back to the beginning .....

In 2009, just as I'd made a deal with my best friend Jo that we would do something about our respective waistlines and fitness levels, I went snowboarding with friends. Some of those friends were ex-Canoe Clubbers, and there was another big group of their friends going to the same resort as us the same week. We decided to share their coach up to the resort from the airport and, as we got on the coach, I saw a guy who I remember thinking was rather cute. A big, tall guy with dark hair, very blue eyes and a near-constant smile. He seemed like the kind of friendly, popular guy who's easy, fun company; the kind of person I instinctively like.

Back then though, I was feeling (really) low about myself. My weight had been creeping up uncontrollably for a while, hence the final snapping point that triggered Jo and myself to say we'd finally make the change. Smiling at cute guys was not really on my radar. Entertaining my friends as the "fat girl" and otherwise fading into the background was the norm, so as much as I thought he was cute, and probably kept a sideways eye on him during the 3 hour coach trip, that was it.

That holiday was the second time I'd been snowboarding, and as I pushed myself I ended up falling hard several times. I guess it's hard to fall lightly when you're 16 and a half st and snowboarding. My back, already injured (and cleverly left untreated) after a horse-riding fall in 2002, finally gave up. I had one rough fall too many, and 3 days after we arrived, I was confined to the chalet by intense pain, and I stayed there for the rest of the week. So I wasn't with my friends when they hooked up with the other group on the piste mid-week, and although we went for dinner with them towards the end of the week, I was too lost in pain to enjoy myself. I was still like that when we got the coach back to the airport - ripped ligaments and muscles in your back will do that to you.

I remained aware of the guy's existence over the next couple of years though, as I'd sometimes catch a glimpse of him at various events or hear of him through mutual friends, but that was it. We were in the same social universe but on different orbits. Nothing would ever happen.

You know - this is turning into a bit of a long post ..... I think I'd better leave it there .... :o)

Winter Running

2012-01-10T15:07:00.000Z

One thing that I've found since I took up running was that summer running was easy - I could wear exactly what I normally wore to the gym and it was comfortable. As the seasons slowly progressed though, and it started getting colder, darker and occasionally wetter, I suddenly found that I needed more gear to keep going.

Although I first started running in 2008 (I think), sometime before I actually really started the weightloss thing, it wasn't until last winter that I really ran in all weathers. By the end of 2010, I'd just completed my first 10k and was in quite a running groove. If you remember, the winter of 2010 was pretty harsh - lots of snow, ice and cooooooooooold. I had a designated running fleece from my general "gear" stash by then, for running in the evening when it was cooler, but kit-wise that was advanced as I got.

Suddenly it was bloody freezing, and I was layering base-layers under my fleece and trying out running in gloves and fleece headbands. I found that I often got too hot in my layers on my top half, but my legs were freezing in their 3/4 length tights from the gym. I caved and bought long tights, and encountered the weirdness of their sizing for the first time - why do they cut the waist-bands so tight and non-stretchy? But my top-half still over-heated, and if it rained I got wet, as I didn't have a water-proof suitable for running. I made do and skated around on the ice for a couple of months running round the harbour, I ran in the snow, and tried to dodge the rain, and when it was toooooooo bad I retreated indoors to the gym.

This season things are a little different. I'm 3 weeks into my half-marathon training now, and will be running consistently (touch wood - there'll be no injuries or other catastrophes) right through til March. I'm not a treadmill girl, so that will all happen outdoors (apart from possibly some of the interval training?), and I wanted to be a bit more prepared. I have new tights, a new jacket, a new baselayer and a new sports bra. And I bloody love them.

Tights first - running gear can be flaming expensive, so I was happy to investigate JJB for cheaper options - Gore and North Face et all, are all very lovely, but I have finite resources. JJB have their own running range, Run365, which provide well-priced, running specific gear. I tried on two of their pairs of tights, and was highly gratified to finally find a pair that sit a bit higher and have a nice wide stretchy waistband that actually fits over my hips without the need to stop my circulation, and then stays put. No riding down, no digging in. They're simple - zips at the back of the lower leg with reflective strips on them, mesh vents behind the knee and a small key pouch - all the basics but no fancy bits. But they fit well, are nice and long, don't rub or ride around and are a nice fabric that seems to stop the worst of the wind. And they cost a whole £19.

My jacket was from the same range, and was another steal. Most jackets I've seen cost at least £40, rising to well over £100. I just can't justify that, so when I tried this jacket for £23, I was hooked. It's plain black with a few touches of purple edging and some flashes of neon,and cut quite long to keep out the drafts, dipping down a bit lower at the back. Simple small zipped pockets provide storage for small items like keys, and it's mesh-lined to keep the air flowing inside, with mesh vents under the arms to help prevent over-heating. It's a lightweight silky feeling fabric, and I'll be honest - for £23 I pretty much expected it to just be a bit of a wind-breaker. However, the first couple of times I've run in it have featured some pretty heavy wind and rain, and it's been pretty damn good. The water beaded properly on the outside, and I remained surprisingly dry. It cut the wind efficiently too, without making me so hot I was sweating wildly. And the cut is surprisingly neat too, so I actually feel like a look good. Excellent.

My newest base-layer is an Icebreaker - a brand I've wanted to try for ages, but always been put off by the prices. Icebreaker make merino wool products - mostly mid- and base-layers I think - and are usually quite pricey but with an excellent reputation. For a start, merino wool is meant to not get stinky pretty much ever. It's also quick drying and soft next to the skin. I was therefore very excited to stumble on a sample sale at a gear shop in Betws-y-Coed in Wales back in early December, where there were a few womens long-sleeve baselayers, and even one in my size, all for 50% of normal price! I bloody love this top - a close-fitting long-sleeve tee in black, with thump-loops on the sleeves, and a lovely long cut. Testing so far, whilst running, says that it really doesn't smell. It's been worn for two runs in a row where I didn't have time to wash it in between, and then it took a couple of days to get it into the wash - nothing. Not one niffy odour! I thoroughly recommend!

Finally, and possibly the most important bit of kit I bought recently, another new sports bra. I've had issues with these before - it's not always easy to find a good fit when you're a bit more generously endowed. Some may remember my contempt last year for the Shock Absorber Run bra I tried, which was not only near impossible to put on, but then kept unclipping itself mid-run, and eventually failed quite quickly. Then I went back to my beloved M & S sports bra, only to find they'd changed their cut and they were also similarly difficult to put on, and had an additional "3 nipple" effect that wasn't very attractive (the seams over the cups of the bra are solidly "welded" onto the fabric, which means if the fabrics not at full stretch the seam forms several little wrinkles right where your nipple would be, making it look like you have 2 or 3 on each side! It's practically impossible to stretch the fabric enough to eliminate this, so you have to wear thicker tops to try and hide it or just brazen it out - a bit of a design flaw).

Whilst in JJB I stopped to examine Shock Absorber's latest offerings, and whilst I'm still not convinced by their Run bra, I was intrigued enough to try their recently redesigned Level 4 offering. Shock Absorber, like many sports bra manufacturers, offer their different designs based on a scale of exercise intensity. Level 4 is the most intense, intended for running, dance and anything else where you're jumping round like a lunatic. This time, they seem to have got it right. The cups are slightly moulded to offer support and shape. The breast-band is nicely padded, the shoulder straps pleasingly shaped and padded too to avoid digging in. The best bit is the fastening system though - instead of one closure, it has two. The bottom closure at the back is the standard to pull the chest band closed, and seems well constructed. There's then a secondary band above that running between the shoulder straps which acts as both a racer back to stop the straps sliding, and an extra tension point.

It really works - it comfortable, stable and supportive, and because of the secondary opening, easy to get in and out of because you can choose to open or close that one depending on your flexibility. I really love it! It's my new favourite piece of kit, because I can completely forget about it while I'm running.

The last thing for me to get now are new trainers. I'll book an appointment to be fitted as soon as I've been paid next week I think - my feet deserve some presents!

Anyone else have any (winter) running essentials they swear by?

Just Say No!

2012-01-10T13:59:00.000Z

One of my over-riding bad habits is trying to cram too much into a finite space of time. I do it all the time, and very often I don't realise I've done it, until I'm contemplating a looooong list of things to do, and not enough time to do them all in.

As a result of the above bad habit, I quite often spend large chunks of time stressed, tired, rushed and running perpetually late. Oh, and things don't get done, because inevitably something has to give and balls get dropped.

Another side-effect of it is that I often end up spending too much money and eating / drinking too much because I'm out nearly every night. I just find it really hard to say "no" to invitations.

Last year, I made a New Years resolution, that I would try and get better at this. I'd realised it was a problem, and needed addressing, so I made a conscious decision to not over-book myself in 2011. It started off fairly well, but soon enough, weekend after weekend, evening after evening was filled up with plans to see friends and go on adventures. Call it the problem of moving to a new city and starting a new life.

I did improve on some fronts - I got better at saying I can't do something because I can't afford to and I'm tired, even though that sometimes caused friction. I got better at making a plan and sticking to it, and owning up when I had managed to double-book myself. A bit better, but not perfect. Not by a long shot.

You will have noticed that it wasn't in my formal resolutions this year, but that doesn't mean I'm not still working on it. For the sake of my sanity, my friendships, my health and my money, I need to keep working on this. That's probably why it's no longer really a resolution, and more of a lifestyle choice I'm working towards. But you could view it as my 4th unspoken resolution. After all, it underpins all 3 of the resolutions I recorded on here. In order to look after my money, I have to stop over-booking myself. In order to look after my health, I need to stop over-booking myself. And in order to nurture this thing with Chris, I need to make time and stop over-booking myself!

Sooooooo - this week is busy. Like, really busy. Work is at full-tilt, I have several things I need to sort out at home, like my mail redirection and moving my surf-board to storage - both of which are time-restricted activities because of opening hours of businesses, I have training runs to complete, and it's turned into a catch-up week with various friends I haven't seen for a while. I went to bed last night trying to work out how everything fitted in, and woke up this morning still trying to figure out the same thing. The problem is that every possible solution I came up with involved me having to miss my training runs and still being in an insane rush. It just wasn't good enough.

Eventually, I reached a decision: my training runs are important to me, so they are non-negotiable. The chores need doing as soon as possible. Work .... well, work can't be moved. So my catch-up with my friend Dave this evening will just have to be rescheduled. I'm confident that he understands - he's not going to stop talking to me just because I can't make it to the pub this evening, as he's a busy grown man who's successful in his career and understands the demands on our time - so I texted him this morning to explain, and we've rescheduled for 2 weeks time when things are quieter. I feel relieved that I've bought myself time.

In the same way, a friend emailed me yesterday asking what weekends I was free in Feb and March. My calendar is already virtually full for March, with a friend visiting from Brussels (long awaited), my half-marathon (eeeeeeek!), a friend's birthday which will be a rare get-together for my school friends (too exciting!) and the hen party of the friend who was emailing me (non-negotiable), so I've made the decision that I'm not going to take any more bookings for March. In fact, I'm going to try and keep at least one weekend a month completely free for resting and relaxing.

This behaviour of cramming my diary full dates from an old version of me; one who was unhappy and lacked self-esteem, and needed constant reassurance of her worth and likeability by surrounding herself with friends and exciting things to do all the time. The 2011 me doesn't need that. I have a heap of great friends, and possibly one lovely man, who I know like me for just me. Hell, even I like me these days. I can afford to take time out, and be selfish, and just do what I really want to. It'll be good for me.

Eating yesterday - not perfect. I had some cocktails after work and ate out (although the food wasn't terrible), but I laughed hard and relaxed, so I'm over it.

Tonight, I run.

A Minor Slip-Up

2012-01-09T12:02:00.000Z

... or possible alternative title: "How A Long Day In The Car In Slightly Stressful Conditions Will Tempt You To Eat Badly".

After a largely well-behaved weekend, in which I ate nicely, but sensibly, and documented all of it, yesterday was a bit of a slip-up.

For a start, I went to bed far later than I meant to on Saturday night. I got totally absorbed in the book I was reading, and was still up at midnight when Hannah came back from a house-party. We then ended up chatting for a bit, so it was past 1am when I finally got to bed. This meant that I was most reluctant to get out of bed yesterday morning. I took the time to finally recolour my hair (call me vain, but I like it when it's all glossy and shiny and there's no horrible little greys poking through - it just makes me feel good - and it's been long over-due for a couple of weeks now), but that made me late to leave for my epic road-trip across country.

So at 11.45am, I finally shot out the house with arm-fulls of stuff to go and jump in the car. First stop - trying to find a petrol station without a trail of cars waiting, and I end up getting a Double Decker to keep me going til lunchtime, since I'm peckish. Hmmm, probably not the best start.

Lunch about an hour or so later, grabbed at a flying break on the motorway, was a sandwich and crisps - not too bad, as eating whilst driving is difficult and I couldn't be bothered with anything more. I finally got to Colchester at about half 3 - luckily finding the address easily (god bless sat nav!), and finding a very helpful lady at home who was happy for me to have a quick peer at the surfboard in her living room to check the condition, before I sorted out strapping it to the car.

I should have taken a picture of it, as it looked pretty funny - the board's 8ft, and my car's a little Citroen C1 - I think the board was nearly longer than the car!!!! I was using new soft racks to transport the board, so I was literally taking them out of the pack for the first time and figuring it all out as I went along! Luckily, they were pretty straightforward to use, and it all went on quite quickly and easily - a relief since the seller's wife was still chatting away, and I'd have looked pretty silly if I'd looked like I didn't know what I was doing!!

Just 30 mins after I arrived, I was on the road again with my new board. Unfortunately, now came the stressful bit - another 3 hours drive home, but with something large and totally non-aero-dynamic strapped to the top of my little car. I've never driven with a loaded car before, apart from very occasionally with bikes on the back of a previous car (I hated them so much that I took to carrying them in the car very quickly indeed). So it was a shock at a) how much power / petrol consumption I lost, and b) how noisy having the board on the roof was!

Christ, that was a shock. I seriously need to look at muffling the rack somehow - where there are taut lines stretching between the roof and the board, they set up an eerie and incredibly loud moaning as you drive above about 50mph.  And because they are directly attached to the roof rather than a rack, the noise translates straight into the car. I'm thinking that something soft wrapped around the front lines might help this as it will stop them vibrating in the same way - any thoughts, anyone?

So, it turned into a very slow drive back, as I couldn't go above 70mph tops, but mostly drove at 60mph. Frustrating and tiring and draining with the constant noise. The only good thing is that I don't actually do that much motorway driving to and from the coast for surfing normally, as we only do a couple of junctions on the motorway and then hit the slower A roads, where I don't think it will make so much difference. Not normally 3+ constant hours of motorway!

That frustration turned to bad eating - a quick break at services saw an entire pack of jelly sweets being hoovered up before I'd even got back on the motorway (thank god I didn't buy a travel sized pack of chocolate instead).  Then over-tiredness on the sofa last night saw the siren call of the biscuit tin answered, and about 10 caramel digestives disappeared too. Not too clever. I've been brave and tracked it all - it doesn't put me in a great position for this week, but I did say that I would be honest this month.

And I do have a shiny new surfboard to show for it! I had a proper look when I got back last night, and I can't believe I seem to have got such a bargain! The board is virtually pristine! It was an 8ft custom mini-mal, which the guy ordered last year. According to his wife, he used it on one holiday last summer in Cornwall, and then never got round to using it again, and now their second child is on the way, she gave him an ultimatum to sell one of his toys to pay for all the gear they need for him / her.  Even more luckily for me, this guy seriously loved his shiny toys, so as well as what looks to be an excellent board, I've also gained a rather nice board bag too - I reckon I've paid under half price for the cost of the kit new and it's got hardly any wear in it at all.

I love the cartoony style of the graphics on the board - certainly no one else will have one like this at the beach. Chris says it's a boy-board - I told him to bog off ;o) It's my pride and joy for the moment, and it's not like anything else I own (sports-wise at least) is particularly girly - I deliberately went out of my way to avoid buying a pink / baby-blue / white mountain-bike -I reckon you've got to be pretty flipping good to have "girly" gear and retain any kind of respect at the beach / on the hill!!

Sound Choices

2012-01-07T22:30:00.001Z

Sound choice no. 1 - went to the supermarket last night to forage for some food (I have a cold and didn't feel like cooking properly and there wasn't much in the flat). I bought Ben and Jerry's and ate a small portion from a proper (small) bowl and the rest went straight back in the freezer. Sound choice no. 2 - went for a run after work this evening. I knew I needed to get my long run in this weekend, and I suspected procrastinating would make it worse. So I got home from work, got changed and went straight out again. 55 mins steady running in the bag. 4.5ish miles slow but comfortable. Done. Sound choice no. 3 - I have a cold so I treated myself to a Thai curry this evening to see if I could taste anything. I could - it was nice. Nicer still was dishing myself up a sensible portion of rice and curry, having 2 of the 4 satay skewers to accompany it, and actually putting everything else in the fridge so I can't go back for seconds I don't need. Revolutionary behaviour from me. Sound choice no. 4 - turning down 3 separate invitations for fun things to do tonight (gig, house party and cinema) because I'm tired, a bit poorly and don't have much money left this month. And because it's ok to say no and selfishly spend the evening on the sofa instead. I think the good eating behaviours are rubbing off from the Mindless Eating book. One the over-riding themes is how we respond to portions and availability / convenience of food. Dishing up a proper portion and putting the rest out of sight is good behaviour to prevent over-eating, according to the book, as apparently we're intrinsically lazy creatures and if it's not totally at hand, we're far less likely to actually be bothered to eat it. Seems to have worked on those 2 occasions! Other than that's it been a day of work (depressing) punctuated by a phonecall from Chris to cheer me up and check I hadn't thrown myself out the office window in frustration (difficult since they don't open).Tomorrow I off to go and pick up my new baby - my first ever surfboard!!!! - Posted from my iPhone

Cracking On With 2012

2012-01-06T10:57:00.000Z

Helloooooooo!

Wow - it's all go round here! I've been meaning to jump on here for days to chat, but somehow it's the 6th of January already. I have a feeling this year is going to pass in a flash!

First, since last time I checked this was a diet and health blog, let's talk about that. By the time I managed to get near a scale again on my return to Bristol, my final check in after Christmas saw me back at 13st 1.2lb. I wasn't entirely surprised as I didn't eat spectacularly well over New Year, so a few lbs on was expected. So, in keeping with New Year's Resolution No.2 (keep healthy eating - maintain the weightloss or lose some more), I thought now would be a good time to start tracking my eating again - I started again on Wednesday, and the scales this morning show me at 13st 0.8lbs - not a big move, but in the right direction.

I'm just going to keep my weightloss goals to a lb at a time at the moment, and I plan to do this by eating moderately and consciously, and moving. I know - revolutionary, isn't it?

The moving part is coming from my HM training, which is now into it's 3rd week. At least that's got pretty much all my "moving" requirements covered for the next 9 weeks or so! Which come to think of it, was probably at least half of the idea when I signed up to the damn thing. This week has seen a 45 min run of epically windy and rainy proportions on Tuesday, and a faster 30 min blast round the harbour last night. I've been enjoying testing out my new winter running kit, which is proving great so far (more on that in a different post I think), and the runs in themselves have felt pretty easy - my breathing's been good and my legs have felt pretty strong. I had a bit of an ache in my foot last night, but I suspect my legs / muscles were just a bit tired from the longer run the night before. My pace is slow at the moment, but seems to be slowly increasing.

One thing I find hard about the training plan is trying not to panic about the long runs to come. I have to remind myself though that the runs so far have been ok, and they've been slowly increasing in length. The last 3 in particular have felt strong, and this weekend's long run is only an extra 10 mins on the longest so far. It's just taking it one run at a time.

Talking about healthy outdoor pursuits - I've finally bought a surfboard! It took me quite a while to find what I was looking for, in the right condition and at a price I was willing to pay, but I found one, and hopefully (cross your fingers), I'll be going to pick it up this weekend. Unfortunately, it's all the way over in Colchester in Essex, so I'll be using my precious day off this weekend to drive right across the country - yay.

I feel a little guilty that I'll be spending my whole day driving, as that eats into the only day this week that I could have seen Chris. On the other hand, he surfs too so I'm sure he'll understand. It's still going well (I think!) - I managed to catch 24 hours with him on New Years Day and over the Bank Holiday, although we were both so shattered (he'd just got back from snowboarding that day, and I'd just got back from London) that we pretty much spent most of that time sleeping or vegetating on the sofa. We headed down the coast for a bit on Monday, planning to go for a walk on Exmoor, but the weather was so miserable, that we ended up having fish and chips in the car on the sea-front at Ilfracombe (cue lots of jokes about us being a proper old couple) and then went for a short walk at Lynmouth up towards Watersmeet only to have it go dark and then get soaked in a sudden downpour. Better than nothing though!

As for my final New Year's Resolution - No. 1 (make some serious headway on my debt and learn to live within my budget) - I seem to be doing ok so far this month. I'm keeping a close eye on my expenditure, and should be on budget this month, as long as I'm sensible the next 2 weeks. I made an extra payment on to my debts in December, and will be able to do the same again this month. Last year turned out to be a year of standing still money-wise. My debts didn't get any worse really, but neither did they get any better - all that money on interest and I still hadn't done much with the balances. These two extra payments should put me ahead of that neutral position and on the beginning of the road to paying them off.

One of the hardest decisions I had to make last year, was to give up my lovely warehouse flat and move to a houseshare. It was the easiest way for me to cut my living costs drastically and allow me to get on with my debts. It was hard because I felt like I was taking a giant step backwards with my life, but it was the only thing that would allow me to move forwards. It then led to all manner of stress and heartache as flatshares fell through and I found myself, technically speaking, homeless for a while. Of course, I was never actually homeless, as my friends would never have let that happen, but it wasn't a great period. Finally though, the new house is coming together. After nearly losing the second house I arranged, twice, (problems with the tenants moving out because the chain on the house they were buying kept falling through), it's all finally going ahead, and I have a moving in date of 7 Feb. In the meantime, I'm still staying with Hannah and Cassie.

Moving house has allowed me to completely restructure my budget to something that I can actually afford to live on, and will allow me to make over-payments to my debts every month, and that is something that feels great. It's very satisfying watching the balances descend, and being the geeky accountant that I am, I totally have a spreadsheet with all my budget and forecasts in :o) The main thing though, is that money put to my debts is completely guilt free - I have to remember that when I pine for a holiday that I can't really afford.

So that's life around here - bowling along at a cracking pace, but hopefully all into shiny new territory. I feel pretty positive at the moment, even if it is all a little hectic, especially with work being crazy!

I think Jo summed it up best - "well, look at you - it's the start of a New Year and you've got a new man, a new house and you're paying off your debts!".

A Brand Spanking New Year

2012-01-01T09:59:00.001Z

And I hereby have 3 resolutions to stick to in 2012:

• make some serious headway on my debt and learn to live within my budget.

• keep healthy eating - maintain the weightloss or lose some more.

• (at the insistence of my good friend Jo) give whatever this is with Chris a fighting chance (please note - I'm too scared to use the "relationship" word).

On that basis - the challenge for January has been issued - start tracking again if necessary, but no more than one "treat" a day this month - chocolate, crisps, cakes are all included - and must be in individual-sized portions. This is designed to make me consider what I really want on an average day.

January will also see me get properly into my half-marathon training. I've completed the first 2 weeks / 4 runs - now it starts in earnest.

So Happy New Year one and all - lets make this one a good one!

- Posted from my iPhone

A Post-Christmas Confession

2011-12-27T21:49:00.000Z

Hi, my name is Sue, and I can't actually remember when I last tracked my food properly.

Yep - I'm a Weightwatchers member who doesn't seem to be following the rules right now. Which is probably why my weight wandered back up to 13st recently.

Last week's loss of appetite did then cause it to drop back down by a few lbs, which was rather nice, but having made it up to and through Christmas Day with no obvious damage, I do seem to have been paying rather too much attention to the chocolate the last couple of days. And one senses, that without a tracker to keep me honest, that could be a little damaging if left unchecked.

I've rather fallen into a pattern since last week, of only having one big meal a day. If I eat a proper lunch, I just have a bowl of soup for tea, and not accompanied by my usual couple of slices of toast. And other days, I just don't bother eating very much until tea-time and then have a proper meal. This is all very good behaviour. The overwhelming (and growing) allure of the Naughty Cupboard (full of all the sweets and goodies) is not.

So, if I can't step away from the sweeties over the next couple of days, I'm going to have to go back to tracking properly, and to be quite honest, I've rather enjoyed not having to track and just adjusting my eating naturally to suit. For now, I've simply removed myself up to my bedroom (at my Dad's house) and away from the siren call of the kitchen.

Since I've been home, I've managed to complete the first two training runs for my half-marathon - a 30 and a 40 min easy run, respectively. I find it odd just running for a set time and not worrying about distance or pace, and have been working in a cool down walk at the end of my runs by running out a few mins further than I need to, so I can cool down on the way back to the car. It's been lovely running back on the Malvern hills again, although I was somewhat irritated to realise that I've forgotten to bring my iPod Shuffle home with me, so they've musically unaccompanied runs so far. One thing I will need to do, and soon once I'm back in Bristol, is go to the running shop and get some new shoes. My poor trainers have literally got a hole in the side, which is a sure sign of how many miles they've got in them now - I've had them for a good couple of years and have probably done all my running in them since I started in 2009, including the training for 2 10ks and a duathlon. I'm not sure they've got a HM in them too. I did get to test out my lovely new Icebreaker base-layer on my runs though - I swear it's even lovelier for being a half-price bargain!

I'm hoping that I'll be able to get back into my running fairly quickly and that I'll see my fitness start to improve quite soon. The first 4 weeks of the plan don't look too terrible, as this week is a 35 and another 40 min run, and the long runs over the next two weeks are 45 and 55 mins. That doesn't sound too terrible, but after that it starts to look a bit scary. I'm supposed to be doing short interval runs both last week and this one too, but I have a feeling they'll both get skipped - I know they're supposed to be good for you, but I loathe them with a passion and I am just not ever going to be a fast runner. I think the compromise will be this: skip the first two, then the 4 or so weeks are 3 steady runs a week with no intervals, and then the intervals come back - hopefully by then I'll be feeling fitter and will be able to face them a bit better. We'll see.

Anyhoo - I'll be keeping an honest eye on both my eating and running and see what happens. If I have to be stricter with myself, I will be, but I'd like to prove to myself that I can just bimble along in a more relaxed fashion and still make slow progress in the right direction.

Other than that, my sale shopping is all done - I raided Fat Face yesterday and left with a full bag - new coat, new cords, a jumper-dress and a cute knitted headband. That officially is my whole sale shopping budget done. Other than that, I'm still trying to find a surf board for myself, which is proving annoyingly more difficult than I anticipated - at least if I'm going to be good and stick to my budget.

I've got a fairly quiet week this week, seeing a few friends but generally chilling and still catching up on all that lovely missed sleep from the last couple of months. Towards the end of the week, I'll head down to London for a relaxed New Year with friends, then New Years Day, Chris is back from snowboarding (lucky sod) and I'm heading down to see him for my last few hours of freedom before it's back to work (and oh boy, is it going to be chaos) on the 3rd.

I'll let you know how the eating and running goes! And honestly! :o)

Hope everyone's enjoying the post-Christmas food coma!

Merry Christmas!!

2011-12-25T17:50:00.001Z

Here's wishing you all a very merry Christmas this year. I hope you're all spending it with family, friends and loved ones.

Christmas chez Sue is a rather understated affair with just myself, my Dad and my Grandma, but it's nice for all that. Somehow, it's still a rather stressful day because of the need to cook the whole lunch, pack that and Christmas tea plus all the presents up, and decamp 50 miles away to my Grandma's house for the day, but it's gone relatively smoothly so far.

There was a minor trauma this morning when I was admiring possibly the most perfect roast potatoes I've ever produced as they sat roasting in the goose fat, only to discover as I flipped them over, that the roasting tin had decided that today was a good day was a good day to die, and there was silver lining stuck to the underside of virtually every potato. Noooooooooo!! We managed to rescue them though :-)

Christmas this year has been marked by something different for me: a marked lack of gluttony. Although I'm no longer feeling sick, the need to snack or over-indulge has stayed away. Instead I've been back to eating very intuitively - I eat when I'm hungry and don't when I'm not. I don't pay too much attention to whether it's a meal-time or not, and I seem to have stopped suffering from my eyes-bigger-than-my-stomach syndrome for the moment. It's rather nice to feel just comfortably full and not guiltily stuffed or tormented by all the festive foodstuffs around me.

Tomorrow will be a chill-out day - my true Christmas day to relax and do what I want to. Mostly reading, and getting in my second HM training run I think, with maybe a quick trip into town to have a peek at the Fat Face sale when it opens and see if I can get the coat I've had my eye on all season!

Merry Christmas one and all!!!

- Posted from my iPhone

One Appetite: Missing!!

2011-12-22T10:38:00.001Z

Woohooo - it's been a bit of a roller-coaster week, as expected from my travel plans that I had!

The work Christmas party was great fun, but thankfully I neglected to get drunk and make a prat of myself. What a shame. Instead I shuffled off home at about 2am, in a relatively sober state and with a camera full of photographic evidence of other's shame!

The Enchanted Christmas on Saturday was lush. Very pretty and very silly, and not a little bit smushy, but we'll just gloss over that shall we? Beautiful Christmas-lit forest was strolled around (new conclusion - every tree should have a floodlight and a mirror ball in it!), Christmas tree decorations were (attempted to be) made (and much giggling at how crap ours were), super-chocolatey hot chocolate was consumed, followed by roast chestnuts and mulled wine whilst watching the carrollers - it was all very good. Afterwards I was treated to dinner at River Station in Bristol .... but only after we'd wandered all around town trying to decide where to go and finding everywhere busy and practically ending up back where we started - classic incident for us!

Sunday saw a very lazy lie-in followed by a bimble to the M Shed museum with Chris and Hannah. I was meant to be going to candlelit carols in the evening but didn't feel up to it and spent the evening lazing.

On Monday, still not feeling fabulous, I trundled down to London to see the girls. We hit Winter Wonderland on Monday evening, which was excellent, Kew Gardens on Tuesday followed by cake in the village for lunch, and then Jo took me to see Wicked! on Tuesday night as my b'day present - amazing!!!

I'm now finally back at my Dad's for Christmas and wholeheartedly ready to relax. That's the last of the running round now. The next few days are just chilling out and short trips to see local friends.

Something weird has happened though. My appetite has disappeared. It started on Saturday night after the lovely dinner out. I had to stop half-way through dinner as I was so full, and started to feel sick an hour or so later. Half nauseous, half so-full-it's-painful. I wasn't sick and I wouldn't have said I was that full when I stopped eating, but it took a couple of hours to go away.

I didn't eat again til lunchtime on Sunday, by which time I felt properly hungry again. I had a single panini, no trimmings. About 4 hours later - feeling sick again. Exactly the same sensations, and it lasted all evening. With a bit of dizziness and lethargy thrown in for good measure. Again, I wasn't sick, but hence no carols.

By the time we were at Winter Wonderland on Monday, I'd managed a half bowl of cereal for breakfast and 2 bits of toast for lunch, but the smells of all the foods at the markets held absolutely no appeal at all. Not the Belgian waffles, the burgers, the confectionary - nothing. I managed one small cup of mulled wine, but couldn't have any more. I did manage some fajitas when we got home, but less than my usual greedy self, and thought maybe I was getting better.

It's been coming and going since then - on one day I'll be ok-ish, but even then I'm still eating less than I normally would, because I've no inclination to snack or gorge. On other days I'm barely eating - yesterday was a busy day as I drove from London to Bristol, packed at the flat and loaded the car, popped into the office to sort some bits, ran a few quick errands and then drove home to Malvern, but all I ate all day was 2 pieces of toast at about 9.30-10 in the morning and then a very light meal with my dad in the evening. I just wasn't hungry at all.

I don't know if my body just overdosed on rich food last week and is rebelling this week? It's all very odd. On the upside, I think I've lost a lb or two as a result!

Will just have to keep an eye on it and see what happens!

- Posted from my iPhone

Festive Frenzy

2011-12-15T14:32:00.000Z

I seem to have allowed myself to be thoroughly swept up in the spirit of the festive season this year and I suspect a chunk of that is due to feeling much happier this year than I have for a while.

This time three years ago, I was pretty miserable. I was overweight and at the end of my tether. Nothing much seemed to be right with my life. That Christmas resulted in a pact with my best friend Jo that we would really make the effort to lost weight and improve our health in 2009.

By two years ago, I was over 4 stone lighter, and in losing the weight I was starting to realise all the other ways I was trapped and dissatisfied with my life. Lighter but still miserable, just in a different way. The thing with becoming aware of yourself is you start to see how big the rut you're in really is, and how far you're going to have to go to get out of it.

Christmas 2010 was right after a big period of change - I'd been travelling, given up my job, moved cities, cut some ties, or at least distanced myself a bit. I'd maintained my loss for a year, but was still largely trying to work out who this new person was. Surrounded by a new place and new people, I was slowly getting to grips with her, and I'd had a period of introspection with the help of some councelling to get me there. I'd moved out of my comfort zone and was surprisingly finding it wasn't that uncomfortable at all. Bristol was proving a fresh start to be who I wanted to be.

A year on from there, and I can't believe how many new friends I have now, and how settled I feel here. I've maintained my loss for 2 years now, I've tried so many new things, and I know now that I'm still evolving. I feel more secure in myself. This is me.

Over these weeks in the roll-up to Christmas I have celebrated, and will celebrate, with many friends who accept me for exactly who I am - something I'm learning to do too. They encourage me to do fun stuff, push boundaries, grow personally and just be me.

That's no slur on my friends I've left in Malvern at all, they're all lovely too, but in the hothouse environment of a close-knit group in a small town, most of whom were at a different place in life to me, I was stifled. Now I can enjoy the time I spend with them, although I regret I haven't seen them quite as much as I'd like to, and appreciate them for who they are, rather than occasionally resenting them.
This Christmas, I've shopped and planned until I'm relatively organised (for me at least). I've got something fabulous to wear to the work party tomorrow night, that makes me feel great - helloooooooo black sequin skirt, silky bronze assymetric top, little black fitted blazer and sexy black heels (or maybe slouchy suede boots for ease of walking and dancing!). My Secret Santa has been selected and wrapped. Most of my presents have been ordered or worked out, and festive fun has been planned.

And yes, having a lovely new man on the scene doesn't hurt in ramping up the excitement and feel-good factor :o)
Christmas, so far, is looking like this:

Work Christmas party tomorrow - 3 course lunch at the lovely Bordeaux Quay followed by .... probably lots more drinking and some silly dancing, I should imagine!
Enchanted Christmas at Westonbirt Arboretum on Saturday early evening with Chris. A floodlit walk through their beautiful woods, followed by mulled wine and roasted chestnuts in their little Christmas village. Yep, it's smooshy and vomit-inducing ... and I'm totally looking forward to it. Shoot me. Followed by dinner in town and possibly Christmas drinks with our friends depending on what they organise.
Candlelit carols in Clifton with my friend Sarah from work on Sunday evening.
Monday I'm off to London for a couple of days to see Jo, and I think our friend Lissa is now joining us. The Costa Rica Girls reunited! We're going to Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park, ice-skating, Christmas markets, more mulled wine, and general Christmassy goodness. Plus lots of gossiping and a bit of wine, I should imagine.
Back home to Worcestershire on Thursday - hopefully I'm going to catch school friends for drinks in the evening whilst they're home (damn these people who are all getting married and not coming home for Christmas anymore - it makes it difficult to catch up!)
Coffee catch-up with another friend and her husband on Friday.
Christmas with my dad and grandma. Low-key, chilled out and comfortable.
Hopefully get hold of my friends Bridget and Tim and see them between Christmas and New Year, either at home or in their new gaff.
Back to London for New Year - simple and relaxed - watch the fireworks by the Thames and more girly fun.

After that it will be back to work for the silly season. Between then and now, it's like a Christmas binge! Hell, I've used the "C" word 15 times in this post alone!

One thing I do need to be aware of is my weight. The festive season is not generally too kind to the waist-line, and I'd like to emerge the other end without damage. Since seeing 13st again on the scales last Friday, I've actually scraped back down under there. What I haven't been doing is tracking. Neither is my exercise at the level it would usually be. There is a fine line to tread between success and disaster, and I need to be careful.

This week will see me miss both my spin class (I had a team lunch out with work today) and my circuits class (work party tomorrow). So that's a general lack of exercise happening. On the other hand, I'm due to start my half-marathon training plan next week, which should see me running 3 times a week over the holiday period. 2 hours of running in the first week and building from there. That's a slightly frightening thought, but if I stick to it, could prove to be a waist-saver.

Despite not tracking I'm trying to be quite balanced with what I'm eating; so a big lunch, or afternoon snacks (we had work drinks in the office yesterday) is followed by a very light tea. Since starting reading the Mindless Eating book, I'm also suddenly finding myself more conscious of my behaviours. The chapter I started reading last night was called The Forgotten Food, and looked at how the mind / body often doesn't remember what we've eaten - I was very conscious of that at lunch today because we were at a buffet restaurant which is the worst culprit for that sort of behaviour. I can't say how I'd have behaved if I hadn't read that chapter just last night, but I can categorically say I've just had one small / medium plate of Chinese food, a bowl of Pho soup which I didn't finish because I realised I didn't need to, and a small bowl of dessert. And I'm stuffed. I don't know if it's because I'm very conscious that I've eaten a lot, so I'm feeling full, but most of the people I was with had 4 or 5 plates of food, and one guy had 7, so I'm very pleased with my 3.

Reading that book over Christmas is going to prove interesting, as I have a sneaking suspicion it might provoke me to think a bit more about what I'm eating.

Hope you're all gearing up for a happy, fun but healthy holiday too!

A Little Light Reading

2011-12-14T09:56:00.001Z

I headed off to go and do some more of the dreaded Christmas shopping last night. Not my favourite task because, like packing to go away, it requires an element of forethought and planning and frankly, I'm more of a live-in-the-moment kind of girl.

As I wandered round the mall, gathering bits from my list and ideas for other gifts, something caught my eye:

Could this book be more appropriate for me? The author is a leading expert in food psychology, with particular interest in how marketing and our environment affects us, and the book covers a number of studies and discusses how we can reverse the trend. It's split down into lots of punchy chapters, so I thought I might aim to read a chapter every day or so.

Once I'd wrapped up as much of my shopping as I could, I picked up the car and headed for home. I've been fancying takeaway for a few days now, but had been putting it off. Partly because when I order online and get it delivered I end up with a lot of food. Instead I decided to find an actual takeaway on the way home last night and just order the one thing I really wanted. So much better - I had a delicious duck chow mein (dodgy looking takeaway but scrumptious food - the duck breast, complete with crunchy seasoned skin, was sliced across the top of the noodles - heaven!) and didn't feel over-stuffed or bloated.

I read the introduction and first chapter of Mindless Eating then trundled off to bed.

- Posted from my iPhone

30 Second Hangover Cure

2011-12-12T14:47:00.000Z

I can't believe that another weekend has been and gone already - where does the time go???

After my colleague's sad, sad news on Friday, I sort of threw myself in to the weekend, with a determination to enjoy what I've got. Friday night was the surf club's Christmas party, and I managed to book a taxi and actually be ready on time, which is always a surprise for me! I had a sparkly top, some massive fake eyelashes, and a sensible budget of cash for the night, and the will to have fun.

I was a bit surprised at my menu choices - I evidently picked my dinner when I was in a very health-conscious frame of mind, but it was tasty anyway, and I dodged the bloated feeling after a meal involving pizza or pasta, because I'd opted for veal with vegetables and little tiny roasted potatoes instead. I enjoyed some top-notch gossiping over dinner with a few glasses of prosecco, and some crazy dancing in the club afterwards, but took myself off home at a reasonable(ish) hour of 2.30am, because I was conscious that I was getting tired, had had enough to drink and needed to get up in the morning. The 30 min walk home from the club was good to clear my head, and possible because I'd had the forethought to pop some flat pumps in my handbag in a plastic bag to change into - ultra-organised!

I still woke up feeling a bit fuzzy and tired on Saturday, and it was a bit of an effort to drag myself very slowly out of bed and get sorted, but I managed to leave pretty much on time to go and meet Chris at his place, and after a quick lunch it was back in the car and off to the coast. Let me tell you, that a mid-December surf in the UK is the best hangover cure you can get. All feelings of fuzziness will be eliminated in under a minute and leave you feeling wide-awake!

I had my first session on a proper surf-board as opposed to a beginner's soft-deck on Saturday. I hired from a local shop and they offered me a choice, and since I'm trying to find a board to buy at the moment, I thought it would be good to get a feel for a proper board. Lighter and shorter than I'm used to, but actually lots of fun. The surf was a bit choppy and changeable, but I managed to catch a few waves, and probably managed to get to my feet at least 5 or so times, so I was pretty damn happy with that. Chris had opted to take his surf-canoe down instead and was off out back catching the surf, which actually worked out pretty well, as we were keeping an eye out for each other, but he wasn't close enough for me to feel self-conscious about constantly falling off in front of him. We checked in with each other a couple of times, but mostly enjoyed solo practice time for me, and remembering old tricks and playing for him.

I came out when my hands finally got too cold to move, but having had a couple of good waves to finish on. My hands were so cold I dropped the board twice on the way up the beach as it just slipped out of my grasp! Definitely need to look into getting some gloves to go with my winter wetsuit and boots! Once we'd managed to struggle out of cold, wet gear and crawl into warm, dry clothing and strapped everything back to the car, we beat a hasty retreat to the closest pub for hot chocolate and brownies.

The good thing about spending time with Chris is that I seem to eat quite well when I'm with him. Normally, post-surf time is an excuse to chuck a load of sugar and fat down your neck in an attempt to warm up and ward off the post-surf exhaustion that tends to sneak up on you. Instead, I enjoyed the brownie and hot chocolate, and then we jumped back in his car and headed back North, where he cooked me hake with garlic and lemon, tenderstem broccoli and lovely mashed potatoes with nutmeg and butter, whilst I slumped on the sofa with Strictly Come Dancing and a gin and tonic... at his encouragement. You've got to love a guy that takes you surfing for the afternoon, then reminds you Strictly is on whilst cooking your tea and making you a drink!! Good man!

Saturday evening and yesterday were pretty much all about the chilling out - bad tv on the sofa and a lot of dozing and hanging out. I was quite pleased to see that the scales had shuffled back down under 13st this morning too.

This week is all about planning and tidying up odds and ends. It's the last week in the office before the New Year, and I've got another Christmas party and some work drinks eating into my office hours. I've got plans to finalise for next weekend, next week, and the New Year, and a few more presents to buy - nothing to stressful, but I need to be a little bit organised about it all. I think I shall maybe do my Christmas cards tonight and a bit more research on the presents I have left to buy.

Thanks so much for your lovely compliments on the photos too .... I really love them, so it's nice to know others think they're good too. It's obviously not what I look like day-to-day, but it's good to know I scrub up well ;-)

Fun With a Photographer ...

2011-12-11T22:20:00.000Z

And Just Like That ...

2011-12-09T12:39:00.000Z

Everything can change in an instant.

That is what I have learned today, and I wish to God I could have learned it in a better way.

Yesterday, I walked home from work, thinking that whilst it had been a shit day, it could all have been infinitely worse. The damage to the phone was only cosmetic - it could have been totally busted. My landlord seems at least to be willing to talk about the deposit. All the little niggles that had gone wrong during the day, were just that: little. They could have been big. I started to look at it all in a more positive light - nothing truly terrible had happened.

I went home, got changed, and drove up to the photographic studios to collect my photos from the shoot, and then over the river to collect the veg box for my friends who are currently putting me up. All was safely achieved, and I went home. I had a mutual moan with Hannah's about how shit our respective days had been, ate some comfort food in the form of a jacket potato with beans and fresh bread and butter, and chilled.

The photos were beautiful (more on that another time - I'll show you a few soon), and by the time it rolled round to being time to go to the pub for surf club, I was feeling much better. I trundled up there, and was a bit surprised to see nobody there I knew, but realised this meant I would be able to reclaim my valuable parking spot at Hannah's and not have to move the car in the morning. See - every cloud has a silver lining.

This morning, I walked to work, enjoying the sun, and still with a bounce in my step over how lovely the photos had turned out. I felt good, and shiny, even if the scales did show my the dreaded 13st this morning - the wages of too long spent not paying attention. But even there, I'm slowly returning to my exercise routine, and I'll be running regularly soon, and it's within my control.

I was complimenting one of my colleagues on her new hairstyle just half an hour ago - a lady I know and like and enjoy chatting too, and her response was this: "well, I might as well tell you, I've got cancer".

Secondary cancer. Just a couple of weeks ago, she went for a routine mammogram, and they found a large lump. Last week she went back for the results, and they told her it had doubled in size, in just those two weeks - it was very aggressive cancer, but the good news was her lymph nodes were clear, and they would operate.

But this Tuesday, further tests revealed that it is in her blood, and has already spread to her lungs.

In the space of a week, in the space of that instant even, all hope has been taken away. They won't be operating, because it will just keep coming back. All they can do is treat it, and see how long that works for. She'd cut her hair so it wouldn't look as bad when it started falling out from the chemo.

She's dying.

I can barely take it in. How can that happen? She's not even 50 yet, doesn't smoke, lives pretty healthily, but she's dying anyway. The only question now is how long she fights it for.

Everything else tastes like ashes today.

We should take care of everything we have, because I've just learned today, that it takes approximately 5 seconds to have it all snatched away from you. Appreciate the hell out of what you have, kids, because in the end, it's all you have.

Live well. Love well. Take care of yourself and those you care about. Forget about what doesn't matter and just focus on what does.

Karma's A Bitch

2011-12-08T14:51:00.000Z

And She seems to have it in for me this week.

Seriously - I seem to be having the worst luck ever. I feel a bit like I had one nice weekend, and now I'm having to pay for it big-time.

So far this week:

I've walked into the sharp corner of the coffee table twice - one bright red stripe to each knee - and a bench on the way to work - huge scrape / bruise to the shin. All in the space of 12 hours.
I finally managed to get hold of my errant ex-landlord to chase him about my releasing my deposit, only to be told that actually he wants to deduct me £185 for cleaning. Cleaning!! I vacuumed, washed, swept and tidied that flat when I left, and it was in pretty much exactly the same shape as when I arrived. It was tidy and habitable, and there was no damage outside what you'd expect for a year's normal wear and tear. I hadn't even smashed a plate or glass in my time there. Unfortunately, the landlord didn't go to inspect it himself, but sent a professional inventory clerk, who even more unfortunately went in with the new tenant. It would appear that the new tenant has demanded everything be professionally cleaned, including the sofa, which already had faint marks and wear and tear when I moved in. No way in hell am I paying for some new tenant's super-finicky cleaning requirements, especially since the clerk probably didn't see the flat before I moved in so therefore can't make a judgment on the condition. I'm just so fed up with all this shit from this house-move. I'm disputing the deduction, and the only vaguely good thing is that when I spoke to the landlord yesterday, he sounded like he's open to negotiation. Mind you, the agency are being a pain and could take a masterclass in "it's not our problem and we won't be helping". Thank god the law comes down on the side of the tenant on this, but means I won't probably be getting any of my deposit back any time soon until it's sorted.
I was still technically dating somebody else until yesterday, who I'd been seeing for a couple of months. It was sort of dying the death anyway, even before the new boy came along, and I was kind of hoping it would all just fade away quietly, since we hadn't seen each other and had barely spoken since before I moved, but no such luck, and I had to tell him last night. I haaaaate letting people down, even though it did have to be done and he agreed with me, but it was still traumatic and crappy.
I dropped my iPhone (the new one I've only had for about 2 months) on the way to work this morning and cracked the screen, scraped / chipped the top. Great.
The surfboard I'd found on eBay that seemed perfect was withdrawn from sale before the auction even flipping ended.
And just for a finale - my fruit salad box didn't close properly this morning, so as I was carrying my notebooks and breakfast to a meeting, I suddenly felt something cold trickling down my left side, and realised that my notebook, on which my salad box was resting, was a little lake of orange juice that my dripping all down my pale jumper and grey trousers. Great.

So you can see why I feel just a little bit put upon at the moment. Unreasonably or not, I feel like this is my payback for actually having a nice weekend. That just as I might be able to line up one part of my life, everything else starts falling apart. Grumble, grumble, grumble. I probably just need to get over myself, and accept that bad stuff, bad days, well, they happen from time to time. And sometimes it will all seem like it's coming at once .... especially if it's on the back of a stressful period (like not having a house) and you're probably more sensitive than usual to all the little things.

Le Sigh. Just time to batten down the hatches and keep plodding I guess. The house stuff will all sort itself out eventually. Breaking up with Andy was the right thing to do. The phone is only cosmetically damaged, bruises will fade, and the fruit juice has dried out. And in the meantime it's nearly Christmas and time to catch up with my friends and family and appreciate what has gone right. Nearly the end of the year now. Fresh starts, a brand new year and brand new adventures hover on the horizon, beckoning us forwards. I just need to tidy up the loose ends and move forwards.

Wales Weekend

2011-12-06T15:44:00.000Z

..... or the post that was nearly entitled Fluffy Bunnies, because I appear to have lost the plot.
I had an unashamedly fantastic weekend. Except I do feel a little shame-faced about it, because I find myself in an annoying gushy state, where I seem to have some kind of coy grin glued to my face everytime somebody asks me about it. God help me - I seem to be having a Soppy Phase.

My friend Liz at work was killing herself laughing at lunchtime, because I famously doesn't ever get involved with other people - I dabble, I play, I flirt ... and then I run off screaming in the other direction. And yet here I sit, having just come back from a weekend that Liz pointed out would have given heart palpitations to much longer-standing "new" couples: The First Weekend Away (And With Other Couples Too), and I loved it. Bollocks. My reputation is ruined.

As Liz put it "you've gone from meeting to married in about 3 weeks!". I'd argue it's not quite that bad, but I do appear to be unusally chilled out about it all.

The weekend itself was in North Wales, in a friend's little cottage, complete with log fires, lots of team board games and winter walks in the rain and mud. And a smattering of snow on the way home. It was about as twee cliche as you can get! Dan, who's cottage it was, also prepared an obscene amount of good food to keep us going - from the vegetarian variation of a tartiflette (with roasted squash in - yum!) followed by caramelised pears that greeted us on our arrival on Friday, to the American pancakes in the morning, full roast dinner with local lamb and every trimming you can think of, homemade lemon mousse with lavendar shortbreads, and the amazing meringure creations and warm scones we finished with on Sunday afternoon.

Surprisingly, despite all that, I didn't actually eat too much on Friday or Saturday, as we were out walking and not snacking, and the portions weren't that crazy and I refused seconds. I didn't drink too much either, as it was red wine on Friday night, and I bought my own bottle of white for Sat, but only had about 2/3 over the course of the evening.

The original plan was to spend more time outdoors, but the weather was pretty foul - we were all kitted out for going up Tryfan on Saturday, but it was so windy when we got there and raining hard too, that we decided it would be too exposed and went for a walk up the valley next door instead. Even then, we were getting blown sideways and drenched, so I'm pretty glad we didn't go up the Tryfan as the words "scrambling" and "gale-force" do not go together in my book. On another trip perhaps.

Anyway, it's all back to earth with a bump now - back to work and starting to fret about what Xmas presents to get various people, and how little time there is til the craziness of the festive period takes off, and day-dreaming about next weekend and going off for a sneaky surfing trip followed by dinner with .... oh FFS - someone please tell me when I'll snap out of this??? It doesn't last long right?

Right - feel free to laugh at me - I'm just going to go and bury my head in shame ...

I've Started So I'll Finish

2011-12-01T13:22:00.001Z

Hmmmm - yesterday's committment to the plan didn't quite go to plan. It wasn't terrible but it was definitely a far more "relaxed" attempt than it should have been. And that is not going to help!

I was reading through my blog feeds this morning and this post gave me a wake-up call. A get-off-your-ass-and-make-the-effort kick up the backside (thanks Phil!).

I can't remember the last time I had a proper food-Nazi day when I was really strict with myself. In fact, I've been rather relaxed for a little too long now, and I know it because the scale tells me so. Having got back down to my lowest point over the summer, I'm now back hovering where I spent most of last year. And most of last year was spent thinking "my clothes feel a little too tight!". I'm still maintaining, obviously, but I'm maintaining at a slightly higher weight than I really feel comfortable with. That's doubly annoying since I hadn't actually lost everything I wanted to yet - from where I am now, I have another stone and a half or so to go. 20lbs.

20lbs exactly, as at this morning, as it happens. I've been hovering in that 10-20lbs to lose bracket for the last two years, which is great because it means I've maintained a 40-50lb loss for that time, but annoying because I don't feel like I'm finished. The story doesn't have an ending.

In the past 3 years since I began this whole adventure, I've started or tried so many new things: running, surfing, climbing, wake-boarding, dating again, liking myself, hell - even inspiring other people. It would now be really good to finish something - losing this weight.

Obviously, I still need to work out what approach is best for that. For today at least (again) I've prodded my inner food-Nazi until she's woken up, roared and taken command (and I'll figure out how tonight's cocktail meet-up with my new flatmates fits into that) - I'm not sure if I just aim to maintain that, one day at a time, until I get where I want to go, or try some other routine to get me there. 20lbs is really not that far though. Especially if I break it down into 4 lots of 5lbs each. For now, howabout I aim for that first 5lbs, to take me back to 12st 7lbs. There doesn't seem like a better time to start than today, with Christmas and all the parties looming!

I'm meeting with my new flatmates tonight to discuss the housing situation, and then I have to try and pack for this weekend away with The Boy (I'm just going to have a mini freakout here for a moment). No backing out now as he's already told his friends I'm joining them for the weekend. breathebreathebreathe. I'm sure it'll be fine, fun even, it's just I've always kept all of my relationships very separate from my friends before - hell, none of them usually last that long, so why complicate them with introducing friends into the mix and worrying what other people are thinking?

Guess that choice has been taken away from me this time - a big step into a big, bad new world (don't judge me - I'm about as emotionally advanced as 13 year old when it comes to relationships - always have been!). New things might be scary, but so was trying all the new stuff I listed above, so why not this too?!?!

Reasons To Be Cheerful

2011-11-30T12:58:00.000Z

I could sit here today, and tell you about how grumpy I am. I could whine about how it's not fair, and I get all the bad luck and nothing good ever happens to me.

But I shan't.

I mean, yes, I did get the news yesterday that my moving in date of 1 Jan to the new flat has fallen through. And yes, I couldn't find a proper parking space last night or this morning (or in fact, the winter coat and flat work shoes that I went shopping for last night which caused me to move the car in the first place). And yes, I managed to spill toothpaste down myself this morning (note - don't attempt an entire conversation whilst brushing your teeth - it doesn't work) and was therefore late for work. But frankly, none of that is the end of the world.

The toothpaste came out. The car can be moved tonight. And there are always have other options on the flat - the girls I was planning to move in with are still keen to do so and we just have to work out where. In the meantime, I've done a bit of research and there are places I can move to for a month or so after Christmas if I need to. Or we could look at getting a different flat that's available sooner. And my wonderful friend Hannah actually suggested I could just stay at hers for a bit longer if I need to.

Plus there are reasons to be cheerful:

People at my work are lovely, and they give out compliments all the time - I've had ~~2 people~~ 3 people (another one just came to chat to me at my desk whilst I was writing this) tell me how much they like my new black lace tights today - one of them I don't even know terribly well and stopped me in the corridor just to mention it!
My friends are super-awesome. When I told Hannah about the flat problem last night, she just offered that I stay another month with her (subject to her flatmate's agreement of course). Other friends have rallied around with suggestions and condolences and further offers of beds. Then there's the fact that they always have nice things to say when I see them, and seem to genuinely care what I'm up to.
I might be between permanent abodes, which is unsettling, but it's definitely saving me some cash. With any luck, by the time the flat thing is settled, I might have a little extra lump sum to put to my debts.
I will be ok. All of this stuff, testing as it is, will make me stronger. The more things I survive on my own, the more I know I can and the more capable and confident I become. I will find a lovely new home. I will sort my debts out. And I will be healthy and happy.
And there just might be a rather nice man interested in me. An actual bona fide man from the real world, not the world of the internet, but a friend of a friend. We've only met up a couple of times so far, but we get on well and he's invited me away this weekend for a casual weekend with some friends of his, some of which I know too. Eeeeeeep! I'm still trying to decide if that's a good idea (2 of the girls are terrible gossips so it might all be a bit under the microscope) but it's exciting none-the-less.

On a more boring front of food and activity, I don't seem to be doing an amazing job unless I keep a really active eye on it, so I'll aim to make today a good day, and just keep taking it one day at a time.

More anon, Challengers of Life!

And Now For Something Completely Different ...

2011-11-29T14:20:00.000Z

Last night was time to try something new. A friend had bought a two-for-one voucher for a climbing taster session at Undercover Rock in Bristol, and had sent the cry out for willing victims to come with her. Naturally, not being at all accident prone (or a tiny bit scared of heights), I jumped right in there and volunteered myself. Then another friend decided to join us, and thus it was that the three of us were stood looking slightly intimidated outside a random church in a suburb of Bristol at 6.30pm last night.

It turned out that all of us were slightly nervous about heights (clearly, we'd all thought this through properly), so there was a certain amount of nervous anticipation as we watched the climbers going up the walls like spiders, hanging in improbable positions, and very occasionally, falling off. Then our instructor appeared and quite firmly lead us off in a totally different direction to some walls that looked a lot more friendly.

The first trip up the wall saw me scamper quite quickly up a beginner's route (4? 5a? Who knows!), but then suddenly realise that I was quite a long way up at the top, as I hesitated trying to figure out the last step-up / hand-hold. Then there was a slight dicy moment as I reminded myself that it's ok to trust the harness when you abseil back down, and in fact that relaxing is much more comfortable than somehow trying to hold your entire weight on the line via your hands. Once the first time jitters had subsided though, and I'd had a quick break whilst belaying the two girls up and back, I set off up a different route much more comfortably the second time. Up and back quite comfortably.

I'd have quite happily gone for round 3 on the wall, I think, but from the climbing wall, we transferred through to one of the bouldering areas to try something a bit different. I loved these! Short climbs with only a short way to fall, so you could scamper up and back and then try something different. On our section we had pink routes, which were the easiest and purple with yellow spots. I tried two of the latter, before spotting one last pink that I reckoned I could just fit in before we all finished. Apparently this one was different though, as the instructor said although it was pink, it was more complicated as it straddled the corner of the room and a jutting out section of wall, and you had to move laterally as well as vertical. She offered to coach me up it though, so I was game to try, and whilst it was definitely more challenging, it was also more fun because I was really having to think about where my hands and feet (and bum at one point!) were going, in order to allow me to change direction. I came back down from that one, just starting to feel that the strength of my grip was wearing out, and my calves were just starting to threaten to cramp as I pushed to reach a foothold.

What really amazed me about the session was how strong I felt. I expected to suck at climbing, thinking that I'd be totally the wrong body-type for it, but, at the level we were working at, it was great. I actually ended up feeling really athletic. It probably helped that I'd been to my normal Body Balance class at lunchtime, as I seemed to be a bit more flexible that some of the others on the taster course. Once I'd been up a few times, I also started to feel much more comfortable with the heights and the ropes, and my own ability.

The girls did well too, but ultimately decided it wasn't for them although it had been fun - they were that bit more nervous of the heights than me, and I could see them struggling a bit with the pshcological aspect of it at times. For me though, I could feel that if I practiced a bit more, I'd be able to get more comfortable and probably have at least a degree of improvement before I hit the discomfort barrier again. And did I mention how strong it made me feel??? :o) So I've booked on to a two session beginners' course, which is the follow up to the taster session we did last night.

Food-wise, I didn't do too badly yesterday. I seem to be in a bit of a hungry phase at the moment, so I'm probably eating a little more than I should, but tracking it all again. In a bid to save pennies, we decided not to bother with dinner out last night, which meant I had an hour to get home from work, get changed, shove some food down my throat and leave. Since I'm still staying at Hannah's, I was a bit hesitent over which veg was ear-marked for which meal, so constructed a speedy bowl of pasta with pesto with a bit of sweetcorn and some chorizo in. There might have been a Yorkie bar after climbing as well, but I felt that was fairly well earned.

Right, I'm going to sit here and try and work out where else I ache in a slightly improbably place!

Foody Weekend

2011-11-28T14:31:00.000Z

Ooooh - it's been a weekend of gorgeous food! Several glorious meals out and some amazing home-cooking later, and I'm surprisingly still at the same weight I was pre-weekend. I think that has to go down as some kind of success story!

I kicked off Friday with a delicious curry at Myristica in Bristol. I probably only started eating curry about 18 months to 2 years ago, so I'm still fairly cautious about what I choose, but I decided to venture and have something a little different this time, so tried a halibut tail curry with coconut and tamarind, which was absolutely delicious! There was quite a lot of booze on Friday night too, but I somehow still managed to make sure I stopped when I was pretty comfortable full and just had a small portion of rice and naan with what I ate of my curry. I have to confess that I went to bed feeling a little fuzzy-headed though.

Saturday's venison stew when we got back from the beach was a masterpiece. Tender from being in the slow-cooker and chock-full of winter vegetables, and I was particularly proud of the dumplings I made - light and fluffy and falling apart - perfect Winter food.

The walk yesterday in the Quantocks was glorious. The beech woods were in full Autumnal colour, with crunchy leaves underfoot, and the moorland up top was all russets and greens and wind-swept with blue skies overhead. And we saw deer! A whole herd of red(?) deer sprang out of the brack ahead of us and darted away over the ridge.

I nearly missed dinner in Bath, as I was still busy drinking tea and chatting in Bridgwater after the walk, and hadn't thought to check how long it would take me to get to Bath from there - I was assuming about 45 minutes, and when I checked on my phone it was more like 1hr 20 - just enough time to throw off muddy trousers, chuck on clean clothes and jump in the car - oooops!

Dinner was well worth it though. We caught a deal to eat on the terrace at the Pump Rooms in Bath. As anyone who's ever had afternoon tea there knows, the kitchens are really rather good, so the opportunity to have dinner there, overlooking the main Roman baths after dark, was really too good to miss. The food was superb too - a spiced parsnip and butterbean soup served with a warm cheese muffin (and I am so not too posh to dunk, even in good company!), a main of beef and apricot casserole with parsnip mash and parsnip crisps, one of the best dauphinoise potatoes I've ever had, and lovely fresh spring greens and buttered carrots and Brussel sprouts, and finally a warm spiced apple strudel with cinnamon marscapone on the side. Ooooh, and a glass of prosecco too (although just the one, as I was driving - the girls also sampled a local Chardonnay blend, which they said was very nice indeed).

For me, this was perfect winter food - flavoursome and filling, but with beautiful little touches lifting it above the standard of anything I could cook. Other choices on the menu included salmon with braised fennel and a mussel sauce, and a game terrine with cherry chutney, and a triple-layered chocolate mousse with marinated cherries. Everything was seasonal, local and beautifully presented. Soooooooo good.

I've managed to be a bit more organised today, and actually pulled out my yoga gear and packed it, so I could head to my lunchtime session - my god, I've missed that the last couple of weeks! After work tonight, I'll be heading to Undercover Rock for a climbing taster session .... ummmmm, should be interesting! I'm not sure I'll be any good at climbing - the last time I tried it was when we did Via Ferrata in the Alps in 2008, and I realised I had no head for heights. But that wasn't technical climbing, and this will be. Ah well - will be interesting to try! I think we're then heading for a late supper afterwards at a little Lebanese restaurant round the corner from the climbing centre .... I'm not sure I've ever had Lebanese before!

The good think about the next couple of weeks is that both the girls I'm staying with have decided that it's time they got back on their own healthy eating / fitness regimes, which will hopefully make it easier for me too. Now I've just got to stop eating out so much.

Writing It and Fighting It

2011-11-27T08:51:00.001Z

I just realised this morning, looking at the feeds I get sent to my phone everyday (which is most of the ones I read) that of the 64 I have listed, literally only half of those, 32, are still actively posting. Given how many of those were weight-loss or healthy-living blogs, I wonder what happened to the others. There's one that I know is still going very strong, as I follow her via other mediums, but the rest? Well, I wonder.

As much as this journey, much like life itself, seems to be 2 steps forward and 1 step back, I feel like I'm still trying - especially when I write about it. Celebrate my triumphs, record my mistakes for posterity and future learning.

This weekend has been fairly sensible so far. Friday was my relaxed day, ending with a curry and some drinks after work. Yesterday was a sort of chill out day - we were toying with surfing, but had to deploy our back-up plan of a bit of a walk as the wind was so high the surf was completely blown out at Saunton. There was also some very silly frisbee on the beach, which was a bit like Extreme Frisbee with the wind and ended up with us chasing it out of the sand dunes a couple of times. I got home to amazing venison stew out of the slow cooker that the girls had put on in the afternoon, and I made dumplings to finish it off.

I'm heading off for a walk in the Quantocks today and meeting the girls in Bath tonight for dinner on the terrace at the Pump Rooms as a belated celebration of Hannah's birthday.

Happy Sunday!

- Posted from my iPhone

Slotting The Pieces In Place

2011-11-25T16:29:00.000Z

It seems like every day this week sees things change and my life turned a little bit more on its own head. Yesterday saw me slot another piece into place with my possible new flat, as Sam (my first new flatmate) and I interviewed three more people and both instantly decided on the same person - the very lovely and bubbly Chrissie. I met Sam on Monday, when I went to view the flat we want to take, and we really hit it off well - I think it bodes well that we immediately ranked the three girls we saw yesterday into the same order of preference.

Now we're just waiting on final confirmation that the flat will be available for the end of the year - it's Sam's friends who live there at the moment, and one is in the process of buying a place, so everything hinges on her purchase going through next week. Fingers crossed that if it all goes through, not only will I have somewhere to live, but I'll have an address to transfer my troublesome BT contract too, thus saving myself a whopping £360 in the process. Although, let it be known that once this contract is up, I am never going back to BT after this, as I have been mostly appalled at their level of customer service with the exception of the one very kind guy who stuck his neck out for me, and risked getting in trouble, to try and help me out.

I'm also in the process of trying to find my first surfboard to buy, so the Thursday meet of the Surf Club at the pub last night, saw me involved in lots of board debate / discussion as I weigh up the options. I really wanted to get away this weekend to get some surfing / boarding-trying in, but the surf forecast has defied me (and the amount of stuff from my flat still sat in the car), so that's going to have to wait for a few weeks .... booooooo.

There was other exciting stuff too, which I might tell you about in a couple of weeks, when I see how it turns out :-)

And finally, there was my committment to being healthy yesterday. I think I did pretty well. I ate more sensibly than I have recently, and I walked the 3 mile round trip to the pub to get some activity in. It was nice to set myself a little target and stick to it. I'm out for dinner tonight with work, so I'm allowing myself a slightly more relaxed day, but then tomorrow I'm aiming for another good day of eating and some activity of some sorts too. And hopefully Sunday will see me going for a nice long walk. If I get time, I'd even like to head for a run or some yoga over the weekend, but I'm not sure where that will fit in yet - we'll see.

Hope you all have fantastic weekends xx

A Step At A Time

2011-11-24T10:57:00.000Z

There are a huge amount of things going on in my life at the moment, or at least it feels that way. Some you know about (hi, Housing Crisis, how are you?), some I've kept to myself, at least for the moment, as I don't know where they're going. Forgive me my mystery moment - I don't have them often, and I reserve the right to be quixotic once in a while!

However, that is not a giant excuse to let things slide on the healthy front. Yes, my life might be in quite a lot of turmoil, but I can still make better choices. It's one of the few things that's still within my control. Last night, I caught myself having a massive case of my eyes being bigger than my stomach at dinner, which lead me to sitting on the couch feeling sooooooo full, and wondering why I hadn't stopped eating. Very silly. So today, I'm making the committment here and now, to make it a good day, full of sensible choices. I might not have much time today for exercising either, but I can do my best to move when I can. It's here in black and white, and now I must stick to it.

I felt great after running the other night. I even felt pretty great during most of the run. And in the scale of scariness that is me having to start my half-marathon training in a couple of weeks, I realised that the run I did on Tuesday is the same as where I'll be starting my first week of training. Which makes it a whole lot less scary. So if I just concentrate on where I'm starting my training, and not freaking out about what I'll be attempting weeks down the line, I'll be better off. I'm paying for the run at the moment though, as my quads feel a bit sore, and completely inexplicably, so do my ribs. Uh, ribs?? Oh well.

Actually, just concentrating on the here and now, will work well for most areas of my life-chaos at the moment. Just deal with what's immediate, focus on what's in front of you. One (arsehole) utility company at a time. One step forwards with possible new flatshares at a time. One day of healthy eating at a time.

Keep it simple, and tackle each item, one at a time.

Drama Day

2011-11-23T15:26:00.001Z

My birthday on Monday turned out to be such a day of highs and lows. I said a final good bye to my flat, and ran around like an idiot loading a final van of stuff into my storage room and getting the van back to the depot before work. Then at lunchtime I had to go fetch my car in the pouring rain and drive the keys back up to the agency, before driving round and round in circles in vain for 25 mins, just trying to find a parking space. It turns out that living in the city centre and not having an allocated parking spot sucks.

Then to round off what was turning into a bit of a sucky day, I rang BT in the afternoon to cancel my line (since I don't have anywhere to move it to right now), only to have an extremely unhelpful woman tell me that I can't because they sold me a 2 year contract and it will cost me £360 to cancel!!! I nearly cried. I later spoke to a second guy (I have to admit I hung up on the first woman as I just couldn't deal with her any more), who was trying to help me but explained that there was mechanism on the system for suspending an account when a customer has no address to move it to. In-fricking-believable.

I left work feeling pretty glum, I can tell you. I didn't have any time to dwell on it though, as I had to go straight to see a possible flatshare. Finally the day started to look a bit up, as I really liked the girl I met, and the flat seems nice, as well as being stupidly cheap, and she ended up offering me a spot in the new flatshare she's putting together.

When I finally stumbled home to Hannah's, I was greeted with a cup of tea and a big hug. It's certainly nice being able to unburden yourself at the end of the day - I guess that's something I've missed. And then I got my birthday present - my wonderful friends have bought me a Kindle! That was totally unexpected, but very lovely :-)

We celebrated my birthday with dinner at a lovely local restaurant called Europa, which Is a proper family-run Italian. The food was magnificent - coarse duck pate with Melba toast, tagliatelle with chicken, courgette and a tomato and cream sauce, and a magnificent chocolate dessert to finish - with a candle in it and happy birthday being sung. And a flaming sambuca, on the house, to finish. And lovely wine. And wonderful friends.

With my birthday out the way, I thought it was about time I started tracking my food again, as I realised it must a good week since I last did so. I also finally felt like running again last night. Slow but feeling strong, and maybe 3.5 miles. I've a long way to go before I'm even close to being ready for a half marathon, but it was nice to feel the strength of running again. Slightly sore legs today so I'm glad I didn't go any further. Slow and gentle.

There's some things to sort with house still, before I'll feel confident that it might be sorted, and there's still the matter of the
BT contract from hell to sort, but I'm slowly feeling that maybe I'm sorting things out a bit.

- Posted from my iPhone

Things That Make Me Happy ...

2011-11-22T11:39:00.000Z

.... listening to Paradise by Coldplay.

Everytime I hear it, I see tropical beaches in my head (a la the incomparable Starfish Bay on Bocas del Toro last summer), and I feel happy and calm.

Sometimes it's the little things.

The Other Side

2011-11-22T09:52:00.001Z

I've survived.

It's officially my first day of having no fixed abode, which also happens to coincide with today being my 31st birthday.

The carnage of moving is nearly over, with just a few loose ends like handing back the keys and ringing the utilities companies to be accomplished.

The funny thing is that it hasn't hurt as much as I thought it would. I've been occasionally stressed and grumpy by turns, and I nearly cried when I thought I'd locked myself our yesterday (my poor friend Dave didn't know what to do, and was waiting for me to stop banging my head against the door - luckily we managed to get someone to let us back in the main door, and by some fluke I'd stopped my front door from closing all the way when we'd gone out, so he didn't have to see me cry).

I read somewhere over the weekend, that people who exercise regularly are more resilient and able to cope in stressful situations. I've been a bit off my game recently, but maybe it's helped me, all the same.

I'm going for dinner with friends tonight, and tomorrow I have to get back on it.

- Posted from my iPhone

Oh Dear

2011-11-17T20:11:00.000Z

Hey,

It's a very subdued version of me writing this evening, as it's all gone a bit pants in the last week. My housing jinx has struck again, as my beautiful, perfect flatshare, that I was so excited about moving into this week, fell through on Sunday.

Where does that leave me? Ummmm - a little bit homeless.

I still have to be out of my current lovely pad on Monday this week, and there has not been time to sort out a replacement flat in time for that.

The unfortunate thing about this situation, is that it plays on all my personal insecurities. It pushes all my little buttons, and has left me pretty down. The flat fell through because the (ass of a) guy who was meant to move out, suddenly decided that he didn't want to move after all. He decided that on Sunday, which was a whole 10 days after I'd been offered the flat. But, unfortunately, since I hadn't actually signed anything at the time, I hadn't a leg to stand on.

Ah bollocks.

Before the axe fell, I enjoyed a fabulous, if messy, weekend surfing Newquay. I'm now the proud owner of a lovely new winter wetsuit and boots, and I'm suddenly thinking that surfing into the winter is looking like a fun thing. A bit too much booze (read for that: a lot too much booze), not enough sleep, but on the whole I was pretty impressed with my eating, which was a bit more on par for a surfing weekend, than I've previously managed.

I can't say that I've tracked much this week - between the stress and the running around, I've not felt like it (yeah, yeah, not big, not clever). However, I don't think I'm too far off beam - I'm probably more maintaining at the moment than losing, but that's ok.

In the meantime, I'm working on getting my flat packed up and into storage. The wonderful Hannah, amongst so many other friends which has amazed me, has stepped up to offer me somewhere to stay for the next couple of weeks. I've booked a storage room for the next 2 months, to give myself plenty of time, and I'll be camping out at Casa Hannah.

I'm just trying to press down all my irrational feelings of rejection and failure and loss of independence, which are plaguing me - ok, so I got turned down from two other flats, but since I didn't really want either of them (no bike storage for a start, and further away than I wanted), so I shouldn't be too downhearted about not being picked. And I did nothing to deserve what happened with my lost flat (stupid little internal voice that cunningly whispered to me this morning that maybe my flatmate-to-be had simply found someone better and fobbed me off - why???? Why would I think that??).

Sooooo - I'm like a little ball of emotions at the moment and trying to cope with it. Trying not to be too down (even Dom who I work with said I seemed quiet when I was in the office earlier in the week), trying not to be paranoid, or stressed, or anything that isn't helpful to me. I have a plan, I've set myself some timescales and back-up plans, and I have soooooooo many friends who are rallying round me, if I'll only let them help me.

I'll survive, and it will all sort itself out, because it always do - I always land on my feet - just usually via a rather undignified scramble with a few bumps and bruises along the way. And then I'll go surfing again and wash all the grumpiness away.

Hope everything's going better for you lot than me. xx

Eggsactly What I Needed

2011-11-09T20:38:00.001Z

Oh - the relief of getting home again and being able to eat lovely, simple poached eggs on toast for tea!

Long, long day - I cancelled my date for the evening as I just didn't feel up to being a sociable person - now vegging in front of Strictly It Takes 2. Heaven.

- Posted from my iPhone

I Don't Want To Eat Out Anymore

2011-11-08T22:20:00.001Z

I just want to stay home and have some healthy home cooked food.

Despite best intentions, eating on business trips is hard - I had breakfast at quarter to 6 this morning, got taken to a Thai restaurant at lunchtime where the entire lunch menu consisted of variations on Thai curry, and then got taken to a pub tonight by my boss for dinner with not one bloody healthy thing on the dinner menu. Chicken fillet burger with chips was about the healthiest thing on there.

I did stick to no booze, despite repeated suggestions otherwise, but I feel bloated and horrible at the moment, and want some time out at home to loom after myself. And maybe run.

It doesn't get much better tomorrow when I've got a friend over for dinner and we said we'd have takeaway because I'm not back til later, and then this weekend is beach, booze and BBQ.

I hate feeling like I'm just getting bigger again. I want the opportunity to get smaller!

- Posted from my iPhone

Flying Around

2011-11-08T06:14:00.001Z

It's currently earlier than Stupid o'clock in the morning, and I'm sitting at the airport waiting to fly to Edinburgh for a couple of days for work.

It's been a mighty busy couple of days in which I've been to London for the weekend where I did a lot of catching up with one of my bestest friends in the world, Jo, enjoyed walks in a very autumnal Hyde Park and thoroughly cheesed out at Madame Tussauds (I'd never been before!), before managing to catch a local community display of fireworks back in Bristol on Sunday night.

Yesterday was spent prancing around in amazing full make-up, courtesy of the superb Lisa-Marie, in front of lovely photographer Lilia, creating some images in which I barely recognise myself. My photo session was a part of my birthday present last year from two of my closest friends but it's taken me this long to get round to using it (clue: my next birthday's in 2 weeks!). I had one photo print included as part of my package, but I'm not kidding I loved these photos so much that I closed my eyes and extended my credit card and purchased the digital rights to the whole shoot. I already know which one is being blown up massive and printed on canvas!! I can't wait to share a few of them when I get the files :-)

After the shoot I met new friend Laura for drinks, which turned into late dinner. We met through the funniest connection, as a mutual friend put us in touch when we thought we might both be looking for somewhere new to live at the same time - it turned out that we're both sorted separately on that front, but we chat so incessantly that we've decided that being friends is a good thing. I love new friends!!

Unfortunately, given I had to get up at 4.15 am this morning, and hadn't packed before meeting her, I didn't get home till after 11pm last night. Doh!! We talked too much!!

Food hasn't been perfect, and I know I'm a little bit over, but considering how busy it's been it's definitely not been terrible either. At least I keep thinking about my choices, and if I'm not tracking 100% I'm still doing a fairly good job.

The rest of this week is a bit bonkers, as I get back from Edinburgh tomorrow evening and then I only have Thursday and half of Friday in the office before I'm shooting off to Newquay for the final surf club trip of the year. It's mini surf festival this weekend with bands, BBQ, surfing (brrrrr!) and, I would imagine, a lot of booze. And then next week I have to move house.

Busy, busy times!!

- Posted from my iPhone

Final Total

2011-11-05T10:06:00.001Z

At 10am yesterday morning, I listened to my team mates count down from 10 and cheer as we finally finished the 24 hour cycle relay for charity. Tired, sweaty and sore.

If I ever see another spin bike again, it will be too soon!

Final stats:

Individual distance - 136.9km in 8 half hour sessions on the bike.

My team: just shy of 900km in 24 hours on the one bike, plus the use of a second bike for an hour or 2.

Total charity challenge (400 people around the globe relaying over the 24 hours in teams of 6, same as us): over 25,000km!!

We were aiming to cycle 18,000km, which is the land distance round tue globe, but we smashed it at 3am in the morning, so the event co-ordinater reset the challenge as the distance of the equator c. 24,000km and we smashed that too.

My only problem with 24 hour events like this is they totally screw up your eating - faaaaar to much sugar consumed. After a shower and a quick nap yesterday lunchtime, I was craving dirty super-noodles for lunch - I don't know why but that was all I wanted. That was followed by about 8 super-tasty ginger cookies.

I'm down in London for the weekend visiting Jo so we also shared a bottle of bubbly last night, to celebrate her new flat, and a martini to investigate her new local bar.

We're going out and about today to do fun tourist stuff, but I want to get back to eating a normal routine as I feel a bit blah at the moment. No weigh-in this week, as I haven't been near a scale at a sensible time in days.

- Posted from my iPhone

Halfway Point ...

2011-11-03T21:13:00.001Z

4 sessions completed, 2 hours in the saddle, 73.9km cycled.

Sore quads.

- Posted from my iPhone

Home Sweet Home

2011-11-03T13:45:00.001Z

I got it!!! I got the lovely flat I went to see on Tuesday night!

I'm not one to believe much in fate, usually, but it was such a perfect set-up for me, that I just felt it was meant to be, so it's a huge relief that it's worked out that way.

The flat is in a great location and in an amazing house. There's off-road parking most of the time (which is practically unheard of in that area), and space for my bikes, and any future surfboards, safely indoors.

And there's lots of little touches that make it feel really homely - it's a garden flat, so it's got its own front door and huge folding doors onto its own little terrace from the kitchen. And the kitchen is made for entertaining - it's spacious with a large farmhouse table in the middle that will easily seat 6-8 people. And, please be jealous, there's a log-burning stove in the corner of the living room and working wooden shutters on all the windows.

But the absolute best? It's at the bottom of my budget I wanted to spend, so it's really going to help me get back on my feet financially. Ooooh - and it's still less than 20 mins walk to work.

Cycling today - I've done my first rotation for the bike challenge: 16.3km in 30 mins - not bad!!

We're on the home straight, folks!!

- Posted from my iPhone

Busy, Busy.

2011-11-02T11:35:00.000Z

After a rather solid weekend of eating and moving, I seem to have wobbled a little the last couple of days, but I don't think all is lost this week. I realised this morning, that I feel the need for a bit of a detox today, so that's positive.

I haven't eaten atrociously the last 2 days, by any means, but I did have dinner out on Monday night, and I was at a conference morning yesterday that culminated in a buffet lunch, and then dinner with friends last night with a few (let's be clear - by a few, I do mean 2, not *ahem* a few), so I know I'm so points over where I shouldn't be. So today, is all about eating sensibly. Soup for lunch, followed by maybe a little walk, and something delicious with some meatballs for tea, because they need cooking. Not with pasta though - I'm thinking something to do with baked sweet potatoes and some lovely tomato-y sauce with veg. Or maybe couscous. Whatever - a minor 2 day blip will not derail my recent good eating.

Another reason, I'm not too worried about eating a bit extra this week ...... tomorrow is the 24 hour cycle relay challenge. I will be spending a minimum of 4 hours hours steady to speedy cycling, and that's going to buy me back quite a lot of mini over-indulgence. I'm not sure when I'll be weighing in, as I usually step on the scales first thing on a Friday morning before breakfast, and obviously I'll still be in my office after no sleep and most likely breakfast at that point, so it might have to be a Saturday weigh in. Or no weigh in - it won't matter either way, because my progress is not defined by a single day of the week, but my behaviour in between.

Other than that, I've been grumbling because I woke up Tuesday morning with my back a bit sore - it hasn't been sore for ages, and I wasn't amused! At. All. This is the soreness that is residual from my old back injuries, and very occasionally, it rears its head again. It's all been good for ages, so I suppose a little timely reminder isn't a bad thing - I need to take care of myself. Not sure if I tweaked it in Body Balance on Monday, or just slept awkwardly on Monday night (as I remember waking up feeling a bit uncomfortable), but I'm doing what my physio would recommend if she were here: precisely nothing. A couple of days of exercise (especially with the biking coming tomorrow) to just let it calm down, and it feels a bit better already.

I also went to see another flat last night, and I don't want to tell you too much about it in case I jinx myself. I just had a gut reaction to the place: I WANT! The flat felt like it could very easily be my new home, and I very much liked the girl who lives there (and prospective new flatmate) - my quick flying viewing turned into an hour long chat over a cup of tea - so I'm fingers, toes, legs and everything in between crossed that I get it. I should hear tomorrow, and it feels like it's fated to be, but I'm trying very hard not to get too attached to the idea, in case it doesn't happen (yeah - the above is me trying to be unemotional - I'm doomed).

In between all that, I've been organising myself for a trip to Edinburgh next week with work. Sadly, it's a flying trip - up Tuesday and back Wednesday - but I'm excited as it'll be my first time there.

I think that's all in my world, for the moment. Catch you later, when I have more news!

Trying to Relax

2011-10-30T22:13:00.000Z

Well, the worst of work is over for the moment. The final deadline was on Friday at 5pm, and I made it with 15 mins to spare. One little deadline to sign off on next week, but mostly it's in wind down now.

So that's one cause of stress out of the way, more or less, just leaving random man stress and the impending uncertainty of not knowing where I'll be living in 3 weeks to get sorted.

I've spent most of this weekend just trying to catch up on sleep and unwind a little bit. Not so easy when I knew the agent was bringing someone to view the flat yesterday morning at 10.30am - I love this flat so much I didn't want to be here to see someone else falling in love with it, when I'm having to leave. I decided to go get breakfast in my local coffee shop instead and peruse my new walking guide which I bought on the way. I spent yesterday afternoon with the girls having a little stroll and eating a bit of cake.

There's been a bit too much cake this weekend, so I enjoyed getting a nice walk today - a happy 2 hours walking a friend's dog with them. I've not been quite as restrained as my last 2 weekends, but I'm still looking fairly on track with my eating and exercise which is nice.

Back to work tomorrow - hopefully a bit more chilled out than last week. It's a bit of a busy week, as I've got a celebratory dinner tomorrow night for a friend, then Hannah and I are cooking for our friend Nic who's in town on Tuesday. Thursday 10am sees me starting my 24 hour cycling challenge (http://www.justgiving.com/Suzanne-Fontaine), and that takes me right through to Friday, when I foresee there being a bit of sleep catch-up!

Hope you all had good weekends! x

1lb

2011-10-28T12:49:00.000+01:00

Despite the radio silence that is largely happening on here at the moment, there are signs that I'm still slowly plodding in the right direction. Another lb off this week, despite an impromptu dinner out last night, tells me that I'm probably, mostly, doing something right.

Like last week, this week has been a week when I've had a little of what I fancy, but somehow balanced that with not going bat-shit crazy. I've moved a bit (a run, some Body Balance and circuits, and a nice walk on the weekend), and all that moderate living seems to have gone to the scales.

Which is cool, because I don't want massive losses (said-it-before-will-say-it-again school of blogging) - I'm quite happy just plodding in the right direction slowly.

Aside from the eating / exercising part of my life, work is still much as it was (aaaaaaaaaaaargh-crazy-might-have-a-nervous-breakdown) but the end is now in sight, as the last of the big deadlines is this afternoon. Then it will start to wind down into the clear-up exercise that comes after every quarter end. The housing situation is running ahead at full-tilt - which is to say, my landlord has already got viewings today and tomorrow for my (lovely, I-don't-want-to-leave-there) flat (thanks for the notice Miss Estate Agent who rang me at 4.30pm yesterday to tell me they'd be round at lunchtime today - cue mad panic about when exactly I'd have to time to tidy!), and I am currently none-the-wiser about where I'll be living in (less than a) month's time (panic, panic, PANIC!!!!).

So while all that possible-panic-fest is whirling round my head, I shall work on remaining zen and unperturbed in the middle and just keep plodding.

Have a good weekend, folks! x

Whirlwind

2011-10-26T12:35:00.000+01:00

I think I'm actually getting worse and getting on here to write at the moment, instead of better. Mostly because my life is still a steady whirlwind of craziness, what with work looniness, ongoing flat stuff, some dating and social stuff, and a healthy dose of fund-raising activity for my upcoming charity challenge.

Amazingly though, in the heart of all that lot, the scales are very (very) slowly creeping down. Halle-frickin'-leujah!

Last week mostly passed by in a series of rather long hours in the office. I made it to circuits on Friday lunchtime, and worked damn hard, to the extent where one of the girls I was partnered with said afterwards that she was thinking she might have to drag me out the room when I passed out. I think that might have been a good effort then!

Friday night was quite peaceful, as I had a few quiet drinks after work with some colleagues, and got myself home by 8.30pm, for some pizza and an early night. Thankfully, I ended up not being needed in the office over the weekend, so I spent Saturday doing some shopping and washing that was much needed, and then hit the cinema in the evening, with another couple of quiet drinks afterwards.

Sunday was looking like a glorious day, so I twisted my tame Aussie surfer's arm to come for a walk somewhere in the countryside with me. A nice 5 mile loop and Sunday roast at a country pub was definitely what was called for. I find it funny, that for two people who dated until recently, Dave and I chat like a couple of gossiping old women - maybe that's why we were doomed! :o)

Unfortunately the weekends general relaxation has been undone again by the working week silliness, and it was 8pm before I left the office. I went home though, and cooked up a storm. Six or so portions of healthy food went into my fridge that night! When I shopped on Saturday (not having done a proper full-on food shop in weeks), I planned two big dishes for the week, that I could then have leftovers from. So Monday night I cooked up a lamb stew with lots of root veg and a bit of tomato and red wine in the sauce - celeriac, butternut squash and carrot into the mix. I also attempted braised red cabbage with apple as a side dish - I think I overdid the spice a bit, but it wasn't bad! After dinner, the rest of the root veg, went into the big saucepan for soup, and I three big portions of winter veg soup to go in the fridge and freezer for later. I'm proud of myself for staying organised, because the cooking session on Monday night, means I don't have to do much now til the end of the week.

The other big dish this week, will be an attempt to recreate something Hannah cooked for me - a sort of veggie lasagne with a kick of chilli in, and layered aubergines on top. I've got carrots, mushrooms, peppers and spring greens to go in the dish - should be tasty!

All of that really helps me to stay on track when everything else is going a bit loopy. I had lunch with a friend of a friend yesterday who's possibly also looking for a flat, and tonight I've got a flat viewing (unrelated to yesterday). I need to do a cheer-up dinner for Hannah on Friday, and haven't even started to work out the conflicting plans for this weekend yet! One thing at a time.

Other than that, I'm heading out for a much-needed run this lunchbreak, and keeping on top of my sponsorship efforts for the cycle challenge (I think I'm up to £120 so far of my £200 pledge, with another £25 or so already promised which is fantastic - now I just need to go and spin / cycle some more to get my legs going!). I also got home from work one day last week to be greeted with a lovely parcel from Kate (http://teacake-kate.blogspot.com/) who had sent me down gorgeous 3/4 length cycling shorts that hadn't fitted her .... well, they fit me perfectly, so I'm a happy girl - Kate: I promise faithfully to go get them very muddy somewhere fun soon! Thank you, thank you, thank you ......

Up A Bit, Down A Bit

2011-10-21T14:46:00.000+01:00

As much as I'd like to think that a week of eating relatively sensibly means I'm back on track, I know full well that it doesn't. All it means is that I had a week of eating relatively sensibly. Well done me, pat on that back, and all that kind of stuff.

A week of eating sensibly does mean that I've seen a slight drop in the scales this week on my official weigh in today, but that won't stay there if I'm not careful, and there's still a long way to go to even get back where I want to be, never mind break some new frontiers and inhabit new ground.

Le Sigh. It's always a long way to go. On the upside, even with my sensible eating, I have had takeaway, and wine, and chocolate this week (in measured quantities), so I can't really complain, I suppose.

And I've just endured a round of Death Circuits that has left me wondering if my quads will ever function properly (i.e. with jelly-like shaking) again. All in the name of good health.

Tip-toeing Along

2011-10-19T20:44:00.000+01:00

Oh dear me, I'm not being very good at blogging at the moment, am I?

Still, I am at least making an effort at eating right, so it's not all terrible. I've not been feeling much like the ol' exercise, but where I'm not feeling like cardio, I have been to Body Balance and then yoga today. They might not be hard-core sweat-fests, but I'm sure my core is thanking me for it, because it's pilates and leg-raises all the way, and if my hamstrings aren't a little looser afterwards, then something's gone horribly wrong.

I also realised today I've started cooking properly again. Just simple stuff, but more from scratch and less from a packet. Even if, like last night, it's just a slightly scrappy omelette and a piece of toast. Which was actually a very tasty omelette since it was full of mushrooms and handmade Welsh cheddar with herbs from Snowdonia Cheeses (Green Thunder if you're in the vicinity of Betwys-y-Coed and want some!).

I figure I need to do some more home-cooking, more veg and fresh fruit and less pre-prepared stuff - a) it's expensive and b) it's not as good.

Still Busy, Busy, Busy

2011-10-16T14:15:00.000+01:00

Christ it's hard work round here at the moment! I've spent most of the weekend dans le office ... oh joy! When not here I've been mostly sleeping .... oh bliss!

I managed to get to circuits on Friday (pain, pain, lots of pain .... especially when you can't breathe through your nose and your internal temperature guage can't seem to decide which way is up or down), and then went home from work to cook a whole crapload of veggies (that's the technical term, by the way, something to do with the manure they use ;o)), and some chicken thighs for roast dinnery goodness, and enough for tea tonight in the fridge.

I have by some effort of will and a little vigilance managed to have a fairly sensible weekend so far. After 9 hours in the office yesterday, I had some Thai takeaway last night in front of the tv, and a few sneaky (small) glasses of vino, and a loooooong chat with my friend Jo. Well earned, I think.

I'm at work again now for a few quiet hours, and then off to meet my friend Clare for afternoon tea and cake.

I'm nearly over my cold, I think, as I can now smell and taste again. I still need to catch up on a shitload of sleep though, as well as trying to figure out my precarious money situation, and especially how I'm going to manage to move flats next month. Probably not helping with the contributing to sleepless nights!

Everything usually turns out right in the end though, yeah?

Crawling

2011-10-14T12:54:00.000+01:00

Oh boy.

I'm still alive (I'm sure you'll be relieved to know this). This week has been ker-razy, and I just didn't seem to find time to put fingers to keyboard. Or when I thought about it, I just didn't have the energy to think up something witty to say. In fact, I'm still not sure I do.

Usually, time away from a blog means bad things - luckily, I don't have that to report - I'm still plodding along - neither better or worse than I was. I do feel exhausted though.

We had a wedding in North Wales last weekend which meant a 5 hour trip each way - even leaving work relatively on time, and running home and packing on Friday, it was after 7pm before we left Bristol, and 12.40am before we made it to the hotel. Saturday was crazy rushed, as the wedding was at noon, so by the time we'd grabbed breakfast down at the main hotel (we were staying in the village at Portmeirion) the time slipped away in a whirl of getting dressed up, and haired and make-upped, and legging it across (read: teetering down the steep cobbles in the pouring rain, in a pair of 4 inch stilettos and a silk dress I was trying to keep sheltered under the umbrella) the village to the ceremony.

From the ceremony we were whisked straight outside for a couple of hasty photos in the rain, and then back down to the hotel for drinks and the wedding breakfast. After that we messed around taking photos back outside, whilst the bride and groom were having their official photos done, and then there was a quick break to dash back to the rooms for dancing shoes and the presents before the evening commenced with a ceilidgh. It was a fantastic day, but I was dead on my feet by 11.30pm and in bed before 1am.

This week, as expected, has been an utter misery at work. Monday was 9am to 8.30pm with no lunch. Tuesday 9am, to 11.15pm. The last two days have been a bit better, although still incredibly stressy, but to make me feel better I'm now coming down with a cold.

Weight-wise, although the wedding wasn't great on the food and drink front, I didn't crack the dreaded 13st barrier, but I squeaked by enough to make me start thinking about what I'm putting in my gob. On the other stress, a million birthday cakes this week and feeling ill counteracts that a bit. I'm down from the weekend, but a little up on last week.

It's all about the work for the next couple of weeks, so in a way, it's quite good as I don't have anything social planned for the next couple of weeks. Not even on the weekends. The only think I have planned this weekend is possible tea and cake on Sunday afternoon. I'm working tomorrow, and possible a bit on Sunday. I'm going to try and avoid any weekend blow outs or "treat" meals. Frankly, I'm craving fruit and veg at the moment, so I need to get off my ass and try and get some.

Other than that, I'm just stressing money and how I'm going to afford to move to a cheaper flat. I can't afford to stay where I am, but have no money to deal with the cross-over of rent and deposits from one flat to the other. Damned if you do, and damned if you don't. I may have to crawl to Dad again. Well, that's depressing!

Off to (snotty) circuits now.

Still Wobbling

2011-10-06T14:42:00.000+01:00

So, I won't lie, I'm still struggling with my eating. And along with that, I'm watching with loathing as the scale inches up away from where I want it to be. This morning it was just a hair's breadth away from being back at 13 stone. It's been a while since I crept back up to there - I think I did it last year at some point for a very short time, but other than that, I haven't been there since I went past it the first time when I was losing all the weight in 2009.

It. Does. Not. Make. Me. Happy. Being. There.

I do not want to get back to 13 stone, but with my current struggle I wouldn't be surprised if I do see it by the time the weekend is through. Crap.

I was just about to write that yesterday day was good on eating, but then remembered that I had chocolate at work. Unneccessary, unwarranted and unearnt chocolate. Still, it wasn't a terrible day, but I was wound so tight on adrenaline by the time I left work yesterday (busy times) that I got home and ended up sinking three gin and tonics over the evening. I had my only night in this week last night, which was the non-date with the Aussie Surfer. Since he appears to be becoming a bit of a permanent fixture in my life, we'll call him by his proper name - Dave.

Have you ever gone from dating someone to being friends with them? It's a little strange. We've been extremely open with each other from the beginning, rather than the poncing round trying to make ourselves look good that you often go through with dating (maybe this was where we went wrong - killed all the mystery and image of suave sophistication right at the beginning???), but it's still weird going from feeling the need to flirt, to just chilling out. Actually, I think we still flirt as much as we did on the dates - we banter a lot, it's just taken all the pressure off. The funny thing is that we were probably more tactile last night than we were on any of our dates, as we relaxed on the sofa after dinner watching a DVD.

I'm a strange person, as I'm much more comfortable and relaxed around the guys I consider "safe" - I think in my head Dave as now moved onto my "safe" list, which probably explains why I watched the film with my feet on his lap (he does a great foot massage it turns out!) - I actually have very few male friends I'm tactile with, and they're mostly ones I've known for years (we'll gloss over the fact that I've also mostly either had some kind of physical relationship with them or they're gay - that just complicates the matter). Anyway, it was a nice evening.

Not so good was my eating - we opted for Thai takeaway, and I did at least resist the urge to have curry, and went for a chicken stir-fry dish, but I did eat the whole (bloody big) portion of rice. Stupid girl - I didn't need all that!

Anyway - I continue to struggle onwards. I've got a wedding I'm going to this weekend in Portmeirion in North Wales - the hotel is famed for it's amazing food, and we're staying B&B for two nights, with the wedding being fully catered. I need some kind of plan to prevent me coming back about half a stone heavier - argh!!!!

Getting The Wheels Rolling

2011-10-05T11:04:00.001+01:00

I think yesterday's confession that I've been wobbling (again) on this healthy-eating venture was actually quite cathartic. I had a little gentle run at lunchtime, I ate sensibly during the day, and I managed to maintain a fairly sensible attitude at the work dinner last night - I stayed off the alcohol apart from one glass of wine with dinner, I disavowed burgers, chips or anything with a sauce in favour of smoked haddock with a small portion of mustard mash, wilted spinach and a side of green beans, and a poached egg ..... hold the Hollandaise sauce. I did have a dessert, but it was a little individual pecan tart so not too terrible. I could do with a bit more sleep, but I don't feel too terrible.

Now, as we all know, I am a girl that likes a challenge, so I may have signed up for a little something at work: a round the world in a day team challenge. The idea is that 450 of us from my work will get into teams of 6, and on November 3, we will attempt to cycle the circumference of the world in 24 hours. That's 18,000 miles - 40 miles each on static bikes. Each team of 6 will relay over the 24 hours - probably half an hour on and 2.5 break. Hopefully I'll get accepted to take part. I'll have to raise £200 fir charity if I do, but I think it'll be fun :-)

In the meantime, I'm having a takeaway and DVD night with the Aussie Surfer tonight. Remember him? We dated, and decided we'd be better as friends. I wasn't sure if we'd actually see each other, but we're hanging out tonight which us cool - just need to be mindful with my eating and choose sensibly!

- Posted from my iPhone

Time Out(side)

2011-10-04T14:37:00.000+01:00

I'd written a whole long post yesterday that I didn't get round to posting, but I realised as I ran round the harbour this lunchtime, that the post was pretty much a lie. So I deleted it and started again.

The truth is I am mid-wobble at the moment. I don't think I quite wanted to admit it to myself - the post I had drafted talked about how I'd made some good decisions this weekend, whilst quietly glossing over the fact that I'd made more bad decisions, and it's been like that for a few weeks now.

If we're going to be honest, I made mistakes through most of last week, just little ones here and there. Then I made slightly bigger slip-ups on Wednesday night and Thursday, which I put down to allowing a little emotion to creep into my eating. The scales were up on Friday (no big surprise), but this has been going on longer than a couple of days - it's been a couple of weeks now.

I have these phases periodically, when for whatever reason it seems impossible to stay on plan. I don't know what causes them, and I snap out of them eventually when I reach some trigger point or another. A lot of the time, I can't admit what's happening, and just beat myself up repeatedly for deviating from plan again. I think it's easier when I admit that it's something more than that, because I stop being so hard on myself. I have too much to lose to back-slide too far, so I'm nowhere even close to giving up. I start every day with good intentions, even if I drift later on. I'll know I'm in trouble the day I wake up and think "fuck it". It's not happened yet. You know the saying " you may have lost the battle, but you haven't lost the war"? I can't think of a more appropriate application of that than the world of losing weight - every day is a new battle on the long war of your weight - as long as you're trying you're winning. So I keep trying - I'm just admitting that I'm not being hugely successful right now.

Aside from that, I had a glorious weekend away surfing in Cornwall. It was a club trip that's been planned for ages, so the amazing weather was an added bonus, as we were all prepared to go anyway. The more I surf, the more I fall a little bit deeper in love with it at the moment. I'm still a total novice, playing on a softboard in the white water, but there's slow progress being made. And I'm having fun doing it. I love spending the time outside, in the sun and fresh air and open space and cool ocean. The thrill when you catch a wave is exhilarating. The tiredness afterwards is satisfying.

As I admitted above, I made some good and some bad food choices. I packed lunches and fruit and had sensible breakfasts, but then undid that with sweets and chocolates and a little too much booze. I just need to figure out a way to eat healthily on these trips so I can enjoy them to the max.

I'll find a way - there is a balance. I will get back where I was, and I will keep making progress. This newer version of me is like that - she doesn't give up easily, and she keeps trying again and again long after the old her would have given up and admitted defeat (and buried her head in a pile of sugary food). The new me push the boundaries, and when they won't give she bangs her head against them until they do break.

On that note - so far today, so good. I've been for a run, and I've made my choices for my food today already, including dinner out this evening. We'll get there somehow.

Cold Comfort

2011-09-29T09:53:00.000+01:00

I had a somewhat traumatic evening yesterday, and after putting myself through the emotional wringer, I found myself at the crossroads of Eat Or Just Feel Bad.

I compromised. I didn't eat til dinner time, and I didn't open the wine until Hannah arrived for dinner. We had fajitas for dinner, which is comfort food after a bad day, without being too excessive, but there was also a little too much wine, and a box of 5 millionaire slices between two of us. I may have eaten 3 of them. So there was a degree of comfort eating, but contained to a social environment and a single meal. After all, it never really replaces the emotions and neutralises them, does it?

Thankfully, there was also much needed unloading and sage advice, and later on, somewhat tiddly laughter. Breaking up with people is crap, but having friends close by makes it a bit better.

This morning is fresh, shiny and new. Yes, I'm very single again, but I can look good in a pretty dress, eat right and go to a much needed spin class at lunch. I haven't been to spin in aaaaages and I've missed it. And it will help quell a little of the shortbread guilt from last night.

We are strong.

Mini-battles

2011-09-27T12:38:00.001+01:00

I went back up to Malvern last night to go visit my dad, and to pick up my new phone handset which had been delivered there over the weekend.

One if the problems I always encounter at Dad's is the sheer amount of crappy food he keeps round the place. It's a sore subject for me, because he always moans about his weight but eats atrociously.

He confuses restricting his food for eating healthily, but what he eats is pure rubbish. Take yesterday for example, he told me he'd eaten tea before I got there, and when I guessed he'd just eaten toast (I could smell it in the kitchen) he admitted it was actually just a buttered teacake!!! In response to my sighed "oh Dad!", he said that it was fine because he'd had a bit of haggis and some tomatoes for lunch which was a "proper meal". He has no idea. At all.

No vegetables, no lean proteins. Too little fruit. Too much processed food. And far too much refined sugar. He thinks that if just eats less he'll lose weight, but instead of cutting out the junk, he cuts out the meals!! And then wonders why he gets hungry and snacks on biscuits and chocolate. The cupboards of full of them, but with very little real food to be seen. I utterly despair, because no matter what I say, he ignores me.

Of course, this means another challenge for me, because when I visit, I have to navigate the cupboards too. It's a smorgasbord of rubbish. If I make a decent dinner, it's still all sat in the cupboard singing its siren call all evening.

Last night, I wasn't too bad - not perfect but not terrible. I managed to get back to the flat to pack after work, and just grab a banana to tide me over til I got Dad's. Once there, I rustled up dome pasta with chicken and low fat creme fraiche. No veg other than onion, but a small portion was just enough. I did attack a couple of biscuits and a Tunnock's teacake, but it was all tracked. I just had to keep reminding myself why I need to be good: de-larding for the half-marathon while I have the time before training starts.

I managed to locate porridge with some frozen blueberries for breakfast this morning, and escaped the lure of the biscuit tin to make the drive back to Bristol. A mini-battle negotiated and won.

- Posted from my iPhone

Successful Weekend

2011-09-26T12:17:00.001+01:00

I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself today as I've tracked fully over the weekend, and not come into Monday with a stupid deficit and a feeling of being bloated, like I have the last couple of weeks. Hooorah!

I had a lovely relaxed Friday evening with friends from the surf club - we went for a few quiet drinks in a local (but new-to-us) pub, which turned out to be very nice, and ended up having tapas on a floating restaurant (Under The Stars in Bristol harbourside - I can recomend it!). We sat on sofas around our table, which was a claw-foot bathtub with a glass top, and lots of black and white stones in the bottom with star-shaped fairy lights glowing gently up through the glass, and listened to the entertainment from the open-mic night which was happening. We also had very tasty tapas platters, and just-maybe-possible some of the best Oreo brownie ever! The evening ended quite early since we were all knackered, and some were working on Saturday morning, so I even got an early night out of it too.

I didn't quite get the lie-in I'd planned for on Saturday, as I ended up getting up to watch the England rugby game, and then stayed up to watch the France - NZ match rather than head back to bed. Since it was looking like a beautiful day out by the time they'd both finished, my friend Hannah and I decided that a bike ride was in order. Since I was stiff from circuits on Friday, and she's still recovering from a broken ankle, we took the bikes for a nice potter up the Bristol to Bath cycle trail and stopped off for lunch at The Jolly Sailor at Saltford Locks, where we had amazing chilli bowls with doorstep slices of home-made bread and butter on the side. Who needs rice or chips, or even a jacket potato, when you can heap it on bread??? We finished off lunch with proper hot chocolates made with white chocolate with cream and all the toppings, and (very slowly due to full bellies) pottered back to Bristol. The evening was passed with old 90's rom-coms on DVD and some chocolate.

Yesterday featured a proper lie-in, reading in bed for a bit, a light lunch, and a wander into town to the shops. City Boy then cooked my Sunday roast for dinner and we chilled out and watched a film, before I had another early night.

All in all, it's been a very chilled out weekend, and a very pleasant reminder that it's possible to eat lovely food and relax properly, without trashing the diet or spending too much money. The looming shadow of half-marathon training has definitely given me pause to consider my choices when I'm faced with yumminess, and as per usual, cutting back on the booze helps me with those choices an infinite amount.

Just a four-day week this week, before I head off surfing in Cornwall this weekend - yeehaa!

Keeping It Real

2011-09-23T10:06:00.001+01:00

The Scales of Doom have decreed that I have officially put on a lb this week. After a quick glance at my tracker, I think I can say I deserve that. I wrote a post a couple of weeks ago, saying exactly the same thing, and whilst my eating has been better this week, I think this is the cumulative effect of weeks of not very clever eating. I'm just being honest. With myself and with you.

Here's what I realised looking back at my tracker:

a month ago, I got down to 12st 4.8lbs after 4 weeks of conscientious eating.
at the beginning of that run of conscientious eating, I had a frustrating couple of weeks when the scales only moved by tiny increments, despite the effort I was putting in, and we all concluded (yet again) that these things take a while to show up on the scale.
in the past 4 weeks, I've eaten badly, and gotten away with it at the scale in a pretty light fashion - any one else thinking "yeah, but it takes a while to show up, dumbass"?.

It's not all doom and gloom though - whilst I might have put on a lb this week, my tracker has been significantly better than the previous weeks. In fact, when I looked back, I basically had one spectacularly bad week and then each week has gotten a tiny bit better since. That first week, when I had the giant gain after the hen party, I didn't even track for half the week - I think I knew it was very bad and I pretty much wrote the week off before it was finished. As we all know, that's not a clever attitude, but I would hazard a guess that it was easily worse than any of the weeks that followed. The week after, I realised that I had to be honest, and started tracking all of it, and it wasn't pretty - I still had a 65 point deficit at the end of the week. The next week a 47 point deficit. Last week was down to 25 points. Still a deficit, but an honest one. And now you can see why I can shrug my shoulders over my little gain this week and say "I deserved that". I did.

So continuing that pattern - this week will be a good one. Limit the silly weekend excesses. Get in the exercise. Aim for a clean week on my tracker. I've got two really clean days of eating behind me, since my H-M Revelation of Fear. It's a good place to start from.

And to finish on a positive note - I may have gained this week, but last night's 5k run shaved another 15 seconds off my pace per mile, and it felt pretty strong. And I didn't eat the entire contents of the fridge when I got home whilst I waited for my dinner to cook. Good stuff :-)

Trendsetter

2011-09-22T14:03:00.000+01:00

Funny enough, when I first started losing weight, I found I'd set a trend amongst my friends. My flatmate jumped on the bandwagon, her boyfriend jumped on the wagon, my best mates both jumped on the wagon, my next door neighbour joined in too. All in their own ways; some did Weightwatchers, same as me, others did their own thing whether it was copious salad eating, cutting the booze or hard-core exercise. The best thing was that they were all successful to some degree or another.

Sadly, all except 2 of us, later stopped and put it all back on.

Since signing up for the half-marathon yesterday (is it weird that those 2 little hyphenated words still cause me little heart palpitations?), I seem to have started the same thing again. Several people I've spoken to have said they might sign up too. Mostly after using the word "crazy" in varying degrees to describe me. I have to admit that the idea of running the race, and all the training leading up to it, seems marginally less fearsome if there's other people doing it too. So finger's crossed they decide to join me!

I'm not sure I feel crazy though, just a bit over-whelmed. The 12 week training plan officially begins in mid-December. Until that time, I just intend to keep the exercise steady, and continue running once or twice a week for my normal distances, which is roughly a 5km round the harbour.

I've been tracking my running and exercise all this year in an Excel spreadsheet I keep at work. At the moment, I've clocked about 250km of running (249.7km if you're feeling pernickety - I'm not), over some 28.5 hours of running. Last week I finally got round to opening an account on GMAP Pedometer, which is where I measure all my runs for distance - this means that I can now track my runs directly into their online log, and they give me all kinds of cool statistics back about my runs. For instance, my last run on Tuesday felt tiring. I really felt like I was struggling a bit, and walked once or twice. But I did push on to do the full circuit of the harbour and not the shorter version. And, as per usual, when I logged it, I found that the reason it was harder was that I'd actually run it at a slightly quicker pace than the last 2. Each run had been a tiny bit quicker than the last.

Whilst I do love GMAP, it's a bit of a pain logging all your runs and routes manually, so what I'd really love for my half-marathon training is one of these beauties - the Garmin Forerunner, so I could geek it up completely over how I'm doing, and even where I've been when I'm biking too, but that might have to wait til my birthday or Xmas, since it's money I don't have right now (unless Garmin fancy giving me, in which case I'd love them forever, but somehow I doubt that will happen!)

I also love seeing how my exercise has built up over the year. Here's another little stat for you - since I've started tracking all my exercise, I've averaged 4.2 workouts a week this year (that's since 24/01/11). I include any walks or bike-rides over an hour in my tally, but most of those workouts are gym, running, or proper outdoor hiking / biking / surfing.

That's fantastic, but also tells me that I've been eating quite a lot, if I'm doing all that and still effectively maintaining my weight. As has been mentioned before, my weight has been within a constant 7-8lb zone for the last 2 years - 3 or 4lbs above or below 12.5st. It doesn't seem to vary much outside of there. But with the amount of exercise I do, it really shouldn't be hard for me to lose some more, and move myself into a new ball-park. As I said last night, I'm sure this is something that I'd find hugely beneficial for my run. In fact, I'm so damn scared about the run, that I think I'm going to find hiterto untapped reserves of determination to lose.

As Badger pointed out on last night's post - once I'm into the training, I may not find that much comes off me although I might change shape at that point. So I've got about 11 weeks before then to make a real effort to lose a bit, and make the whole endeavour as painless as possible.

I've got the fear, people! The FEAR!

(so much so that I didn't even finish my jacket potato with tuna and cheese at lunch ......unheard of!)

Have Just Realised ....

2011-09-21T21:32:00.001+01:00

.... that entering the stupid half marathon is going to be very good reason / motivation to get some of this remaining lard shifted - surely carting around a stone less of me round the 2 and a I-don't-know-how-long hour course has got to be better? My knees and quads will surely thank me mightily for it.

Must remember that, when I'm next looking at a piece of cake or glass of wine and pondering how good it will really taste!

Other realisations include:

it's ~~probably~~ definitely time I finally got round to treating my feet to some new trainers
if the weather's going to be as cold as they say this winter, I might want a new sports fleece and possibly a running jacket too to minimuse excuse-making opportunities ... or I'm going to have to learn to love the treadmill
I must get in the habit of getting more sleep - too little sleep is meant to affect your metabilism negatively, and those two nights I had earlier in the week where I tucked myself in at 10pm were kinda blissful, and I had sooooooo much more energy the next day.

Madness!!!

2011-09-21T13:49:00.001+01:00

Holy CRAP!!!!!

I've just done something epic-ally stupid. I've just entered for this. Paid and confirmed.

My sanity has officially left the building.

I'm not sure what I was thinking, but ever since I spectated the Bristol Half a couple of weekends ago - the one that I thought I might do then utterly chickened out of - I've been regretting not doing it. All those people had such a sense of achievement on their faces. And bling round their necks that they'd well and truly earned. And as much as I'm terrified by the idea of trying to run 13.1 miles (holy crap, holy crap, that's a reeeeeeeally long way!!!), I'm also terrified of not trying.

Before I started all this, I thought I'd never be able to run properly. I longed to be able to do a 5k - my holy grail that I aimed for whistfully when I first started plodding around the streets under the cover of darkness. I never ever thought I'd manage a 10k - that was just stupid. And here I am - signed up to attempt 21.1k in just under 6 months time.

You've come a long way, baby.

Black Tie and Neoprene

2011-09-19T19:41:00.001+01:00

Ooooh – that feels nice – I’ve actually managed a day perfectly on track, in spite of the mystery lunch I was provided with today. The little geek in me loves to be able to fill in a perfect 29 point day on the tracker :o)

There are a few photos floating round from the weekend, and I saw this one and it made me laugh. For some reason it’s made me look totally elongated like some crazy red-carpet regular. Not that I’m complaining, but I’m fairly sure I don’t actually look like that in real life!!!!

I also downloaded this from my camera at the same time, from a couple of weeks ago in Saunton …. I might not look great in a wetsuit, but at least I don’t feel like I have too much to fear anymore!

A Little More Control

2011-09-19T15:45:00.000+01:00

I feel like this whole weekend was a bit more controlled than the last couple of have been. Less a major foody debacle, and more a little edible slip-up here and there. Not perfect, by any means, but within sight of where I should have been, instead of far over the hill.

After posting Saturday, from my comfy perch in my local coffee-shop, where I whiled away a couple of lazy afternoon hours with my book and a couple of phone calls, I pottered home to pack and (almost on time) rolled up to collect Phil, my fellow traveller to the party. Since I'd had brunch so late, I just added a chai latte and a piece of cake to that at the coffee shop to make lunch, rather than starting all over again.

We drove up to a little village near Salisbury for the evening's festivities, arriving just before 7, to be greeted by delicious bowls of bolognaise and fresh baguette for a little light supper. The healthy wagon derailed a little round this point, as I was heavily plied with bubbly from 7pm onwards, which lead to a little unauthorised snacking as the night and my inebriation levels progressed, but actually nothing tooooooo terrible.

We were soon into our finery for the "black and white with a twist" theme, and as the house filled up with beautifully turned out people, much fun was had. Along with more bubbly. I eventually progressed to white wine spritzers, before realising that I was actually quite drunk and reigning it back to lemonade and water for the remainder of the evening. And finally turned in about half 3, I think.

I didn't get much sleep as I got woken up at 8, and my wine hangover meant that going back to sleep wasn't happening, so I eventually crawled out at 9am. Somehow, my appearance in the kitchen co-incided with the tail end of the main tidy-up, and that progressed to me taking responsibility for whipping up bacon rolls for 20. That at least distracted me from my hangover, because I was quite surprised when somebody pointed out that my hands were shaking when I leaned over to grab my drink off the kitchen table, and also stopped me from eating far too much whilst sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I had my bacon roll at the end, added some scrambled egg, and retreated to the garden to sit in an errant bit of sunshine and eat it in peace. After some further lounging and suitable muted dsicussion, I headed for a good shower and we started the drive home.

For some reason, I'm finding it easier this week to cope with eating at odd times, and skipping meals because I'm busy. There's less of the but-I-might-get-horribly-hungry panic, and more well-I'll-deal-with-that-when-it-happens laissez-faire attitude. Yesterday afternoon saw me arrive at the sofa and stay there until an early night at 10am. Even with all the drinking and Saturday night nibbling over the weekend, my deficit going into today has been much less than half those of previous weeks, and something I can defnitely work with this week.

Today's work day has been punctuated by a very pleasant lunch mini-adventure, when City Boy took me for a walk up through Brandon Park to the newly reopened Cabot Tower, where we wound our way up the spiral stairs to the top to admire the views. This was followed by the home-made picnic he'd bought for us of a couscous salad with feta and cherry tomatoes and sandwiches with home-made bread. Terrible. Don't know how I coped ;o)

Undoing the Damage

2011-09-16T10:39:00.000+01:00

The verdict from the scales today is just over a lb down from last week, taking me back to 12st 7.8lb. That's not at all bad considering that I've been nowhere close to angelic with the eating this week, but moving my ass and tracking obsessively has obviously counted for something. Since I gained 2 weeks in a row from my recent low, I've now undone one week of that damage, and just have the hen party gain to reverse now. I can do it.

After the dramas earlier in the week with the car, 2 of my friends came to my rescue last night to come and get it started again. Annoyingly, it's such a little thing jump-starting it, so it's seems disproportionate the amount of stress and organisation involved in getting someone to come and do it. Anyway, it started fine first time once Andy had applied his Beamer's might to the battery, and I took it on a little drive out to Cribbs Causeway after that to recharge the battery a bit. And then apologised to Dan who was also on his way to fix it, but I'd forgotten to contact to say all way well! I'm not really supposed to be shopping this week, given that I don't get paid til Tuesday, and I am broke, broke, broke, but I did pick up some much needed work trousers from Dorothy Perkins for £12 in the sale, and a concealer pen to replace the one I managed to misplace, so I feel that was quite restrained.

I have another date with City Boy tonight, he's popping round to mine straight after work, and I'll cook us something quick like pasta, and then we're going to the cinema and maybe for a few drinks afterwards. He's turning into a real sweetie, as he wants to take me to go and see the view from the top of the newly re-opened Cabot Tower one lunchtime next week, and has said he'll bring a surprise picnic for us that day! I mean, seriously, how cute is that? He's also already booked the cinema tickets for tonight online, and insists that me cooking him dinner is enough and I don't need to pay him back for them.

Which just makes it all the more confusing that I also really like Aussie Surfer guy (aka - Mr Bike Date last weekend). They're totally different - polar opposite would be more accurate - but both lovely. I sense there's going to be a really tough decision ahead at some point, unless one of them makes that decision for me. I'm not day-dreaming long-term off into the future or anything, but I think I could be happy spending significant amounts of time with both of them, and I have no idea how to try and make that decision.

You know - when they said men were like buses, I didn't really believe anyone, but this has got a little ridiculous!

Aside from that, I'm off up near Milton Keynes tomorrow night for a black tie party with friends - a welcome home for my friend Hannah and her sister Maddie from their respective recent travels. No boys to worry about, just a nice black dress, some booze and lots of friends.

Have a fab weekend all!

Recipe: Sauteed Chicken with Cider and Lovage

2011-09-14T11:35:00.000+01:00

So this is new for me - I don't usually post up recipes on here. Mostly because I don't tend to cook much new stuff, or just make it up as I go along. But this is a great recipe - fantastic for the autumn and winter, super tasty, and perfect for casual dinner parties where you want something that looks and tastes great, but actually doesn't require too much effort or super-expensive ingredients, and doesn't take hours and hours to prepare.

The super-taste does come with a bit of a penalty if you're watching your waist-line, as I calculate the chicken and sauce comes to 10 PP on Weightwatchers, but frankly it's the sort of recipe you cook on an evening when you're not worrying about that.

Sauteed Chicken with Cider and Lovage

Serves 4

8 chicken thigh fillets (or 4 chicken breasts)
2 Cox's apples
500 ml cider - the recipe suggests Leckford Cox's Cider from Waitrose, but any good medium dry cider will be fine
250g mushrooms
40g butter
Ground allspice (I use whole and crush it in a pestle and mortar)
4 tbsp double cream
25g fresh lovage. If lovage isn't available, fresh tarragon is great substitute (and actually, I used dried tarragon because I was being a lazy arse).
Salt and pepper to taste

Bring the cider to the boil in a saucepan and then turn down to a simmer, and leave to reduce by half.

Whilst the cider is bubbling away, core and chop the apples into wedges and slice the mushrooms. Heat half the butter in a large flat-bottomed pan or frying pan, and gently fry the apples and mushrooms until golden. Put them aside and cover them to stay warm for later.

Dredge the chicken in the allspice and a little salt (I tend to just add them to a bowl and do it by hand, but putting them it all in a large plastic bag and shaking it up will work just as well). Heat the rest of the butter in the pan, and add the chicken fillets to seal and turn a light brown Leave the chicken whole - no need for chopping for this recipe. Fry in batches if needed, and you'll probably need a few extra minutes if using breast instead of fillets.

For the next stage you'll need to cover the pan, so transfer to a saucepan with a lid if needed. Add the reduced cider to the chicken, cover and turn to low-medium heat for 20 - 25 mins. Finally, add the reserved mushrooms and apples, the cream and the lovage to the pan, season to taste, stir and heat for a few minutes.

All that's left is to serve up and enjoy! This is quite a hearty, rustic, winter warmer in my opinion, so I served with oven-baked jacket potatoes. I salted the skins after washing them, so they were extra crispy but light and fluffy in the middle - about an hour and a quarter to an hour and a half on 150 degrees in the fan oven. I also served tenderstem broccoli, fresh white baguette and salted butter, because that's how I roll.

The recipe suggests cider to accompany, but a nice crisp Sauvignan Blanc works just as well.

Bon appetite!

Full Speed Ahead

2011-09-14T11:10:00.000+01:00

This week is continuing to pass me by at the speed of a charging rhinocerous, and I'm starting to feel like I've been run over by one too!

My eating is pretty out of whack at the moment - I'm eating too much, but I know I'm eating too much, and also exactly what I've eaten, because I'm still tracking 100% honestly. Maybe this is causing me to actually think it's worse than it is, because I've probably eaten this much in the past but not tracked it all, so I think it's most likely that I'm feeling it's a lot worse than it is, just because I'm truly conscious of the numbers on my food tracker.

Since I don't seem to be able to get my eating fully back under control, I've taken to trying to counteract it a bit with exercise. Because whilst I might have eaten too much this week, I've not really sat still whilst doing it. Circuits on Friday, bike ride and walking on Sunday, yoga and some extra walking on Monday, and, since I was feeling like a sloth last night, a run yesterday evening.

Monday's dinner went pretty well. I took a couple of hours off in the afternoon, because with the busyness of Sunday I hadn't quite finished tidying the flat and hadn't had a chance to go and get all the food. I had a bit of a panic when I got to the car, with grand plans of hitting up Waitrose, and found the car had a battery flatter than the proverbial pancake. Not even a whine out of it when I turned the key in the ignition. Amidst much swearing, I therefore had to walk over to the local Asda superstore instead, which is luckily only about 15 mins away, and then cut back the shop to the bare minimum essentials so I could carry it back. Carrying back several bottles of wine, a bottle of gin and a load of meat amongst other things, against the stupid wind, was a bit of an extra workout.

So I was a little bit flustered as I rushed round tidying like a fiend (it was already fairly tidy as I did a lot on Saturday, but City Boy is proper tidy - his batchelor pad was immaculate and I was freaking), and simultaneously trying to get dinner started, plus running round to the corner shop for the bits I'd missed or couldn't carry back from the supermarket. Dinner was a success though, and once my heart-rate had returned to a normal rate and I'd sat down and inhaled the first glass of wine, a very pleasant evening was had.

Dinner was sauteed chicken with cider and lovage, served with some crispy jacket potatoes, tenderstem broccoli and fresh bread and butter. He'd supplied dessert in the form of little pots of Gu Chocolate Ganache (good boy). All very tasty, and if you want the recipe for the chicken, see the next post - it's pretty much fool proof and sounds a lot grander than the effort required to cook it!

Last night was due to be a dinner out with work, but I was actually quite grateful it got cancelled at the last moment, as a) it saved me money, and b) I was knackered. Instead, I went home, scarfed down leftover chicken and crashed. Then I felt like a pig for eating too much, and levered myself out for a run instead. A very steady 5.5km on roads, because I fancied a change of route. It felt easy and relaxed, and I definitely could have gone farther, but I'm concentrating on enjoying my running and building the distance back up slowly. There's no rush, and it will come back in it's own time. It turns out I love Autumn running, with its slightly cooler temperatures and all the lights glinting in dark - I had a beautiful view as I ran down the harbour last night of a bright, full moon hanging low over the water, little wisps of cloud around it, and the SS Great Britain flood lit just below. Very pretty!

Bestest Date Ever

2011-09-11T19:31:00.000+01:00

So one of the things that's been keeping me so busy recently is dating. I'm kind of doing it New York-style, and have ended up seeing a couple of different guys, at least at this stage where it's all light-hearted and fun and non-serious. I guess at some point I'll have to make some decisions, but right now, I'm just dating. Quite a lot.

Today, I had a third date with one of the guys - he's very cool, an Aussie guy living over here permanently now, stupidly intelligent (he's a freaking university professor for God's sake!), and a surfer to boot. Lucky me! Anyhoo - he thought we should do something a bit different today, so we went on a bike ride. Nothing too energetic - just a fun, chatty 10 miles or maybe a bit more of canal tow-path on hired bikes, with a drink in a pub garden at the turnaround .... and an absolute muddy drenching on the way home that had us giggling and laughing like a pair of kids as we raced the torrential downpour. A very wet walk back to the car, some good banter, and he was gentleman enough to turn around so I could do a sneaky quick change on the side of the road. He may not have seen anything, but I think I accidentally gave a Range Rover driver a cheap thrill as I wrestled clean jeans over wet legs!

Who says you have to sit in bars and look elegant on a date? Drowned rat is the new black.

Other than that it's been a chilled weekend of rugby-watching, and relaxing with a take-away and a bit too much ice-cream, and Strictly Come Dancing watching, and flat-tidying, and mild panic that I've got to pull a romantic(-ish) dinner out my ass tomorrow night to repay a dinner last week (not the surfer - tomorrow's date is a software designer and ran the Bristol Half marathon today).

Why make anything simple when it can all be chaos??? Go big or go home I say ;o)

I Deserved That

2011-09-09T12:19:00.000+01:00

Friday means weigh-day. It's not as good as pay-day, and I'm still broke afterwards, but it does mean a requirement to post on here. And I have to report that this week's number is up. This morning saw the scale at 12st 9lbs. Yesterday's was actually 12st 7.4lbs, which would have put me very slightly lower than last week, but if that had been my official weigh in, then I don't think it wouldn't have been a fair reflection of this week.

So, I take that number and own, it because let's face it, I ate everything and then some at the weekend, and since I did keep tracking right to the end of the week, I know I'd eaten all my flex, all my activity and about 70 points over that. So staying the same as last week, would have given me the impression that I could have got away with that.

This lunchtime I'm making my return to Brutal Circuits after a glorious 4 week hiatus. I expect it will hurt. I ma trying to get my eating back on track this week too, and in a way I'm kind of glad I've got the higher weight this week as it gives me a chance to get a good run up and have a decent loss next week ... no pressure there then!

This weekend is a fairly quiet one. I'm going for some drinks after work with my team tonight, and on Sunday I'll be cheering on some friends in the Bristol half marathon and then meeting a friend in the afternoon, but that's all that's planned. No excuses to go too far off the plantation with the eating, and a good time to not spend any money (since I don't have any at the moment!).

More anon, diet-persisters!

Still Here And Staying Here

2011-09-08T10:55:00.000+01:00

I'm often surprised how you can be making progress even when you don't feel like you've put in enough effort. Allow me to demonstrate: I tend to think of the world in terms of black and white - either you're 100% on it and you succeed at whatever you're working on, or it's nothing and fail, fail, fail.

As always, my body reminds me that isn't necessarily so, and that 80% of the effort will indeed see some results. A little patience and persistence goes a long way, as long as I can keep my current buttered toast obsession as least slightly in check.

I think a lot of the success factor of "mostly" being on track, comes from compromise. Nothing new there really, but you can get away with a lot if you make a few trade-offs. For instance, on Tuesday I meant to run at lunchtime with my friend Liz from work. As the appointed time rolled around (and it pissed it down outside), Liz didn't reappear from her meeting. I waited for about 45 mins, but it was clear that she'd got caught up, and the run wasn't happening. I could have gone out on my own, but by this point it was late lunch-hour, and I'd have both got drenched, and missed the opening hours at the canteen for my lunch. I debated for a little while and decided to skip it, but it was nagging at me all afternoon. How I wasn't going to be getting any exercise now, and I could do with it. Since the sky was looking a little less threatening as the afternoon progressed, I ended up deciding to go straight from work instead, and as always, once the decision is made, you just kind of settle into it.

That run turned out to be one of the best I've had in ages. I know, I know, I've totally said that before, but the runs I'm reluctant to go on, nearly always turn out to be my best. Having been off running for a while now, I ran two nice steady 4k's last week, and Tuesday night just felt .... nice. So I tacked the extra loop on to take it up to 5k, and it still felt fine. I honestly think I could have kept on going for another couple of k easily, but I wanted to keep the enjoyment, so that I don't feel overwhelmed by my next run - I'd rather finish strong this time, than so tired that I dread the next one. It's all about the psychological games with me!

Other than that, life is pretty hectic at the moment, which is why I don't always get on here for a couple of days (sorry about that!). I always come back to here though, because this is my accountability. Not just to you, but to me - what I write here can't be unwritten - it's a record for me of my ups and downs and realisations. I've seen a few blogs recently dying off, and it makes me sad. I wonder what happens to those that go, but I have a horrible feeling that probably 75% of them will regain. Yeah, so much faith in my fellow man! But if you look through the last posts of most of those blogs that go quiet, you so often see that the writer is struggling, or just disinterested. Maybe they didn't get to where they thought they would, or maybe they have and now that thing called life is getting in the way. I don't know, but for both of those scenarios, I see that the disinterest in writing is most likely symptomatic of a growing disinterest in trying or maintaining. Either they don't want to face the truth of why it's not working, or they've got comfortable and relaxed their vigilance. I don't know.

For me, I don't see a time when I will truly be able to relax around food, and maybe that sounds a little sad to you. Sure, I can manage periods when I'm not tracking and blogging (see my month in Costa Rica last year for a successful example), but I still have to be conscientious in at least a small part about my eating and exercise, and I come back to tracking sooner or later. Maybe I will eventually get to my original goal of 11 and a half stone. Maybe I'll even go past it, or maybe I'll find that actually I'm comfortable somewhere this side of it. What I am sure of, is that for me I don't want to be bigger than I am now, and I enjoy my health and fitness too much to give them up. And part of what works for me, is talking about it, reading about it, and getting feedback. One thing I don't want to do is give up.

I'm always particularly proud of the blogs that go quiet, but pop up again later. They might be coming back 20 or 50lbs heavier, and it's a bittersweet moment reading that after you've seen someone do so well to begin with, but I admire them for doing it anyway.

So yes, my life might be hectic, but somebody please come and nag me if I start leaving it too long between posts!

Track, Track, Track!

2011-09-06T10:46:00.000+01:00

I realised yesterday, that on the whole, the biggest mistake I made on the weekend wasn't eating too much, it was not tracking any of it at the time. When I filled in my tracker for yesterday, there was a great big gaping hole since Thursday where I'd just merrily gone off and had my fun and ignored one of the most basic principles of Weightwatchers: track, track, track ... and track some more!

So in the interests of honesty, I sucked it up and started tracking everything I could remember from the weekend, so that I could know exactly how bad the damage was. And yeah, it wasn't great.

As per usual, I'd used my flex points over the weekend, but I could also see the pattern my eating was following with regard to activity .... and it was that I was eating roughly 2 - 3 times the amount of points I'd earned. Hmmmm .... might want to rethink that approach. But at least I know now. On that basis, I've no idea what I'll be doing next weekend, but I'll be doing my darndest to track as I go, even if it's just at the end of each day. I think if I'd tracked as I went this weekend, Saturday might still have been a heavy day on the points, but it would have bought me up short and stopped the over-spill into Sunday.

Yesterday, I whipped my ass back on track and really thought about my eating. I've gotten very lazy recently and can't be bothered to cook properly, so there has been a lot of toast featuring in my eating. Toast with butter, toast with mushrooms, eggs, spaghetti (yeah, I know, but I was craving it on Sunday night) ... toast, toast, toast. So I actually bought a few vegetables on the way home last night and found some chicken lurking in the freezer and concocted a very simple dinner of grilled chicken with a load of sauteed veg in a little bit of stock and a dab of Garlic and Herb Philadelphia. Better.

I also hit the gym yesterday for my Body Balance class. It was an odd mix of being pleased on some poses that I hadn't lost flexibility over 4 weeks, and being so stiff on others that it was a real mix of pleasure and pain to attempt some of the moves. Most of that was down to the ever-increasing stiffness in my arms, shoulders, chest and back from a weekend of surfing and then wakeboarding. Mostly the wakeboarding I think.

Let me tell a little story: when we were at the lake on Sunday, Jo and I were marvelling at the display of physical ~~beauty~~ perfection on view. We were mightily impressed by the sheer number of total hotties at the lake ..... and I now know why! It's not that wakeboarding naturally attracts the buff, it's that any prolonged exposure to that damn sport will whip you into shape quicker than it takes to blink, and since it was mostly guys there, it's no wonder the chests and arms on display were chiselled. It was a good job we were already soaked and streaming lake-water, so nobody noticed us drooling with appreciation at the view!

Anyway, I digress. I'm even stiffer today - even putting my rucksack on this morning to walk to work was an effort of supreme willpower over protesting muscles, but I'm going for a lunchtime plod / run round the harbour with Liz anyway. Maybe if I could just lose some more lard, getting dragged round a lake at speed by the sole strength of my arms would be easier???

Watery Fun

2011-09-05T11:42:00.000+01:00

I'm still alive!! Wakeboarding did not in fact kill me - hoorah!

I've had a great weekend full of outdoors, fresh air, sunshine and a bit of rain. And a lot of water. The more time I spend outside doing fun stuff, the more I realise how much I enjoy it, even though I'm pretty rubbish at most of the things I do.

I'm certainly no natural surfer, and definitely not an instinctive wakeboarder, but they were both fun anyway. Well, apart from me nearly throwing a strop after I crashed straight off the dock for the 5th time in a row at the wakeboarding, and decided I couldn't do it. Mind you, I also said that after the 3rd and 4th crashes, and just decided to try it one more time anyway. Lucky I tried it for the 6th time too, as suddenly it clicked, and I was off flying round the lake. They start you on a kneeboard, so you can learn to handle the cable and steering, and you can only progress to standing up once you've got that sorted - as it happened, I didn't get as far as trying standing up, because by the time I'd had my 5 crash attempts, plus 3 successful circuits, and then swimming back ashore after each one with the board, my arms were pretty tired, but it was a lot of fun anyway.

Surfing on Saturday was also in the fun but frustrating category. We headed off quite early Saturday morning to Saunton, and hired soft boards when we got there. A few of the guys from the surf club were already there and were just coming back from a very early morning session, and there were another 4 who arrived when we did, but were mucking around on long boards at the other end of the beach from us, so we all headed in the water or back home after a bit of chat in the car-park. When I could catch the waves, I was standing up much easier, and that was great, but for some reason I'd lost the knack of catching waves and loads of my take-off attempts just ended with the wave rolling right under me. It was the same as the wakeboarding yesterday, getting frustrated and annoyed and then saying "just one more wave", and occasionally it would work, but more often not. Saturday wasn't a coaching session, so there was no one around to ask, so I kept plugging away tweaking bits, but in the end I still hadn't figured it out. Oh well, you win some, you lose some!

Other than that, I had 3 nights out (Thursday, Friday, Saturday) and spent Friday afternoon lounging round in the sun on a riverside restaurant terrace with my friend Clare (one of my newer friends from surf club). One thing I really need to get a handle on is that I can't eat whatever I like just because I've been outside doing exercise. I've noticed a bad habit of using the activity as an excuse to just chomp away with abandon afterwards. In reality, even though I might be hungry afterwards, I know I won't have burnt as many calories as I'm stuffing in my mouth, so I need to watch that. Also, buying "treat" food at the beach or even the wakeboarding centre is expensive! They know they have a captive market and they milk that. Clare and I were suggesting on Saturday, that we need to get in the habit of bringing a packed lunch from home for surfing trips. I would use the word "picnic", but that implies "treat" food again, when really it just needs to be an adequate quantity of good healthy food. Sandwiches, and maybe a flask of soup. Bananas for energy. Maybe one chocolate bar for instant energy, if needed.

I just need to do a bit more forward-planning, or I'll be un-doing a lot of good work - the scales have already jumped back up again after the weekend, and my hard-won weigh in of a week and a half ago suddenly seems a long way and in danger of sliding away from me again. I'm no higher than I was last Tuesday after the hen-party indulgence, but up from where I'd fought back to on Friday just gone.

First things first - after 4 weeks away from the gym, it's time to make a reappearance there this week - Balance today to loosen tight muscles, then some spin and maybe circuits over the next couple of days. Another short run or two this week. Careful eating. And lots of sleep and early nights, because I'm feeling tired. Less alcohol. More thought. There's a balance here somewhere - I know it.

Judgement Day

2011-09-02T12:41:00.000+01:00

Well, the scales have been consulted and judgement has been passed: 3lbs on this week.

If'I'm totally honest, that seems fair after the overkill of last weekend, and means I'm 3 lbs down from the high at the beginning of the week, so I have no hard feelings over it. Just time to crack on with the new week.

It's a gloriously sunny day here in Bristol, and I have yet another day off work, so after a lazy start, I'm meeting my friend Clare for lunch in the sun by the river, and it's going to be a leisurely kind of day. Then tomorrow, we're cutting away early to grab some waves on the North coast of Devon, before heading back up to town for a date tomorrow night. And Sunday is the wakeboarding - it's a nice kind of weekend!

I'm off to play in the sun - have fun!

Sunny Plodding

2011-09-01T13:55:00.000+01:00

Actually went for my second run this week at lunchtime - just another 2 and a bit mile, plodded out over half an hour of chit-chat in the sun, but it feels nice to have it done.

Good god - it's almost like a routine exercising twice in one week! :o)

700

2011-09-01T10:41:00.000+01:00

Bloody hell - I've just seen my blog homepage, and realised that this will be my 700th post on here! Who'd have ever thought that I would actually keep this blog alive and healthy so long. More to the point, who'd have thought I'd actually still be here fighting the good fight 2 and ~~bit~~ half years after I started; still learning, still progressing, and still 50-odd lbs down from where I started. I've surprised myself because, as regular readers will know, I have the worst habit of giving up on stuff. Not this time, I guess!

Anyhoo, on a slightly less positive note, it's been a bit of a draggy week. I've not quite been feeling my usual perky self, as I still feel knackered, and on top of that, it also turns out that it's the whole monthly hormonal thing (seriously, menfolk, you have no idea how lucky you are in that respect!), so I expect bad things from the scale tomorrow. My eating since getting home hasn't been bad though, and I did go for my run on Tuesday - I took it slow and steady (and shorter than usual), and managed to roll out a relatively pain-free couple of miles non-stop. My legs are now protesting though that they've not done much of that recently; they were wobbly all the way back up the stairs to my desk afterwards, and still ache a bit now.

I'm going to head out again today for another run at lunchtime with Liz, and I'm actually quite looking forward to it. A) it's sunny out, which always cheers me up, and B) as is sadly normal for this time of the month, my back aches and I feel like someone's tied a knot in something behind my right hip bone at the front, and I know that moving around helps relieve all that. I haven't been near the gym for 3 nearly 4 straight weeks now, and that's probably not helping the sluggish feelings, so moving is good.

After the foodie debauchery of the weekend, I'm still finding myself avoiding anything too heavy to eat. I'm mostly sticking to pasta with veg, mushrooms on toast, that kind of thing. I've actually got dinner out tonight at a new place (for me) which has an amazing looking menu, but I have to say that right now I'm more interested in finding something light to eat, and just enjoying the conversation.

This week has flown by, as I've only been in the office for 2 days of it, and I have tomorrow off work - whoooop! The original plan was for a couple of us girls from the surf club to go on a quiet little learners' trip to somewhere like Woolacombe, and maybe come back Saturday. However, it's looking flatter than the proverbial pancake on the forecasts for tomorrow, so I'm not quite sure what the game-plan is now. Frankly, considering how much last weekend cost me, and how tired I still am, I'd be quite happy to have tomorrow and Saturday at home in Bristol, and just potter a bit. I finally managed to tidy the flat a bit last night, and it's still a shock to see how much floor I actually have in my bedroom now the numerous kit and weekend bags have been removed and put away, but there's a lot more chores still waiting to be sorted, and the luxury of sleeping in is like a siren call. On the fun and exciting front though, Sunday is a day for new things, as I try wakeboarding!

Yes, dear readers, there's nothing like the fantastic idea of sticking an accident-prone person on a snow board and dragging them across the surface of a lake via a high-speed cable .... what can possible go wrong??? :o) I'm quite excited though, as I've wanted to try this for ages, and they do wakeboarding behind the power boats (next stage up) when we're out in Egypt. I'm doing an introductory session on Sunday with Jo (good ol' Jo - she lets me talk her into all manner of things!) for 3 hours, and I'm sure there'll be a few funny stories to tell afterwards!

So that's me at the moment: a bit sleep deprived, a bit grumpily hormonal, eating light and desperately trying to save some money so I don't over-spend too drastically this month (and telling myself that the gorgeous pink kit bag from Mountain Equipment is not a necessity even if it is in the sale and half price, dammit!). Tediously normal service will be resumed shortly. Probably.

Gaaaaaaah!!!

2011-08-30T09:31:00.001+01:00

Stepped on the scales this morning and they've rocketed up to 12st 11lbs - that's a mighty impressive 6.2lbs in the space of 4 days!!!!

Definitely time for a good day of eating and a lunchtime run!

- Posted from my iPhone

Good and Bad

2011-08-29T23:28:00.001+01:00

I totally forgot to say that Friday's weigh in miraculously showed me another 0.5 lbs down, at 12st 4.8lbs.

However, I'm pretty sure that an extensive weekend of cake-eating (and everything-else eating too) will have undone that. Friday wasn't terrible and I've tried hard to reign it back in again today, but Saturday and Sunday were a free-for-all.

Still, at least I'm straight back on it and planning out a good Tuesday to Thursday to finish the week on a high note.

Hen party post to follow as it was a lot of fun. Hope you all had suitable great long weekends! X

- Posted from my iPhone

Tasteless

2011-08-23T14:00:00.001+01:00

Although I slept a bit better last night and felt a little clearer-headed this morning, I decided to stay off work today. I felt so damn tired yesterday that I'm taking that as my body's cue that it just needs some rest. In fact, I'm pretty rarely ill, but I do tend to sleep it off when I am, and I slept through til noon today once I'd called in to work.

I still can't smell or taste a thing, and I've discovered that there's no compulsion to eat when you can't taste it. In fact, I find it pretty off-putting trying to chew and swallow something I can't taste at all. It's quite interesting really, because I'd always thought it was the action of eating that I found so comforting, but without the taste and smell it becomes meaningless, so it must be more linked to taste and the associations we have with it.

Instead, without a sense of taste, I've had a banana and some water today, because it's all I can be bothered with. It doesn't really seem worth cooking anything else when it will just be so much chewing and no taste.

So, until I get properly hungry, I think I'm going to stay in bed; dozing, reading, watching the odd film, and succumbing to the occasional outbreak of sneezing!

- Posted from my iPhone

Blech!

2011-08-22T23:02:00.000+01:00

I. Feel. Awful.

It is now official that I am the world's worst person at being ill. I don't think the Men and they're Flu have anything on me.

Went to work this morning feeling rubbish - lethargic, completely bunged up, dry mouth because I have to breathe through it constantly and a head full of pressure. Had a fairly unproductive day because a) it was my first day back for 2 weeks and I moved desks whilst I was away, so there was a mountain of email and unpacking to sort, and b) well, I just feel shit.

Went to meet a newly Bristol-based friend for a couple of drinks after work - couldn't taste the cocktails really at all. Went home. Couldn't taste dinner at all. Seriously - I had pesto - couldn't smell it in the jar, couldn't taste it apart from the slightest hint of salt. Had a small portion of rice-pudding and jam for dessert - again - apart from the barest hint of sweet - nothing. De nada. Rien.

Lay on my rug under a blanket by the heater feeling sorry for myself and reading for a bit whilst trying to get warm. I'm off to bed now, but don't expect I'll sleep much better than last night when I woke constantly, and then dreamt twice that I died. First in a car crash, and woke with an almighty jolt literally gasping for air, and then later dreaming I was drowning in thick, gloopy mud in a swamp (hey - can't breathe with the cold ... wonder how I got to dreams of drowning, huh?).

I very much suspect that tomorrow will be a rare sick day, unless something miraculous happens over night. On the upside - at least my razor-blade throat has gone for the minute.

So Far So Good

2011-08-22T00:16:00.000+01:00

Hey all,

Just thought I'd jump online quickly before I head to bed. It's been a fun weekend with a wedding and a catch-up with the lovely Jo, and by some small miracle, I've even managed to put a rein on the eating and still have a few flex points left over as I start the week. As regular readers of this 'ere blog will know, that's not an altogether regular experience for me, so looks like I'm all set to do something good this week.

It is, however, set to be a stupidly busy week, and I'm coming down with a cold, just to top it all off. I don't think I have an evening in / day at home until next Tuesday, which is a bit of a pain, so I shall just have to try and make some good choices and continue being at least a little bit sensible!

I'm off to go and feel bunged up and snotty in my bed, although at least this mornings razer sore-throat has now gone. I'll leave you with a photo from last night .... looking rather good if I do say so myself, with my very dapper friend Dan.

Friday Must Be Weigh Day

2011-08-19T13:43:00.001+01:00

Well, by extreme flukiness, rather than any consistent effort on my part this week, I've managed to scrape another 0.5 lb off the week.

I've not really been good enough to deserve that, I don't think, but I'll gratefully take it, and use it as a positive platform to kick off a new week.

It's funny, because I always think it will be easier for me to eat well and lose weight when I'm away from work and all its temptations, but in actual fact, the reverse is true, because I tend to fill my time off with adventures and social occasions.

I have one last weekend of my time off to scrape through, and then it's back to my normal routines - work eating and a regular exercise schedule. And although these two weeks have been fabulous (more on those later), I'm half relieved to return to normality. At least for a little while.

- Posted from my iPhone

Oops

2011-08-16T10:01:00.001+01:00

Must pull my act together this week! Eating wasn't great on Friday / Saturday which was to be expected as I was on the road a lot of the time and there was much drinking going on, but it wasn't horrific, it was all tracked and I had two ace surfs and all my flex points to use.

However, when I should have jumped back on it on Sunday, I didn't quite. Or yesterday. Both days started out well, but veered off course towards the end. If I don't want to give up last week's hard fought for ground, I need to get it all back together today. And stick it to the end this time!

- Posted from my iPhone

Friday Weigh In

2011-08-12T14:12:00.001+01:00

Well for once the Scales of Doom have offered a reprieve, and have therefore been temporarily re-christened the Scales of Delight. This week sees me down to 12st 5.6lbs, which is something just over a lb off last week, I think.

For the most part, I ate ok last week, with Tuesday being the notable exception. I think in all honesty, that what I'm seeing this week though is more the dividend of the last couple of weekends, and so if I want to keep that momentum going, it needs to be more of the same from the first couple of weeks and less of last week's slips.

For the moment, I'm happy with seeing small signs of progress.

- Posted from my iPhone

Week of Fun – Monday – Thursday

2011-08-11T19:37:00.001+01:00

Hey, I’m back in Bristol, temporarily at least, so thought I’d do a quick catch up on what’s been happening in this Week O’ Fun, I’m currently enjoying. Monday morning, I was up what felt like diabolically early (but was in fact 7am) to finish packing quickly, and sling everything in the car. A quick trip to the supermarket to pick up food and petrol, and I was off and heading for the motorway just before 8.30am. Not bad if I do say so! What I always find funny on these little trips away, is just how much stuff I end up taking. See:

That’s just 2 days worth of stuff! Note to self – must master the art of packing light!

It turned out to be a very easy and relaxed trip down to Cornwall, and I arrived at Widemouth Bay by 11.30am, with an hour to spare before my lesson. Just time to kick back, admire the view and eat a bit of lunch.

It was a good lesson, if a little frustrating at times, because I kept popping up just that bit too far back on the board. As the instructor kept telling me. Over and over again. Plus it was really busy out there - “people soup” as one of the other instructors put – but the two hours passed quickly, and by the end, I had apparently started to pop up a bit further forward on the board. After a hasty change back into warm clothes, I took my somewhat tired self back to the car to sit and chill with a toasted teacake and a much needed cold drink for a bit.

Once I felt like I had a bit more energy back, I headed a few minutes down the road to Bude to go find my hostel and my bed for the next couple of nights. The hostel was great, as it is owned by a lovely couple called Janine and Sean who have set it up so it’s basically like being a guest in their giant house. A proper lounge and dining room and a giant fully equipped kitchen to play in. And a sea-view from the window by my bed!

I spent the rest of the evening chilling out, reading my book, watching a bit of telly, and just generally relaxing. I ate a bit more than I meant to, as I ended up doing all the packet of tortelloni and sauce, since I was hungry, but since I’d earned a fair whack of points from my surfing, it wasn’t so bad.

Bright and early Tuesday morning, I was up, breakfasted, and back to the beach at Widemouth Bay for another lesson. Another lovely day, but completely different surf as we’d gone from high tide conditions yesterday afternoon to low tide, and the wind had switched conditions.

For ages, it felt like I was hardly picking up any waves, but the instructor did say he was seeing consistency in the ones I did pick and catch. On the whole, I felt like I was getting a bit battered round for little result, but kept with it, and it started to feel like it was coming together by the end of the session.

I wasn’t feeling terribly hungry afterwards, so I grabbed some ice-cream instead of lunch (after that much salt water, I just crave something sweet to take the taste away), and headed back to the hostel for a shower. Since I had the rest of the afternoon to myself, I decided to walk into Bude and go and have a little explore. The beach in town was absolutely heaving (which is not my cup of tea), so I wound my way round the harbour and up the cliff to the coast path and the little sailors church tower at the top. It was so much more peaceful up there, so I actually lay down in the meadow and just enjoyed the quiet for a little while. I eventually wandered back down a different path, through some quiet back streets of Bude, and circled back round into town, where I could have a look at some of the shops along the canal. I found a cupcake shop, where I bought a beautiful little lemon and orange cupcake and a little bag of fudge for after dinner, and then, since I was finally starting to get hungry again, I sort of had a pasty. Well, you can’t really go to Cornwall and not do it, can you??? It was a proper homemade one and everything, and it was pretty tasty!

View Full Album

I have to confess that my eating on Tuesday night wasn’t great. After the pasty in the afternoon, I wasn’t really hungry, but somehow still dmeolished the fudge, the cupcake, a small baguette and a bowl of soup. Silly, but I guess it happens from time to time.

Wednesday morning was an earlyish start to check out from the hostel, and then I headed down to Padstow for a couple of hours. It was glorious out, and I loved the little town. Pretty little streets, yummy fish and chips on the sea front, and beautiful views across the bay to Rock, and (I think) Polzeath. Lovely, lovely, lovely!

I love that this perfect little street has a giant No Entry across the bottom – it’s a bit like saying to the tourists “you’re not good enough to come in here” :o)

I just adore the colours in this last picture – the sun truly came out and it look magical! There were some windsurfers out, over at what I think was Polzeath, and I just thought what a day for it! Flat glassy seas and smooth winds. Lucky them!

Despite having enjoyed the fish and chips for lunch (which were scrummy), I was back to trying to eat sensibly and just had soup and toast for tea when I got back. The journey home was a bit slower than the one out, due to encountering two car crashes in the roads heading out of Padstow. The first one had closed the road completely, and once I’d gone round that detour, I found myself being waved around another nasty one about 10 miles further on. I just hope no one was too badly injured. Back in Bristol, I skipped running club; technically, I could have made it if I’d got changed as soon as I got into the flat and headed straight out, but after 4 hours in the car, I wasn’t much feeling it. Oooops.

Today has been a no photo day (so far), as I was late to wake up, and get up, and then went out for lunch with my date from Saturday, before just sitting in my local coffee shop and reading for the afternoon. So sorry about that! Unless there are pictures from the pub tonight (surf club), which I doubt, you’ll just have to do without today. I’ve been pretty good with the eating though, which has pleased me. Weigh in tomorrow, and I’m not sure how being away will have affected me in the end. Apart from Tuesday’s debacle, I was pretty ok most of the week, just using up flex and a bit of activity points, so we’ll just have to see how it goes!

Then back to Cornwall for more surfing tomorrow!

Bike Fun

2011-08-07T23:03:00.001+01:00

Unfortunately for you, Day 1 of the Photo Diary of Fun was a fail. Not so much a total fail as an I-was-on-a-first-date-all-afternoon-and-couldn’t-really-take-photos kind of fail. On the upside, from the “all-afternoon” part of that statement, we can take it that the date wasn’t a complete disaster or I’d have cut my losses and legged it a lot earlier! So in lieu of Saturday’s photos, I shall have to give you edited highlights instead. I had a very pleasant lie-in and pottered for the latter part of the morning, before heading out to meet my date in the afternoon. During the date there were:

at least 2 very nice compliments along the lines of “you’re gorgeous”. Thank you very much.
one hero incident when he said hold still, leaned over and I thought was going to tuck my hair behind my ear (yeah, you can all go “awwww”) and instead, actually removed a live wasp that was caught crawling in my hair! Eeeep – thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!!!
a very nice evening walk around the harbour.
dinner at a rather nice Thai restaurant. He insisted on paying.

Yeah – not a terrible way to spend the day!

I am also pleased to say that I ate sensible breakfasts and lunches, kept my head on the afternoon drinking, and made a sensible choice at dinner (no Thai green curry and coconut rice for me then), and stopped when I was full. Hoorah.

Today has seen rather more of these …

… getting hammered down this ….

Totally by chance, I’d mentioned that I was intending to get away and do some biking at Afan in South Wales to one of the guys at the surf club on Thursday night, and he said that he would be that area of Wales on Sunday and was thinking of riding too. Another lady from the club also wanted in, and very handily lives about 10 min bike from my flat and owns a van. So at half 11 this morning, we piled our bikes in the van and set off to meet Stu in Cwmcarn, which was deemed nearer in the end and more doable.

The weather on the way over was looking atrocious, and we were either going to get absolutely soaked, or end up not hitting the trail at all. I don’t know about anyone else, but we’ve been getting bursts of intense downpours for the last 36 hours or so, and it wasn’t looking any better. As we arrived at the centre, it absolutely started to bucket down, so we decided to eat our sandwiches and see how it was looking. And miraculously, it lightened up, and completely stopped as we headed out!

We did the Twrch trail, which is pretty good. There was a lung-busting climb for the first couple of miles, which was straight up technical single-track, although Catherine and I did duck one short section in favour of the road that the uplift trucks use for the neighbouring downhill course. Typically, our respite turned out to be the shortest section of the climb, so we barely made it ahead of Stu! Then it was back to more climbing and heading up top to the open hillsides. Forest, forest, forest, near vertical sections that none of us made it over, and just when we thought we were done, another section of fire road that seemed to go for … well … miles!

Unfortunately, the skills and freeride park at the top is currently closed for maintenance which disappointed Catherine and Stu, as it is apparently one of the best bits. Not having been before, I didn’t know what I was missing out on, so was quite happy to head straight into all the glorious downhill! Despite not having ridden testing singletrack for a while, I was feeling pretty confident today. So confident in fact that there were a couple of near-misses when I overcooked it, like the tree trunk I tried to go over and slammed the pedal into so hard I thought I’d snapped it off, and I dropped the chain. The result of that was a very impressive triple set of pedal scratches right down the back of my calf (stupid bitey metal pedals!). In fact, I’ve got a few bumps and scrapes, but that usually means I’ve ridden hard. All in all, I was very happy with how well I was committing to the descents though – Cwmcarn isn’t what I would consider hugely technical downhill – it’s pretty straight and largely pretty smooth, just off-camber, narrow and damn steep in parts, but it doesn’t have the steps and drop-offs or lots of the sweeping switch-backs you see elsewhere – in other words it’s a speed-monkey’s delight, because there is absolutely nothing but your own nerve to slow you down.

We were absolutely filthy by the time we made it to the bottom, so we just jet-washed ourselves along with the bikes – wasn’t going to make us much wetter than we already were! Then just as we put the bikes away, the rain came back with a vengeance. It had held off for a perfect 2.5 hour window while we rode – perfect.

I didn’t get many photos as a) I was riding with relatively new-to-me people, and b) I was probably enjoying myself a bit too much to stop! What you can see in the shot of part of the trail though, is how glorious it was when the sun came out and the whole trail was literally steaming itself dry – stunning. Believe you me, the steam was pretty much rolling off me too when we finished!

Back in Bristol, I talked myself out of takeaway, and have even managed to do most of my packing for tomorrow when I head down to Bude for a few days!

0.2lbs

2011-08-05T09:37:00.000+01:00

That is the grand total of what I lost this week. Yay.

So two weeks of eating on plan, and I'm still 0.3lbs heavier than two weeks ago. Hmm.

I suppose if I swing it round and look at it a different way - I'm 4lbs lighter than when I actually started eating right again 2.5 weeks ago, just frustrated that all of that was in the first 3 days.

I have to admit, I slipped a little yesterday. Yesterday was a bit of a trial, as we had a long breakfast meeting at work where we'd been provided with bacon rolls. Rather than try and resist that temptation, I skipped breakfast at home and had a roll in the meeting. Unfortunately, someone has also bought amazing homemade cupcakes to work and I had one of those too. That would probably have not been a big issue, but somehow from there I was then hungry for the rest of the day.

I kind of kept a lid on it, as best I could, but by hometime, I only had about two points left for dinner. I'd planned on having a poached egg on toast with mushrooms as a quick tea, as I had to shoot back out to the hairdressers in the evening, but rather than have one, I somehow convinced myself I needed two, so I was about 6 points over for the day. Again this wouldn't have been a huge issue, but by the time I got back from the hairdressers, I'd worked myself into quite a snit about how I'd been eating well to no effect, and then proceeded to (logically, of course) eat a mini bar of Green and Black's chocolate (5 points) and a Rice Krispies Caramel Square (4 points). Don't ask me why that seemed a good idea, it just did.

Luckily, I had a lot of activity points still unused, so I did still finish my WW's week in credit, but I am annoyed with myself that I let myself do that, and it was less perfect than it could have been.

Anyhoo - I promised 3 weeks of tracking, so today marks the start of the third week. Should be an interesting week since I'm not in work, and have driving all over the place for different activities, so I'm going to have to be vigilant and make some good choices. Today starts with the usual fun of Circuits at lunchtime.

Gaaaaaah!

2011-08-04T13:50:00.000+01:00

Yep - that was the sound of my frustration. I thought yesterday that the scales were maybe starting to move finally, but no, straight back up again this morning.

Seriously, I have been eating like a fucking saint for 2+ weeks now, and have got nothing to show for it. Actually, I have got something to show for. A half a fricking lb gain.

Ok, ok - I know that I said I would be patient, because I can't control that shit, but I'm seriously starting to lose faith in either my tracking abilities, or the Weightwatchers plan as a whole, because something is not clicking.

Breeeeeeathe. I said I'd give it 3 weeks, and I'm only at the end of the second full week, so I will faithfully stick it out at least another week in case there's just something weird going on. It's just ... well .... usually, as soon as I've been on plan a couple of days, I start to lose, so I'm finding it really tough that I've been glued to plan for the 14 days since the scales last graced me with a loss. It just doesn't feel right.

And no, before you ask, my clothes don't particularly feel any looser either.

I ran last night in humid, sticky heat - another hills session that nearly killed me. I think I now know how asthmatics feel - I could barely drag air into my lungs at the top of each hill, didn't know how to breathe, and my heart rate was hitting 180 - 195 bpm with each rep. The session was a 10 or so min jog out to the hill, dynamic stretching for 5 mins, 10 mins of hill sprint reps, another 5 mins of stretching, 5 more mins of hill sprints, a slow 15 min jog back (different route) and another 10 or so of static stretching. And despite all that recovering and stretching during the session, when I turned my watch off just before the final stretch (at about the 50 min marker), my average heart rate was showing as 165 bpm, with 621 calories burnt.

The hill can't have been more than 100m - all we had to do was sprint up (80% effort, which is about 100% for me where hills are concerned) and walk / jog back down to recover and go again, but I was seriously dying. I wasn't fast, especially not compared to some runners in my group, but I did manage to run each of my hill attempts in their entirety right to the end point, so I suppose that's something.

Right - onwards, I suppose.

Hopefully, I'm going to get home today or tomorrow to a shiny new wetsuit sitting on my doorstep! :o) I bought my first wetsuit before I'd lost any weight, when I was an 18-20. Whilst I can still wear it, it obviously doesn't quite the close fit it should have, so it doesn't seal as well these days, so I've splashed out and bought myself a new one - I should have a very smart new Roxy Steamer in a size 14 arriving any day now, just in time for the next couple of surf sessions - and it was an absolute steal because they only had my size left in that particular one so I got it for £69 instead of £132! Fingers crossed it fits me!

Restaurant Respite

2011-08-03T12:49:00.000+01:00

That little whooping noise you can hear in the distance is the sound of me rocking eating out last night, and making a good choice. It turned out that last night's eating venue was Bella Italia, which didn't present me with a lot of choice, but I picked a pasta dish with prawns and a tomato and chilli sauce, that I was pretty sure would come close to my target points.

I then managed to make it into the cinema without snacks - woooooooooo - go me!!

And I feel like I got a little tiny reward for my virtue this morning, as the scales slid a tiny bit down. Finally.

We're still not back to where I was a 2 weigh in's ago, but I can cope as long as I feel like I'm not doing all this in vain.

I'm really, really looking forward to my 2 weeks holiday now - I want a break! And I'm half toying with doing a little photo diary for here of what I get up to, if that's not too boring. Maybe it will even make sure I go out and have a little more fun!?!

Another running club session this evening to contend with ... please, God, no more hills after last week's torment! Too much to hope for probably - it's going to hurt which ever way I look at it!

Careful As She Goes

2011-08-02T14:08:00.000+01:00

I finished yesterday on 30 points, so not quite my 29 point total, but pretty damn close. I need to make sure I stay vigilant today, as I'm going to eating an impromptu dinner out this evening, before going to the cinema with friends. At the moment, I've got 14 points left after lunch time, so that should be sufficient to get me something for tea, I hope! I must remember that I need to be restrained at the cinema though, as I've got far too into the habit of "treating" myself to either ice cream or sweets.

I also managed to book my surfing trip for the first couple of days of next week - the first item in my two weeks of fun!! Yay!! I'm off to Bude for a couple of days, and have surf lessons booked on Monday and Tuesday, which I'm rather excited about. I've got a few other ideas of things I want to do with my time off, one of which is less fun but far more practical: I've been meaning to do some de-cluttering in the flat for ages, so I'm going to take a day or two to try and make a few small inroads into that. Chuck a few things out, clear up and get it all nice and organised and tidy again. Or at least, that's the plan!

Now I just need the scales to take pity on me and move in the right direction - after 2 weeks of on-track eating, they are still stubbornly refusing to budge at all ....

Ahem – Don’t Take Your Eye Off The Ball

2011-07-31T23:00:00.001+01:00

In the interests of being completely honest, I suppose I should confess that whilst the weekend started off pretty well, there was a slight loss of discipline along the way, and I’ve used a few more points than I meant to. I’ve used my flex points for the week, plus an extra 8. Since I’ve already activity banked for the week, including some walking and the Friday torture that is circuits, I’m still in credit points for the week, but not as good as last week.

I’m not quite sure where to lay the blame for this slip …. probably mostly at the doorstep of my Dad’s house since he will insist on leaving fully stocked biscuit tins and open bags of sweets lying round the joint, which is enough to test the most hardened of dieting souls. There went an extra 15 points on Friday night, which would have solved the deficit for the weekend all on their own!

Then there was yesterday, which was spent very pleasantly wandering around Bourton-on-the-Water and Broadway in the Cotswolds. Unlike Friday, when I had allotted myself 29 points which I stuck to perfectly … until I got to Dad’s, I gave myself an extra 20 from my flex for yesterday since I knew I’d be eating lunch out and that there would probably be tea and cake later. Again, this was all going swimmingly, until I discovered upon returning to Dad’s that he’d picked up a bag of fresh cookies from his own day out. One of those got scarfed down, and I was in danger of going back for more, before I realised that actually they weren’t that amazing and I wasn’t even sure why I had my hand in the bag.

Today has been a bit better, although I still didn’t hit my 29 points challenge. But there were definitely plus points to today’s eating behaviour. I went for a wander round the Harbour Festival for a couple of hours when I got back into town this afternoon, and let it be noted, that despite it being dinner time, I didn’t purchase from any of the million food stalls around. Mostly, I kept looking at them, thinking “oooooooh, that would be nice” and then realising that actually it wasn’t anything that special, and in any case, the prices were extortionate! I returned home with a small bag of homemade fudge instead, and a gorgeous little ceramic bowl and saucer for olives and their stones. I may have eaten the fudge instead of tea. In fact, that would have been fine, but I just got so hungry at 10pm, that it because necessary to grab a little something, so that’s where the challenge went a bit wrong for the day. However, I’m happier with my choices, and my leaving eating until I was actually hungry.

Back to the proper discipline tomorrow then.

I leave you with me enjoying the glorious sunshine at Broadway Tower:

Friday Feelings

2011-07-29T15:38:00.000+01:00

Surprisingly, I'm not nearly as grumpy as you would expect after this morning's weigh in. You would reasonably expect, at least some, wailing. Maybe a little tearing of hair and beating of the chest. But in actual fact, I find myself oddly ... sanguine about it.

The facts are that this morning's weigh in sees me 0.5lbs up on last week. Yep - after a week of sticking like glue to the Weightwatchers plan, passing up cake and putting caramel waffles in my locker out of sight and mind, exercising when I should be (including a hideous session of hill sprints with running club on Wednesday - sheer torture if there was ever any), I have put weight on.

Go figure.

But I went to the scales suspecting that, this morning. I felt in myself that I hadn't lost any weight. And I reminded myself that I can't control the scales. All I can do is control the way I eat, and the way I move.

There are a number of reasons that the scales haven't gone anywhere (apart from up and back down) this week. I suspect the main answer is this: last week I lost 2 and a little bit lbs, after eating atrociously for a week and a bit or more, culminating in a rather unlovely binge type meal of Chinese, and then about 3 days of eating properly. Seems to me that there was some water-weight losses going on, since I lost around 5lbs in those 3 days from my high point, and maybe I didn't quite lose what it appeared I did. In which case, it would be very reasonable for my body to be playing catch up this week and actually losing that weight in terms of fat rather than water.

I shan't let this affect my eating - I'm straight onto another 29 points today. A clean week. A fresh week. I figure I need to keep eating like this for at least 3 full weeks to allow my body a chance to divest itself of some unwanted poundage. Last week was my first full week. At the end of the week, I'd used my flex allowance, but not touched on my 45 activity points earned. I'd like to aim for the same again or better this week. So for the next couple of weeks, I'm going to keep challenging myself with my eating, and keep the exercise moving as usual. If I've been honest, as I believe I have been the last 10 days or so, and the scales are still not showing any movement by that point, I'll consider that maybe a new approach is needed, but until then, I'm going to make the biggest and bestest effort I can to stick to the plan. and I can suceed, I know that.

Kick Ass

2011-07-27T22:49:00.001+01:00

I am proud to report that I kicked my 29 point target for today in the arse. Which was a bit of a surprise since it was looking somewhat in jeopardy following lunchtime. Lunch was a very tasty jacket potato with sausage, beans and grated cheese, that tracked at a whopping 19 points - but soup for dinner and a nice box of prepared fresh fruit or dinner saved the day.

Running club, on the other hand, kicked my ass. 45 mins solid of hill repeats in some rather lovely, humid weather. Flippin' heck - I was raining sweat afterwards! But I survived. And impressively, survived the trip to the supermarket on the way home. It seems the longer I stay glued to plan, the (slightly) easier it becomes to ignore the siren call of all the beautiful things in Waitrose that I shouldn't have.

And finally, talking of kick-ass people - I met Jason Gardner, the Olympic athlete (and indeed gold medal winner) today. Complete with his gold medal! My work happen to be one of the biggest sponsors of the London Olympics, and they're holding a "torch tour" at the moment, which is a travelling exhibition about the Olypmpic torches and some of the history of the games, which is coming to each of the major office sites. Today, it was in Bristol, complete with 3 of the actual torches from the Beijing, Vancouver and London games and an Olympic athlete who very kindly stood patiently and let us all have our photos taken with him and the London torch. It was pretty cool. There's a massive amount of hype about the games at work, and lots of competitions being held for tickets to the games and chances to actually carry the torch and Olympic flame, and I have to admit that I've been tuning a lot of it out for the most part, but even I have to admit that today's event was fun and interesting.

Good day all round. Well, apart from the money-shite earlier, but I'm kind of over that now. I'm no worse off than I was this morning, it's just that something that would have helped didn't come through. I'll survive though, because I always do.

- Posted from my iPhone

So Frustrated!!!

2011-07-27T13:30:00.000+01:00

Why is it that I can't catch a break with trying to get my debt sorted? Yeah, sorry, this post has nothing to do with food and healthy eating at all, just venting my frustrations at how hard it is to dig yourself out of the money pit, and how no-one will cut you a break.

Everytime I try and find a way to make my situation better so I can pay back my debt quicker, I take a step forward and end up sliding straight back again. This time it's because the interest free credit card that work set up for me, has been set up wrong, and is less than no use to me. It was set up with a £500 credit limit, and was supposed to be increased as soon as it was activated, so I could transfer a balance from one of my existing cards. But I've just been told by our relationship manager here at work, that cards can't have the limit increased within the first 6 months. So I have a card with a 12 month interest free period on it, but I can't have the limit increased to anything usable to make a transfer until 6 months into that. 6 months! What fucking use is that?

Additionally, I still don't qualify for a loan. So I'm still stuck scraping by trying to make the minimum payments and chip away at the balance where I can. I know it will get better. I know I could be a hell of a lot worse. But I'm not making any decent headway at the moment; I'll be lucky if I pay £2k off my £22k balance this year. Which at the rate I'm going would mean another 10 years after that to get the balance paid down.

Ok, ok, that's just unrealistically pessimistic. Because I know that what's making it such a slog at the moment is that I'm losing more than half of my £500+ repayments a month to interest. That's just sickening. And yes, as I slowly claw the balances down, that interest portion will become less and less.

But the truth is that I'm scraping by in my day-to-day living to keep afloat right now. I can't keep up my lifestyle as I'm used to it. I know that's the problem, that I've been living beyond my means for probably 10 years now, and I don't know how not to.

So what lies ahead for me is this: either bumping and scraping along on my current budget, with frustratingly slow repayment and an agonising amount of interest being paid, or some serious decisions to make positive changes to my lifestyle. Changes, that let's face it, I don't really want to have to make. The biggest of those is to give up my beautiful flat and move somewhere shared and cheaper. I could save £100's a month doing this, but it's scary. I love my flat - it's comfortable, and pretty and perfectly located. And it has private parking and a bike store. It's completely convenient. Moving somewhere else will mean sharing my space with a stranger, and fighting for car-parking spaces on the street. A longer commute to work. And a less well-appointed surroundings.

Holidays have already been given up, I just can't afford them. I already sacrificed my car for the cheapest option I could find, and although I admit that has turned out pretty well in terms of economy, I miss having a decent sized engine. Next to go might be my shiny mobile phone. My contract is up for renewal next month, and I'm wondering about just sticking with my current iPhone with the cracked screen for the foreseeable future and going SIM only. That would be another £15 a month saved.

There's not many other bills I can easily give up - my gym is pretty crucial to my health and weight-loss, and I already have a pretty cheap one. My contact lenses are non-negotiable. As is my Weightwatchers subscription.

I would say I don't know where to go from here, but I do and it makes me anxious. I just have to bump along for the next couple of months making the best I can of it, and then I'll have to bite the bullet and look for somewhere new. The only other thing that could save me right now (apart from the extremely unlikely possibility of a lottery win) is a promotion and pay-rise, but I don't think there'll be one in time to save me.

It's time to knuckle down, people, and pay the piper.

Dear Scales

2011-07-27T09:25:00.000+01:00

Dear Scales,

Stop being a bitch. I've eaten immaculately all week, and yet you are showing me nearly 2lbs heavier than my weigh in on Friday. I am not amused. I know you don't like me looking at you, so I promise that if you give me even a tiny loss on Friday, I will leave you alone for a whole week. Deal?

Ta,

Sue

Yeah - not happy - focus on what I can control. Focus on what I can control.

Grumble grumble.

Mistakes and Lessons Learned

2011-07-26T19:03:00.000+01:00

Lesson learned no 1: always check the points and portion sizes before you tuck in. I was craving something sweet mid-afternoon, and the caramel waffles from the Starbucks downstairs were hitting the temptation spot. I checked the points on my tracker: 5, very reasonable. Went and got my waffles (and a banana, in case I was still hungry), and just as an afterthought checked the portion in the packet against the tracker ...... phew!! Thank goodness, I did - a WW's portion is only one of the waffles in the pack, not both of them. I enjoyed one, and with a not-too-Herculean effort of will, put the other one safely wrapped in my locker. Good.

Mistake no 1: opening the muesli box whilst waiting for the dishwasher to run so you can cook dinner is no better than opening the cereal box. Error. Don't go there. Point it and move on, but know that it has cost me my little points challenge of 29 for the day. Grrrrrr.

Lesson learned no 2: when full, stop eating. Miraculously, for the second time this week, I've managed to stop myself before the plate was empty. I guess nibbling on the muesli had already filled me up a bit, but this is still a rarity for me. I quickly binned the remaining bits to stop me picking later.

Lesson learned no 3: (not a food one, but a lesson in self-discipline none-the-less) if I want to stick to my weekly budget and be able to pay a little tiny bit extra off the credit card next week, it's not going to kill me not to go on my regular Tuesday cinema outing tonight. The only film that was out that I wanted to see was Horrible Bosses, which will be out for weeks to come yet. And I realised that part of the reason I wanted to go to the cinema was so I could have my little weekly indulgence of pic'n'mix or Ben & Jerry's. That's not a good reason to go to the cinema!!! So I'm going to have a night in a watch a film here.

3 lessons learned, and one mistake that won't kill me but is annoying anyway. I'll have just missed my 29 points challenge for today, but only by about 2. Since I haven't used up all of my flex points yet this week, and I've already got 30-odd points of activity tracked, I'm not exactly worried, just slightly irritated.

But onwards we go!

Some Kinda Alien

2011-07-26T14:08:00.000+01:00

has taken me over. I was in the canteen at lunch trying to decide what to have after my soup and a roll for lunch, and I looked at the crisps, and I looked at the yoghurts (errrrr, work yoghurts are a sodding 4 points each - tasty, but no frickin' way!), and I looked at the chocolate and I ended up with ....

.... an apple.

Seriously, send the men in white coats to come and take me away.

Ooooh, which reminds me (canteen, lunch, soup - keep up with the thought processes, people!), does anyone have a recipe for Lentil and Bacon soup? Work makes an amazingly tasty one and I want to know how!

To Know Or Not To Know

2011-07-26T12:02:00.000+01:00

I pretty much have nothing interesting to report at the moment, so apologies for the boring monotony in the blog recently. I realise that me setting daily challenges for myself, that I do or don't achieve, doesn't make for the most fascinating of reading (although 6 for 6 on the challenges right now - c'mon people, that's impressive for me!).

So yesterday was another day kicked in, and today is more of the same. Not really much more to say on that point right now. I continue to be surprised by how little food it takes to keep me full, satisfied and functioning, especially when I'm starting from really hungry and not slightly hungry. I keep having to get over my own expectations.

For some reason, I felt like I had cheated yesterday evening. I don't know why, because I'd tracked everything I've ever tracked since the beginning of Weightwatchers and I was bang on my points, but there was that nagging feeling just the same. Maybe because I always expect myself to slip sooner or later, and so I'm questioning whether I'd done it without noticing? The only thing I didn't point that I ate yesterday was the frozen veg I used to fill out my bowl of pasta at dinner, but then I've never pointed frozen veg. I don't know why Weightwatchers arbitrarily decided that fresh and canned veg and even frozen fruit have zero points, and frozen veg doesn't, but I don't eat it often and I don't eat much, so I decided right from the very start that I would call it zero too. When it comes down to it and I'm hungry and need something extra, and there's no fresh veg around, I'd rather default to some frozen veg, and call it zero, than make a poor choice for the same points Weightwatchers have prescribed. My personal choice, I guess.

Other than that, the week is ticking along as usual. I did my Body Balance class yesterday, and I swear that I am very, very slowly becoming a bit more flexible. I was ummnig and ahhing over whether to do the early morning spin class this morning or the lunchtime one, and in the process nearly managed to not do one at all! I woke up at 6am this morning and decided that more sleep was required and I'd be going to the lunchtime class, but then totally forgot that I usually ring up to book it at 6.30am, because it tends to fill up so ridiculously quickly! I had my bag all packed and ready to go at 8.30am, when I suddenly realised my error, but I guess people must be on holiday at the moment as I got lucky and scored a place anyway - phew!!

On a different matter, I am beginning to think I'm going to have to exile myself from the scales this week - I know I said last week that I have to focus on what I can control, my eating and my exercise, and stop worrying about what I can't - hi Stupid Scales, I'm talking to you - but I'm finding myself very frustrated by the fact that one nice meal on Saturday night is still causing my weight to be up on Friday's weigh in. Breeeeeeathe. I know that one meal in a week of conscientious eating shouldn't cause a gain. And in any case there's nothing I can do about it, but maybe stepping on the scales and being annoyed by it daily isn't the right answer.

But damnit, I'm surgically attached to those scales. I only weight once I a day, and I take it on the chin, and if I'm not near them I'm not bothered by missing a couple of days, but I find it so freaking hard not to step on them in the morning if they're just there staring me in the face in the bathroom. So hard not to know. I've tried weaning myself away from them before, but I can't resist the temptation when they're there.

Hmmmmm, might have to ponder that one. I don't know if I work harder knowing what I'm dealing with, or not knowing.

Cycling For Pleasure

2011-07-25T12:49:00.000+01:00

I rocked yesterday's 29 point challenge, and I'm getting ready to do the same again today. I kicked this off last Wednesday last week, and I like that fact that I'm nearly a whole week of totally disciplined eating - a definite achievement in the normally laid back world of Sue.

I had a lovely afternoon yesterday on my bike. I chanced the weather and was rewarded as it stayed pleasantly warm and dry with occasional glimpses of glorious sunshine. 20 (and a bit) miles of unexplored trail, as I decided to go and explore the National Cycle Route over from Bristol to Portishead. I've never lived anywhere before that has cycle routes anywhere nearby, so it's really refreshing to have so many dedicated routes radiating out from pretty much my doorstep.

Yesterday's bike ride was a little different for me though. Usually if I'm riding on my own, it's because I want exercise. I wear my heart-rate monitor, and I push along a little bit, and I'm doing it because I want acticity points in my tracker. I also have a constant eye on my watch and my speed. Even when I ride with friends, I'm usually actively monitoring what activity points I can get out of it - probably because I usually use most of my activity points during the week. But yesterday? Well, yesterday I rode for the hell of it. Because I wanted some fresh air, and to explore somewhere new. I had no pace in mind, so target time, and I happily meandered along on the way out, just enjoying the scenery and stopping to read the info boards along the way.

I found myself at the marina at Portishead when I arrived, which I previously had no idea even existed! Normally, I end up at the sea front by the park when I visit the town, probably because that's where the parking is, but it turns out the marina's really rather chic, and had a very nice cafe where I was able to keep an eye on my locked up bike outside and enjoy a rather delicious home-made cupcake and a nice cold drink with friendly service. Most pleasant! I also made a point of making sure my cupcake was part of my daily food allowance, rather than my exercise points, so I could hit my points challenge for the day, and I swear, somehow, that made it all the more tasty!

On the way back, I did something I rarely do, and plugged my iPod in while I cycled. I wouldn't normally because of not being able to hear traffic on the roads, but the route is pretty much all trail and quiet roads, and I found as long as I kept the volume down, and cast a wary eye over my shoulder once in a while, I could stay aware of my surroundings. I'm not sure if it was the music or just warmed up legs, but the return journey was about 25 mins quicker, and all in all it was an afternoon very happily spent :-)

It seems like that's a change for me - doing an activity purely for the pleasure rather than the exercise - there's probably only surfing or horse-riding that otherwise do that with.

Down Time

2011-07-24T13:06:00.000+01:00

This has been my first full weekend off for a good couple of weeks now, so I'm taking the chance to really relax and feel re-invigorated after all the busyness at work. I've been sleeping in and chilling out, but never fear, I'm still rocking the careful eating.

Friday's challenge was to stick to 39 points for the day. I'd given myself an extra 10 from my weekly flex, as I was going for drinks with my team after work. As it turned out, last minute plans changed slightly, and I joined my team for a few drinks, and then went along with my friend Liz from work to help celebrate her birthday at the Bristol Comedy Garden. So now not only was I drinking, but eating out too. And I did great with the challenge. I'd saved a few extra points during the day by being a bit more thoughtful about my eating, and I picked my drinks with care in the evening. I had a voucher for a free cocktail at the first bar, so enjoyed a delicious Summer Breeze (gin, blackberry liqueur and elderflower cordial - yummy!), and then stuck to soft drinks for a bit, before indulging in a pear cider at the comedy festival. Dinner was from the Suasage Festival Co who were at the Comedy Garden and was a lovely little box of 2 sausages and mash with onion gravy.

The show itself was brilliant - the fantastic Stephen K Amos was headlining and he was hysterically funny. So funny in fact, that between circuits during the day, and laughing too much in the evening, my abs were absolutely killing me yesterday and are still sore today! A great evening all round.

I literally slept in until lunchtime yesterday, which I think I needed, and just had a relaxed afternoon wandering into town to return a few things at the shops (which is another story where I cleverly bought things last weekend on my credit card pre-pay-day, and then realised that they were completely unnecessary / impractical when I got them home, so I was being a good little girl and taking them back yesterday). I also found a gorgeous bikini in the sale at Crew Clothing which I was really pleased with, because as anyone knows - swimwear buying is a trauma at the best of times.

It's pretty but practical - since I'm the kind of girl that is running round when I do hit the beach (surfing, windsurfing, body-boarding, changing in and out of wetsuits, etc), I have to make sure that my bikinis actually stay put once they're on to avoid embarrassing moments. Especially after the classic moment the first year we went windsurfing in Egypt, when I was talking to my instructor mid-lesson, and suddenly realised that my epic wipe-out 5 mins before had caused my tankini top to come undone at the neck and work its way down, and all that was protecting my modesty was my rash vest! Errrrr - somewhat embarrassing!

But I digress, the point was that both of my current "practical" bikinis are are too big on either the top or the bottom, and are showing the signs of repeated wear by fading or the colours running, so this is a timely replacement ahead of next month's surf trips.

Last night, I was meant to be attending a Supper Club being run by friends, and so I had allotted myself 20 extra points for the day. An unknown 5 course menu, plus drinks, was going to be pretty tough, so I was also careful with my food yesterday, but then Supper Club was sadly cancelled (although is being rescheduled), so I resorted to my back-up plan of a night of Grey's Anatomy and takeaway. I had a real hankering for a curry, and since I'd already allotted myself extra points, I indulged. I actually ended up a few points over my points challenge, but partly because I was trying to be extra vigilant with my pointing. I'm still inside my flex allowance for the week though, so I think one indulgent meal for the week shouldn't have any impact on the rest of what I'm doing.

On a positive note, I did much better this week than I did last week with what ended up being last Saturday's binge. When I finished there was spare rice still in the carton, and gasp rice and sauce left on the plate. That's right - I stopped before it was all gone! HOOOORAAAAAH! I probably still ate a little more than I truly needed, and in fact, I did stop earlier than that, but ended up picking until all the chicken was gone, but I stopped when I was merely full, rather than absolutely stuffed like last week. Little tiny steps forward.

Today, I'm back on a 29 point challenge. And if the weather will deign to stay dry-ish, I'm hoping to get my bike out and go for a little wander this afternoon, over to Portishead and the seaside. It was meant to be gloriously sunny this afternoon, but what do you know, it's completely clouded over instead, and althought the weather forecast says it's meant to stay dry, it doesn't look that promising!

No Slacking!

2011-07-22T12:15:00.001+01:00

I managed a solid 1.8lbs off this week. That would be good for me on a normal week, but considering where I was mid-week it's a bloody miracle. Looking at my weight tracker it's the lowest I've been since the beginning of May, so that's really great to see. But I realise that that position is fragile, and won't stay there unless I keep making good choices. I can't sit on my laurels, and I can't celebrate the victories of the last couple of days (although please, let's give me a little cheer here - 3 days perfectly on track which just happens to co-incide with 3 days of office cakes - extra victory!).

Forget what has been though and move right along. Persistence - it's just as important when we're doing well, as when we feel like giving up. So I have a fresh challenge today, as decided last night. 39 points to stick to today, drinks with work to navigate tonight, breakfast at work already navigated (damn the rest of my team for deciding it was the morning to all have bacon rolls to line the stomachs for drinking tonight - saying no was hard, but I was totally full from my breakfast of porridge and raspberries and really didn't need it).

So just having a quick lunch now before heading to this Friday's edition of Killer Circuits.

Edit: have just realised, that in fact it wasn't 1.8lbs, it was 2.2lbs - even better!