Just to make myself feel a bit better, I've donned my size 16 jeans, decided that they're now close enough to fitting (i.e. very little muffin top left around the top, although my thighs could do with a mini-slimming programme of their own) and ripped off the size tags.
The jeans are now out of hanging-on-the-wardrobe-as-incentive territory and into full daily use I reckon - I think I shall start by wearing them to work tomorrow.
I also hereby relegate today's pair of work trousers to the bin - the ass is simply too big on them. And the legs. I think it is time to part company with them. Plus to add insult to injury, one of the decorative buttons randomly fell off them today just as I'd sat down. As it rolled into sight, I caught sight of it's glossy back edge and for some reason thought there was a massive black bug gliding eerily across the floor - no trousers should have the right to scare you that much so they're binned!!!
Thursday, 30 April 2009
Still plodding along
So far this whole week's been a bit half-hearted. In fact all my efforts feel a bit half-hearted at the moment. The exercise is going ok, but my eating's still a bit off this week, and once again I'm relying on my activity points to get me through the week. The scales still stubbornly refuse to move in the right direction, which is annoying as I so, so wanted to lose this week and preferably get to that elusive 2 stone marker that I've been muttering on about for a couple of weeks now. The chances of me managing to drop 2.5 lbs between now and Monday are, I would say, slim to none right now.
I guess all I can do is keep treating each day as a fresh start and just keep trying to get it right. I wish I could have my head back as it was in those first 3 weeks, when everything seemed so easy and logical and my determination was strong. The losses came steadily and I felt like every little thing I did contributed to them, earnt me a tiny bit more. Now I feel more like I'm just trying to stay in the same place - like the treadmill has sped up so instead of moving forward now I just walk to stay still.
I keep thinking that if I can just break 2 stones then I'll finally feel like I've achieved something, but I wonder if I will. Or will it be like breaking into the 15's and then 14's - instead of feeling elated that I'd achieved something, it was like I just ticked the box and then looked straight to the next thing on the list to achieve, with little or no satisfaction or acknowledgement of what I'd managed so far.
I think maybe I need to spend the rest of this week focusing on what I have achieved, not what I haven't. Give myself a pat on the back, so to speak, and think of someway to reward myself rather than twisting myself in knots trying to get something that's still a little bit out of my reach. So I hereby promise faithfully to stop beating myself up for the rest of the week.
I guess all I can do is keep treating each day as a fresh start and just keep trying to get it right. I wish I could have my head back as it was in those first 3 weeks, when everything seemed so easy and logical and my determination was strong. The losses came steadily and I felt like every little thing I did contributed to them, earnt me a tiny bit more. Now I feel more like I'm just trying to stay in the same place - like the treadmill has sped up so instead of moving forward now I just walk to stay still.
I keep thinking that if I can just break 2 stones then I'll finally feel like I've achieved something, but I wonder if I will. Or will it be like breaking into the 15's and then 14's - instead of feeling elated that I'd achieved something, it was like I just ticked the box and then looked straight to the next thing on the list to achieve, with little or no satisfaction or acknowledgement of what I'd managed so far.
I think maybe I need to spend the rest of this week focusing on what I have achieved, not what I haven't. Give myself a pat on the back, so to speak, and think of someway to reward myself rather than twisting myself in knots trying to get something that's still a little bit out of my reach. So I hereby promise faithfully to stop beating myself up for the rest of the week.
Wednesday, 29 April 2009
Measurements - Part 2
Sometime shortly after I started this blog, I decided to take some key measurements and compare them as I went along, and I thought it was about time I updated them.
- Hips - 46" - was 48"
- Waist (at belly button) - 44" - was 46.5"
- Waist (at narrowest point) - 39" - was 40.5"
- Chest - 44" - was 46"
- Upper Arm - 12.75" - was 13" - I know this is picky, but there is a small difference
- Upper Thigh - 26.5" - was 27.5"
Which means that despite all my grumbling, something is happening. Hooray!
Having my cake and eating it.
I ate the chocolate cheesecake last night. Actually, ate would be the wrong word. I savoured every tiny, little mouthful of it - the pure rush of sugar, the bitter sweet tang of the chocolate, the smoothness of the cheese top against the rich sugary crumblyness of the base, and the juicy sweetness of the strawberries sliced up on the side. And it was worth it. Every. Damn. Point.Heaven.
So that was my treat for the week, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I also cunningly fed the other slice to Bridget, so that's it; all gone and no temptation left. She was laughing that it took me 20 mins to eat my slice though - now that's stretching out the moment! It's back to the healthy food now, which is fine by me - the fridge is stock with loads of lovely fresh veg, strawberries, meringues, natural yoghurt and fruit compote, good lean meat and fish, and while it may not be cheesecake, it all tastes good in it's own right.
Since Body Pump didn't cripple me on Monday, I just managed to squeeze in a run before Bridget got to me yesterday evening, and I was really pleased with how it went. And I mean really pleased. I ran the first 15 mins straight off the bat!! No stops, no walking, just relentless steady jogging. I can't remember ever running that long before without a break. I just felt good and strong and there didn't seem any point in stopping. Ok, so the little hills were a bugger and hard work, but the blessed relief when you make it to the top and you feel like you're floating on the flat bits makes up for it. I think maybe I see where the running converts are coming from.
I did take a short break at 15 mins - not because I was tired, which I was although not dead, but just because there was another little hill and I thought if I walk part of that and catch my breath, I'm good to go the rest of the way back home without stopping. So I walked, although not as far as I thought I would, then soldiered on home in one go.
I'm undeniably proud of myself, although I suspect that not every run will be that good, and I have to promise myself now that if I break earlier on my next run I won't be upset.
On a separate note - in an effort to keep this blog focused on my weight loss, I'm splitting my blogging - weight loss on here, and general life on t'other one I've just started. So apologies if this one gets boring while the general drama goes on elsewhere!
Tuesday, 28 April 2009
So much to say
I'm finding this blogging malarkey a tad addictive. I could seriously write on here about 10 times a day, but don't because I'm guessing no-one seriously wants to read that much self-obsessed twaddle. However, I do find the process of getting all my thoughts out of my head and down on to "paper" so damn cathartic at the moment, that I might have to have a second blog somewhere else that's unlisted so I can naval-gaze to my heart's content.
On a food front, I've somehow managed to mess up this week already - hoorah!!! Give that girl a pat on the head!!! I bought my chocolate cheese-cake and worked out that it was 9 points (oh my god) for one small slice. And ironically, that is not the cause of yesterday's cock-up because both pieces are still sat in the fridge.
Tangent - 9 freaking points?????? Jesus, no wonder my weight inched up over time - it's not like I'd have them often, but how many other things are that heavy in calories and fat and I had not a clue?? Sigh.
Yesterday's cock up was in fact caused by accepting an invitation from the boys next door to go round for chilli after my Body Pump class. First problem - boy-sized portions and I happily ate all of it. Second problem - glass of red wine to accompany aforementioned ginormous plate of food. Third problem - the Dreaded Biscuit Box - 'nough said.
The DBB does not often get taken out, but it requires health hazard warnings, it's so damn dangerous. It resides under the coffee table in the boys' living room - an innocuous-looking but very large Tupperware box. And in that box? Pretty much every biscuit known to man, and none of them even remotely healthy. Jon pulled it out after dinner with a questioning eye-brow raised in my direction - translation "biscuit?" (I'm very good at translating Jon's eyebrows - years of practice). So on the upside - I only had 3. On the downside - I had 3.
Bollocks.
Soooo - I start day 2 of the week with a 5.5 point deficit .... after I'd taken into account Body Pump. I suck.
On an exercise front though - I did my second Body Pump class last night, upped my weights on several tracks, and don't even remotely ache this morning - woooohoooooooo!! How great is muscle memory?? I broke myself doing this class last week, and this week my muscles said "Oh this? Yeah - we know how to do this. No worries - just you let us get on with it". Which means I have no excuse for not putting in a decent workout tonight before Girls Night. And possible cheesecake.
And in case anyone's wondering - the rationale behind having cheesecake tonight, while I'm still slightly behind on points from last night, is that I can feed Bridget the other piece therefore eliminating the siren call from the fridge for the rest of the week - clever, huh?
On a food front, I've somehow managed to mess up this week already - hoorah!!! Give that girl a pat on the head!!! I bought my chocolate cheese-cake and worked out that it was 9 points (oh my god) for one small slice. And ironically, that is not the cause of yesterday's cock-up because both pieces are still sat in the fridge.
Tangent - 9 freaking points?????? Jesus, no wonder my weight inched up over time - it's not like I'd have them often, but how many other things are that heavy in calories and fat and I had not a clue?? Sigh.
Yesterday's cock up was in fact caused by accepting an invitation from the boys next door to go round for chilli after my Body Pump class. First problem - boy-sized portions and I happily ate all of it. Second problem - glass of red wine to accompany aforementioned ginormous plate of food. Third problem - the Dreaded Biscuit Box - 'nough said.
The DBB does not often get taken out, but it requires health hazard warnings, it's so damn dangerous. It resides under the coffee table in the boys' living room - an innocuous-looking but very large Tupperware box. And in that box? Pretty much every biscuit known to man, and none of them even remotely healthy. Jon pulled it out after dinner with a questioning eye-brow raised in my direction - translation "biscuit?" (I'm very good at translating Jon's eyebrows - years of practice). So on the upside - I only had 3. On the downside - I had 3.
Bollocks.
Soooo - I start day 2 of the week with a 5.5 point deficit .... after I'd taken into account Body Pump. I suck.
On an exercise front though - I did my second Body Pump class last night, upped my weights on several tracks, and don't even remotely ache this morning - woooohoooooooo!! How great is muscle memory?? I broke myself doing this class last week, and this week my muscles said "Oh this? Yeah - we know how to do this. No worries - just you let us get on with it". Which means I have no excuse for not putting in a decent workout tonight before Girls Night. And possible cheesecake.
And in case anyone's wondering - the rationale behind having cheesecake tonight, while I'm still slightly behind on points from last night, is that I can feed Bridget the other piece therefore eliminating the siren call from the fridge for the rest of the week - clever, huh?
Monday, 27 April 2009
The internal debate rages on
There's cake on the other side of our office. It's wedding cake - rich fruit cake with about an inch of marzipan and icing coating it. I don't even like fruit cake much, but I am so damn tempted to go and grab a piece because I'm craving the pure sugar hit of the icing.
Bad, bad, bad and totally wrong.
So I'm sat here typing this instead, and in a bit I'll have a cereal bar because I am actually a bit hungry. It won't be nearly as satisfying from a sugar point of view, but neither will it have guilt attached to it, and it will keep me full for longer.
I don't need the cake, so why do I want it so damn much?
I'm sure the answer is partly grumpiness. I lost the half a lb I needed for the Mayday Challenge, but mostly only because of rounding up of numbers last week and rounding down this week. I hate my losses being so blaaaah.
But I read some wisdom last week (and I'm sorry - I can't remember who's blog this was on - I'd attribute it to you, Dear Writer, if I could remember who you were!) that we never really have weight loss plateaus, we have weight loss effort plateaus and I think that exactly hits the nail on the head.
I can sit here and grumble all I like about plateaus, my metabolism, TOTM, water retention in muscles due to new exercise and the universe in general being against me, but if I'm being brutally honest, this is my fault.
Sure, I pick up the activity points, save food points, drink plenty of fluids and all the other things we're meant to do, but in the end I could probably pinpoint half a dozen points through the week where I could have been better.
My food choices during the weekend still leave a lot to be desired. I keep falling into the trap of thinking I've got so many saved points that I can do what I want. I also think that my portion sizes have crept up again. In terms of pointed stuff, I'm still pretty good at weighing and measuring anything I'm not sure about, but I've been bulking my plates out with zero point veg and eating all of it even when I've got to the point that I'm past full and starting to feel uncomfortable. Snacking has also crept back into my diet this past week, and it's so hard to keep track of what you've eaten. I've just remembered that I had 3 shortbread biscuits on Sat night that weren't pointed. So what else have I forgotten? And I've been craving chocolate like there's no tomorrow - I don't know if that's down to getting my period and being hormonal, or just that I really fancy it, but last night I could seriously have eaten a block of the stuff.
So here's the plan for this week:
Bad, bad, bad and totally wrong.
So I'm sat here typing this instead, and in a bit I'll have a cereal bar because I am actually a bit hungry. It won't be nearly as satisfying from a sugar point of view, but neither will it have guilt attached to it, and it will keep me full for longer.
I don't need the cake, so why do I want it so damn much?
I'm sure the answer is partly grumpiness. I lost the half a lb I needed for the Mayday Challenge, but mostly only because of rounding up of numbers last week and rounding down this week. I hate my losses being so blaaaah.
But I read some wisdom last week (and I'm sorry - I can't remember who's blog this was on - I'd attribute it to you, Dear Writer, if I could remember who you were!) that we never really have weight loss plateaus, we have weight loss effort plateaus and I think that exactly hits the nail on the head.
I can sit here and grumble all I like about plateaus, my metabolism, TOTM, water retention in muscles due to new exercise and the universe in general being against me, but if I'm being brutally honest, this is my fault.
Sure, I pick up the activity points, save food points, drink plenty of fluids and all the other things we're meant to do, but in the end I could probably pinpoint half a dozen points through the week where I could have been better.
My food choices during the weekend still leave a lot to be desired. I keep falling into the trap of thinking I've got so many saved points that I can do what I want. I also think that my portion sizes have crept up again. In terms of pointed stuff, I'm still pretty good at weighing and measuring anything I'm not sure about, but I've been bulking my plates out with zero point veg and eating all of it even when I've got to the point that I'm past full and starting to feel uncomfortable. Snacking has also crept back into my diet this past week, and it's so hard to keep track of what you've eaten. I've just remembered that I had 3 shortbread biscuits on Sat night that weren't pointed. So what else have I forgotten? And I've been craving chocolate like there's no tomorrow - I don't know if that's down to getting my period and being hormonal, or just that I really fancy it, but last night I could seriously have eaten a block of the stuff.
So here's the plan for this week:
- If I'm still wanting the chocolate by tonight I'll get some nice dessert from the supermarket - probably chocolate cheesecake - and I'll have the damn thing. The points will be counted, but I'll be happy.
- I'm going to point everything like it's week 1.
- When I go to pile on the veg to bulk out the plate, I'm going to stop and think if I'm really that hungry - if I am, fair enough, but I have somehow regained my fear of the small portion and I need to kick that back into touch.
- I'm going to attempt to make sure I stick to my individual daily point allowance on Fri, Sat and Sun rather than relying on saved points. And yes, I know I'm going out to lunch on Sat, so that will just have to be a challenge I deal with.
Them's my aims for the week - let's see if I can stick to them (sp - I'm aware of the grammatical error in the sentence - I'm just making my point :o)).
Other than that, I've got my second full exercise week starting today - Body Pump tonight (please God, make it hurt less than last week!), gym tomorrow, or possibly a run, Spinning on Weds, and running on Thurs - although I've now been told that my new running partner is actually sodding off for the next couple of weeks, so I'm on my own.
So here we go with another week.
PS - I haven't said it recently - so thanks so much to the lovely people who comment on this blog - I love seeing your encouragements, commiserations and general points of view, so keep 'em coming! Mwah - big kiss!! xx
Sunday, 26 April 2009
Running, jumping, falling.
So, I'm back from a nice weekend over with Jo, and I've bought home a lovely new collection of bruises too.
Everything's been a bit non-stop since I finished work at lunchtime on Friday. Shot home from work, literally sat down for 10 mins to grab a bowl of soup, before bombing off to the hairdressers. Then legged it back from the hairdressers to get changed and go out running with Sid. We did mostly the same circuit I did on Thursday evening, with a tiny bit extra thrown in. It was a good run, but running with someone else, especially someone who's already been running for a couple of weeks was harder, as he pushed me to run that bit further before stopping, and then to start up again after a shorter recovery period. I made it back in one piece though, jumped in the shower, got dressed up and then drove off to Cheltenham at record pace for my work dinner.
We ate at Ask, the Italian chain, and I was a little bit upset in one way, as I'd budgeted points for a dessert that I never actually got as everyone else wanted starters instead!! Damnit!! Ah well. At least it was less points used.
On a personal level, I was also really chuffed that on this, my 3rd Go Ape course, I finally went round and did all the "Extreme" routes, where I've previously copped out and gone the easy alternative. There was one moment of extreme fear when I jumped off the big tarzan swing not realising how far I was going to drop straight down (about 10 feet I think) before the harness caught me and swung me across, and yes, I did scream like a girl for that one particular moment, but it was all a good experience. I have picked up a couple of bruises from the cargo net that you swing across into (at full speed), but aside from that it was all lots of fun.
Afterwards, we grabbed an ice-cream and sat in the sun for a bit, before wandering off into the Wyre Forest (where the Go Ape centre is located) for a nice hour and a walk. Lots of activity points picked up then!
We decided on dinner out in the evening, which was nice as I'd got so many activity points stocked up by now that I could pretty much have what I wanted. But I was still foiled on the pudding front as we were so stuffed by the time we got there that we couldn't face it. So I thought we'd walk back from the pub via the little corner shop and I could at least grab a chocolate bar for later in the evening ..... and it was closed for that one Saturday night!!!!!! The world is against me in a chocolate based conspiracy!!!!!
We've spent this morning being lazy and sorting out hostels and airport transfers for our trip to Oslo in June, so it's a relief to have those sorted. We also went out for another walk this afternoon since the forecast bad weather still hadn't arrived. I got us a little bit lost, but it was a lovely walk anyway lol.
So now, all that's left of this week is to do the washing, try and make a dent on some of the mess in my room, and cross all available fingers, toes and limbs for even a half lb loss tomorrow so I can finish the Mayday Motivation challenge. TOTM finally arrived, and I've still got loads of bonus points I haven't used this week, so maybe there is a small, small chance of this. I hope so!
Everything's been a bit non-stop since I finished work at lunchtime on Friday. Shot home from work, literally sat down for 10 mins to grab a bowl of soup, before bombing off to the hairdressers. Then legged it back from the hairdressers to get changed and go out running with Sid. We did mostly the same circuit I did on Thursday evening, with a tiny bit extra thrown in. It was a good run, but running with someone else, especially someone who's already been running for a couple of weeks was harder, as he pushed me to run that bit further before stopping, and then to start up again after a shorter recovery period. I made it back in one piece though, jumped in the shower, got dressed up and then drove off to Cheltenham at record pace for my work dinner.
We ate at Ask, the Italian chain, and I was a little bit upset in one way, as I'd budgeted points for a dessert that I never actually got as everyone else wanted starters instead!! Damnit!! Ah well. At least it was less points used.
Saturday saw my legs go into lactic-acid induced shock after being forced to run twice in a 24 hours period, so it was with some trepidation that I dragged my weary self off to Kidderminster to see Jo and tackle Go Ape.
We got really lucky with the weather yesterday as the forecasted rain never materialised, so we did Go Ape under gloriously blue skies. We were also lucky enough that we were the only people on the entire course booked in within an hour and a half of our slot, so we didn't see another soul out in the trees apart from the course instructors on the ground. It was great - no queues or hold-ups, nobody to frown at us messing around and taking goofy photos and nobody racing round behind us rushing us along.On a personal level, I was also really chuffed that on this, my 3rd Go Ape course, I finally went round and did all the "Extreme" routes, where I've previously copped out and gone the easy alternative. There was one moment of extreme fear when I jumped off the big tarzan swing not realising how far I was going to drop straight down (about 10 feet I think) before the harness caught me and swung me across, and yes, I did scream like a girl for that one particular moment, but it was all a good experience. I have picked up a couple of bruises from the cargo net that you swing across into (at full speed), but aside from that it was all lots of fun.
Afterwards, we grabbed an ice-cream and sat in the sun for a bit, before wandering off into the Wyre Forest (where the Go Ape centre is located) for a nice hour and a walk. Lots of activity points picked up then!
We decided on dinner out in the evening, which was nice as I'd got so many activity points stocked up by now that I could pretty much have what I wanted. But I was still foiled on the pudding front as we were so stuffed by the time we got there that we couldn't face it. So I thought we'd walk back from the pub via the little corner shop and I could at least grab a chocolate bar for later in the evening ..... and it was closed for that one Saturday night!!!!!! The world is against me in a chocolate based conspiracy!!!!!
We've spent this morning being lazy and sorting out hostels and airport transfers for our trip to Oslo in June, so it's a relief to have those sorted. We also went out for another walk this afternoon since the forecast bad weather still hadn't arrived. I got us a little bit lost, but it was a lovely walk anyway lol.
So now, all that's left of this week is to do the washing, try and make a dent on some of the mess in my room, and cross all available fingers, toes and limbs for even a half lb loss tomorrow so I can finish the Mayday Motivation challenge. TOTM finally arrived, and I've still got loads of bonus points I haven't used this week, so maybe there is a small, small chance of this. I hope so!
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