Changing the plan

I've decided to change my weigh in day to a Friday for a bit as an experiment.

Why?

I'll explain.

Every week my eating falls into a set pattern: during the week I eat pretty clean. I cook my dinners, mostly from scratch, I eat breakfast and a proper lunch, and I have snacks to keep my metabolism boosted. I get some fruit and veg, and I drink plenty of fluids. I also get some exercise. My weekends then fall into one of 3 categories:

1. It's a really quiet weekend, and my eating's the same as during the week. Clean.
2. It's a normal weekend - I do a bit of planning, but it's a little bit more fluid than during the week. I'll stick to my points, prob including any saved points from during the week, but I might eat out, which will be added sodium and MSG (doesn't particularly agree with me). Not as clean as during the week, but not overly bad.
3. All hell breaks loose, and I go massively over points somewhere along the line. My eating is in no way clean, I've probably not drunk enough (or too much of the wrong stuff), and I know I'm on track for a gain. There's no point even trying to regain the points I've gone over, so I just switch to sticking to points for the remaining days till weigh in.

Very occasionally, scenario 4 occurs:

• Sue is broken. I've gone so far over the line, that the line is a distant memory, just a pinprick on the horizon, and I just give up trying to point it, as I don't have that many fingers and toes (I'm an accountant, and it's a well known fact that we can't count very well). All damage control measures are thrown out of the pram along with the toys. I stop caring, until after weigh in. When I care very much.

With all that in mind, weighing in on a Monday is a bit of a traumatic experience, because I never know how the weekend is going to have affected all the groundwork that I layed the previous week.

Ultimately, of course, the groundwork still counts, and in the grand scheme of things, I still lose the same amount of weight over the long run. But how often have I bemoaned the fact, that if I was just weighing in a couple of days later, my weight wouldn't be fluctuating so much.

Well, call me slow, but it's just occurred to me, that I don't have to weigh in on a Monday if I don't want to. So I'm going to move my weigh in day as far away from the weekend as possibe - et voila - we end up on Friday.

(See how I've neatly cycled back to the beginning - beautiful. Unless, you're one of those impatient types who wanted me to actually make my point quickly, in which case my friend, you are on the wrong blog entirely!!)

So there we have it - it's not going to make me lose weight quicker, I'm not that deluded, but it might help me avoid the traumatic peaks and troughs, and make better sense of what I can get away with, and what is genuinely too much.

That said - moving my weigh in day has meant that I have inadvertantly bought last weekend's excesses into this week - oh goody! I've somehow got rid of about 8 points of my deficit already, but I've still got another 11.5 to get rid of.

I optimistically booked myself in for Body Combat last night whilst I was at the gym, but I now realise that I'm still far too stiff to attempt it. I desperately want to know how much longer all these twinges can last for, because my stretches don't seem to be making much difference. Think I'm going to have to back as see my physio again, and hope and pray that she says it will fix itself. Preferably without me having to take 1 or 2 complete weeks of exercise. And definitely before windsurfing in just under 4 weeks. Getting a leeeeeeetle bit worried about it now!!

Just keep on keeping on

You know the phrase "banging your head against a brick wall"?

Well, I've felt rather like that's what I've been doing for the last 5 weeks or so. My weight's gone down a bit, then it's gone up, it's been down, it's stayed the same, but not a lot of progress has been made overall. My head wasn't strong enough to break the wall I'd run up against, but I just kept on headbutting it anyway, getting frustrated, but not getting anywhere much.

Persistence appears to be the key though. Every little time I made an effort, every time I hit that wall, made an impact. I might not have been able to see it, but weaknesses appeared, and then this morning it's like a little chunk finally fell out the wall - a visible sign of the impact I've made. The scales finally moved down again.

The point I'm trying to make - persistence pays off. Doesn't matter if you feel like you're trying to smash through a wall with your head, or cut down a tree with a nail file, or even just chipping away at all those unwanted stones of flesh on your body, one tiny pound at a time - it all adds up. You might not always see it, but one day you'll turn around and realise how far you've come.

Excuse the horribly mixed metaphors - I know they don't make a whole lot of sense - blame it on addled brains after all that proverbial head-banging!

What's more exciting than the glimmer of hope that the scales might start moving in the desired direction? That I think I've formed a new, good habit. One I can take away and use elsewhere in my life. Persistence. I haven't given up. Not even when things didn't look so good. When I've tripped up, I've picked myself up and started again. When the road took a detour, I kept on plodding. When the destination looked so bloody far away that I want to cry, I just looked at my feet and kept on walking, one little step at a time ... and if I keep doing that - mostly concentrating on what my feet are doing and the ground right in front of me, and just occasionally checking that I'm still heading in the right general direction, I'll get there.

More mixed metaphors - sorry.

The good thing with this persistence malarkey, is that it will carry me clean past goal if I let it. Into maintaining my new healthy lifestyle. Through whatever challenge I set myself next, because really, it's just the power to make the right decision every time something is put in your path. To weigh up the pros and cons, and decide which you want more at the end of the day. And it seems that most decisions come down to whether you want instant gratification or a long term return.

Talking of which - I've just been given a chocolate chip muffin. Because I'm a geek I got the nutritional information and just worked out that that bastard's 7.5 points. I don't want it but can't really give it back - any suggestions on what to do with it???? Seems a bit of a waste to just put it in the bin, but then I don't want to put it in my mouth either!!!! Bugger. It's sat on my desk giving me evils at the moment.

Not that it really matters - I've got my mojo back, and my self-belief, and my confidence in my ability to make the right decisions.

My back's also well on the way to being better. I can MOVE AGAIN!!!! YAAAAAAAY!

So I'm muchos looking forward to returning to spin class tonight. I'm just going to take it easy, but I can't wait for the easy camaraderie of class, and just doing something. After that I've got some of the girls coming over for a little catch up - good times ahead.

Still down

I'm still hanging in here. I'm still a grumpy bitch about this. And right now, I can't find a comfortable position to sit in, which is driving me nuts, as I'm going to be sat at this desk til 6 this evening (it's now 10.15 am), and that's a long time to not be able to find a way to be comfortable.

I tried going for a walk yesterday evening, just because I thought it would help to keep moving and stretching, as it as helped wandering round the office at intervals yesterday. It helped my back a bit I think, but it wasn't so good for all the muscles in my leg that are tight as a result of my back pain (it's a knock-on thing, my physio says - a result of the way I hold myself when I'm in pain or safe-guarding my back). My left hamstring was so tight that I could only take baby-steps, and I'm not kidding that it took me 30 mins to totter round a circuit of somewhat under a mile. And I was so knackered afterwards!! How pathetic is that?? Still, better to be outside and doing something that nothing.

Other than that I spent the evening stretched out on my bed watching tv.

Food-wise, I'm was pretty good. I had loads of fruit and veg yesterday, and had salmon and couscous for tea. I've only just realised that I've been dishing myself up too big a portion of the couscous the last couple of times I've had it. I'd been thinking that the packet was two portions, but it is in fact 3 - thought the portion size vs the points was too good to be true! Still, it's still a pretty good size portion, so I'm not complaining, and I was still full afterwards. I also had comfort food dessert - ice-cream and chopped banana with some chocolate powder sprinkled on top - all fully pointed in my day's allowance, so it was pretty nice to wallow in that luxury whilst watching trashy tv.

I'm sorry I don't have anything more interesting than that to report at the moment. My sense of humour seems to have failed me, and the adventures are lacking and I'm generally just feeling a bit grey and gloomy.

Rant Warning!

I'm warning you right now - this post is going to be a ranty, whiny, it's-so-not-fair kind of post. So if you don't feel up to that with your morning coffee, probably a good idea to skip straight to someone elses's blog right now.

******

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH!!!!! My damn back has gone again. Just when I thought that I was over the last lot of random injury and my ankle was returning to a normal size and I was looking forward to getting back to exercise this week. I bent over ever so slightly to do something yesterday - yes, it really was as completely innocuous as it sounds, a nothing movement - and there was a horrible pop in my lower back followed by a flash of pain. As usual I just froze and thought "Oh God no - not again!!".

It wasn't so bad after that yesterday, it seemed to ease up over the afternoon and I thought I'd got away with it, but I woke in the middle of the night and couldn't move, and that's pretty much the way I am right now. Everything hurts. Sitting hurts. Standing hurts. Moving from sitting to standing hurts. Moving full-stop hurts. Lying down hurts. I've eaten as many painkillers as I can already, and everything still HURTS.

I bloody hate this. Why the hell am I falling apart like this at the grand age of 28???? It's not bloody FAIR.

I've got stronger painkillers, but I can't take them as I need to be at work today, and I can't drive if I take them. So I've struggled into work amidst various cursing and impending tearful moments, and as soon as I've done what has to be done, I'm fucking off home and dosing up on the good stuff. Which I'm a bit scared to use as it's Diazepam - otherwise known as good old Valium - and will most likely completely space me out. I'm also scared to use it as I know loads of people develop dependencies on it, and I have about the most addictive personality on the planet. Hell, I've stayed well away from cigarettes and drugs my whole life because, aside from the obvious health benefits of doing so, I know that with my levels of self-restraint it's a road to disaster. But, goddamnit, this HURTS.

Just to make my day better, my period snuck up on me when I wasn't looking, bringing with it its usual miscellaneous assortment of aches, pains and grouchiness (although possibly also explaining my cravings for all things sugar-loaded the past couple of days), so now I just feel gross on top of in pain.

I lost a lb at weigh in this morning, so I'm now back where I was before Norway, i.e. hovering just above the 14st point STILL not fucking going anyway. What the hell??? I need to get off my ass and get moving below here. Except I can't fucking get off my ass because it's bloody well HURTS!!!!

And I'm getting grumpier just writing this, so I'm going to stop before I burst into irrational tears in the middle of my office, or start throwing things at unsuspecting colleagues.

I might be in a mildly better mood later. Or in a chemical induced haze. I'm not sure which.