Thursday, 30 October 2014


I have some new eye-wear. They're very different from the style I've had for a for a few years now so I'm still getting used to them, but I think I like them. What do you think?

P.S. How nice is my hair looking? I just indulged in one of my favourite guilty pleasures and got my hair sorted. My salon has full length reclining massage chairs with light hoods and head massages so it's well worth the cost for a bit of self-indulgence.

In other news, I'm fully expecting a gain tomorrow and I'm just going to have to roll with it. For 6 out of 7 days I ate out and even if I'd been really super careful, which I kinda wasn't, then I'd have struggled to lose anything. Especially as I really only skipped a gain the week before by luck. I feel pretty bloated think I'll be glad to get back to a bit if a quieter social life this week. Just got to see what the damage is first.

- Posted from my iPhone

Saturday, 25 October 2014


Well, that was an all-round win.  Admittedly, I weighed in a couple of hours later than I would during the week due to a well-earned lie-in, but I scored a stay-the-same on my weigh in.  Most assuredly, that wasn't deserved at all, considering how far I strayed last week, but I'll grab it with both hands!

That definitely feels like I got this weekend off to a good start.  This morning I feel relaxed, better rested, and guilt-free after choosing not to indulge last night.  I'm ready for a semi-productive and thoroughly enjoyable day - brunch (waiting for it to arrive currently), a Skype date shortly with one of my besties in Brussels, my favourite boots are at the menders for emergency life-sustaining measures but will survive to see another pavement, going to get some chores, winter season stuff and shopping sorted this afternoon, and the day will be topped off with dinner and a night out for a good mate's 30th this evening.

Tomorrow is all about another lie-in, and meeting friends for autumnal walks.  In short, I feel much calmer now.

Aaaaaand reeelaaaaax.

Friday, 24 October 2014

Listening To The Little Voice In Your Head

Welcome to Friday Night Ponderings, wherein I'm sitting at my kitchen table on a Friday night with a cup of Rooibus tea and a biscuit because I am sooooo rock 'n' roll, don't you know?

My prolonged period of work has FINALLY come to an (overdue) end and I'm gratefully slumped in my flat counting the minutes until I can legitimately get into my bed and embrace unconsciousness.

As I sit here, I find myself pondering upon the choices we make when we're trying to lose weight and be healthy. Earlier this evening I found myself having that age-old mental battle with myself as I wrestled one of life's greater decisions: do I have have takeaway or not?

I fancied it, because it's one of my favoured "treats" and it's a Friday night, but at the same time there was a nagging little voice in my brain pointing out that I'd had a lavish meal out last night (game terrine! Venison! Apple crumble in iron skillets! Wine!) and have another big meal with drinking tomorrow night (curry - slightly the other end of the gastronomic spectrum but still delish!). Should I not therefore, the little voice whispered, be a bit more restrained tonight?

It's not the first occasion in recent times when I've been really aware of this internal monologue / battlefield happening as I decide whether to be good or splurge, and I wondered whether this was actually the deep-buried healthy side of me screaming to make itself heard. More importantly, I considered whether I should just listen to that voice. After all, when has anyone genuinely regretted making the healthy choice? I don't remember ever thinking "damn, I should have just had the burger and chips" or "god, I wish I hadn't gone for that run!", where I can't even count the times I felt horribly guilty (and probably a bit sick) after over-indulging on food or skipping the gym.

To take that further, what if I work on listening for the little voice of reason, which is obviously when I sub-consciously know I'm about to make the wrong choice, and only choose to splurge a little when I'm 100% behind the decision, not 50 / 50. What's to lose? Better choices, less guilt, and just possibly a healthier me?

So this evening I listened and decided not to get the takeaway, and I feel good about it. And tomorrow night I'll enjoy my curry knowing I have a few extra weekly points to play with because I didn't blow them needlessly tonight.


On a different note - weigh in this week, has been delayed until tomorrow. Why? Because I had a 30th birthday dinner late last night and there was no way I was going to get anything approaching a sensible weigh in this morning as a consequence. I'm still expecting a gain this week, as I've faithfully tracked EVERYTHING and know I was a rather significant 100 points over this week, which doesn't surprise me too much all things considered. However, I'm proud that I kept tracking even when it was clear I'd veered off track and interestingly, I saw my lowest weight yet on the scales this week before it all went a bit Pete Tong, but I'll take it on the chin tomorrow morning.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to finish my tea, put the biscuits away and go get comfy in my bed .... it's past 9pm which seems like a reasonable time to me! :-)

Happy Start Of The Weekend all!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Thursday, 23 October 2014


I feel like I might be approaching burn out at the moment. I feel exhausted and rather emotional and heavy .... not a scale-related heavy, just the kind where everything feels like such am effort - at least 50% more than usual.

I've worked through bad quarter ends at work before, and looking back I know I've been bought to the verge of tears before too, but 17 days straight at work with only one day off on day 6, trying to organise to move countries in a few short weeks and dealing with M's death feels like the perfect storm; finding I have a deadline today that I thought was next week might just be the wave that sinks the ship.

I want to do one of 3 things: sleep for a week, curl up in a dark, quiet corner and hide from everyone or eat. A lot. So far, I haven't given in to that, but today definitely feels like a step too far. I don't hold out hope for a great weigh in tomorrow, especially as I have 30th birthday dinner I'm supposed to be going to tonight ... if I ever make it out of work.

I just need to make it until tomorrow evening - then could somebody wake me up on Monday, please?

- Posted from my iPhone

Sunday, 19 October 2014


Yet another rough week last week with too much going on and a lot of farewells, some good, some bad.

In terms of quantity, the week's farewells were all to my free time as work hit its peak and evenings and the weekend were all sacrificed to the Office God.  It's been a case of get home, sleep, get up and go back to work.  Squeezed in amongst that were a pub quiz on Monday night, when I was so saintly I felt invincible, eschewing burgers, fries, sticky toffee pudding and wine a la everyone else for something healthy, soft drinks, and tea.  No dessert.  We even won the quiz too.

That sense of invincibility might have been my undoing on Tuesday night though when we had dinner with friends and I toppled off the virtuous horse somewhat.  Still, it was welcome relaxation as we sat round their log burner, dogs asleep on the rug and chatted away the evening.

If work was quantity, then the quality farewell was surely that of M and son's funeral on Thursday.  The more we inevitable talked about it in the preceding days, the more I got worked up about it to the point where I didn't sleep on Wednesday night and honestly didn't want to get out of bed on Thursday morning.  In the end it was a beautiful send off for a beautiful lady - perhaps other people don't cope with funerals as well as me and I was allowing myself to feel their dread, but most of the time, I see the funeral as something of a celebration of the deceased's accomplishments and a time to remember them fondly, not sit and bawl it out.  It was standing room only at this one, testament to how well loved she was, and I giggled and sniffed my way through the 5 lovely little eulogies, and was glad to get a couple of minutes to speak to M's poor husband afterwards and offer a few words of condolence.  Embarrassingly, when we first saw him, I wasn't sure if he'd remember me as we've only met briefly before, and I was at the end of a queue of people coming in - in my head I was going to explain that I worked with M and then say how much we missed her, but when I actually stood in front of him he was clearly having a bit of an emotional moment and I ended up just impulsively hugging him.  I realised as I walked away I hadn't said who I was and felt pretty stupid!!  Luckily, I was able to speak to him again later and it turned out he did remember me - phew!

The only happy farewell of the week, despite Tuesday momentary lapse of food judgment, was that I was pretty damn good for the rest of the week, and that showed up on the scales on Friday with a lovely little loss of 1.25lbs.  Three losses in a row - yay!!  I'm getting tantalisingly close to getting back into the 12's again.

This week is overwhelmingly hectic again.  I've worked all weekend, and still have a charity evening and a 30th birthday party to get through, plus 2 more deadlines at work.  Working the weekend has put me in better shape for those than I was, but left me little time to unwind which never leaves me in the best frame of mind.  I had a bit of a blow-out on Friday night after a long day, which used up all my weekly flex points.  I've tracked the lot, but that does put me a bit on the back foot for the rest of the week.  The best I can do is try and stick as closely to my points as possible.  I'm tempted to move all non-neccessary appointments like the hairdressers to next week to try and create a bit more time to look after myself.  I did manage to get to training on Friday, thanks to which I'm still struggling to walk properly (thanks for completely killing my butt-muscles, Trainer!) but there doesn't look to be a lot of time for anything else at the moment.

Hard to believe that tomorrow will already be last sensible-sized pay check for the foreseeable future.  Christ - I'm committed now!  I've worked out I only have 3 weekends left before I head to France ..... and soooooooo much to do!  Argh!!!

Sunday, 12 October 2014

All Change!

WOW - lots to catch y'all up on.  LOTS.

Right - where to start?

First up - I'm not going to lie, it's been a bit of a rough week, emotionally speaking.  I was dreading Monday, and it wasn't so bad in the end as our team is close enough to talk about this stuff and it's a kind of comfort to share your memories and sadness with others feeling the same.  Still, it was busy as all hell this week, with a lot of late nights, early mornings and a Saturday in the office.  Yay.  In fact, it's been the kind of week where I packed yoga stuff to take in on Wednesday, booked my class online in the morning, and then didn't twig until 2pm that I'd completely forgotten to go to the class.  My brain has not been with it this week.  I did finally make it into the gym on Friday after work for a personal training session (that I'm still feeling 2 days later), but that was my sole effort for the week.

Suffice it to say I've therefore been a bit off my eating and exercising game.  Last weekend had a bit too much comfort / distraction eating going on, and this week was all about convenience and grabbing what I could, when I could.  I didn't feel like weigh in was going to be great therefore, especially since I had a pretty big loss last week.  I was fully expecting a small gain at the scales on Friday morning and was braced to deal with it.  But no ... 0.5lb off. The body does indeed work in mysterious ways!

That was a fantastic result as it meant I recorded a new lowest weight since getting back on WW in May, for the second week in a row.  Better still, this is the weight I came home at, as far as I can tell.  Looking back, I should have realised it might be a good result, as Thursday night I was desperately hunting for a pair of jeans to go to the pub in (side fact: my laundry pile has outgrown the laundry basket by a good foot in height - bad times), and as a last ditch effort I pulled out a pair of black jeans I haven't worn since ski season.  Surprisingly, they were tight but went on.  Guess the scales explained why.

This week is going to be every bit as hectic again, with a metric fuck-ton more work and deadlines, plus M and son's funeral on Thursday and a few social engagements, so my one goal for this week is to make a valiant effort to track everything and stay in my points for the week.  It's going to be an effort, but it's a good target if I want a loss for a third week in a row.

Ok, so that's health stuff out the way.  Which brings me to the OTHER stuff.  Big life changes straight ahead.

Deep breath:  I quit my job on Friday.


After a lot of conniving, planning, double-checking the numbers (and my sanity) and negotiating it's all go and I'm going back to France for Winter Season - Part Deux.  Except this time there's no sabbatical, no job to fall back on when I come home, if I come home even.  I now officially have a life to plan, and beyond the next 6 months there's no set pattern to follow.  And, as my senior manager said to me when I told him my decision:  in light of what happened to M, we only get one life - what's the point if we don't live it?

The practicalities are that I'm heading out again on 15 November (5 weeks yesterday - eeeeeek), and after 10 days in Val d'Isere, I'll be in Meribel for the rest of the season.  For a variety of reasons, I've decided that if I'm doing it again I should have a crack at a different resort to last year, although it's with mixed feelings because my friends in La Plagne are not too happy with my defection.  I'm taking my car though, for independence, so I should be able to meet up with them pretty often, as the resorts aren't a million miles apart.

I can't tell if I'm crazy to chuck my career, which I'm pretty sure is my dad's viewpoint on the whole situation, or being brave and taking a leap into the unknown to see what might be out there.  At the moment, there is no plan to come back to another permanent job like the ones I've had for 10 years as I'm too dissatisfied with the big, bad corporate world.

And look how pretty Meribel is:

So there we are - it's all go here.   I've planned and sorted bits out, and I'm in the process of doing other bits - there's a lot of lists that need making: packing lists, to do lists.  And long story short, in 5 short weeks I'll be back in the mountains, in my other home.

Monday, 6 October 2014


With everything else going on at the moment, I forgot to say that about an hour before the fateful phonecall in Friday morning I did my weekly weigh in and recorded a lovely 3lb loss. Week's off can sometimes be kind to the scales.

Since then I've been perfecting the art of distraction to keep my mind from settling on the painful truth for too long. Over the weekend that distraction took the form of a trip to London and spending time with friends. Today has meant a return to the office, which was something I was SO not looking forwards to. There's not a lot you can do to pretend something isn't so when you're in the very place you usually spend time with the person who's gone. It was a somber atmosphere this morning and I was probably more productive than I've been in a long time as I just threw myself into my work.

A few of us spent a cathartic couple of hours this afternoon crafting together some squares for a memorial blanket that M's sister-in-law is making in her memory. It was surprisingly comforting to sit around the table cutting out the pieces for the blanket and reminiscing about M.

I thought I'd comfort eat more today but I've surprised myself by being really quite motivated to eat sensibly. It was a long day, since I had to catch up the time I spent crafting in the afternoon (my choice, my boss told me to go home), but I've stayed pretty on track and I'm pleased with that.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Saturday, 4 October 2014


It has been the worst of all possible news. We lost my friend on Thursday night and tonight I now know her tiny, little boy lost his battle too. One 38 and one just 3 days old. Both gone.

Such a goddamn waste of two lives.

I dread this Monday more than most, going into the office and knowing we will never see her there again.

So so sad right now.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Thursday, 2 October 2014


My brain seems to have a repeat refrain of "what the fuck??" right now.

The latest news is that my friend has been on life support since surgery a couple of days ago. Life. Support. Just .... I barely know what to think. From what I hear her condition was caused by something relatively simple but she seems to have complication after complication. It doesn't seem real that it could have come to this.

Jesus Christ, life-fucking-support. We're just waiting for any sign that she can, and will, pull through this.

In the meantime, her tiny little son is still fighting and all my thoughts are with her family who must be frantic with worry.

Come on, M, you can do this!

- Posted from my iPhone

Wednesday, 1 October 2014


I've just heard the heart-breaking news that a friend of mine, someone I saw just last week, is in the hospital following an emergency C Section yesterday. The pregnancy was just 25 weeks along.

Details are vague at the moment; it seems her little boy is still hanging on in there and fighting but my friend is not in a good way.

I'm sure they're both getting the best possible care and medical attention but my heart is in my mouth, my fingers and toes crossed that this can have a good outcome. If I believed in a greater power, I'd be praying right now.

Why does life have to kick people in the balls like that?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad