A month??

I can’t believe that January has flown past so quickly! Last time I looked it was New Year, and here we are at the end of the month already.  Which is interesting, because it means in 4 short days time I’ll have been super-duper on plan for a whole freaking month.

GO ME!!!

I weighed at 12st 10lbs at the start of this year - well, after New Year, which let’s face it, in dieter’s terms is the start of the year – and I’ve lost half a stone already at my last weigh in – what a fabulous way to get going!

I didn’t get to run today, which was part of my loose plan, as I didn’t escape the office until half 8, but my eating was clean …. so clean that I’ve been able to have a late evening snack of a yoghurt and some chocolates to get to my daily total.  In fact (and please be very proud of me for some world-class self-restraint here) I wandered into Hotel Chocolat yesterday at Cribbs Causeway, and bought a little box of 6 chocolates.  Cinnamon pralines, if you please.  I had 3 last night, put the other 3 in the fridge and enjoyed them this evening.  That is practically unheard of, but I enjoyed them sooooo much because I knew they were in my daily allowance. 

Also – just for the record, I am totally loving the leftovers habit I have at the moment.  Since I started cooking double portions (or more) of my dinners, it’s made things so much easier.  I know it’s stupid that it didn’t occur to me to do this more often before, but it makes such a difference getting home every other night and not having to think about what I’m cooking, and having a dinner that’s super quick to get done and on the table.  Together with the meal planning before I do my weekly food shop, it’s giving me a much more stable routine, especially while I’m working the crazy hours. It’s also meaning I’m starting to eat a bit more of a varied meal plan again, because I’m thinking ahead on what I want to buy, which means I can pick up different ingredients for new dishes if I want to.  I’ve got an entire recipe book of awesome to work through!

Next month, as well as continuing to rock this (which I will!), I’ll reach my 2nd anniversary on this blog.  2 whole, freaking years – where on earth did the time go??  On the fun stuff, I guess.  Today I decided that this year should probably include some more surfing.  And windsurfing.  Which makes it new wetsuit time.  Funny how that doesn’t hold any fear anymore.

6km in the bank

6km’s more added to my yearly running total this afternoon.  41 minutes.  It’s funny how the runs that you really didn’t want to go on sometimes turn out to be the better ones.  It felt pretty smooth and easy, and I could definitely have gone longer / further if I’d chosen to.

I slept in til noon today – still desperately trying to catch up on a bit of my sleep deficit from the last couple of months, and I felt much better for it.  The good thing with getting up late is that you skip straight to lunch and save yourself some points for the rest of the day – happy days! :o) 

Tasty poached eggs on a toasted muffin with mushrooms for lunch, and a mahoosive portion of stew for tea for just 4 points – lamb, kidney beans and lots of lovely vegetables.  Which left me tons of points over for a WeightWatchers Sticky Toffee pudding and custard (and I may have snuck a sliced banana on top – toffee and banana – awesome combo!).  Although, FYI – the pudding?  Mmmm – it’s ok, but not great.  And now I’m using my last couple of points for some cinnamon pralines from Hotel Chocolat ….. and they are super tasty.

I feel like I’ve had a fairly productive day today – done the food shop, fixed my necklace, about to sew the button back on my cardigan, but I’m a little frustrated.  While Jo was down yesterday we had a long conversation over the fact that I’m budgeting like crazy at the moment, and how hard it is, and how impressed Jo was with me for doing so.  One thing I commented on was that I was little worried about how I was going to afford her birthday as she wants to go karting and then out into Birmingham for a night out which means staying in a hotel as well.  I’m already going on a canal-boating weekend 2 weeks after that which I agreed to weeks ago for Graeme’s 30th.  Jo’s birthday is going to cost over £100 all in, which is so much of my weekly budget. 

But no, last night I start getting angry text messages from Lissa about how I sucked for not wanting to go karting as well as the night out, because I was “supposed to be Jo’s best friend, and I can’t believe that you’re going to Graeme’s instead” and that I “should consider your choices better”.  I pointed out that I had been asked to Graeme’s first, and that I hadn’t known what Jo wanted to do at the point of how much it would cost.  Apparently, I was meant to have said no to Graeme's just in case Jo wanted to do something expensive.  I’m so frustrated.  If I’d been asked on Graeme’s when I had already started budgeted, I’m not sure if I’d have said yes.  And if Jo “is only turning 30 once and wants all her friends around her” then perhaps she should have picked a way to celebrate that doesn’t cost so much money.  But what can I say.  I never said I wouldn’t go, but I’m getting grief for expressing an opinion.

And I wouldn’t mind so much, but Jo and Lissa are the same people who gave me such a hard time for not budgeting in the first place, so it now sucks that I’m getting yelled out over what is effectively a double standard: I should budget, unless it means saying no to something they want to do.  Rant over.

Oh crap, and I’ve just watched the saddest episode of Grey’s Anatomy.  Think I need to watch another one to cheer myself up now!

Time to pick up the slack

Yep – it’s time to get my head down and make this week a good one.  And why’s that you ask?  Because I actually had a really good loss this week and, frankly, that terrifies me a little!

I feel a little discombobulated to be honest – 2.8 lbs off this week – which is fab, don’t get me wrong, but means I’m going to have the hell of a job to lose anything this week – especially with dinner out last night and two more out this week – yikes!

I’m hoping that the crazy at work is finally dying down a bit now – the final curtain yesterday was that Jo was down to visit and I was still late to leave the freaking office – poor Jo had to wait half an hour in the car for me!  I did make it to my morning spin session though, and even tortured myself through my personal trainer’s weights program.  I was a little broken afterwards.

Anyhoo, after I did finally get home, we dollied ourselves up and went out for dinner (excellent Mexican) and a few drinks / cocktails.  After that, we were both absolutely shattered so we actually came back to the flat and both crashed out.  The good news is that the early night meant that I didn’t blow all my weekly flex points.

I’m enjoying my first full weekend off this month – heaven!  I’ve only had 3 days off in the last month so it’s good to have 2 days together and an actually opportunity for a lie-in.  We went for a walk by the coast this afternoon and had a picnic – this was a good thing as the alternative was a pub lunch – aren’t you proud of me for going for a sensible sandwich and crisps instead of what would know doubt have been something waaaaaay more calorific instead?

I spent this evening wrestling with my conscience, as I suddenly took it in my head that I wanted Chinese takeaway.  Do you ever get times like that?  Doesn’t matter that I already used most of my points for the day, or that I already think what I’ve written about about the impossible task of losing this week.  I sat there looking at that menu online trying to work out what I wanted, when I was torn and didn’t really want it.  The only thing that stopped me in the end was the realisation that I’m going for Chinese on Thursday for the Chinese New Year – I’ll be getting exactly what I wanted then, and I can sure wait 4 days.  Instead, I did the sensible thing, defrosted some lamb and made myself what is an awesome casserole, if I do say so myself. 

I admit that I ate more of it than I needed, and mopped up the sauce with a couple of slices of bread – so yes, I’m a few over my daily points, but with my activity points from my walk I’m still a few saved for the day.

And I’ve got tasty,healthy stew for the next couple of days.  So, all in all, not a terrible start to the week.

Shouldering the burden

Do you ever have one of those moments when you find yourself in the middle of something with a feeling of surprise? The how-did-I-get-here syndrome?

Just such a thing happened to me at about 25 to 2 today as I found myself mid-shoulder stand with my knees on my forehead and feet hovering just off the floor behind my head.

If you'd have asked me this morning if I could do a shoulder stand, I'd have undoubtably told you "no". But there I was in my lunchtime yoga class doing them. And not too shabbily at that.

I'm not sure I've ever been to a pure yoga class before - lots of Body Balance but not straight yoga. I gave it a bash today, and I enjoyed it, although by golly, it's quite hard! When it got to the shoulder stands I stopped myself thinking about it too much and just tried it. I got surprisingly straight up in the air, and I managed the scissors and the legs to the floor behind my head stuff pretty well.

There will be a lot of advanced moves that I still won't be able to do, but it was so nice to make that one realisation of how things have improved.

It's been another hideously long day otherwise, but I'm on plan and still remaining resolute in eating right and working out where I can.

A late evening conversation with some of the girls I work with might have turned me up a new yoga companion as well as a new running buddy. We're going to investigate the possibility of the showers at work so we can go for a lunchtime run once or twice a week. Rob (my PT) will be proud! :-)


- Posted from my iPhone

Little things

Who’d have thought it, but lunchtime workouts are turning out to be my saviour these days!

When you’re not leaving the office until sometime around between half 7 to after 8 every night, it’s difficult to find the time or motivation to get a workout in in the evenings, but a lunchtime class allows me both a decent opportunity to sweat and burn off some calories, and, as was the case today, a much-needed opportunity to vent some frustration and get away from my desk for an hour.

I’m also finding I’m falling more and more into a routine with this eating thing at the moment … and part of that routine is making sure that I’m not being too routine, and that I’m being conscientious about my eating and tracking.  For instance – I had always assumed that a pack of stir-fry veg would be zero points, because all the veg individually are – but according to the tracker it’s 2 points per portion! Who knew?  Dutifully noted though.

I spent what little thinking time I had to myself today, going through a bit of an interesting mental exercise.  Yesterday, I mentioned that, among other things,I was feeling rather overwhelmed by my debt, and the task of clearing it (and p.s. thanks for the nice comments as always – much appreciated!).  Today – with the benefit of a clearer mind after some sleep – I thought about it a different way.  You see, it’s so similar to the feelings of hopelessness when overwhelmed with a large weight loss to be accomplished, that I carried that analogy a bit further.

When I started this health challenge, I knew I had a long, looooong way to go.  To help avoid the overwhelming size of my challenge, I avoided thinking about the whole, and just concentrated on the task immediately in front of me, and occasional mini-goals to aim for.  Soon enough I found, that even without needing to be perfect in my efforts, I was chipping away at the whole big amount, and had made surprising progress.  And this debt is just the same.  I’ve scared myself enough to be in the right frame of mind to want to deal with it and commit myself.  Now, I need to stop worrying about the sheer size of it, and just concentrate on the little day to day achievements that help me get a bit closer to my goal.  Take my budget a week at a time, and focus on getting that right.

And where I felt utterly bereft of not having any holidays yesterday, it occurred to me that the only way to solve that is to have something to save for.  A goal to work towards.  That goal is simply a holiday of my choice, wholly paid for upfront – no credit cards involved.  It might not be skiing, but it will be something I’ve chosen and want to do, and having something to work for will keep me a bit more focused.  And like the diet – saving up for those occasional treats stops me feeling like I’m being denied anything – I’ve just got to weigh up what it is I want – a bit more on a day-to-day basis, or be a bit more strict and have an occasional controlled treat.

I can do this.

Lost

I’m feeling a little lost today.  Lost and a bit miserable if I’m totally honest.

A whole group of my friends went away skiing yesterday, which was something I wanted desperately to do – to go with them.  I know I couldn’t go because work is so manic that there is absolutely no chance of time off, but really that just covers the underlying reason that I couldn’t go because I’m so broke at the moment.

Absolutely flat, stony broke.  And whilst I have acknowledged that fact to myself, and that I need to address it now rather than letting it spiral any further, that means that my depressing reality for the next couple of years is that I have virtually no spare money at all.  Not for holidays or shopping or extras. 

Everything just feels a bit much today – friends gone away without me (even though it is just for a week), no money, hardly any friends down here, and a lot of stress at work.  It feels all a bit much to handle, and what I could really do with is a big hug … but there’s no one here to give me one, so I’m having a wallow in self-pity for a little while instead.

The eating has survived today more or less in tact despite that.  I took cupcakes to work which I baked yesterday and I didn’t have one of them – well, not one of the iced ones anyway – I had one of the remaining un-iced ones for dessert after my dinner.  I had intended to run too tonight, but not finishing up in the office til quarter to 8 kind of put paid to that.  But I have already packed my kit for tomorrow so I can spin at lunchtime, and made my sandwiches too.

Another day done – tomorrow can only be better right?

Hard to believe ….

…. but there it is in my tracker … another weekend on plan!

I’m learning to live my life and still lose weight – although I was working all yesterday, I ended up at an impromptu dinner party last night and thoroughly enjoyed beef bourguignon, 2 slices of lemon drizzle cake, red wine, champagne, white wine and some very posh chocolates.  But in moderation.  I ate well the rest of the day, and I was so glad I’d taken my own lunch to the office, when the free lunch picked by the team was Indian – as tasty as it looked it would have knocked me right off course.

Today I actually ended up with an unexpected day off work as I was told yesterday I wouldn’t be needed.  With nothing planned, it’s been a bit of a catch-up day – I had a bit of a lie-in this morning (much needed when you’re working extra days in the office and long hours with it) and then dragged my sorry ass out for a run.  Rob (my trainer) has decreed that I should start running again – partly for the upcoming runs in May and June, and partly because it’s the best calorie killer known to man, woman or beast and will help with my weight loss – so running I went.  It wasn’t a particularly great run, but it was 5k in the tank none the less.  Only the second run of the year, but with rather a lot more to follow.

I’ve also been baking today to take to work tomorrow to cheer up my over-worked colleagues.  I actually screwed up the first batch of cupcake bases, so had to do a second set.  But I did eat 2 of the un-iced bases from the ruined batch that were ok.   In the interests of remaining completely honest with my tracking I sat down to work out how much the actual recipe is in Weightwatchers points …. and here’s the surprise:  the bases are only 4 points each ….. the icing however is another 5 on top!

Anyway – I was very organised earlier and sat down and planned my meals for the week and then did the food-shop.  Annoyingly, I thought that would make it loads cheaper, but it was still pretty pricey (grrrrrr to ever inflating costs of living!), but I do have a fridge chock-full of good food and a meal-plan for the week to help me continue on track.

Time for bed now to face yet another working week!