Thoughts

Two things I wanted to talk about today:

1. Hetty's comment on this post on wanting to try climbing but not being sure whether to wait til "smaller" or try it now.
2. Love Cat's post yesterday on (annoying) boyfriends who lose weight stupidly easily. 

So first up:  Hetty - ABSOLUTELY GO TRY CLIMBING. 

One of my biggest regrets in life is putting so much stuff on hold for that golden day when I would be thin.  There is a saying, one that I truly believe in, that you never regret the things you do, only the things you don't do.  It's a principle I really try to live my life by now.  But I didn't always.

For one thing, I doubt there will ever be a golden day when I am "thin".  Thin will not make everything in my life better.  And even if it did, why should I wait for some mythical day that might never arrive to experience all that life has to offer.

Having said that, I absolutely understand the other side of the fence - I lived over there for the longest time, and then I spent a long time teetering on top before diving off to where I am now.  The unknown is scary, and so is (or at least it was for me) the imaginary fear of humiliating myself. 

Mostly, I worried that I flat-out wouldn't be able to do something I attempted.  Back in the day, at my biggest, I also worried whether I'd even be able to fit in the climbing harness or whether someone would be able to belay me (or whatever other sport it was).  I think perhaps the point I missed was that it's harder to find the motivation to get smaller and be "able" to do these things, than it is to try them, find what you love, and want to improve yourself so you can get better.  It's a subtle distinction, but having a physical experience to motivate you into doing something works a treat. 

I think, in a convoluted way, what I'm trying to say is that we really should just go for things.  Try stuff out, see what's fun.  Most importanly, enjoy life now, rather than in 5 years time.  Climbing was hard, but only in as much as I got tired quickly.  Actually getting up the wall was fine, and we weren't even doing the easiest routes.  The trick is to do as much as you can, and enjoy it.  You know the saying "dance like nobody's watching"?  Yeah, climb like it too.  Nobody else there cares what route you do or how many times - they're not judging - in fact they're probably enjoying seeing somebody else have fun at their sport.

Now, Love Cat's post.  She made an interesting point the other day, about how her boyfriend TB was now eating the heatlhy meals she cooks for herself, and had decided to start exercising a bit more, and so would probably, annoyingly, lose weight more quickly than her.  This is definitely a trial I understand well at the moment.  Chris decided at New Year that he wanted to lose a bit of weight and feel a bit healthier.  So, just like that, he cut out alcohol and carbs, started eating 4 smaller meals a day and lost a frigging stone in a month.

Frustrating much?

This is clearly a man who does not have issues with food!  Even more irritating, is that he doesn't really have much to lose - he's tall and broad, but not big.  He just decided that he'd been eating a bit too much before Christmas, so he'd just eat less now.  Just like that.  No agonising, or craving, or .... well, whatever I struggle with.  His only comment on it was that for the first couple of days he missed his bigger portions, and then it was fine.

So now I'm dating someone who's eating ridiculously healthily, and is in good (even better?) shape, and I tell you what, if that's not motivation for me to pull my socks up and get my head sorted, I don't know what is! 

It does at least make hanging out with him easier, as he tends to eat healthy around me too, although he has a tendency to forget, or not bother, to eat sometimes (I'm not sure which), which can mean I find myself doing activity on an empty stomach which I'm not used to.  Maybe I should be, as it hasn't killed me so far?  Example - on Sunday, after a lie-in, we had a bit of late breakfast (cereal with chopped banana for me, and porridge for him) and then he jumped out on his road-bike for a quick hour.  When he got back, we went for a walk in the afternoon - about 5.5 miles I think - with no further food. 

It just goes to show the total difference in our attitude to food.  He wasn't hungry when we left, so didn't bother with food.  I on the other hand, was busy thinking "but what if I get hungry?  Or feel faint?  Or run out of energy?"  I'm sure I've said this before, but I seem to have an innate fear of getting hungry, and being anything less that fully fuelled.  It's not the first time I've noticed the difference in our attitudes either - when we went surfing a couple of weeks ago, we did the same - breakfast, then got to the beach about noon.  His natural reaction is to get kitted up and go straight in and worry about food afterwards, where my instinct is to go get a bacon roll for "lunch" first, just in case I feel hungry later.  I think maybe I have a lot I could learn.

In the meantime, I feel like I need to pull my socks up.  Not that he has commented at all on my weight or eating (and in fact, although I have put a couple of lbs on over Christmas, he's not known me long enough to notice anything changing - most of the damage was done pre-November when we met), and I know he likes me as I am, but damnit, I refuse to be outclassed by my bloke on this!  I can't lose a stone in a month - I'm not built like that, and I'm looking for a more long-term loss anyway - but I can make the effort and the committment.

On that note, I've been pretty on it this week.  The tracker's near anough at neutral - points allocation plus activity points used, but no more - which is something I haven't seen in a very long time.  I've worked (out) hard this week, which my slightly creaky muscles bear testament too.  The scales aren't doing much so far (which is annoying since they showed me under 13 st on Monday, but not since), but that's a phenomenon I've dealt with before - it often takes a week to 10 days for consistent effort to show up on the scales for me, so as long as I know I'm being honest, I think I'll be fine.

And in the spirit of Love Cat - here's how the week looked activity-wise:

• Friday - rest (looooooong day at work)
• Saturday - 30 min run
• Sunday - 5.5 mile brisk walk
• Monday - Body Balance (but no run due to another loooooong day .... boooooo)
• Tuesday - climbing
• Wednesday - 45 min run
• Thursday (today) - probably rest

Scales report tomorrow!