Full Disclosure: v2

Today's prompt to disclose comes from Hetty.

Anyone who's been around the blogging universe for a while, knows that radio silence usually roughly equates to a blogger struggling manfully (womanly? Womanfully? Why is there no equivalent????) with the urge to stuff there gob full of chocolate (or pick your alternative poison here) and trying not to waste any by smearing it on your face in the unseemly rush to do it. Right. RIGHT?

So in the spirit of total honesty I shall put my hand up and admit that I ate quite a lot of chocolate this weekend. An entire 140g bar of Dairy Milk to be quite precise - which is 20 points if you're at all curious. And whilst it was lovely (bloody delicious in fact), that is not going to get me to goal. And to be fair, at the point in time while I chowing it down and savouring it .... no unseemly haste for me ... the answer to "how much do I want it?" was "chocolate more than weight loss".


Surprisingly though, after a weekend that has included pizza, Maltesers, Dairy Milk, Yo! Sushi, Tarragon Chicken cooked for friends, home baked muffins and lunch out yesterday, I'm not actually in points deficit yet. Yes, I've used my daily points and all of my flex, but I haven't burned through all of my activity points as yet, so I'm obviously doing something right.

Last night, I sat there and asked myself how much I wanted it. The weekend guests had gone home, the mess had been tidied, and I was left wondering what to have for dinner. I sat on the floor with my laptop and my tracker and asked myself why I had eaten quite so much this weekend, and what I planned to do about it. My original meal plan called for me to polish off the leftover pizza last night, but that would put me closer to a points deficit than I cared to be, so I swapped a few things round and had stir-fry instead. Right at that moment in time, with all that junk food eaten, I could feel the craving to keep eating that way even though the bonus points were all gone. What I couldn't feel was the burning motivation that's got me through the last couple of weeks.

But I did know that I would feel it again, once the junk food was out of my system, and I'd only be cross if I screwed it up now. All but 2 of the muffins had been sent home with Bec, since she's trying to put weight on and they're IBS friendly for her. There's not much junk left in the house, so I just needed to pick up the slack and carry on where I left off. The only possible slip up is dinner out at a really good Tapas restaurant tonight, which I can't really cancel for dieting reasons as it's a date (yay!). So I'll just have to be a good little girl and not go crazy. Stick to the healthy choices in a subtle manner and lay off the booze. Other than that it's a clean social-free week ahead to keep the scales going the way I like them.

And on that note .... despite everything this weekend, the scales are lower than Friday. Which is great considering they usually bounce up slightly over the weekend anyway :o)

If Hetty can do full disclosure so can I. Now I'm off to finish my work and then go home and panic about what to wear tonight. Sometimes being a girl sucks!

What makes the difference?

I was thinking this afternoon about my earlier post (and may I just point out: 2 in one day, aren’t you lucky, boys and girls?) and what it is that really makes the difference between winning and losing at this weight loss malarkey.  Or, in fact, anything in life.

And what it comes down to is this:  How much do you want it?

When you really want it, you care, and I mean really care about whether or not it happens.  And when you care, nothing is too much trouble in the pursuit of your goal.  You make it work.  Whatever happens – you just suck it up and make it work.  And if you can’t make it work right then, then you make it up as soon as you can.

You never fail, because failing is when you stop trying.

And when you’re hearts not in it, then every-bloody-thing is too much trouble.  You don’t really care when one little thing goes wrong, and when you stop caring about the little things, it’s the time that that big things spiral out of control.  Because let’s face it, all the big things are simply made up of the smaller things – lots and lots of little things.

So when spinning didn’t work this morning, I did weights.  And oh my God, did that hurt on my already sore legs.  But it was what was available.  And I walked back home afterwards to get my extra layers, because amongst other things I knew the extra walking would clock a few more activity points.  On mornings when I hit the gym before work, I have a second breakfast at work, as my normal breakfast is lighter and earlier.  Since I didn’t spin today, I just toned my second breakfast down.  I ate my fruit salad mid-morning and resolutely dodged the birthday cakes in the office.  And all those little things are what are going to get the scales going back my way again in the shortest time, and make this thing work for me.

I’m currently sitting pretty at my lowest weight, and I want something lower, and I want it soon.  I want the steady losses I’ve been seeing.  The gentle downward creep of the scales.

As it was pointed out to me earlier, I could be more organised, and it helps me when I am prepared.  I managed to get my lunch packed today, but messed up my gym kit.  In recent weeks, I’ve found myself more organised than I think I’ve pretty much ever been before.  Gym kits packed the night before, sandwiches prepped the night before and in the fridge.  Meals planned, hell, even my workouts planned. 

But I do want this. 

Want to see someone else who really wants this … then step this way and congratulate Hetty who’s just lost her first stone – yay!!!! Congrats Hetty – nice work :o)

A Catalogue of Disasters

Also entitled: How I Didn't Make My Spin Class This Morning

Oh good lord - ever have one of those days when everything seems to go wrong???

Firstly, I stepped on the scales this morning for my weekly weigh in and they were up 4lbs from last week.

Secondly, I left for my spin class, got halfway there and realised that I hadn't got my work pass, my purse or my gym class, so had to walk back home and therefore missed my spin class.

Thirdly, once back at the gym and finished with my alternative workout, I realised that I hadn't packed my long-sleeve top to go under my t-shirt, and was therefore going to be very cold at work since I had no jumper either. Cue another walk back home to retrieve extra clothing.

Fourthly, I'm so sore I can barely move, so I'm walking comedically stiffly and look a bit like Bambi on his newborn legs.

Fifthly (still reading?), I feel bloated and horrible.

Sixthly, I apparently did a drunken invite for a flatwarming party last night, and invited about 65 people. I only remembered this this morning when I got a text from a friend to say he couldn't come. Then Facebook decided to change the time of the event, and delete about 2/3rds of the invitations, so now I'm left with a very bizarrely lop-sided guest list with a particularly random selection of guests, and a lot of instances of one half of a couple being invited and not the other. So as if my spontaneous decision making wasn't bad enough, now I look like a plonker and have to fix it when I get home this evening.

AND BREATHE.

But here's the deal - all of these things can coped with if I choose to deal with the day on my terms. And I do.

Let's deal with points 1,5 and 6 first.

I didn't eat as well as I wanted to last night, as I got slightly foxed by the restaurant's way of dealing with our order. All the dishes were randomly bought out and shared out amongst us, so there was no way to track down what you'd actually ordered. Instead, we had a smorgasbord (OMG - don't you love that word????) of gorgeousness spread in front of us to be shared out, and we got stuck in. I ate more than I planned, but not ridiculously. Mostly dimsum and shellfish / fish (we had 3 whole lobsters, 3 baked seabass and a whole crab), but only a tablespoon or so of each in total. No more than 2 tablespoons of rice in total. Half a spring roll. 3 small duck pancakes.

Given that I went to last night's dinner with 12 points to spare from my day and something like 48 untouched activity points, I'm not unduly worried that I overstepped the mark a bit on my eating. I'm a little more ashamed to admit that I may have sunk a bottle of wine with dinner (after specifically saying I wouldn't drink), but I resisted the peer pressure up to a point, and then caved. I did limit my drinking to the restaurant though - not in the bar beforehand and not in the pub afterwards.

Much as I love Chinese though, I had forgotten again that it doesn't love me back. Stupid, stupid MSG. It makes me insanely thirsty, feel sick and retain water like it's going to be a global drought shortly. Which brings me to point 1. Strike that weigh in from the book, m'Lord, because it's bollocks. I was steady at 12st 3lbs yesterday, and there's no way in hell that I've put on 4lbs of fat overnight. So I'm very much inclined to take yesterday's weigh in and assume I've stayed the same this week, rather than upset myself unduly about the scales this morning. NOt something I would usually do, but that's just not a real number on the scales this morning.

Point 6 is clearly a side-effect of the wine - guess I'm having a party now! Although, actually, everybody's said they're busy so far, so perhaps not lol.

Moving swiftly along! Errr, yeah - so the gym this morning! Oh good grief - how many times do I have to walk to and fom my flat??? I didn't make my spin class (and was fairly spitting about it), but I walked my ass back to the gym (and nearly got blown sideways doing it) and did my trainer's weights workout instead. Since I'm still sore from my actual training on Wednesday, now I'm extra sore! Ouch, ouch, ouch!! I might try and make spin tomorrow to catch up my missing class.

So, in summary, I'm ignoring this morning's weigh in, I've worked out my sore butt (literally - my butt is so sore!!!), and I'm straight onto the eating good wagon. I feel another good week coming on. Oh - and I have no problem staying the same weight - I said last week that I knew I would struggle to lose anymore this week after losing 3lbs last week - I'm happy I've eaten right and exercised - the rest will happen in time.

Happy weekends, lovelies! Tell me what exciting things you have planned!

Owwwwww!

Oh my lord, my butt and hamstrings ache today, and I suspect everything else will join in the complaining shortly.

I didn't feel much like a gym workout today, so in an effort to burn a few calories ahead of tonight's meal, and more importantly, do something to alleviate my achy legs, I put my coat on, plugged my iPod in and went for a 45 min brisk walk round the harbour at lunch.

We've been asked to pre-order some of tonight's food and I was delighted to discover there's a huge chunk of dimsum on the menu - yum!! Operation Self-Restraint commences with saving lots of points for dinner and ordering some healthy dishes to get started with :-)

Not loving the thought of weigh in tomorrow!


- Posted from my iPhone

And from one extreme …

….to the other. 

Yesterday, I (mildly) berated myself for slipping back into old habits and eating sweets while I waited for my tea.  Today, I somehow saved so many points during the day, that I was dreaming up ways of using them up this evening – a slice of hot buttered toast and a Curly Wurly later and I was almost there.

Note to self – if you’ve already got the evening meal planned out and don’t have a specific splurge pudding or evening drinks in mind, don’t be stupid and save points needlessly.

I got the mother of all beastings at the gym this evening, and pretty much masochistically loved every moment of it.  HIIT training on the x-trainer for 15 mins, leg presses, squats and lunges with weights (and extra sets just on my left side since I’m weaker on that side – just call me lop-sided!), shoulder press / bicep curls and chest press on the gym ball, and an abs circuit that nearly flattened me (crunches, bicycle kicks, “canoe-paddles” and planks – don’t stop, don’t rest, rinse and repeat.  Twice) and it was a rather wobbly version of myself that walked home.

Via the supermarket where I just bought a head of cauliflower and left.

On the other hand, on days when I eat this much for dinner (massive plate of food – grilled chicken breast with Cajun spice, loads of cauliflower with a little bit of Philadelphia Extra Light instead of butter, some sauteed mushrooms and roasted butternnut squash and swede, followed by the toast and chocolate), I don’t see how I can ever eat so much and lose weight – it seems to defy logic – guess we’ll have to weight and see on that point, but also see my earlier point about using my points better.

Tomorrow is the Chinese torture all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet for Chinese New Year.  I’m thinking not drinking is going to help my self-restraint.  Right?

Extra grrrrrrrrr

Yep – you guessed it:  I left work late again.

I mean c’mon!!!!!!  Give me a break – when does normal life return???  So no, no run today. 

Food was good, apart from eating a handful of little rhubarb and custard sweets whilst I was cooking – not a habit I want to slip back into, so i must be careful (although I did put some points in my tracker for them – it’s more the snacking bit I don’t like).

At least tomorrow is personal training, so I know I’ll be getting a decent workout in, and better still I’ve now got an after work slot which a) means I have to leave work on time, and b) means I don’t have to rush to get it all in in an hour and then shoot back to the office.  Good stuff.  And I can even tell my trainer that yes, I have run (even not as much as I wanted) and I’ve done his weights too.

More exercise this week is good as I’m going out for dinner for Chinese New Year on Thursday with some friends from work.  I lurve Chinese, and this is an all-you-can-eat buffet so I need some decent self-restraint to not cock up Friday’s weigh in.  Exercise is all good.

Hear me roar :o)

Grrr ... frustration!

After not getting to go for a run last night (well, let's face it, I was at least 15% sneakily relieved about that), I did force myself to hunt down some clean(ish) kit and pack for spin class today.

Only to be told, when I rang at 7.30am as soon as I woke up, that the class was already fully booked. Apparently 25 people had rung to book between 6am at 7.30am. Seriously.

Some days you can't win.

Looks like I'll have to run tonight instead.