Lightbulb moments

Before I started all of this, when losing all my weight was a Holy Grail - highly desirable, but ultimately a myth and about as achievable as winning the Lottery, I thought that when you lost weight you just woke up one day and thought wow - I'm thin! I also thought that achieving goal would automatically mean achieving the body I'd always wanted. And the life I'd always wanted. Basically everything would be better when I was thin.

Even when I started losing it, I still thought there would be a points along the way where I would suddenly find myself feeling thinner and that that would make me a different person. Hell, I even worried that it wouldn't necessarily be a better person.

Now I'm over half way there, and I realise that I'm going to be exactly the same person when I get to goal. I'll still have the same insecurities. I'll be smaller, no doubt about that, but still far from perfect. In some ways I'll just have replaced one set of imperfections with another. Admittedly, they'll probably be better, healthier imperfections, but I'm going to have to work like hell on each of them individually.

I thought getting smaller would automatically make me a more attractive person. Maybe. But probably not to the extent I'm thinking it will. It looks like my prolonged single status may not be all to blame on my fat.

I thought losing weight would automatically leave me with a great body. Not so much. Saggy bits will still be saggy. Skin imperfections will still be there. Some bits might be toned up with work, but other bits are likely to stay exactly the way they are now.

I thought getting to goal would make me self-confident. 100% love-myself-confident. Going to have to work on that one I think. I do feel a bit better about myself sometimes, but it doesn't take much to remind yourself how much better you could still be.

Not that any of these realisations are any reason why I shouldn't lose weight. More a step along the road to being realistic, and adjusting. I've been hiding behind my fat one way or another for far too long, and now I've got to face the fact, that being the person I want to be is far more than just fighting the flab. If I want the career, the opportunities and life experiences I crave, then I'm damn well going to have to work for them. They're not going to get handed to me on a platter because I'm thin. As for getting the man I want - not really something you can work on so guess I'd better get used to it and stop whinging lol.

I don't think there's an explicit enough warning for would-be dieters -

Warning - dieting might cause you to have face unpalatable truths about your life.