Hmmmm - yesterday's committment to the plan didn't quite go to plan. It wasn't terrible but it was definitely a far more "relaxed" attempt than it should have been. And that is not going to help!
I was reading through my blog feeds this morning and this post gave me a wake-up call. A get-off-your-ass-and-make-the-effort kick up the backside (thanks Phil!).
I can't remember the last time I had a proper food-Nazi day when I was really strict with myself. In fact, I've been rather relaxed for a little too long now, and I know it because the scale tells me so. Having got back down to my lowest point over the summer, I'm now back hovering where I spent most of last year. And most of last year was spent thinking "my clothes feel a little too tight!". I'm still maintaining, obviously, but I'm maintaining at a slightly higher weight than I really feel comfortable with. That's doubly annoying since I hadn't actually lost everything I wanted to yet - from where I am now, I have another stone and a half or so to go. 20lbs.
20lbs exactly, as at this morning, as it happens. I've been hovering in that 10-20lbs to lose bracket for the last two years, which is great because it means I've maintained a 40-50lb loss for that time, but annoying because I don't feel like I'm finished. The story doesn't have an ending.
In the past 3 years since I began this whole adventure, I've started or tried so many new things: running, surfing, climbing, wake-boarding, dating again, liking myself, hell - even inspiring other people. It would now be really good to finish something - losing this weight.
Obviously, I still need to work out what approach is best for that. For today at least (again) I've prodded my inner food-Nazi until she's woken up, roared and taken command (and I'll figure out how tonight's cocktail meet-up with my new flatmates fits into that) - I'm not sure if I just aim to maintain that, one day at a time, until I get where I want to go, or try some other routine to get me there. 20lbs is really not that far though. Especially if I break it down into 4 lots of 5lbs each. For now, howabout I aim for that first 5lbs, to take me back to 12st 7lbs. There doesn't seem like a better time to start than today, with Christmas and all the parties looming!
I'm meeting with my new flatmates tonight to discuss the housing situation, and then I have to try and pack for this weekend away with The Boy (I'm just going to have a mini freakout here for a moment). No backing out now as he's already told his friends I'm joining them for the weekend. breathebreathebreathe. I'm sure it'll be fine, fun even, it's just I've always kept all of my relationships very separate from my friends before - hell, none of them usually last that long, so why complicate them with introducing friends into the mix and worrying what other people are thinking?
Guess that choice has been taken away from me this time - a big step into a big, bad new world (don't judge me - I'm about as emotionally advanced as 13 year old when it comes to relationships - always have been!). New things might be scary, but so was trying all the new stuff I listed above, so why not this too?!?!
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