Friday, 29 January 2010

A tale of woe

Ugh - I'm feeling a bit depressed now. I just updated my own personal weight tracker with this week's horrible number at the scales, and because I technically didn't weigh in last Friday the total number this week was the full gain: 6.5lbs.

Just horrible.

That puts me back to what I weighed mid-October when I got to that for the first time. It then took me til right to the end of the year just to slog down through the next half a stone. That half a stone took longer than any of the previous whole stones took. And now I'm right back where I was and for the first time actually starting to wonder if I can do this.

The Twelves seem to be cursed for me and the longer I wallow in them the more frustrated I get. When I don't look at the bigger picture I'm able to stay more positive, but the truth is that I can feel my confidence in my ability to suceed starting to slide away. And I so don't want it to!!!! I desperately want to do this - I really, REALLY do.

Ok - wallow over. Baby steps.

First step - get the bloody scales moving down again - however small.

Second step - crawl back to 12st 6lbs and 4 stone gone.

Third step - slow and steady progress past that and into new territory - I live for the day I see 11st something on the scale - I've NEVER seen that before. NEVER.

And I badly want to. First steps first then - ANYTHING down - just get back past that 50lbs gone (half a lb away this morning).

-- Posted from my iPhone

Not quite what I wanted

Weigh in today didn't quite go the way I wanted it to, but that wasn't entirely unexpected. I hate to admit it but the scales crept up another lb to leave me at 12st 12.5lbs.

I've been eating properly since Monday this week but the scales have continued to creep up through the week, which is frustrating but I guess it's still the after-affects of last week's excesses, and I mustn't let it distract me from what I'm doing this week.

Yesterday was another day within my points - I ended up with a slight switch towards dinner time as I made Thai turkey burgers for tea and chose to swap my planned dessert for an extra burger, but over all I was still within my limits by the end of the day.

I also went to my first Body Balance class since Xmas last night and it was so nice to be back, although I was feeling most unbendy. I'd also managed to eat too much dinner too soon before the class so that felt a bit uncomfortable - I MUST take more care with my portion sizes of vegetables as I had way more than I actually needed to be comfortably full.

So. Plans to make next week better. Keep planning my food for the whole day in advance. More activity. Be realistic with my portion sizes. Sleep.

The planning has been good so I think that's something I should stick with for a bit. Activity-wise I've only done 2 sessions this week and I've felt pretty sluggish. Next week I'm scheduled to do at least 4 classes, including the new and experimental Aerojam on Sunday, so that should help with my energy levels. I want to practice using smaller plates for meals this week and leaving stuff when I'm full. And finally, I want to get some more sleep - I've been going to bed too late the past couple of days and then feeling terrible in the morning so I shall make an effort to remedy that.

Right - back to work, then my afternoon off and the Imax tonight to see Avatar in 3D with friends.

Catch ya later. Xx

-- Posted from my iPhone

Thursday, 28 January 2010

Things to watch out for

Hey party people!

How goes it?

I'm ticking along ok at the moment. I'm still following my little experiment of pre-planning my entire day's food a day or two in advance, and it definitely has it's advantages. For a start, I stop trying to second-guess myself on how much bad food I can cram into the day. I'm definitely guilty of this usually - if someone brings in cakes or sweets or something, I usually start mentally moving my day round to fit them in, but as I proved with the sweets the other day, I'm definitely doing that less.

Another good point is that I don't spend all morning wondering where my next bit of food is coming from. Mornings at work are a particular danger point for me (and again in the late afternoon), because I tend to start to get hungry, whether it's real hunger or boredom, and I start eating snacks. With my food all planned out, I already know what my snack allowance is for the day, and I just make do with what I have. And actually? It's not so bad! I'm getting reacquainted with what (mild) hunger actually feels like, and I'm learning that it's bearable and not the end of the world. Which means, that for a change, I'm actually hungry when I get to my major meal times: result!! It's also helping me to cut back on my diving-into-the-cupboard-before dinner-time tendencies, as I'm often starving when I get home in the evenings.

Ok, so it's not all roses. Last night, we had our flat inspection, which means I'm now reveling in the zen-like calm of our gloriously tidy flat. I love it this way, although I doubt it will last longer than a week if I'm honest. After our landlady had gone I made my healthy dinner that was on my plan - lightly smoked salmon fillet (oven-baked) with broccoli and a little experiment. My mum always used to make ratatouille style confections with our Sunday dinners, either from marrow, tomato and onion or leek, tomato and onion. I saw marrows at the supermarket on Monday and had a real hankering to try them again, so I thought this would be a good place to start. It was delicious!! And no points on Weightwatchers either, so I had that instead of a carbs portion. After dinner though, I found myself in the middle of an impromptu girls' night out our flat, and I had completely forgotten that Sheena (my new flatmate) always provides loads of goodies for girls' night. Or should I say baddies. A share bag of Doritos and a box of Maltesers between 3 of us. I can't honestly say how much of them I consumed, but it wasn't on my plan. On the plus side I've been leaving a few points on each days menu unallocated and I didn't have the planned Skinny Cow bar I was going to have for dessert, so that all soaked up some of the baddies. I would imagine I ended up a few points over though.

Overall, I'm really pleased with my eating over the past couple of days though. I'm eating in a more varied fashion, I'm getting a few more portions of fruit and veg in daily and I'm being more honest with what I'm consuming.

I've not really done much exercise since Monday's spin, courtesy of 2 nights of frantic cleaning and tidying and a pub quiz on Tuesday night (although I did walk to the pub and back, and just had one slimline vodka and tonic there). Tonight I've got Body Balance which I'm looking forward to, and then I'm heading into town to meet some friends for drinks - strictly Diet Coke for me though as I'll be driving straight from my class!

Tomorrow is weigh in day. I don't expect a great result, as despite a few days of better eating the scales are still resolutely where they were. Patience, little grasshopper, I'm just going to have to have patience. Sustained better eating, and some movement - that's where it's at! And no complacency - I realised last night, mid-tidying, that my wardrobe at my current size has got pretty comprehensive. In other words, I've fallen into the trap of buying more and more clothes as if this is the size I'm planning on staying at. It isn't - I'm a (large) size 14 at the moment, and I definitely want to get to a 12 before I'm done.

Time to cut the shopping. And the complacency. I've made a good start with my focus since coming back from holiday. I've just got to keep adding to that.

Tuesday, 26 January 2010

Planning it out

Morning lovely people, how are we all today? Good? Awesome, glad to hear it.

I slept like an absolute baby last night - god it was good!!! Who reckons that that is the result of getting back to doing exercise yesterday??

Today, I am following my pre-determined eating plan that I laid out last night. It's kind of odd actually, having my whole day structured and planned out like this - I don't have to think about what I want, just pick up my lunch from the kitchen on the way out this morning, and follow the instructions on the packet, so to speak. Quite nice really. And actually, it's very helpful too, as one of my colleagues decided we needed cheering up this morning (after big work upheaval announcements made yesterday, involving several redundancies, although thankfully not me at the moment, and lots of job description changes), and bought several packets of jelly sweets in. Since they don't figure in my eating plan today, I'm bizarrely finding it much easier than usual to just keep my hands well away from them. Kind of a straight-up "nah - I've already got my points mapped out for the day", rather than my usual "well, if I just shuffle points around here and there, I could have a few now and just have a lighter dinner later". I kind-a like it!

I know a lot of folks around here say that if they just get their exercise ducks in a row, then everything else falls into place (Jack and Lizzie amongst others), but I'm totally the other way round. When I focus on exercise, I have a habit of eating all the extra points I've earned. But if I focus on the food first, and then add the activity around it, I'm all set to lose even if I come up with a week's worth of excuses on the gym front. So for the moment, I'm going to continue with my current experiment, and see how it pans out.

And, yes, if you're curious, I'm still referring to my "fear notes" when the irrational urge to eat comes upon me - so far, still working.

So I've made it through today without touching the sweets, and also leaving the extra cute Malteaster Bunny alone, that Claire (who I sit next to at work) bought me at lunchtime. 3.5pts for a little bunny?? Not today - no fear!! I've got one point to spare at the end of the day, and that was after I'd used one of my extra points for a vodka and slimline tonic at the pub quiz this evening. I could get used to this.

I've updated my food plans for the next couple of days in my tracker, and I'm ready to try this experiment again tomorrow and see how it goes.

Monday, 25 January 2010

Sitting in the dark

Actually, in this case I do mean literally, not figuratively, since the genius water board drilled through one of our power lines.

Food-wise I did ok yesterday til about tea-time and then the habits of last week caught up with me and I wanted more food than I had points for. Honestly, I didn't stop to examine my hunger motives too much, and just ate the extra, and very tasty, food that I wanted. I think it was probably just my brain rebelling against going straight back on plan. I also got to a point where I just absolutely did not want to go for a run, so I didn't. Instead I got to about 9pm and suddenly found I was stupendously knackered and just went to bed.

Today is a different story. I've eaten on plan and I've been to a spin class. I've also booked myself in for a new class called Aerojam on Sunday morning which is supposed to be dance / aerobics hybrid and I've done something very unusual for me -I've planned out all my food for the next couple of days. Oh yes - and I've asked Jon to teach me how to play squash. I'm determined to make progress!


-- Posted from my iPhone

Sunday, 24 January 2010

New start

Well, I'm back, and as expected the scales are somewhat up - back to 12ss 11lbs. Not entirely unexpected after a week of rich food and then 2 meals of crap grabbed on the go yesterday as we were on the move from 6.30am til 9.30pm yesterday.

Enough of that though. Time to get back to it. I've been monkeying around in this weight region for months now - I go down a bit and then I go up again. Time to get this thing done now - as of today I have 19lbs to lose to get to my current goal of 11st 6lbs. I need to focus and get this wrapped up - then at least when I go up and down a little I'll know I've already achieved what I set out to do.

First mini-goal - get back to 12st 6lbs - my 4-stone-off, 1-stone-to-go point. That's 5lbs from where I was at this morning's weigh in. Hopefully, some of what I've put on will just be water retention after all the salty food yesterday, so I'm aiming to get at least a couple of lbs down by Friday's official weigh in.

I'm back on plan already with porridge for breakfast, and I want to go out and get some sort of fresh air today whether that's walking / running errands this afternoon, or time for a quick run.

I'll post up some photos from the holiday when I get hold of them - I think there should be some quite nice ones lurking around somewhere!

Nice to be back with you all in the real world, even if I am going to miss my daily sessions on the piste and then in the hot tub!! :o(


Friday, 22 January 2010

Back to reality!

We've come to the end of our holiday and I'm pretty down sad to be honest. It's been an awesome couple of days and I haven't tagged in here because I've been too damn shattered in the evenings!

In the last 3 or so days I've tried border cross racetracks (woohoo oooo - fast and adrenaline-fueled), more red runs, off-piste and powder, some jumps and a lot of falling over in the powder, some inadvertant detours off into hidden powder-filled valleys (much to the amusement of the people on the lift overhead who watched us attempting to get out again) and finally my first 2 black runs today (took about 10 years off my life and precipitated a complete hissy fit half way down the first one, but I'm proud I did them).

I've also eaten a shit-load of lovely food, slept like a baby and achieved some supremely sore knees by the end of today. I've probably also spent at least several hours soaking in the jacuzzi and a lot of time creaking up and down the many flights of stairs in our chalet.

Back to real life tomorrow (noooooooo) and then I'll get to find out what the damage on the scales is (oh joy). Just a looooong journey on the train to look forward to before I get home.

See ya back in the real world!

-- Posted from my iPhone

Tuesday, 19 January 2010


Amazing conditions today - great visibility, wide blue sunny skies and cold to keep the snow crisp. More of a grand tour than a lesson today as we zoomed all over Le Plagne from Montchavin, and back, in 2 and a half hours. Lots of runs done at speed, some playtime in a natural half-pipe to teach control, confidence and turns at speed, followed by a bash at a proper half-pipe (arghhhhh!) and finally some off-piste, falling over in 2ft of powder adventures. After the lesson finished I bombed off over the the La Vannoise express to head over the valley to the Les Arcs area to go meet some of my group for an afternoon of long reds and hot chocolate.

It was a long day, and I was suddenly exhausted by the time we were nearing home. One big dinner later (with much cheese and wine) and I'm pretty ready for one last gin and tonic and then bed.

More tomorrow xx

-- Posted from my iPhone

Monday, 18 January 2010


I had an amazing morning today, as I finally caught up with my proper group for lessons. I've been incredibly lucky and have a lovely group of about 8 or 10 fellow Brits and a lovely, funny instuctor called Yannick, who seems to just intuitively know how far he can push us and have us still enjoy it.

I learnt absolutely loads this morning as my technique got corrected (which consequently means my quads hurt a lot less) and I smashed through about 3 different mental blocks I had with my skiing today. I was challenged and found I could do stuff I totally hadn't expected, which felt amazing. Not only did they get me back on red runs which I've had a total fear of after the last time I went skiing, but we actually hit up some small sections of off-piste, and I even did my first 3 (very baby) jumps on skis, and didn't fall over on any of them!!! Which isn't to say I didn't fall over twice in the powder and also a brilliant spinning job of a wipe-out on the piste. I think I've come on in leaps and bounds today, which is fantastic as I kind of felt left out after I missed my lesson yesterday.

After my lesson I had a long lunch with my friend Chris, and we then decided to do one last lazy run before his afternoon boarding lesson started. Unfortunately, the day took a turn for the worse at that point as about 50m's down the blue run I turned round just in time to see Chris go flying off his back edge, land, and stop moving. Eventually, he crawled over to the edge of the piste, rather winded, but also in some pain with his back and wrist. His wrist was starting to swell pretty badly, so we took the decision to head back to the chalet and seek out some help. I sent him back on the lift as he couldn't board, but skied down myself as it was a hell of a lot quicker than me walking back up on ski boots with skis in hand. We spent the rest of the afternoon sorting that out, and one of our chalet hosts took him up to the clinic in the neighbouring village to get it looked at. He reappeared several hours later with it all plastered up, and x-rays showing a pressure fracture on the left wrist. Verdict - cast for 3 weeks, no exercise for 6!

I feel pretty guilty as technically I was the senior skier / boarder at the time, but then it was only a blue run, which he had already run twice before, and I have to remind myself that accidents do happen. Anyway, as a result of all the goings on, I didn't get out again in the afternoon, other than the race back to the chalet, which was a bit a shame. Having said that, I did the trip back to the chalet in record time, so I definitely improved this morning!

Tomorrow I've got another lesson in the morning, but I'm hoping to go and meet the remainder of our guys over in the Les Arcs half of the resort in the afternoon - new territory to try out my newly learned skills on! :o)

In food news - I gave away part of my main last night, I left some of my frites at lunch and I didn't bother with my starter this evening (although admittedly because I wasn't that keen).

Oh, and I'm prouder of those little jumps than a mother with a new baby!

Sunday, 17 January 2010

I'm snow broken!

But in a good way :o) No fear, lovely readers, I've not got any injuries yet, with the exception of the usual shin pounding from my boots and a small but brilliant bruise at the base of my thumb where my boots bit me twice this morning when I was trying to do up the ratchet clasps (damn them!).

I'm having a cheeky couple of hours in the chalet alone and resting my very weary legs at the mo. The holiday is spectacular so far. My confidence has come on in leaps and bounds, and now it's more of a case of my legs (so sore!) needing to catch up with me so I can go faster and stronger.

We had a fresh fall of snow over night covering the smooth, slightly glassy runs of yesterday with a foot of fresh powder. Interesting times for the girl (moi) who's never skied on powder before. This morning was challenging as the fast guys took me out right to the top of the mountains - powder, steep sections and light so flat you couldn't see a damn thing a foot on the ground in front of you (can you say "aaaaargh" as you suddenly drop down a dip you couldn't see when you're mid-turn??).

Like the troopers they are, they hung back with me the whole way, yelled instructions and whooped encouragements without complaint all the way down (and back up further still and down again). There were beautiful sections when we hit the treeline where you could schush down for ages, and there were virtual mogul fields at the top where it had got cut up, but my trusty skis (and legs, let's not forget those babies) got me down with zero falls. Might have been a few near-misses though, and an inadvertant hug with a man who turned towards me at the same time I turned towards him :o).

I lost them a bit in the bottom section as I opted to stick on the blues through the trees and sent them straight down the reds that intersect the blues, and by the time I'd navigated the virtual ice-rink in the woods and then got completely disorientated in the fog just above the village (very strange - a treeless valley and you couldn't see where the snow ended and the sky began - a literal world of white), they'd headed into the chalet for lunch. I staggered in, a broken Sue, as we'd done more in the morning than we did in the entire of yesterday, and dreading having 20 mins to grab lunch and hit my 3 hour afternoon group lesson.

I've been kind of saved though as I arrived at the meeting place to find it empty, and after I'd tracked down a ski instructor teaching nearby and we'd had a very garbled Franglais conversation, I worked out that we should have met at 1, but our chalet hosts had told us 1.30. D'oh!!!

Anyway, I've retired for the afternoon, after skiing back to the chalet, which means that the rest of our group can go play fast and steep in the mountains somewhere. I think my legs have taken enough of a beating for one day :O)

If you hadn't guessed already, we have wi-fi at the chalet, and I have my laptop with me, plus my iPhone, so I can post in with regular updates to keep you jealous ;o)

I'm not worrying too much about food this week, although ironically, my appetite has died the last couple of days. Last night we had a magnificent 3 course meal cooked by our hosts - gorgeous French food - course pate and toast, fresh baguette, tartiflette and garlic sauteed green beans, and topped off by coffee profiteroles with ice-cream centres. And wine. Of course there was wine. I was so full, I didn't really need all of it, but chatting to Ben, one of the other guys, afterwards he said he could have eaten more, so I kind of said I'd feed him my extras on the other nights if he wanted them! We had a game of Scrabble last night in front of the log fire, and I totally got slammed by skiing and the complete lack of sleep on the train the night before and staggered off to bed at 11, and slept solidly til 8.20 this morning.

We got all sorts for breakfast this morning - porridge which was lush - and sausage sandwiches which I really didn't feel like, but luckily were only small. Again - I think tomorrow I might not bother with whatever the speciality is if I feel that way again. Baguette with ham and cheese for lunch, and I've got a Mars bar in my ski pack that I've only taken 2 bites out of. I've picked an apple and a diet coke to snack on this afternoon - much more what I wanted. Mind you - prob don't need to worry about food too much - at the rate the group is dragging me along at, and checking out activity points on Weightwatchers for skiing, I'm earning a fair whack of points every day! Anyway, it's holiday.

Lovely holiday!

Catch you tomorrow. xx

Saturday, 16 January 2010


I think I might actually have died and gone to heaven. I'm in bliss. After a somewhat longer than expected train journey to get here we were informed that Eurostar are going to give us free return tickets as compensation - flipping brilliant since the delay was on an overnight train and we were all busy sleeping and chilling and barely noticed it!

Our chalet is lovely and the staff are really friendly. Once we'd dumped all our bags this morning and been presented with our ski gear, we bombed out for a quick mountain descent on wide blues before lunch. Blues are steeper than I remember them around here, but much fun was had. We stopped for crepes for lunch by our chalet (yum - crepes with apples in calvados and caramel sauce!) and I'd had a quick confab with the chalet staff re my skis because my left one popped off 4 times in the morning, we yomped off again for another couple of hours of non-stop action. I'm totally in love with my 149 Rossignol twin-tips in retro fluoro 90's colours that are both girly and co-ordinate with my jacket - winner!!!! Light, flexible and forgiving and absolutely great.

We came back just as dusk was starting to be greeted with home-made scones with jam and cream - also very tastey. After a quick wind-down, a hot shower then out to the hot-tub on the deck under the stars. We're just back in and chilling in the living room - sprawled on a sofa by the log fire listening to the click of pool balls in the background and waiting for what smells like a pretty tastey dinner.

Food this week will be a challenge as we get a full breakfast every day, cakes in the afternoon and a 3 course dinner with wine every evening. So far my appetite seems to have deserted me a little bit - I ate on the journey yesterday but not excessively, and today I really don't have much inclination to go back for seconds at the cake table or raid my cake stash in my bag. I did look at my little "fear notes" this morning, but that was it.

Fab day and looking forward to an awesome week. Xx

-- Posted from my iPhone

Location:Le Verney,Bourg-Saint-Maurice,France

Thursday, 14 January 2010

Hauling my ass back on track

Yes, my lovely little readers, I am glad to report that I did not abandon you to wallow in the pit of food and guilt I found myself in over the weekend, but rather to go find the ladder and get the hell up and out of it!!!

Interestingly, the form my own personal ladder took? My iPhone. I know, it's curious isn't it.

Since I couldn't stop eating, and going over my motivations wasn't enough to halt me either, I tackled it from the other side and started considering why it was I couldn't stop. What I was afraid would happen. Since I was at work at the time, I scribbled my thoughts down on my post-it notes as I had them.

Four little bullet points later and I realised that my "fears" were a pretty feeble set of excuses to keep stuffing my face. Like opening up the attic from which big scary noises are coming and finding it's actually just a bunch of bloody squirrels (true story - we have a very noisy squirrel infestation in out loft. Well we used to - now we have some squirrel traps and not so many squirrels thanks to Mr Pest Control Man. I digress).

Once I'd done my fears, I re-scribbled my immediate motivations to eat right.

And a funny thing happened. Up to that point I would have sworn blind to you that I was starving hungry that afternoon. As I read over my little list and digested it (excuse the pun) my hunger disappeared, and with it a tension I didn't even know I was holding.

When I got cranky again about 15 mins later, I read it again and got the same effect. Calm.

So I could have the list with me at all times, I typed the list onto the notes section on my iPhone. I always have it with me, so my list is just a screen-tap away. Discreet and comforting (why does that sentence sound like an ad for ladies' feminine hygiene products??? Lol).

Since then I seem to have made my way back to a bit of healthy-eating sanity. The original post-it is in the front of my work notebook and I can glance at that or my phone when I need to re-centre. Working so far. I feel in control and less bloated. And better still I feel like it'll be a useful tool to help cope with next week (more on that in a second).

Want to know what was on my list?


• Being hungry.
• Missing out.
• Boredom.
• Feeling negative emotions - or even just feeling any emotions.

Benefits of eating right:

• Feeling strong.
• Feeling in control.
• Losing weight.
• Achieving a goal I've set.
• Feeling attractive.
• Clothes fitting better.
• Feeling successful.

That list is my saviour.

I've had another funny week - at work Monday and Tuesday but long journeys due to motorway closures. Then it snowed again, pretty majorly and I couldn't go anywhere yesterday so I worked from Jon's sofa instead as he was stuck home too. We managed to get the car dug out this morning and then my flatmate and another friend pushed me free, so I'm back in the office for the last day as I'm off skiing in France tomorrow!!

We're catching an overnight train from London to Bourg tomorrow and we hit the slopes Saturday as long as we have no weather delays - fingers crossed for me please!!!! We're spending the week in a luxury chalet which is fully catered so that's going to be a bit of a challenge. On the other hand we should be out skiing all day everyday with any luck. I've got morning lessons booked so that should force me to shift my ass out the door every morning. :-)

So in summary, I'm a lot calmer and feeling much better, I'm looking forward to my holiday and my weight's back down a couple of lbs in time for weigh in tomorrow. Much better.

-- Posted from my iPhone

Monday, 11 January 2010

Guilty face

I spent most of the weekend feeling like I was in an emotional washing machine. I can't decide, therefore, whether it was a good thing that it was a busy weekend and I've not had a lot of time to dwell on things. Everytime I did stop it all caught up with me.

Thank you so much for your supportive comments on my last post - I wasn't looking for sympathy or validation particularly - I knew I'd dug my own hole and jumped, and I knew I was in the wrong - but I appreciate your support more than I can say none-the-less.

So where did that leave me? Still not eating fantastically. I start the day well, and it tends to come unravelled in the evenings at the moment. I'm still tracking and I haven't gained anymore. But I'm not happy with what I'm eating.

I have been fairly active though. Friday I finally got my ski lesson at the Snowdome. Wow - does losing weight make a difference!! I was a little nervous beforehand in case I hated it, and found it hard, but my most excellent instructor Dave took me from right-back-to-basics to paralell turns in the space of our hour together, and I didn't want to leave the slopes at the end.

Friday evening I went to meet loads of friends at the pub and ended up stumbling home at 11am the next morning. I had just enough time to have a shower and lunch before driving to Bristol to meet for a date. Nice guy but no chemistry there (prob not helped by my brain spinning at about 1000mph by that time), but I hadn't the heart to say that straight out when he asked if I'd like to meet again, so I'll have to deal with that at some later date. Joy.

Saturday night I watched films with the guys and fell asleep on their sofa, before waking up and crawling home at 4am. Yesterday I caught up on cleaning, which helped me feel a bit more balanced, and in the evening we celebrated my flatmate's birthday. An early dinner out at Ask (very restrained menu choices) and then we hit the park for a giant game of hide and seek in the dark and the snow. It probably looked pretty funny to any passers-by to see 17 fully grown adults pegging it across the park in the dark while one person counted to 100 in the bandstand with their hands over their eyes. In fact probably as weird as watching 17 people climb out of a fir tree when the last person lost the game of sardines. Good times and an original way to have fun before trooping off to the pub to defrost over vodkas and champagne. Fair to say I wasn't feeling spectacular this morning. Actually, I was also feeling shattered because I stayed up late watching tv - stupid.

-- Posted from my iPhone

Sunday, 10 January 2010

Melt down

Crap, crap, crap!!

I don't know what's wrong with me, but the past couple of days I seem to have gone into free-fall melt down.

After one good day's eating, it went bad again. I'm struggling to get through the days without messing it up. I taking each day as they come but my weight's wobbling around back up between 12st 11 and 12st 9. I'm desperately trying to find equilibrium.

On top of that I'm making stupid decisions elsewhere in my life. My spending's out of control, my home is total tip which makes me feel unbalanced, and 8 days in to the New Year I made the mother of all bad decisions with a friend of mine, which I'm scared will wreck several friendships - I don't know what I was thinking but apparently my need for affection over-rode all the warning bells. I don't feel good about it and right now I'm carrying quite a lot of guilt round with me.

Bloody hell - I need to pull myself together and get a grip.

Thursday, 7 January 2010

Finding my WW's legs again

Control!! Hellooooooooooo! Nice to see you again! I've missed you so much!

Oh yes - I've found that little thing called self-control, I'm back on track where I should be. We had a fab walk out on the hills yesterday, hiking up to the top of the Beacon in the snow which was a foot deep in places. The boys and I double-timed it up there which was pretty hard work as the paths had been sledged so smooth at some points that every footstep up slid back as far as you'd just stepped, but we'd started out quite late so needed to make best use of the remaining light. We had fun in the snow when we got to the top - I made snow angels and we took action shots of us jumping into the drifts, before practically getting blown off our feet when we got right to the mapping point at the summit.

We had quite a rapid walk back down in the failing light, before going for an impromptu sledging session down the last steep, steep set of S bends. Great fun, followed by a hot chocolate in the pub on the way home - it felt like skiing already - can't wait for that, and only a week to go!!!!

Today I've had another snow day, but working from home this time. Actually, I'm a bit hacked off, as I spent 45 mins trying to clear the car and get it dug out this morning to go to work, but couldn't get the car loose of it's snowy grave. So I set up camp in the living room and got down to work - but my boss seemed to take personal exception to my non-appearance in the office, like it was something I could help. I wouldn't mind so much, but it's a bit of a double-standard when she's currently out of the office because her little girl's off nursery again. It seems that it's perfectly ok for her to take time out all the time for her kid, but god help me when I can't get through 6 inches of snow to drive 26 miles to work. Grrrrrr!!!!

So, it's not been the best day work-wise, but my food's gone well. I'm on target with my points, and I had a little play around on the Wii Fit mid-afternoon, just to give myself a break and move around a bit.

I've got to go downstairs in a bit and try and dig the car out properly this time (shovel required) as I really need it tomorrow. Both because I think my boss might actually go spare if I don't get in to the office tomorrow, and also because I've got my re-booked ski lesson at Snowdome tomorrow, and they won't move it again if I don't make it. Incentive indeed!!

Weigh in tomorrow morning, but don't be surprised if I don't report anything, as I'm fully expecting it to be way up. It's been pretty up all week, and I realised TOTM was here again this morning, so I don't expect it to be pretty. I'm working now on having a good week before skiing.

Finally, I couldn't decide whether I was happy or sad earlier when I got an email from the race organisers for Saturday to say they're delaying the race until next month as the Forest of Dean is unusable at the moment. I'm a bit sad in one way, but I'm still woefully unprepared to be able to put in a decent time at the moment, so the extra 5 or so weeks are a god-send!

Wednesday, 6 January 2010

Not dead.

Hey guys,

I'm back after my brief period of being AWOL over New Year. And I feel like I've put on about half a stone in that period. Actually, that's not far off - I feel bloated and ugh, but I'm back on plan, and I've been tracking for the last couple of days even whilst I've not been eating brilliantly, so I've not completely fallen by the wayside.

New Year in Scotland was amazing. We got hideously drunk on champagne on New Years Eve, and most of the rest of that night is a bit of a blur ... much like the pic below (which is in fact my friend Jon spinning hyperlights in the dark sometime in the small hours of New Years Eve - cool, huh?)

The hangovers on New Years Day were truly atrocious, so we decided to blast them away with some crunchy-snowed, frozen-bog-hopping, heather-strewn, blue-skied walking. It was gorgeous out, if a little treacherous under foot (proven by the fact that I went flying twice on the ice), but exactly what we needed, and we returned 3 hours later just as dusk was falling feeling a lot more human.

We had another walk on Saturday, down to the beach this time, and again it was lush to blow the cobwebs away. Interestingly, that walk is also a lot easier than I remember it being, as the bloody big hill on the way back seems to have shrunken considerably since the summer! The only minor problem we had, was that we were halfway across the direct route through the marsh before we realised it wasn't quite as frozen as it appeared!! There were a few rather tricky moments where we did some strategic hopping around, accompanied by some unexpected cracking noises and cheerful swearing as a foot disappeared into the mud, but it was all part of the fun and games.

Since I'd been eating whatever the hell I wanted over Xmas, I started tracking again straight away on Monday - can't say that Monday and Tuesday were good eating days though, due to long days at work, lack of food in the fridge and a lot of snow fouling everything up yesterday, but at least I was honest and tracked it all. Today is a snow-day, so I'm taking the opportunity to refresh the fridge and get back on track properly.

Exercise-wise I got to it on Monday night - since it was too cold and icy out to run, I went to the treadmill and trudged out a (very slow) 5k on the treadmill. No stopping at all. 40 mins of straight up running. Good stuff. Didn't get anything done last night other than walking to the pub for dinner when I finally got home from work and playing in the snow on the way back, but I'm going to go for a walk in the snow later today.

I'm also supposed to be going to the Tamworth Snow Dome for a ski-lesson tonight, and I don't know if I'm going to be able to get there with all the snow, which I'm gutted about. We're off skiing the weekend after this one, and I really wanted this session to re-find my ski legs (as I've been snowboarding the last couple of years and have had to change due to injury). I'm also gutted because if I miss it, that's £80 of cash down the drain!!!! Booooo!

On a final note - I had a good realisation yesterday - I was filling in my booking form for my ski-hire, and for the first time ever, I didn't feel embarrassed about filling in my weight, which was pretty cool. 79kgs? I can live with that!

Friday, 1 January 2010

A whole New Year!!!

Yikes - it's 2010 already!! I appear to have been caught on the hop - I meant to post a round-up of 2009 before the year ticked over but somehow missed the boat.

This morning my head hurts a bit, courtesy of champagne straight from the bottle last night. Good start to the new year!!

So. 2009. The year started with a silly challenge from Jo for us both to get fit and healthy - which meant losing about 5 stone for me. What a ride. Here were my highlights from 2009:

• Joined Weight Watchers, learned to eat healthily again and lost 4 stone.
• Started exercising with more purpose and re-learned the place of it in my life.
• Taught myself to run - was running just over 5 or 6k by the end of the year.
• Went on a mighty 5 holidays to cool and exciting places - snowboarding in France, exploring in Oslo and Croatia, adventuring in Scotland and windsurfing in Egypt.
•Gained some confidence in myself as the weight dropped away and I found that I could succeed at things if I put my mind to it.
• Had a go at singletrack on my mountain-bike and discovered I liked it ... despite occasional falls in the mud.
• Wore a bikini - success!!
• Started the year wearing a size 18-20 - I'm sitting here this morning in a 14.
• Learned to beachstart on my windsurfer and use the harness.
• Decided to stop whinging about being single and started Internet dating.
• Learned to feel a lot better about my life and started making plans to do all the things I haven't done yet but want to.

Which brings us neatly to 2010. I have lots of hopes and dreams for this year. Some new resolutions to make and goals to achieve.

For a starter I want to finish my 2009 resolution. I'll break this down into managable chunks to achieve. I want to get to my Weight Watchers goal which is currently 11st 6lbs. I have a mini-goal to get sub-12st first. Then I want to find a weight I can be happy at for the long-run. More of a challenge as this means finding a compromise between getting to my "perfect" weight, e.g. skinny, and something realistically sustainable. I aim to try and find a point where I'm content with my body. Airy-fairy goals indeed.

More tangible - I want to run a 5k and maybe a 10k race of some sort. The January 5k is in some doubt at the moment as I haven't run for one reason or another in the last couple of weeks, but if not that one, then a later one. It WILL happen.

Now I've started exercising regularly again, I'm going to stick to it and aim to enjoy a variety of activity throughout this year. I am going to keep going to a yoga / Balance type class at least once a week though to strengthen and protect my back and other miscellaneous fucked-up joints.

And there's the big stuff. A little while ago, I mentioned big life changes that I wanted to make. I've been planning and thinking quietly and ideas are slowly forming. I'm taking a career break in 2010. In September this year I'm quitting my job and jumping on a plane for Australia. I've decided I need a challenge and something to achieve. I wanted to do something physical as I was never the sportiest person. So I'm going to spend 6 weeks training to be a windsurfing instructor. That should be a challenge!!! I'm also going to spend a bit of time travelling down the East Coast and then either New Zealand or Tazmania. Not sure which yet.

I've also got lots more holidays coming up in 2010 before that.

So that's me. An exciting year ahead. So much to look forward to and achieve. I can't wait to begin!!!

But first, I'm just going to finish with this hangover ....

-- Posted from my iPhone