Sunday, 30 October 2011

Trying to Relax

Well, the worst of work is over for the moment.  The final deadline was on Friday at 5pm, and I made it with 15 mins to spare.  One little deadline to sign off on next week, but mostly it's in wind down now.

So that's one cause of stress out of the way, more or less, just leaving random man stress and the impending uncertainty of not knowing where I'll be living in 3 weeks to get sorted.

I've spent most of this weekend just trying to catch up on sleep and unwind a little bit.  Not so easy when I knew the agent was bringing someone to view the flat yesterday morning at 10.30am - I love this flat so much I didn't want to be here to see someone else falling in love with it, when I'm having to leave.  I decided to go get breakfast in my local coffee shop instead and peruse my new walking guide which I bought on the way.  I spent yesterday afternoon with the girls having a little stroll and eating a bit of cake.

There's been a bit too much cake this weekend, so I enjoyed getting a nice walk today - a happy 2 hours walking a friend's dog with them.  I've not been quite as restrained as my last 2 weekends, but I'm still looking fairly on track with my eating and exercise which is nice.

Back to work tomorrow - hopefully a bit more chilled out than last week.  It's a bit of a busy week, as I've got a celebratory dinner tomorrow night for a friend, then Hannah and I are cooking for our friend Nic who's in town on Tuesday.  Thursday 10am sees me starting my 24 hour cycling challenge (, and that takes me right through to Friday, when I foresee there being a bit of sleep catch-up!

Hope you all had good weekends! x

Friday, 28 October 2011


Despite the radio silence that is largely happening on here at the moment, there are signs that I'm still slowly plodding in the right direction.  Another lb off this week, despite an impromptu dinner out last night, tells me that I'm probably, mostly, doing something right.

Like last week, this week has been a week when I've had a little of what I fancy, but somehow balanced that with not going bat-shit crazy.  I've moved a bit (a run, some Body Balance and circuits, and a nice walk on the weekend), and all that moderate living seems to have gone to the scales. 

Which is cool, because I don't want massive losses (said-it-before-will-say-it-again school of blogging) - I'm quite happy just plodding in the right direction slowly. 

Aside from the eating / exercising part of my life, work is still much as it was (aaaaaaaaaaaargh-crazy-might-have-a-nervous-breakdown) but the end is now in sight, as the last of the big deadlines is this afternoon.  Then it will start to wind down into the clear-up exercise that comes after every quarter end.  The housing situation is running ahead at full-tilt - which is to say, my landlord has already got viewings today and tomorrow for my (lovely, I-don't-want-to-leave-there) flat (thanks for the notice Miss Estate Agent who rang me at 4.30pm yesterday to tell me they'd be round at lunchtime today - cue mad panic about when exactly I'd have to time to tidy!), and I am currently none-the-wiser about where I'll be living in (less than a) month's time (panic, panic, PANIC!!!!).

So while all that possible-panic-fest is whirling round my head, I shall work on remaining zen and unperturbed in the middle and just keep plodding.

Have a good weekend, folks! x

Wednesday, 26 October 2011


I think I'm actually getting worse and getting on here to write at the moment, instead of better.  Mostly because my life is still a steady whirlwind of craziness, what with work looniness, ongoing flat stuff, some dating and social stuff, and a healthy dose of fund-raising activity for my upcoming charity challenge.

Amazingly though, in the heart of all that lot, the scales are very (very) slowly creeping down.  Halle-frickin'-leujah!

Last week mostly passed by in a series of rather long hours in the office.  I made it to circuits on Friday lunchtime, and worked damn hard, to the extent where one of the girls I was partnered with said afterwards that she was thinking she might have to drag me out the room when I passed out.  I think that might have been a good effort then!

Friday night was quite peaceful, as I had a few quiet drinks after work with some colleagues, and got myself home by 8.30pm, for some pizza and an early night.  Thankfully, I ended up not being needed in the office over the weekend, so I spent Saturday doing some shopping and washing that was much needed, and then hit the cinema in the evening, with another couple of quiet drinks afterwards. 

Sunday was looking like a glorious day, so I twisted my tame Aussie surfer's arm to come for a walk somewhere in the countryside with me.  A nice 5 mile loop and Sunday roast at a country pub was definitely what was called for.  I find it funny, that for two people who dated until recently, Dave and I chat like a couple of gossiping old women - maybe that's why we were doomed! :o)

Unfortunately the weekends general relaxation has been undone again by the working week silliness, and it was 8pm before I left the office.  I went home though, and cooked up a storm.  Six or so portions of healthy food went into my fridge that night!  When I shopped on Saturday (not having done a proper full-on food shop in weeks), I planned two big dishes for the week, that I could then have leftovers from.  So Monday night I cooked up a lamb stew with lots of root veg and a bit of tomato and red wine in the sauce - celeriac, butternut squash and carrot into the mix.  I also attempted braised red cabbage with apple as a side dish - I think I overdid the spice a bit, but it wasn't bad!  After dinner, the rest of the root veg, went into the big saucepan for soup, and I three big portions of winter veg soup to go in the fridge and freezer for later.  I'm proud of myself for staying organised, because the cooking session on Monday night, means I don't have to do much now til the end of the week. 

The other big dish this week, will be an attempt to recreate something Hannah cooked for me - a sort of veggie lasagne with a kick of chilli in, and layered aubergines on top.  I've got carrots, mushrooms, peppers and spring greens to go in the dish - should be tasty!

All of that really helps me to stay on track when everything else is going a bit loopy.  I had lunch with a friend of a friend yesterday who's possibly also looking for a flat, and tonight I've got a flat viewing (unrelated to yesterday).  I need to do a cheer-up dinner for Hannah on Friday, and haven't even started to work out the conflicting plans for this weekend yet!  One thing at a time.

Other than that, I'm heading out for a much-needed run this lunchbreak, and keeping on top of my sponsorship efforts for the cycle challenge (I think I'm up to £120 so far of my £200 pledge, with another £25 or so already promised which is fantastic - now I just need to go and spin / cycle some more to get my legs going!).  I also got home from work one day last week to be greeted with a lovely parcel from Kate ( who had sent me down gorgeous 3/4 length cycling shorts that hadn't fitted her .... well, they fit me perfectly, so I'm a happy girl - Kate:  I promise faithfully to go get them very muddy somewhere fun soon!  Thank you, thank you, thank you ......

Friday, 21 October 2011

Up A Bit, Down A Bit

As much as I'd like to think that a week of eating relatively sensibly means I'm back on track, I know full well that it doesn't.  All it means is that I had a week of eating relatively sensibly.  Well done me, pat on that back, and all that kind of stuff.

A week of eating sensibly does mean that I've seen a slight drop in the scales this week on my official weigh in today, but that won't stay there if I'm not careful, and there's still a long way to go to even get back where I want to be, never mind break some new frontiers and inhabit new ground.

Le Sigh.  It's always a long way to go.  On the upside, even with my sensible eating, I have had takeaway, and wine, and chocolate this week (in measured quantities), so I can't really complain, I suppose.

And I've just endured a round of Death Circuits that has left me wondering if my quads will ever function properly (i.e. with jelly-like shaking) again.  All in the name of good health.

Wednesday, 19 October 2011

Tip-toeing Along

Oh dear me, I'm not being very good at blogging at the moment, am I?

Still, I am at least making an effort at eating right, so it's not all terrible.  I've not been feeling much like the ol' exercise, but where I'm not feeling like cardio, I have been to Body Balance and then yoga today.  They might not be hard-core sweat-fests, but I'm sure my core is thanking me for it, because it's pilates and leg-raises all the way, and if my hamstrings aren't a little looser afterwards, then something's gone horribly wrong.

I also realised today I've started cooking properly again.  Just simple stuff, but more from scratch and less from a packet.  Even if, like last night, it's just a slightly scrappy omelette and a piece of toast.  Which was actually a very tasty omelette since it was full of mushrooms and handmade Welsh cheddar with herbs from Snowdonia Cheeses (Green Thunder if you're in the vicinity of Betwys-y-Coed and want some!). 

I figure I need to do some more home-cooking, more veg and fresh fruit and less pre-prepared stuff - a) it's expensive and b) it's not as good.

Sunday, 16 October 2011

Still Busy, Busy, Busy

Christ it's hard work round here at the moment!  I've spent most of the weekend dans le office ... oh joy!  When not here I've been mostly sleeping .... oh bliss!

I managed to get to circuits on Friday (pain, pain, lots of pain .... especially when you can't breathe through your nose and your internal temperature guage can't seem to decide which way is up or down), and then went home from work to cook a whole crapload of veggies (that's the technical term, by the way, something to do with the manure they use ;o)), and some chicken thighs for roast dinnery goodness, and enough for tea tonight in the fridge.

I have by some effort of will and a little vigilance managed to have a fairly sensible weekend so far.  After 9 hours in the office yesterday, I had some Thai takeaway last night in front of the tv, and a few sneaky (small) glasses of vino, and a loooooong chat with my friend Jo.  Well earned, I think.

I'm at work again now for a few quiet hours, and then off to meet my friend Clare for afternoon tea and cake.

I'm nearly over my cold, I think, as I can now smell and taste again.  I still need to catch up on a shitload of sleep though, as well as trying to figure out my precarious money situation, and especially how I'm going to manage to move flats next month.  Probably not helping with the contributing to sleepless nights!

Everything usually turns out right in the end though, yeah?

Friday, 14 October 2011


Oh boy.

I'm still alive (I'm sure you'll be relieved to know this).  This week has been ker-razy, and I just didn't seem to find time to put fingers to keyboard.  Or when I thought about it, I just didn't have the energy to think up something witty to say. In fact, I'm still not sure I do.

Usually, time away from a blog means bad things - luckily, I don't have that to report - I'm still plodding along - neither better or worse than I was.  I do feel exhausted though.

We had a wedding in North Wales last weekend which meant a 5 hour trip each way - even leaving work relatively on time, and running home and packing on Friday, it was after 7pm before we left Bristol, and 12.40am before we made it to the hotel.  Saturday was crazy rushed, as the wedding was at noon, so by the time we'd grabbed breakfast down at the main hotel (we were staying in the village at Portmeirion) the time slipped away in a whirl of getting dressed up, and haired and make-upped, and legging it across (read: teetering down the steep cobbles in the pouring rain, in a pair of 4 inch stilettos and a silk dress I was trying to keep sheltered under the umbrella) the village to the ceremony.

From the ceremony we were whisked straight outside for a couple of hasty photos in the rain, and then back down to the hotel for drinks and the wedding breakfast.  After that we messed around taking photos back outside, whilst the bride and groom were having their official photos done, and then there was a quick break to dash back to the rooms for dancing shoes and the presents before the evening commenced with a ceilidgh.  It was a fantastic day, but I was dead on my feet by 11.30pm and in bed before 1am.

This week, as expected, has been an utter misery at work.  Monday was 9am to 8.30pm with no lunch.  Tuesday 9am, to 11.15pm.  The last two days have been a bit better, although still incredibly stressy, but to make me feel better I'm now coming down with a cold.

Weight-wise, although the wedding wasn't great on the food and drink front, I didn't crack the dreaded 13st barrier, but I squeaked by enough to make me start thinking about what I'm putting in my gob.  On the other stress, a million birthday cakes this week and feeling ill counteracts that a bit.  I'm down from the weekend, but a little up on last week.

It's all about the work for the next couple of weeks, so in a way, it's quite good as I don't have anything social planned for the next couple of weeks.  Not even on the weekends.  The only think I have planned this weekend is possible tea and cake on Sunday afternoon.  I'm working tomorrow, and possible a bit on Sunday.  I'm going to try and avoid any weekend blow outs or "treat" meals.  Frankly, I'm craving fruit and veg at the moment, so I need to get off my ass and try and get some.

Other than that, I'm just stressing money and how I'm going to afford to move to a cheaper flat.  I can't afford to stay where I am, but have no money to deal with the cross-over of rent and deposits from one flat to the other.  Damned if you do, and damned if you don't.  I may have to crawl to Dad again.  Well, that's depressing!

Off to (snotty) circuits now.

Thursday, 6 October 2011

Still Wobbling

So, I won't lie, I'm still struggling with my eating.  And along with that, I'm watching with loathing as the scale inches up away from where I want it to be.  This morning it was just a hair's breadth away from being back at 13 stone.  It's been a while since I crept back up to there - I think I did it last year at some point for a very short time, but other than that, I haven't been there since I went past it the first time when I was losing all the weight in 2009. 

It.  Does.  Not.  Make.  Me.  Happy.  Being.  There.

I do not want to get back to 13 stone, but with my current struggle I wouldn't be surprised if I do see it by the time the weekend is through.  Crap.

I was just about to write that yesterday day was good on eating, but then remembered that I had chocolate at work.  Unneccessary, unwarranted and unearnt chocolate.  Still, it wasn't a terrible day, but I was wound so tight on adrenaline by the time I left work yesterday (busy times) that I got home and ended up sinking three gin and tonics over the evening.  I had my only night in this week last night, which was the non-date with the Aussie Surfer.  Since he appears to be becoming a bit of a permanent fixture in my life, we'll call him by his proper name - Dave. 

Have you ever gone from dating someone to being friends with them?  It's a little strange.  We've been extremely open with each other from the beginning, rather than the poncing round trying to make ourselves look good that you often go through with dating (maybe this was where we went wrong - killed all the mystery and image of suave sophistication right at the beginning???), but it's still weird going from feeling the need to flirt, to just chilling out.  Actually, I think we still flirt as much as we did on the dates - we banter a lot, it's just taken all the pressure off.  The funny thing is that we were probably more tactile last night than we were on any of our dates, as we relaxed on the sofa after dinner watching a DVD. 

I'm a strange person, as I'm much more comfortable and relaxed around the guys I consider "safe" - I think in my head Dave as now moved onto my "safe" list, which probably explains why I watched the film with my feet on his lap (he does a great foot massage it turns out!) - I actually have very few male friends I'm tactile with, and they're mostly ones I've known for years (we'll gloss over the fact that I've also mostly either had some kind of physical relationship with them or they're gay - that just complicates the matter).  Anyway, it was a nice evening.

Not so good was my eating - we opted for Thai takeaway, and I did at least resist the urge to have curry, and went for a chicken stir-fry dish, but I did eat the whole (bloody big) portion of rice.  Stupid girl - I didn't need all that!

Anyway - I continue to struggle onwards.  I've got a wedding I'm going to this weekend in Portmeirion in North Wales - the hotel is famed for it's amazing food, and we're staying B&B for two nights, with the wedding being fully catered.  I need some kind of plan to prevent me coming back about half a stone heavier - argh!!!!

Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Getting The Wheels Rolling

I think yesterday's confession that I've been wobbling (again) on this healthy-eating venture was actually quite cathartic. I had a little gentle run at lunchtime, I ate sensibly during the day, and I managed to maintain a fairly sensible attitude at the work dinner last night - I stayed off the alcohol apart from one glass of wine with dinner, I disavowed burgers, chips or anything with a sauce in favour of smoked haddock with a small portion of mustard mash, wilted spinach and a side of green beans, and a poached egg ..... hold the Hollandaise sauce. I did have a dessert, but it was a little individual pecan tart so not too terrible. I could do with a bit more sleep, but I don't feel too terrible.

Now, as we all know, I am a girl that likes a challenge, so I may have signed up for a little something at work: a round the world in a day team challenge. The idea is that 450 of us from my work will get into teams of 6, and on November 3, we will attempt to cycle the circumference of the world in 24 hours. That's 18,000 miles - 40 miles each on static bikes. Each team of 6 will relay over the 24 hours - probably half an hour on and 2.5 break. Hopefully I'll get accepted to take part. I'll have to raise £200 fir charity if I do, but I think it'll be fun :-)

In the meantime, I'm having a takeaway and DVD night with the Aussie Surfer tonight. Remember him? We dated, and decided we'd be better as friends. I wasn't sure if we'd actually see each other, but we're hanging out tonight which us cool - just need to be mindful with my eating and choose sensibly!

- Posted from my iPhone

Tuesday, 4 October 2011

Time Out(side)

I'd written a whole long post yesterday that I didn't get round to posting, but I realised as I ran round the harbour this lunchtime, that the post was pretty much a lie.  So I deleted it and started again.

The truth is I am mid-wobble at the moment.  I don't think I quite wanted to admit it to myself - the post I had drafted talked about how I'd made some good decisions this weekend, whilst quietly glossing over the fact that I'd made more bad decisions, and it's been like that for a few weeks now. 

If we're going to be honest, I made mistakes through most of last week, just little ones here and there.  Then I made slightly bigger slip-ups on Wednesday night and Thursday, which I put down to allowing a little emotion to creep into my eating.  The scales were up on Friday (no big surprise), but this has been going on longer than a couple of days - it's been a couple of weeks now.

I have these phases periodically, when for whatever reason it seems impossible to stay on plan.  I don't know what causes them, and I snap out of them eventually when I reach some trigger point or another.  A lot of the time, I can't admit what's happening, and just beat myself up repeatedly for deviating from plan again.  I think it's easier when I admit that it's something more than that, because I stop being so hard on myself.  I have too much to lose to back-slide too far, so I'm nowhere even close to giving up.  I start every day with good intentions, even if I drift later on.  I'll know I'm in trouble the day I wake up and think "fuck it".  It's not happened yet.  You know the saying " you may have lost the battle, but you haven't lost the war"?  I can't think of a more appropriate application of that than the world of losing weight - every day is a new battle on the long war of your weight - as long as you're trying you're winning.  So I keep trying - I'm just admitting that I'm not being hugely successful right now.

Aside from that, I had a glorious weekend away surfing in Cornwall.  It was a club trip that's been planned for ages, so the amazing weather was an added bonus, as we were all prepared to go anyway.  The more I surf, the more I fall a little bit deeper in love with it at the moment.  I'm still a total novice, playing on a softboard in the white water, but there's slow progress being made.  And I'm having fun doing it.  I love spending the time outside, in the sun and fresh air and open space and cool ocean.  The thrill when you catch  a wave is exhilarating.  The tiredness afterwards is satisfying. 

As I admitted above, I made some good and some bad food choices.  I packed lunches and fruit and had sensible breakfasts, but then undid that with sweets and chocolates and a little too much booze.  I just need to figure out a way to eat healthily on these trips so I can enjoy them to the max. 

I'll find a way - there is a balance.  I will get back where I was, and I will keep making progress.  This newer version of me is like that - she doesn't give up easily, and she keeps trying again and again long after the old her would have given up and admitted defeat (and buried her head in a pile of sugary food).  The new me push the boundaries, and when they won't give she bangs her head against them until they do break.

On that note - so far today, so good.  I've been for a run, and I've made my choices for my food today already, including dinner out this evening.  We'll get there somehow.