Ah. Whoops.

So, I must own up right now, that yesterday went completely down the pan food-wise.

I did something that I don't think I've done since getting back from Costa Rica, and I just stopped caring for a little while.

Firstly, I let a slow day at work and consequent boredom turn me to more snacks than I needed. Errr .... 2 cookies?? Did that really make the day pass any faster? No.

Then I let the world's crappiest journey home (3 hours and counting) mean that instead of talking myself out of the takeaway I'd been thinking of having after work, because I'd eaten the damn cookies and now didn't have any points to spare, I thought I needed a treat after a bit if rubbish day. Wrong!!!

Oh yeah, and there were a couple of snacks in the car on the way home. Calorie-controlled, and left over from the day (because I had the stupid cookies instead) but I was hungry by then!!

And I think somewhere after all that, I realised I'd blown the day, and instead of quitting while I was ahead, I topped it off with a glass of wine, a late-night slice of pizza and a couple of biscuits at the boys.

Genius - thy name is Sue.

Now, this morning, I feel the usual dieter's remorse, plus mildly physically food-hungover. It would be easy to say that I've completely humped this new Weightwatchers week on the first day, that I'm eating out at an Indian restaurant tonight and it's all screwed up and just give up and let go. However, then I definitely won't see anything I like on the scales next Friday.

So it's time to pick myself up (out of bed), dust myself down and get on with making this week as good as I can. Yes, today probably won't be great, but I've planned my food already and I'm going on a walk later, so I can at least aim for a break-even today or better. And there's no excuse that the rest of the week can't be good.

I haven't had a day like yesterday for a while. And I discovered something (again!) - they really aren't worth it.

But I am.

- Posted from my iPhone

Weekly weigh in

An absolute dead on stay-the-same. I thought I'd be disappointed, but actually I'm not too bothered.

I've not been perfect this week, but I've not been terrible either. I'm in roughly the right place, but there are always things to work on and improve. For one thing - not blowing it in the pub on a Thursday night.

I ended the week with a deficit of under 10 points, which is pretty much my happy place. I also went to bed at 2 this morning for a whole 4 hours sleep after some drinking ... funny enough I'm a little tired today.

This weekend I've got a birthday celebration tomorrow night and I'm sure the rest of the plans will come together as and when.

The immediate plan is to get through the weekend relatively unscathed, and without a massive points deficit to start the week.

Happy weekend, campers!

- Posted from my iPhone

Staying afloat

Hi guys,

Man, I am totally struggling to find time to get on here and write at the moment.  Even this one is going to be a fly-by posting, before I dash off to fall into bed!

The good news though, is that my inability to find time to blog, isn’t translating into an inability to look after myself at the moment.  Despite my hectic schedules, my eating remains pretty much on plan – I’m even in positive points this week for a change!  Mostly, I’m falling into a pattern of having a little splurge at the weekend, and then on week-days, my eating is coming in below my daily points and with a few activity points to bank, without too much effort. 

I’ve developed an eating routine which is suiting me for the moment; cereal for breakfast, fruit mid-morning with the occasional biscuit or office cake thrown in for variety (although cake-wise I stick to mini-rolls or cookies, where I know where I am points-wise), a packed lunch bought from home, and a snack or two in the afternoon if I get hungry.  Generally, I’m feeling pretty hungry in the car on the way home, but often by the time I get home, I’m over the worst of it.  If I’m still starving when I do get back, I’m learning that often a smaller tea than I think I need satisfies me, as long as I eat slowly and consciously.  Fast food is my friend at the moment – by which I mean anything quick to cook, not greasy junk.  Some pasta, soups, half a thin-crust pizza.  Not quite as wholesome as I’m used to, but I eat healthy portion sizes, and decent quality with identifiable ingredients (not some chemically shitty substitute) and I top up with lots of fresh veggies on the side.  If I do have a take-away for some reason, chicken, prawn and vegetable dishes are my friends.  So yeah, I had prawn chow mein on Friday night, and Domino’s pizza last night (fyi – the Vegetarian Supreme, which I would previously have considered a poor second choice, turns out to be delish, and surprisingly friendly at just 3 points a medium slice), but everything is tracked and pointed.

Exercise is starting to make a reappearance too.  I felt so sluggish after the first week, when I just did 1 run, and last week was only 1 spin class so that wasn’t much better.  But this week I’ve already done spin on Monday and a gym workout last night (pre-pizza).  I would have been spinning again tonight, but I was foxed by the bus taking an hour to turn up this evening!!  Boooooo!  I’m also still walking the 20 mins each way from the bus to the office, so that adds a little extra too.

Saturday last weekend, was another tick on the list of things I’d never tried before, as I let myself be dragged off (not exactly kicking and screaming I might add) orienteering on the Malvern hills.  It turned out to be ace fun, especially as my friend Kath, whose been doing it since she was a kid, decided that “sore ankles” were a great excuse for her to jack in the tough blue route and come and teach me how to navigate on the novice orange route instead!!  Being fitter is such a revelation sometimes, when I don’t think anything of attempting to run round on the hills following a map, trying to find little orange control points along the course.  And run I did too.  Over the top of the hills, and down the sides.  We went off-path a bit too, so I was hop, skipping and a-jumping as fast I could through the undergrowth at times.  A year ago?  I’d not even have attempted that.  It was a only a short course, 2.7km on the official course distance (the absolute straight line distance control point to control point, start to finish), but I reckon with a short detour due to my map-reading and the usual zig-zagging it was closer to 3.5km to 4km.  We took 47 mins to complete it, as Kath let me do the map-reading and just gave me pointers on how to do it right, and acted as a sounding board for my route choices, but we came a very creditable joint 5th out of the 20 participants in our class.  I don’t care that some of them walked, some were kids / teenagers, and others were probably retired – the point is I felt fit enough to run it, and we came back in a time I was proud of.  And there was a bacon roll and a home-made rock cake devoured afterwards while we waited for Rob to make his way home from the blue trail.  I felt very smiley for most of Saturday.

In fact, my gloomy misery from Thursday pretty much lasted til Saturday and I think it was the mini-adventure that finally started to lift it.  From a place where I kept talking myself down (mentally at least), I started to snap out of it, and after one last wallow shopping in town on Sunday with Bec, I finally broke free and (mentally again) gave myself a good talking to about how pathetic I was being.  Muchos grazias for the all the nice comments by the way.  The thing is, I wondered whether to put that post up, even as I wrote it.  I wasn’t particularly looking for compliments and hand-holding – it was more that I thought “I bet other people feel like this too sometimes”, so whilst I could have hidden it from you and glowered in privacy, I thought I’d put it out there, so that anyone else feeling that way knows they’re not the only with negative thoughts occasionally.  And that is doesn’t last forever.

And finally:

On a completely different note – my life makeover is almost complete – I offered on a flat to rent today and got accepted!!!  I saw it online yesterday, in a building I already really liked, and booked to view today.  I’d pretty much fallen in love with it already just from the ad, but counselled myself that it probably wouldn’t be as perfect in reality.  I can tell you though, that I walked in and fell more head-over-heels with it than ever.  It’s a perfect central location in Bristol, in an old converted warehouse, so it’s got features like exposed brickwork, deep, deep windowsills, wooden beams and an amazing cast iron pillar in the living room.  It’s got parking, which is a miracle, and whilst it’s not huge, it’s so cute and cozy and comfortable, that I’m in love.  Even better, I’ll be able to walk to work once I move in (to my new swankier offices that we’re moving too at the end of next month), and there’s a gym right next to work (which I’m waiting to hear if we get corporate membership on).  Even if we don’t, I’m going to join, as I was looking at the class timetable and it’s perfect – tons of spinning, circuits, yoga, pilates, combat and kick-boxing, with classes before and after work and during the lunch break.  Amazing!  I’m so excited about how convenient that should be – imagine – it won’t matter if I’m doing something on an evening, because I can plan to work out in the morning or lunchtime instead!  Hell, I can even choose to run to / from work for a workout, looping round the harbour-side for a decent workout! 

For once, I feel like one area of life is falling into place.  Money’s going to be a worry until the end of the year I think, but I reckon I’ll make it.

Back soon for more tales from the scale (Friday).  We’ll see – I’ll take what I can get.

Mwah – patient readers o’mine.

Enlightenment

Sometimes you make an unwelcome discovery about yourself, and wonder how to deal.  If you’re of average appearance (well, I like to think so anyway), now of average size, average intelligence (I think) and average success – an all-round average person, then you must conclude that you’re total lack of attractiveness has to be down to a major character flaw.

We all know that losing the weight doesn’t make the problems all go away, but sometimes they force you to face something you’d really rather not.  I find I can no longer hide behind my weight as the reason I’m single, instead I must accept that it’s actually me that is unattractive.

That depressing point aside, I managed a lb off this week.  Something, but not all of last week’s gain, but then again, I did have quite a big deficit on my points this week.  Anyhoo, I’m continuing to take it a day at a time eating-wise, and I’ve allowed myself to be talked into having a bash at orienteering tomorrow morning, so check back for tales of running around (or staggering lost) on the hills.

Apologies for the up and down-ness of things around here lately.

Bumpy ground

I can’t believe it’s been a week since I last posted on here.  I’ve been monumentally rubbish when it’s come to the thought of posting in the evenings this week.  Partly through tiredness, and partly just because, emotionally speaking, I’m a bit low at the moment.

Therefore, excuse the haste with which I catch you up on the humdrum chaos that is life Chez Sue:

• Saturday was a quiet one.  Met some friends on the hills for a coffee and cake, and then a little stroll in the sun over the Herefordshire Beacon, before they carried on their way on their longer walk and I pushed off home.  Mostly spent the day chilling out, and relaxing ahead of Sunday’s run.  Met my school friend Koks and her boyfriend Tim in the evening for drinks, and then hit the sack for a fairly early night.
• Woke up excited, got in the car excited, waited in the queue of traffic for the carpark nervously at the venue, looked at the sun and grinned excitedly, found my friends, handed everything to Jo, who kindly looked after it all, and set off to run with 1,500 other people.  It was a beautiful day weather-wise, and the experience matched it.  The run was good, and although Hannah and I had low expectations on what times we wanted to get (1:20 for me, and sub 1:30 for her), we smashed them into little bits as we picked up 6 minutes in the last quarter of the course, and stormed home (for us), in a highly satisfying 1:12.  Crossed the line together, holding hands.  Big grins, big hugs, lumpy throats.  Went for lunch with Jo afterwards, and ate way too much (mmmmmm, ribs), but tracked the lot.  Debating entering for another run, but can’t quite make any decisions right now.
• Woke up Monday morning feeling sick after too much food.  Back on eating plan, and back to work.  Walked at lunch, and just squeaked home in time to make a spin class.  A gruelling epic of a class with 45 mins “heavy endurance” – I thought my heart was going to fall out my mouth and flop around weakly on the floor.  Done, go home, collapse.
• Long day at work on Tuesday, still on plan, then home for dinner cooked by my flatmate.  In a moment of weakness, I ate too much and drank too much.  Regretted but tracked.
• Lunch date today – I give up – men are off the agenda – clearly I’m doomed.  Food ok.  Go home, Bridget round for tea, chat a bit, late dinner, fall asleep.
• Long, long day at work today, and in the worst of moods.  Morning starts badly when I can’t find a damn thing that looks / feels good to wear, and end up being horribly late for work.  Make stupid mistakes at work and have to grovel.  Traipse across town to new offices for afternoon roadshow-thing and then back – at least I’ve had some sort of exercise today.  Food’s fine, but I find myself depressed and crying most of the drive home in the car.  Stupid, stupid thing to get in that state.  Stay home and retreat to my room to avoid people.  Flatmate’s stressing about finding a replacement for me when I move, but I just can’t find the energy to care right now.  Sleep needed.
• Not expecting much at the scales tomorrow.

One of the pictures from Sunday that makes me smile a little because I remember how good we felt at this point, around 8k out:

 

And definitely at this point:

Say whaaaaaat?

Hi,

My name is Grumpy McReallypissedoff.

Why, you ask?

Remember I said yesterday that I'd had a pretty good week of tracking this week, and had finished with pretty much no deficit, but was still a little nervous about the scales?

So guess what the scales did this morning?

3 fucking pounds. UP.

NOT HAPPY.

Still, I could have spent this morning hip-deep in recriminations, self-doubt, questioning and re-questioning where I'd gone wrong, and general, all-purpose whining.

I don't know why it's happened - could be I got something wrong with my pointing, could be the adjustment from later morning weigh ins back to much earlier ones, could be the shift from high intensity exercise to more walking as I've started work, could simply be TOTM or a backlash from that big loss a couple of weeks ago.

Who knows. What I do know is I can't let this set me back so the big girl panties are going to have to make an appearance. Suck it up. Move on.

I'm not sure whether to weigh in daily for the moment so I can monitor what's going on or keep going forward with weekly. Maybe see how it goes and what it looks like tomorrow.

- Posted from my iPhone

Pre-weigh in jitters

As always, when it gets to Thursday night, I get some serious nerves about the Friday morning encounter with the scales.  Part of me wants to know what they say, just in case they’ve got lower, and the other half is too scared to stand on them in case they’ve gone up. 

I haven’t a bloody clue what to expect this week!

Had a good day on plan today although I’ve eaten slightly more than I planned.  Still within my daily allowance, just not saving as many points as I intended, but I’ve offset that with more exercise than I thought I might have.  I went for another 30 min walk at lunch today (is this a new habit for me?  Who knows!), and talked myself into going for a run this evening, which I’ve been saying I needed to do all week.  Just an easy couple of miles this evening (I know, I said “easy” – crazy huh?), but at a fairly decent pace.  Is this what they call a “tempo” run?  I have no idea, but it felt comfortable, and I easily did the whole loop in one go, no breaks and with a pretty good pace for slow, little, ‘ol me.

Weightwatchers wise, I’m looking at finishing the week with just 3 points deficit – definitely one of the best kind of weeks for me, as I very rarely manage that kind of week, and better still, I’m pretty sure that that’s what I’ve actually eaten, rather than what I wanted to admit too, as I’m still making the effort to write down everything (stupid dry cereal again today – must stop doing that!). In theory, that would mean a kind response from the scales, but I still feel a little heavy and bloated, so I can’t say I’m expecting too much tomorrow morning.  I guess we’ll see!

On the plus-side, I can definitely recommend buying a pack of ready to eat mixed seafood from the chiller cabinet, gently frying a little onion and minced garlic, and Arborio risotto rice, slowly adding some fish stock (Knorr fish stock cubes how I love you!),a bit at a time, and adding the seafood and some frozen peas as the last of the stock goes in …. it makes a very tasty seafood risotto (with a little tarragon, and salt and pepper for seasoning) as a bargainous 4 points a portion – WINNER!  Eaten with very tasty soda farl and low-fat spread on the side.  Mmmmmmmm.

Sweet dreams, fellow Questers of Lightness ….