Old dog. New tricks.

With all my motivation to eat well in tact I survived the weekend pretty smoothly in the end.

A few points over on Saturday after lunch on the run, dinner out and drinking and birthday cake all night, but nothing too catastrophic. No big hangover breakfast for me at the hotel yesterday morning - 2 slices of toast and jam and some fruit juice. No gluttony at the BBQ yesterday afternoon - stay in the kitchen prepping and keeping busy, don't drink and just a burger, a sausage and some grilled peppers and mushrooms to fill up. No heavy, unnecessary dinner last night - a bowl of cereal before heading out to watch the football. And taking every opportunity to move my ass that I could - so picking the sensible restaurant choice on Saturday (Harvester - grilled chicken, jacket potato and salad bar, diet Coke and a 20 min walk to get there, over dim sum, gluttony and a car ride), and a nice sunny walk round the Loughborough university campus yesterday morning whilst friends explored their old haunts.

All in all, I'm pleased with my effort. I've proved that I can have fun and not go crazy, and that I can learn from my mistakes at a BBQ. The scales were down a little this morning and I'm on track for another good day.

I'll post some photos later from the weekend - much fun was had :o)


- Posted from my iPhone

And would you like a run with that breakfast, Madam?

Yes, some of us have suddenly realised that we've spent the last 6 months faffing around on the healthy-eating front, and in 4 weeks we are now required to sling a bikini on a body that is in a state of somewhat less than perfection, and parade around in front of enitre beaches full hot surf dudes. For 4 weeks.

CRAP.

Oh. HOLY. Crap.

Strange what that can do for your motivation to get back on that wagon, whip the horses up and start singing "roll 'em out, Raw-hiiiiiiide!".

I've been slowly crawling wagon-wards for a while now, but with frequent incidences of, well, falling off it again.

Now is not the time for that!

I've spent the last couple of weeks rediscovering all the habits I need to do this, whilst simultaneously managing to not use them all ... errr .... simultaneously.

No time for that either!

If I haven't get that bloody half a stone shot by the time that plane leaves, it'll be time to start hacking at various limbs until we're there. And I'm quite fond of my extremities, so something less extreme appears to be in order.

So - checklist:

• Motivation. Check. In spades.
  
• Reasonable target. Check. Half a stone (actually, slightly less, but I'll take half a stone) - that's reasonable in 4 weeks. Especially as my last week is off work and I can eat healthily and exercise to my heart's content in between packing and panicking.
• Skills. Check. I know the drill. More fruit, more veg. Avoid what I can't point. If I eat it, track it. No takeaways, no baking (ok, those last two are bit more extreme, but it's only 4 weeks and they're serious downfalls for me - I get enough cake and eating out anyway to live without for 4 weeks). Think, think, think. And move my ass. Anywhere, anyhow - it doesn't matter.
• Timescale - 4 weeks dedication.

Which would explain why I'm sat on my living room floor at half 10 on a Saturday morning, eating a butt-load of fruit for breakfast (with sugar-free jelly - I'm so hot I needed something cool to go with the fruit), feeling the sweat dry on me as I wait for the shower to be free, post-run. A 50 min, hot, sweat-fest, just-shy-of-7km-run. Huh - my longest to date - would you look at that. That run nicely negates an unexpected dinner out last night (at which I was pretty good if I do say so), and keeps me on track for the week.

We're black-tie-ing in Loughborough tonight for my friends' Bob and Caz's 30th birthday celebrations. So in about an hour, I'm driving down with friends, checking into our fancy-schmancy hotel, checking out the spa and pool, trying ... no, being, good at dinner (I think we're having dim sum), and then dressing up and drinking and dancing the night away.

p.s. the drinking? Another new rule applied - no wine, stick to spirits and diet mixers, alternate every drink with a diet soft drink or water. Did it last night, and I shall do it again this evening.

And on that note, I'm taking my stinky, sweat-encrusted self off to the shower and then sorting out some packing.

See ya later dudes!

Today: I devote it to me

As expected I feel pretty rough this morning after consuming a dinner chock-filled with MSG last night; and the scales have gone suitably haywire in response.

So today is about me being kind to myself and sticking to the plan properly. My points and nothing more.

I still seem to be stuck in my maintenance cycle of good, good, good, bad, and repeat. Shame I'm not at goal or that would be peachy!

In response to feeling horrible this morning I paid extra attention to my appearance and I've been reaping the compliments all day. Mostly about my beautiful shoes :-)

That's all - nothing else to report right now.

- Posted from my iPhone

Counselling - take 2

So here I am, with a cheeky little cocktail at the weekend .... and my cheeky little friend Kok-Yee too. I actually think we were trying to drink our cocktails with our arms linked through each others like the old champagne drinking move ... instead it just looks like she's trying to plant a great big kiss on me!


Exhibit number 2: All the girls dressed up and ready to go out on Saturday night - me on the left in my lovely French Connection dress and some gorgeous orange Kurt Geiger shoes I picked up during the day in Bath.





And finally, at Komedia with the bride, Katherine on the left, and one of her bridesmaids, Sonia, on the right.

This weekend, we're shooting off to Loughborough for my friends' 30th - still no idea what dress to wear, but at least after last weekend, I know that I can have a plan to get through it without deviating from eating well and I should be fine.

Tonight, had my second session with my counsellor. We talked more around my mum's death and how it's affected my relationship with my dad, as well as how things are with my friends at the moment. I was far calmer than I was during last week's session - no emotional shitstorms to wade through, but it was still really productive. Maybe even more productive that last week.

Last week, I pretty much vented for an hour - all that pent-up stress and anxiety and frustration - she didn't really push me on anything I was saying, or question too much, but I left feeling far, far calmer anyway. Simply because I'd let it out and voiced it.

This week, she picked me up on things I said, and forced (no, that's not right, asked) me to examine what I was saying vs. feeling. Apparently, I'm rather good at not saying what I'm feeling, even to myself. I've got a lot I need to think over, but she's definitely given me a fresh perspective on two big things that have been bothering me. Not necessarily the answers to how to solve them, but a different starting point. I would seem to have some quite big abandonment issues amongst other things, and my coping tactic so far when faced with something difficult has been to back away and separate myself from the things that upset me. That needs to change.

I came home and had a Chinese takeaway afterwards, since I didn't feel much like cooking - I don't mind as I had the points available, although I doubt I'll feel that good tomorrow (damn MSG). Feeling much cheered by the football results though - Spain won their semi-final, which means I've definitely won at least some money in my office sweepstake now!

Post weekend post-mortem

I had a plan.

It went a lot like this:

• Stick to the dinner choices I'd pre-selected.
• Track everything.
• Stay on points for the weekend.

The first point was fine, and I was glad I'd made my decisions up front because it did make things easier.

I did track everything. I whipped my phone out and tracked as I went so I didn't forget anything. It kept me mindful.

Ummmm .... the last point. Well, I put in a good effort, and I'd say I was about half-way there. I didn't eat any desserts on any of the meals out. I avoided wine and stuck to vodka and diet mixers where I could - the one exception being Friday night when we were a little late arriving for dinner and wine had already been ordered at the table - I swapped drinks as soon as I could.

I didn't snack between meals.

Where I fell down was the breakfast buffet on Saturday, where I forgot that making several healthy choices still adds up to quite a lot if points (but I did better on Sunday), and the simple fact that the hen wanted to stop for cake AND ice cream on Saturday. Frugal choices helped though (toasted teacake instead of cake, ice cream in a tub instead of a sugar cone).

Overall, I'd say I hit a maintaining level rather than a losing weight level, but that's still an achievement. A 50% pass I'd say, and not bad on a weekend where I ate out from Friday lunchtime to Sunday evening.

I was rather chuffed therefore to see only a lb on at the scales yesterday morning.

My eating wasn't absolutely stellar yesterday, I was a bit nibbly, but I did turn out a 6k run last night in 45 mins, so imagine my grumpiness this morning when I'd mysteriously gained an additional 2lbs.

Rotten TOTM!!!

Other than that a shiny weekend was had by all. I bought gorgeous shoes in the sale at Kurt Geiger, and raided the Sweaty Betty shop for goodies (new workout top, new bra and new running headband). We were a bit frustrated by some of the hen's other friends who seemed to judge my school friends and I are for our lifestyle choices - i.e. that we earn money and spend it as we choose on a few luxuries - in itself I wouldn't have minded that but then they were content to let us buy them drinks and not say thank you or buy any back either. I hate double standards!!

Going to get my hormonal eying back under control today and maybe do a spin class this evening. I was meant to be attempting to play squash again last night, but we got foiled yet again by Jon forgetting that Monday night is club night at the courts after 7 so we couldn't book. Doh!

- Posted from my iPhone

A beginners guide to counselling

I cried. A lot.

I talked without direction, just letting the flow of my own thoughts lead me where it would. Sometimes there was a silence, sometimes I couldn't talk for snot and tears.

The hour passed quickly, once I got started and I got over my initial embarrassment. We talked (I talked?) about a lot of stuff - things I knew were upsetting me, and others that I hadn't even thought of in a while.

At the end of the hour, my counseller said that she had a few ideas of where she wanted to take the next session, and we're meeting again next week.

On the way home, I did something. I went to the cemetary and visited my mum's grave. I haven't been there since the day we interred the ashes. I realised as I stood there, that I've never seen her headstone, until today. It was a bittersweet moment, and I guess I told her I missed her.

I have a socking great headache now (always a post-crying thing for me), and I have to pack for the weekend. I think I'll do what I need to and then sod off to bed and switch off completely.

Pushing forwards

Sometimes the run just doesn't come together and it's all you can do not to just give up and walk home. That's how I felt last night: tired, heavy legs and scoffing feet, too hot and unfocused. I persevered, walking when I absolutely had to but refusing to stop once I was in the final quarter. I actually felt a but dizzy by the time I got back to the car but it passed.

Sometimes the best you can say of a run is it's finished. Another 5km in the bag.








I was so hungry when I got home, that I was tempted to empty the whole pack of capaletti into the pan. I had the points available after all. But that feels to close to a fat-me behaviour - eating two portions is what the old me would have done. New me had the correct single portion and then added some grilled chicken and fresh spinach to pad it out. Only slightly less points than having the double portion, but a better mix on my plate of carbs and fat, to lean protein and greenery.

But the rewards of sticking to my guns yesterday and pushing on through? The scales slipped down to 12 st 9.5 again this morning. One of the lowest weights of the last 6 months.

In a fit of obsessive uber-geekiness yesterday, I looked up the restaurants I knew were on this weekend's itinerary and noted down my menu choices in my tracking notes on my phone. Yes - I'm still doing that. That actually feels really helpful because with my dinners booked in I know what I've got to play with at the other mealtimes.

I hit all of yesterday's mini-goals. I ate on plan, I ran and I planned a bit for the weekend. I even managed to put some of my washing in ahead of time!

Tonight is my first counselling session after work. I'm a little bit nervous but also feel quite calm.

Ta for all the lovely comments on the dresses yesterday by the way - I think this is the first year that I'm really going to enjoy getting dressed up and feel comfortable in dresses.

- Posted from my iPhone