Friday, 31 December 2010
You were an awesome year - you had some ups and downs, a few frustrations but some successes when I rode the rough times out.
I've gained and lost this year, hit a new low, but (I suspect after Xmas and New Year) ultimately maintained. And I'm happy with that.
The travelling was amazing, the parties were awesome, my friends went above and beyond the call of duty because they cared.
I've got a new job, and a new flat in a new city.
I ran my first ever 10k, and feel I can call myself a runner. I did my first black runs on my bike and on skis.
I achieved a lot. I'm content to let 2010 to close out and say good-bye. I'm looking forward to 2011.
I have one resolution for next year: to keep trying.
I've already entered a 10k and a duathlon. But they're just personal goals. Overall - my resolution is just to try.
So hello 2011. And welcome.
Oh yeah - and Happy New Year!!
- Posted from my iPhone
Tuesday, 28 December 2010
Well, since I have successfully reached the bottom of the open bags of chocolate (yes, I pointed those too), that's one temptation removed.
But I hearby pledge to keep my grubby little fingers out of the chocolates tomorrow. And the biscuits. Also mince pies, fondant fancies and whatever-else-is-hiding-in-the-corner-cupboard-of-treats.
Let's aim for a day without silly snacking, people!
Monday, 27 December 2010
Have seriously cursed not bringing my running gear home, but have spent time plotting more races to run in the New Year and devouring Womens Running magazine this afternoon and generally getting excited about getting back to it after the festivities are over.
Other than that I'm plotting my costume for New Years Eve and trying to work out what starter I'm taking to the dinner party on 29th. Hmmmm - so that's lots more food and some drinking then - phew - think I'm going to need all this running in January!!!
- Posted from my iPhone
Saturday, 25 December 2010
This post was originally something I was writing off my own bat about and for next year. But then I came across the next prompt for the Reverb10 project (late of course, because I’m behind but still going - story of my life):
Prompt: Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn't go for it?
Well – I’d already started it, so that slots in nicely: Please See Below!!
2011 – Things to do.
I have tons of things I want to achieve in 2011 – some are things I’ve been pondering over for a while, others are things that are brand new goals for this year – maybe prompted by something I achieved or discovered last year, some just wild, out there and shiny brand new. Currently, they fall into two categories – already committed to and on the list, but will not be planned in just yet.
Run Bristol 10k – May
Every Woman Duathlon – June
Yep – last October wasn’t enough, and I’ve gone back for more. I’d been considering it for a while anyway, as I a prompt to get my running kick-started again in 2011, and because the 5ks I have run recently have been feeling good. Yet again, it’s come about in support of another friend who’s running the distance for the first time, but for me it’s a well-timed challenge to try and beat my time and set a new personal best (I never thought that would be a phrase I would using about myself). So, I’m aiming to try and run it in less than 1:12.
Well, after saying yes to the invite to Run Bristol, I got a bit excited chatting to Hannah, and we talking about maybe trying a Tri sometime. Off the phone, and doing a little research on the internet, I stumbled on the above Duathlon. A text to Jo (my fellow health-chaser / conspirator from the start of the whole 2009 challenge) and my fate was sealed. She got so excited that she signed up for not just the 10k, but the challenge distance of the duathlon too. So on the 4th of June, 3 weeks after my 2nd ever 10k, I’ll be participating in the Every Woman Duathlon on Clifton Downs – 5k run, 20k bike, 5k run. The current training plan for these, also includes the 5 mile Weston Promenade run in Feb or March too.
Now perhaps you can understand, why the Bristol Half conversation came about last night (Jo was out too), and why I half want to do it, but also think it’s a hell of a scary jump in my running. I liked the fact though, that the pact that was drunkenly proposed, was that all 5 of us run it together … at my pace. That group consists of Ben (NY Marathon), Koks (Royal Parks Half and Great South Run), Kate (2 x Great North Run) and Jo (just ridiculously fit and naturally athletic). I’m touched that these guys would do it, and do it at my pace to support me, but also a little intimidated by their combined credentials!
To try, and see if I like it:
British Military Fitness class
Bikram yoga (hot yoga)
One of my tactics for approaching my new life in Bristol, as I’ve mentioned several times before, is exploring what it is I like to do, and trying a few new things that I’ve been meaning too. I’ve been doing a fair amount of online research over the last couple of weeks of possible classes / clubs / sessions I want to try in the New Year. It would have been sooner, but things like terms starting afresh in Jan, the big freeze and lack of money at the moment, made January seem like a good time. I’ve already worked out that all of the above things are available in Bristol, nearby and at not-ridiculous prices. To spread the fun (and the cost), and to prevent me over-complicating my diary, and over-committing myself, and to make sure I give each one a fair chance, I’m going to give them a one-at-a-time approach. I’ve got a provisional plan of which terms / sessions I’d like to try the Street Dance and Spanish classes, and we’ll see how everything else slots in around it – especially as I need to leave plenty of time for running!
What I’ve learned from 2010
What I’ve learned from 2010 is this: it really is true – you never regret the things you did, only the things you didn’t do.
I took a few more risks, sucked up the nerves, and found great rewards at the end. Or at least, knowledge. Sometimes it was small things like finding the nerve to contact the Gloucestershire mountain biking club that I went out with – I had a great ride, and met nice people, but realised that I needed to find a club that ran dedicated novice rides. That was good thought, because it meant I knew what I should look for in a prospective Bristol club. Others were bigger risks like booking my flights to go travel, and then having to jack the job. No regrets.
What I didn’t have so much of in 2010 was focus. I didn’t make an actual list of things to do, so I tried things as I thought of them, or got invited. Now I have a list!
You’ll notice what’s not on this list, is any goal about getting to … well, goal. Obviously, it’s something that’s on my agenda, but I’m not going to make it a specific goal with a timescale. I was initially frustrated with my lack of progress in 2010 on the weight front, but I have come to realise that I have achieved something fantastic: I lost 4 stone in a year, and then kept it off for another year. What’s more, I’ve finished that second year, still focused on eating healthily most of the time, but living a lifestyle I can maintain, making improvements where I can, and just trying to move forward and improve a tiny bit at a time. I have work to do on my eating habits, but I’m confident that having fitness goals will help achieve a balanced outlook and help me to move further towards the shape I want to have.
Had a lovely night out with my schoolfriends last night, doing much over-excited, very fast gabbling, catching up - it was great. I always come away from time with them feeling well-loved and like I'm awesome.
Also - I blame this on the drunk people present (and this will probably make more sense once I've done my "things for 2011" post) - there appears to have been some sort of drunken pact made for the 5 of us present last night to run the Bristol half marathon in September. Let us just pray (as the only sober and driving person there last night) that they've forgotten about that this morning. A Half might be a bit of a scary step too far at the moment!!
Ate a few naughties yesterday, but all tracked and not ridiculous - hopefully that was the start of my Very Reasonable Christmas that I'm hoping to achieve this year :-)
Off to open pressies now and forage for some breakfast!
- Posted from my iPhone
Friday, 24 December 2010
I can't hide that my eating this week has been pretty close to the atrocious end of the scale. That in itself has displeased me no end, but I have still eaten badly regardless. At least I know exactly how badly I ate, because I forced myself to write it all down - so I know that my gain at the scales this morning to extremely displeasing 12st 8.5lb (3lbs up on last week) is down to the might 74 points deficit in my tracker. I have definitely reaped what I sowed.
Let us not dispair though. I'm off home this afternoon, and I know that a lot of my eating this week has been down to boredom and home-baking. It's been really freaking quiet at work this week, and that's always been one of my biggest triggers to eat. Combine that with me spending Sunday afternoon last week in a festive whirl of baking very belated birthday cakes for the office, and there's me with an empty in-tray and a box of chocolate and hazlenut cupcakes and a tin of sugar biscuits on the desk next to me all week. Not a great combination. Then there was pic'n'mix at the cinema on Tuesday evening (I haven't been for weeks, and forgot how sick that stuff generally makes me feel afterwards - now I remember, and hopefully won't make that mistake again too soon), and the fact that I haven't done a proper food shop in a couple of weeks and have been polishing off whatever's in the fridge combined with dropping in at the local supermarket on the way home each night to pick up "essentials" and there's me eating a lot of bits I wouldn't usually. Oh yeah - and there's too much ice to run, and the gym's cancelled loads of classes for Xmas .... boooooo.
Anyhoo - my fault. Move along.
What I did have on Wednesday was my second personal trainer appointment at the gym. Jesus Christ is that boy evil!!!! Hill sprint intervals on the treadmill, for crying out loud?!?!? I didn't even know I could do those (well, I can, but only with accompanying thoughts of passing out or throwing up), many weights, prolonged abs, and just as I was ready to drop, he wanted to see how many proper press-ups I could do. The answer's 6, but not with great form, but in my defence I'd just done a chest / arms / shoulders weights work out.
Sooooooo - next week. I'm off home to Dad's tonight. He tells me he's stocked the cupboards up, but I'm bringing in fruit, veg and healthier options. Plus, I don't get so bored, so I'm damn well aiming for next week's weigh in to be lower. I initially packed my running gear, since I'm no longer a member of the gym at home, but then realised that with 6 inches of snow down, that wasn't a practical reality. Instead, I've got walking gear for lots of exploring all the snowy goodness on the hills and sledging (that should burn a few Xmas calories!), and also my swimming cossie, as I reckon the pool should be open at some point.
I'm taking the laptop home over Xmas so expect further updates!! Hope you all have an amazing, enjoyable, not toooo over-indulgent Xmas's!!! xxx
Thursday, 23 December 2010
That I am stronger and better than I think I am. I constantly doubted myself and put myself down, and that stopped me from achieving things .... mostly because I'd not believe I could do it so I wouldn't even try.
I have learned over the course if this year (and last year too), that if I put my mind to something, and have a little self-belief, I can achieve loads of things.
For me, that's a self-fulfilling prophesy. If I see I can do something, then I'll try it. And when I succeed at that and feel how good that feels, I'm motivated to do more. I'm less afraid of failure, because I see it as being less of an inevitability, but also, like my fear of rejection, I realise it's also not as utterly terrible as I'd thought.
2011 is going to be all about trying things.
- Posted from my iPhone
Wednesday, 22 December 2010
Prompt: Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?
I don’t think there is one friend who I would single out above the others in 2010 – I have an amazing group of diverse friends, and they are all special to me in some way. They constantly (and very patiently I might add) listen to me and then give me a new perspective on things – usually a far more positive point of view than the one I am seeing things from, but occasionally grittily realistic to keep me grounded.
They have done this on so many countless occasions, over so many small things … but often it’s the small things that add up to the big World View. They have also been there for far longer than just this year, with this constant level of unending support. I love them dearly, for who they are, and who they make me when I’m with them.
They constantly work to shore up my flaky confidence, and encourage me to reach for things I wouldn’t dream of. It’s a subtle process, so I guess you could say it’s gradual, but it’s also never-ending – more of a natural evolution.
So, to the Bridgets, Jons, Hannahs, Sheenas, Becs, Jos, Lissas and Carolines of this world – I salute you, and say your friends are luckier than they will ever know to have you.
And to the originals? I heart you, totally, utterly and devotedly. Even if I’m occasional a stroppy bitch.
Oh my God - GO!!!! So much!
Travelling - all of it!!! The long bus journeys through unfamiliar landscapes, beautiful beaches and pounding surf, cycling along pot-holey roads on a rust bucket of a cruiser in vest, bikini and denim cut-offs. Playing with baby howler monkeys, the bubble of joy when I finally managed to stand (very wobbly) on my surf board, howling with laughter in the pool as we tried to do handstands. The white-water rafting and sliding on zip lines in the canopy. Jumping off waterfalls. Swinging in my hammock absorbed in my book. Independence.
Playing on the beach in Wales in May - turning my first cartwheel in 20 years. The funfair that made us sick and giddy with laughter.
Running through the snow in a bikini to the hot-tub in the French Alps. My first black run on skis, my first baby ski-jump, my first powder, my first border-cross racetrack ... in fact the whole damn holiday.
Some awesome bike adventures - reds that never ended and my first black and whooping exhilaration. And mud. Lots of mud.
Feeling good in black tie for awesome parties and weddings. Weddings in the sunny July weather and lots of smiles.
A day of manically grinning exhilaration when I did my 10k and the feeling of amazed wonder that I'd achieved it and come so far.
The relief when I finally visited my mum's grave after 3 years. Physically saying good bye and hello at the same time.
A comical year of romantic errors, including the boy next door that should never have happened, the vet and why you should never go on a date with a friend. Ok so two out of 3 were a bad idea, but I took risks and tried it.
Friends, walks, picnics, beaches, snow, mud, pretty dresses - I've run out of time but it's been an awesome year - here's to next year and a reminder of how awesome it should and can be!
- Posted from my iPhone
2010 was the year I started to make things really happen. Not that things never happened before, after all I've been to university and got a degree, landed myself a plum graduate job (and about another 4 subsequent to that), kicked and screamed my way through a professional qualification (13 out of 13 first-time passes, thank you very much!), and last but certainly not least, lost 4 stone. All by myself.
Something changed in 2010 though. All my decisions, and by extension, all my accomplishments, before then, kind of happened organically. I'd him and hah about things, vaguely dream of them, and usually fate would give me a helping hand, or sometimes friend's choices would give me a kick-start in a particular direction, and off I'd trundle.
I'm very proud of all that I've achieved, but if you'd asked me when I was 18 it wouldn't have been where I thought I'd be at all. I was going to be a vet, not an accountant. I have drifted and let life and circumstances mould my life.
Somewhere in 2010 I started reaching a bit harder for the things I wanted. I quit a job I hated. I grabbed an opportunity to travel and made it worked for me. I stopped being frustrated with my life circumstances and did something to change them and try an alternative by moving, and I've started to wipe up my own mess of debt.
The trick to making things happen has, for me, been accepting responsibility for my dreams and aspirations, and realising that no-one else is likely to make them happen. And to get where you want to go, you might have to go somewhere unexpected first.
An example: I want to be wealthy and able to afford the things I want and life-style I enjoy. So far, that got me in debt. To get there, I'm going to have to clamp down on my spending and get my debt cleared, because then I'll have extra money for me, rather than just servicing my credit cards. It hurts me to say no to ski holidays, and tickets for concerts I want to go to. But those baby steps will point me in the right direction.
Write lists, jot down your goals, break them down in to tasks. Research your dreams - know them. Understand your current situation and workout what needs to change to get you from A to B.
Whether it's debt, a fitness goal, a dream to travel, or a new career - take responsibility for your goal, plan it, and then, the scary bit, start executing that plan.
- Posted from my iPhone
Tuesday, 21 December 2010
I managed Friday night's Xmas party as planned and actually managed to bank some points, as well as avoiding a hangover, but undid that on Saturday when I had guilty takeaway for dinner. Also, Starbucks Iced Ginger Loaf? Lovely, but not worth 11 or 12 points, i.e. a 1/3 of my day's points!
I was up and all dressed to go to Balance on sunday morning, but was foiled by my gym cancelling the class in the run up to Xmas and with all the crappy weather. Not that we've got much crappy weather here - all the rubbish of the problems (cancelled classes, ice everywhere, travel plans being cocked up) without any if the actual fun of the snow. So not fair.
At least sorting my present shopping out has meant lots of walking over the weekend, which has been good, and I've got another appt with the trainer at the gym tomorrow to kick my butt.
Yesterday wasn't a great day, as I ate too much cake. I got home in the evening and couldn't decide what I wanted for dinner. I really wanted some of the smoked haddock from the freezer, I was craving broccoli and I was also desperate for some pitta bread and humous. Eventually, I threw the rules out the window and had all of them. And I savoured it - I forced myself to slow down and taste all of it.
I was feeling a bit emotionally spaced last night - feeling the pressure of impending Xmas I guess, so after I'd had a little sniffle I picked myself up, cleaned the flat and sat down to wrap all my presents with something good on the tv.
Then I took a well-timed phonecall from Hannah, who cheered me right up and suggested something exciting for next year. I said yes, and then set about investigating further exciting options for next year. I'm going to do a proper post on plans for next year soon, so keep an eye out for that!
- Posted from my iPhone
The way I interpret this, I will answer as follows: I feel best in the moments when I'm amazed at what my body can do. Instead of being aware of me, I'm aware of my surroundings and how everything feels. Usually this is when I'm doing something physical - biking, skiing, windsurfing - but it can also be those rare moments when you feel good about yourself. When a looks come together and you looks and feel great. For a peaceful instant you stop fighting yourself and just marvel at how far you've come.
- Posted from my iPhone
Monday, 20 December 2010
1) Debt - for a long time now, I've lived beyond my means. Never by very much, but enough that overtime that leaking trickle caused a mighty big lake of debt. Ironic for an accountant, huh? I'm on it though - I've started on the long run to being debt-free already, and although I think I'll be at this a while, I'll get there.
2) The last 11lbs or so to goal. I want to finish 2011 at goal.
3) Self-loathing - I need to stop putting myself down.
4) Self-doubt - I can do things.
5) Stop judging myself so hard and by different standards to everyone else.
6) Procrastinating - waaaaay too much of that round me. I put off everything (hence no. 1 and 2 I guess) - I need to get on with things and stop thinking how scary they are or how much I don't want to do them.
7) Whining about being single. It takes up way too much of my life. I should get over it, and live my life. I guess I'm getting a bit better, but all the fears and insecurities still come and go from time to time.
8) Untidiness - I loathe how untidy I can be - it makes me feel stressed in my own home. I've just moved into a new flat and it's currently pretty tidy - a good time to get in the habit if keeping it that way.
9) Clutter - directly linked to the above - moving to the new flat made me realise how much stuff I have that i don't need. Things I neither use regularly or legitimately need to keep - so why the hell do I still have it all????? It takes up valuable space in my flat, and makes it harder to keep everything I actually need tidy. I've just about started the de-clutter - I've put a couple of things in EBay to see if I can't get a bit of money back. After that I'll start on the bookshelves and the random boxes of stuff. Time to be ruthless and clear it all down so I can have a flat of zen calm :-)
10) Booking too much in my diary. It leaves me stressed, contributes to my lateness everywhere, and result in me spending way too much money. I want to pick my commitments more carefully 2011, savour them and leave a bit more room for spontaneity too.
11) Regrets. Who needs them? What's done is done - it can't be changed. We can learn from it if it's bad, for god's sake celebrate if it was good - but never regret. I do - it's not worth it.
- Posted from my iPhone
Easy - counselling. By far and away the wisest decision I made this year. Asking help was a big jump for me, but it helped with a lot of other stuff.
Best decision - quitting my job to go travelling. Might not have been wise, given that it left me financially wide-open and unemployed, but it was awesome and I regret it not one iota. I finally feel like I achieved one of my life goals.
Second best (and perhaps second wisest decision) - finding the balls to pick myself up and move my life to Bristol. I have yet to see how it all pans out but I have hope that this will be a time to find out what I like and want for a change.
- Posted from my iPhone
Oh boy - I am sooooo behind on these .... but I've not given up - I just might be finishing them off in the New Year is all.
The Best Party Award? Tricky. I automatically start thinking of all the bug fancy bashes during the year - Rob and Caz's black tie 30th, Jon's amazing party at the Yurts, my own 30th, but I tend to find anything that gets that much build-up tends to be a little disappointing in the end. A but of an anti-climax.
So this prize goes to all those nights that surprise you. The quiet ones that turn into epics, the little gatherings of friends that just totally worked and give you the kind of memories that last for years - the "Oh my god - do you remember....?"'s.
New Year with friends in remote Scotland last year was amazing - snowy landscapes, the freezing little cottage with us all crammed in, coal stove in the living room booting out the heat and us all sat round playing cards and silly games, everyone dressed in about 6 layers of woolies, lots of homecooked food, a murder mystery dinner, walks on the frozen beach and snowy hills, and a blurred recollection of drinking champagne from the bottle on New Years Eve and watching friends spinning fire poi in the garden. Epic.
This New Years Eve? A 3 day trip to Newquay in Cornwall, fancy dress and walks on Fistral Beach on New Years Day.
- Posted from my iPhone
Friday, 17 December 2010
I honestly think I didn't I deserved any kind of loss, but maybe those weights have been doing good things to my metabolism, or eating all those vegetables does far more for your sense of fullness than it does for increasing your waistline.
Either way - I'll take it and run with it. That puts me back in my comfortable zone under 12st 6. Next week I'd just like to lose something to keep me pushing back towards those last 10lbs.
- Posted from my iPhone
Thursday, 16 December 2010
Ok – not a great day today, but not a truly horrific day either. I got caught a bit short, as I forgot I was having catch-up coffee / lunch with my recruitment consultant today, which threw things a bit out of whack.
So that’s a slight negative. On the positive side, my overeating this evening has mostly been vegetables, some lean beef, a meringue and some dry cereal. An odd combination, but the cereal got scarfed down whilst I was waiting for my butternut squash to roast to go with my stew. Not so bad I guess, but eating cereal from the box is definitely a habit I do not want to get back into.
Pay attention, Self, and *note that down*!
Yesterday, I did good. I went to the gym after work for spin, and popped out a quick 10 min run, 10 mins of the rower and some quick upper-body weights whilst I was waiting for the class. And bugger me, if that class wasn’t the hardest thing I’ve done for a while! The instructor was a demon (and interestingly, the same instructor I had for Balance on Sunday), and it was tough!! I sweated buckets and gasped my way through the entire 45 mins, everytime I looked at my heart rate monitor I was in the 170’s, but pride wouldn’t let me slack the pace and not stay with the beat. Masochistically good stuff, as I was going harder and more consistently than the 4 pretty boys in the corner who looked like they’d accidentally wandered in from a pro football or rugby team somewhere – they looked broken. lol. Surprisingly, I’m not too achy at all today, and the instructor complimented me at the end saying I’d done well. So that was 880 calories wiped off the face of the earth in one gym session.
When I got home last night, I decided I was not so hungry that I couldn’t wait for the longer time required to cook stew. I ate a massive portion of it (and the same again this evening), but since it’s all lean stewing steak, root veg (mostly zero point) and stock and tomatoes, I figure it’s better to get full on that than rubbish. I’ve been very hungry the last couple of nights, but I’m trying where I can to not eat too much crap.
Weigh in tomorrow, and I suspect it might be another small gain, or a stay-the-same if I’m very lucky. I don’t deserve anything else with this week’s eating though. But, I have tracked the lot, I know what I ate, and I will take responsibility for myself.
Tomorrow is also my work Xmas party – menu’s are pre-selected – I’ve gone for mussels to start, a smoked haddock risotto for main, and a chocolate mousse for dessert. That’s not going to be great on points, but they’re some of the better options from the menu I think, and should be pretty portion-controlled compared to options like roast belly pork with all the trimmings. I doubt dinner will happen, and although we’ll be drinking wine with the meal, I intend to get back on the spirits and slimline mixers as quickly as poss, and for the sake of pacing, try and get some non-alcholoic drinks in too. This is my one big social blow-out this week, after that it’s a quiet weekend at the flat, pottering round town finishing Xmas shopping (but being very good and sticking to my budgeting, so no shopping for me), watching Xmas-y films, maybe doing a design project for the flat, and trying to eat a bit more healthily, and with some sense of volume!
Ooooooh – and waiting for the snow that apparently is going to blanket Bristol. We’ll see.
Weigh in results will be posted truthfully tomorrow.
Thanks as always for your support. xx
Wednesday, 15 December 2010
I dusted myself down last night (and you're right, Seren, in the scale of things 6 California Rolls and half a pot of frozen yoghurt isn't going to kill me - I've just got used to living on my allowance, so it seems a lot), tracked it online and closed that episode. Then I sat down and watched videos of Zumba online and got excited about it coming to my gym in the New Year.
Since I was awake very early this morning I rang the gym and booked myself in for Spin at 6.15 this evening. First spin class in far too many weeks and I have to admit that I'm quite excited. Hope it lives up to expectations! I'm going to try and fit my weights in before or after the class too - they're only 15 mins so they don't take long, but they're damn effective (at making me ache)!
This morning I bumped into a girl called Cat, who I know via Hannah, on my way to work and it turns out she works literally 5 mins from my office which is cool. We had a little chat and she mentioned that her and Hannah and some others sometimes meet for Friday lunch, and I'll have to come along next time. Things like that help me feel a bit less isolated, so that was a really positive boost this morning.
Food's ok today - I know I'll be hungry when I get back from the gym, so I've already set out 2 dinner options in my head - one quick and one a bit slower - so I don't have to try and make decisions when I'm starving later.
And no dangerous, hungry trips to the supermarket on the way home tonight!
- Posted from my iPhone
Tuesday, 14 December 2010
I would just like to go on record as saying that I categorically suck.
WTF is wrong with me???
I’ve just ballsed up another perfectly good day, and if sticking your fingers down your throat weren’t such an unhealthily bad thing to do (and if I had some kind of useful gag reflex) then I’d be right there doing that now. I feel shit.
I left work with what should have been a perfect number of points for dinner, but in dropping in at the supermarket I had a sudden craving for sushi, so I grabbed a pack of California Rolls. Fine, but instead of having those for dinner, I wolfed them down as a bloody appetiser, and then proceeded to have dinner after that. Admittedly, dinner wasn’t anything crazy (woooooooo – poached eggs and mushrooms on an English muffin – you cer-razy girl!), but the point is I knew I didn’t have the points for both and still ate them. And then I ate half a bloody pot of Ben & Jerry’s frozen yoghurt.
Why am I so intent on undoing all my good work at the moment?????????
It’s driving me nuts! I have one good day, followed by several bad days. And all the exercise in the world isn’t going to negate that! (Well, all the exercise in the world might, but obviously I’m not doing that).
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah – I’m so frustrated with myself.
I was doing so freaking well just before I moved, within touching distance of goal finally – just on the verge of those last 10lbs, and now I seem to be unravelling like a ball of wool that the kitten’s just hit. Which is to say at an alarming rate of knots. And I hate it.
I don’t know if I’m acting out with my eating habits because I’m feeling the stress of leaving my friends and moving to a new city, or what it is, but I just want it to stop. I want to stop. I want to stop making theses stupid mistakes, and the stupid excuses too.
I feel gross. I feel fat again. I feel self-loathing. And yes, damn it, I’m wallowing in it right now.
If I don't get my miserable arse on here regularly (say at least every other day or so) then I don't have accountability for what goes in my gob.
There ... I've said it.
This weekend didn't go soooo badly, until Sunday night. And the reason for that is that I'd planned it. But Sunday night, after diligently pointing up everything and eating a sensible tea, I went to Hannah's for films and chat. And even though I'd eaten that sensible tea not an hour before, I ended up eating pizza with them when their takeaway arrived. Hmmmm - spot the deliberate error there!
And FYI? Domino's Double Decadence - the thin crust with the two layers and pesto sandwiched between? Not only ridiculously high in points, but actually not that great. Give me a standard deep pan or thin crust anyday. Too thin, too greasy, and not that tasty. I also wonder when I actively started preferring a veggie laden pizza to pepperoni / meat feast type ones?
Anyhoo - we can safely say that I was cursing when I stepped on the scales yesterday morning and they'd shot up to 12st 9. That's nearly half a stone higher than they were a couple of weeks ago. Obviously, I realise that it's very difficult to put 3lbs of fat on over one weekend, so a lot of that will be salt / chemical / MSG-type hangover, but it was still a shock.
As a result, yesterday I was good. I committed to tracking everything and finished the day in a sensible place (which skimmed 1.5lbs straight back off by this morning). Today, I'm on track to be good again, and I'm practically chanting the persistence not perfection mantra to myself rather than beat myself up. But I think I need to get on here much more often than I have been to say these things (and I could do with a little more of the perfection maybe!).
Exercise-wise, things aren't too bad; Bridget had an early-ish start on Sunday, which left me available to stroll over for Sunday morning Body Balance at the gym followed by a round of the PT-prescribed weights. Two things: a) I am really stiff at the moment, but sure felt better for an hour of stretching and bending, if a little wobbly afterwards, and b) those weights kill me in the space of 10 mins.
Seriously. Not even joking - I was absolutely crippled yesterday with post-work-out muscle soreness. Not that it's entirely unpleasant, but there's not much of me that doesn't ache at the moment. My abs (somewhere under all that remaining fat) especially.
So that's that. I'm recommitting you guys. I will be on here more often (as well as the Reverb10 posts that I'm now behind on) just talking day-to-day stuff: achievements, cock-ups, boring drivel - the works.
Now aren't you lucky?
Saturday, 11 December 2010
I see the world from a different perspective a lot of the time - I always pick up on the innuendo, the plays on words, the absurdities in a conversation and I use it to make people laugh. In fact, I'm pretty good at making people laugh. I can be the entertainer and I can make people smile. I can cheer then up, make them forget their problems for a little while, or put them at their ease a little more.
I can make people feel good about themselves. I give compliments, but only heartfelt ones, and I always make an effort to find something positive to say - especially if they're feeling low or uncertain.
I'm loyal, and a good listener - I like to make people feel they can tell me their problems, and get something useful back in the form of support and constructive advice. I will always support your endeavours, unless I really feel it's a bad idea in which case I'll try and guide you to something better.
These are the things that light people up around me- sometimes a fierce shine of laughter and raucous enjoyment, and sometimes the pleasure of getting a little comfortable glow where there was none before.
What makes me different though? I'm still trying to work that one out. I can be an amazing friend and the life of the party, and that's certainly why people are drawn to me initially, something I sometimes find it hard to acknowledge.
But in my quieter moments I find it hard to know who I actually am. When I'm not being defined by the people I'm with - I feel like I disappear a bit sometimes. That the bits of me that are left are all the ugly bits. And that's what I'm going to try and work on this year. Finding the person that's me - when other people aren't around - what she likes to do and to learn to love her.
- Posted from my iPhone
I'm not sure I really discovered any new communities in 2010 - mostly I was very wrapped up in myself, but also burying myself more deeply into the communities I already have.
Having discovered the blogging universe in 2009, I thoroughly surprised myself by sticking with something and continuing to blog my ups and downs right through this year. Sadly for you, I think we can safely say this now seems to be a habit and you're stuck with me for the foreseeable future. What I did find in 2010 was that I definitely took something back from the community - as I struggled with making any kind of progress from January to June, I found the blogs of others to be a constant source of inspiration and encouragement to continue, as well as a never-ending font of new perspectives.
2010 has also been a year when I found the confidence to start toying with the idea of sports clubs. I tried some mountain-biking outings with clubs and really enjoyed them, and that's definitely something I'd like to get more involved with in 2011.
In fact, 2011 is going to be all about building new community for me. Having just moved to a brand new city where I dont know many people, I've been thinking about approaching things a new way. Instead of finding people and then getting involved with the things they do (which is undoubtedly a great way to try new things), I'm going to think about what it is I really enjoy doing, or want to try, and find places to do those with, and see who I meet along the way. Mostly, I want to take a bit of time and figure out who I am and what I enjoy.
I don't know how that will pan out but current thoughts include mountain-biking (I've already found a possible club for when
the weather improves a bit), a show choir / Glee club, bikram
Yoga and Spanish lessons. Those possibilities should keep me busy for a while and it will be opportunities to meet lots of new people I might not get otherwise.
- Posted from my iPhone
Friday, 10 December 2010
Two weeks in a row. Hmmmm - not acceptable. I've been eating rubbish, on and off, which I did admit to, but obviously more with the on than the off, and it has, somewhat inevitably, bitten me in the ass. And latched on.
Not a massive gain, but enough to ring alarm bells and put me just back over that 12st 6lbs, I worked so hard to get under. 3.5lbs in 2 or 3 weeks. Not good. Not acceptable.
And not bloody staying there!
I blame the last little bit on dinner out last night - Mexican food and some pretty potent cocktails. Not big and not clever. Or actually too big and not clever.
So ... here's the plan of action. This weekend Bridget is down to play. I won't fall guilty to my usual trick of waaaaaay over-catering. I can be Good Hostess without needing to do that. We could go out to dinner tonight, but frankly why waste the calories and money? I'll cook us something tasty to eat at the flat. Then we're going out tonight - limiting the cocktails is key. I like vodka and mixers, so there's no need to go bat-shit crazy on cocktails. One or two should be fine. I must not fall into the trap of doing "holiday" breakfasts and lunches tomorrow - it's a waste. And I'm prepared for tomorrow night's pizza and film-fest. I've got thin-crust pizzas, not too big and with lots of veggies. I'm mini-pittas, crudites and low-fat humus. I've got lots of fresh fruit, and some chocolate for fondue, but also low-fat frozen yoghurt (but Ben and Jerry's of course!) for an evening of guilt-free lazing. And I might see if I can make a class, or get a run in on Sunday - some form of exercise.
As for next week - the crap is now gone from the house. I don't have any plans to eat out. My new PT has given me something to do at the gym. And after proclaiming I'd go for a run the other night ... I did. At half 8 on a Tuesday night, I wrapped up against the -5 temps and wound my way around the puddles of ice for 5 and a bit k. And it was a lovely run (does that mean I can officially call myself a runner?). So, a few more of those to come too.
Let's see if I can finish kicking my ass back into gear, and finally get to grips with this new ProPoints program. I've been letting events and eating badly act as an excuse, but really I've just being a grumpy child about not really getting on with the new program. But if I want to get to goal then I'm going to have suck it up and commit myself to it. Might as well start here and now.
Wednesday, 8 December 2010
The last thing I made? Actually, it was my friend's Xmas present. I wanted to do something a bit more personal, and she luuuurves her photos, so I've been putting together a photo collage online and I'm having it professionally printed online.
I love that this present will be made of our memories from our summer spent travelling in Costa Rica. It will feature her best memories as well as, I hope, capturing the spirit of what we saw in that beautiful, amazing country.
It's nice to do this, as I've been meaning to do something similar for my own flat, and my own memories. I've missed being even a little bit creative in recent times. Even the little projects I have dabbled with have been fun, so let this be an opening to doing more of the same.
I admire creative types - always have, since my dad is an artist. I've always said I don't have the skills to do it, but maybe that doesn't matter if it's fun?
A little less perfection-seeking and a little more enjoyment in what I can do, perhaps?
- Posted from my iPhone
Tuesday, 7 December 2010
Good thing: I had my first free appointment with my new personal trainer at the gym yesterday lunchtime. He smiles like butter wouldn’t melt, but none-the-less left me in bits today. Muscles hurting.
Bad thing: I ate flawlessly all day, then got sidetracked into the opening the second bag of Belgian chocolates bought home from my weekend in Brussels – the ones that were meant for friends. Blech.
Good thing: I didn’t finish the whole bag – I acknowledged that I was starting to feel sick and stopped ahead of time.
Bad thing: I’m clearly not quite over the have-food-in-the-house-must-eat-it food hangover thing yet.
Good thing: I thought it was too cold to go for a run earlier. Now I have the motivation I need to get my ass out the house. 5k run will help negate the chocolates. Serves me right.
Bad thing: I didn’t track properly over my weekend away, and you can bet your bottom dollar that I was over my points.
Good thing: I didn’t eat as much as I could have done, due to an absolutely killer, nausea-inducing, am-I-going-to-pass-out-or-throw-up style hangover that caught up with me midday on Saturday.
Bad thing: I’m obviously still drinking too much.
Good thing: I’m refocused on getting back into the whole exercise thing, and still have a refreshed outlook on eating well (just need to get rid of the very last bits of the rubbish food hanging round the house).
Bad thing: I’m eating out on Thursday night, and than have Bridget staying from Friday to Sunday – recipe for derailment.
Good thing: I’ve already started planning the menu for the weekend to avoid that.
Good thing: I’m off to freeze my butt off out there in the cold, cold night air and run now.
Sunday, 5 December 2010
I read this and I had a shameful and confused thought as my first response.
My very first thought was that I let go of my mother. Three and a bit years after losing her, I finally opened the box full of the snarled up feelings I had surrounding her death and took a peek under the lid. And then I went and visited her grave for the very first time since we interred her ashes.
But that's not right. Because in no way have I let go of my mother. I still have all my memories and always will, I just faced something and accepted it a little more (her being physically gone from my life).
That thought process lead me to what I have truly let go of this year, or at the very least started to let go of - the wall around myself and my need for utter control of how people view me.
At some point in early summer, I hit a low; I was in such a miserable place that I finally recognised I could do with some outside help.
Through reading so many blogs online, I had read about many examples of people turning to professional counsellors to address their problems, and it occurred to me to look and see if this was something that could help me too.
And so the Other Sue came into my life. An absolute professional, through and through, with a knack for making me turn my issues over and look at them from the flip-side.
Going to see someone was a huge step for me. I never admit that there's a problem. And if I do, I certainly don't ask for help. I maintained my outward projection of absolute strength and perfection at all times - an impregnable wall where I could reach out to help my friends, be their confidante and their shoulder to lean on, but they could never really get to me.
Seeing a professional, a kind but ultimately objective stranger, was what I needed. This was someone who wouldn't judge me, someone who I could trust to look at my snarly mess of emotions, and help me pull it apart with an impartial outlook.
Those 6 weeks with the Other Sue - just 6 hours in fact (ignoring the amount of time she let me ramble on for over the session end times) saw me looking at my life and my prejudices - mostly against myself - from a completely new perspective.
I let someone in, and she helped me see that I was overly critical of myself practically all the time, and that I'm better than I give myself credit for - that I can in fact afford to let other people in too. And god dammit - I'm missing out by not letting them in.
I left those sessions lighter in my soul - just in time to take myself away travelling, a more unburdened person.
It's fair to say that there were many things we discussed in those sessions that I wasn't able to deal with, in any practical way, straight away.
One of those was being able to admit to someone, a guy, that I actually like them. That takes confidence in your own worth. I wasn't there yet.
Another thing was addressing my insane shopping habit - a hangover from the days when nothing felt good - I didn't feel good - and the only way I thought I could boost my self-worth was being seen in the nicest clothes, with the newest stuff, in all the right places.
And then there was the fact that I kept the whole counselling itself a secret from everybody (apart from you guys obviously!).
But I did take everything she said to heart. And slowly, slowly it's finding it's way into my day-to-day life. When my friend Hannah was at a very low ebb, something I recognised from myself, I thought it was time to let her in on my secret and I told her about my counselling experiences. The possibility that the knowledge could help her was more important than my own need not to be judged. And unsurprisingly she didn't judge at all. In fact, she was fascinated.
In recent weeks I've also started to address my spending habits. I've made myself a mountain of debt, and as I've mentioned briefly before, I am now ready to acknowledge that I can't go on the way I have been, that only I can help myself, that it is no quick fix, but also that I am different now - I have moved on - and solving this myself will feel damn good.
And the other example? The guys? Well, maybe there'll be nothing exciting to tell you, but maybe, just maybe, there will. At any rate, I'm trying a new approach, and whilst I might not tell you everything here, suffice it to say that I'm moving forward one little step forward at a time - I may have actually told a guy I'm interested. It's a little complicated, but I'm content to sit back and see if anything comes of it. And if not? I dare say it won't kill me. And that's a lesson for me in itself.
And that lesson?
Let go. Live a little.
- Posted from my iPhone
I pondered this one for a couple of minutes before writing what I'm about to say. The prompts from the previous days have elicited spontaneous responses from me, but this one's a little different.
I think that's because the honest answer isn't the easy one. How did I cultivate wonder this year?
By which I mean I got off my ass, my lazy, dreaming, "if only" ass, and I did the stuff I wanted to do. I grasped opportunities as they were handed to me. I said "yes" where sometimes, even many times, I'd have said "no" in the past.
The wonder of this year, looking back, is how much I have accomplished and experienced. For much of that I had to put myself outside of my normal comfort zone. I had to make a few sacrifices.
And in doing that, I found something amazing. I found that my comfort zone was far bigger than I had previously realised. It appears it has elastic boundaries, when I had always thought they were rigid. And some of those sacrifices turned out to be no sacrifice at all.
So what I have learned is this. You can live your life comfortably, but it will most likely be a little dull. Maybe a little chunk of wonder will sometimes fall into your lap by coincidence; love, birth, success. But if you push yourself, and maybe start to follow just a few of those small dreams and "if only's" ... there's a whole world of discovery and wonder waiting just around the corner.
Maybe you should try it ...
- Posted from my iPhone
Thursday, 2 December 2010
The idea is to reflect on how 2010 went, and look ahead to how 2011 will be - how you want to be, and making it that way.
Mmmmm - reflecting - something I luuuurve to do - and hopefully in a way that will be helpful and positive to me. Each day, Reverb10 will post a prompt on what that day's reflection should be and you blog it, tweet it, talk about it - whatever floats your boat. I'm a little late to the party - it started yesterday - but better late than never - here comes Day 1:
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?(Author: Gwen Bell)
I read this and the very first thought that popped into my head was "amazing". Isn't that awesome? And interesting that that's what my subconscious chucks at me. If I'd stopped to consider it, I know I'd have thought of all the stops, and lows and frustrations that there have been along the way, and I'd have downgraded it to something less that amazing, but actually consider what I've achieved this year:
- I went skiing and I loved it. I went back to something that scared the socks off me when I last left it, and I made it my bitch. More than that, I turned around the fact that I couldn't snowboard after last year's injury into something positive. And by golly, did my fitness make a massive difference to this. On that same skiing holiday, I also found myself running through the snow in a bikini to our outdoor hot-tub, in front of guys I barely knew, and not worrying about it. In fact, I distinctly remember giggling and squealing at how cold it was, along with everyone else, as we dashed and slipped and slid through the snow on the deck.
- I hit a rocky patch on my weight loss, and I didn't give up. I persevered on, grumpy, frustrated and this close to giving up, and eventually, I figured it out and kicked it in the nuts. I clawed back that lost ground and went lower. And I figured out something else - it's no race, I don't need to be perfect, and I will get there. Now I'm a little stuck again, but I'm not worried. I just persevere.
- On that note - I feel, and look, better than I ever have. If ever there were a late bloomer, I guess it was me!
- I ran a 10K. Something I never thought I'd do. I'd vaguely aimed for a 5K, but I surpassed that. I always considered myself someone who couldn't run, so to have not just started, but to have persevered and built up to a 10K was amazing. Other fitness high-lights this year included my first ever black-runs of skis and my mountain-bike. And my first ever attempt at orienteering which turned out to be brilliant fun.
- I made the momentous decision to quit my job and achieve a life-goal of going travelling. I might have screwed myself up financially doing so, but I don't regret it for a second. They say you don't regret the things you do, you only regret those you don't. They're right.
- The financial hitch from travelling has bought me to a place, where I feel I'm on the verge of finally taking responsibility for my debt. I kind of feel now, how I felt when I finally took responsibility for my health nearly 2 years ago. It's not a race, it will be a struggle at times, but it doesn't have to be all the time, and only I can solve it.
- On the back of quitting my old job, I got a new, better job and moved cities. I have fully picked up my life and moved it to a new place, shaken out the dust and I'm busy setting myself up again. I needed this I think, because even if it doesn't work out, I tried. And you can't ask more than that.
- I'm feeling more open to people - to letting them see who I am.
In 2011, I have one word for you: and it's "progress". I have no final goals in sight now. Sure, I'd love to lose that last 10lbs or so and hit my goal, but based on this year, I'll just be happy if I've made some kind of baby-step in the right direction. The same with my fitness - in some ways I'd quite like to run a half-marathon, but I'm content to just keep running and enjoy where it takes me (literally and figuratively), and just to improve a little bit more. Speed, distance, whatever. And for those other parts of my life - relationships, work, personal development - no goals - just little steps forward to make me better and happier.
At the end of 2011, I'd like to be able to say that I follwed the amazing year that was 2010, with progress - which really means that 2011 will be more amazing, doesn't it?
Wednesday, 1 December 2010
Dictionary definition: “Birthday Hangover” – that period following a birthday, or other large celebration, when there is still a surplus of
good bad food hanging around, and due to you being a nice girl / boy, you’re manfully making your way through it, rather than throw it away and waste it. This hangover period will mean that, despite all the best intentions of eating healthily, you’ll frequently get slightly waylaid by the odd bag of marshmallows (which, incidentally, turn out to be pure evil despite their innocent, whiter-than-white appearances) and that tempting little box of French Fancies.
My birthday hangover, fortunately, or unfortunately depending on which way you look at it, coincided with a period of great stress and instability, but also a period when I was running round like a loon doing quite a lot of heavy lifting. For that reason, and probably that reason alone, it didn’t take as great a toll as it could have done. The “unfortunately” of the situation was that the stress and instability “excused” me into allowing myself to indulge in all the things I knew I shouldn’t be. Slapped wrist.
And then finally comes the end of the Hangover. This occurs when you make one small mistake too many and get fed up of it, and just start hurling the offending items of food into the bin. Waste be damned, I freely admit I don’t have the willpower to leave them sitting around the house and not attack them like a ravening hoard of locusts …. and if it comes down to a choice between in my belly (and on my hips) and in the bin, then it’s a fairly easy choice to make in the end.
Other than that, my eating has been ….. ok, I guess. Take away the added points of my Birthday Hangover mistakes, and the rest isn’t so bad. It’s not fantastic either though. For one thing, I could really do with cutting my booze intake back again. Easy enough to address though. For another thing, as much as I love Nature Valley bars, one of those, plus a morning skinny hot chocolate from the Starbucks in my new office, pretty much demolishes a third of my points for the day. Not big and not clever – because I’m not getting a lot of value for my points.
Good news though – I am ready to address those points! Nature Valley bars are finished, Alpen Lights are in. I’ve bought more fresh fruit, and I’ve stopped attacking the wine that’s in the fridge. And I’ve even made the grand step of introducing myself to my new running territory!
Yes – I have braved the minus temperatures to go and explore. And like all things in life – the things you procrastinate about and try and put off – once you’re fleeced up and out the door and running, the pavement just unfurls peacefully beneath your feet, and you find that the run you dreaded is flowing past pretty effortlessly. Just shy of 6km’s of satisfying me-time. Feeling strong and fluid pretty much the whole way. It turns out that my local loop around the harbour is probably about 5.5km for the basic route – which is mostly away from the road and unexpectedly quiet, with just the odd detour on to the road, or through some slightly spooky night-time ship yard. Options to extend exist in both directions – in the summer there’s the promise of the countryside paths out along the Avon to explore, or a for a challenge I could work up through Ashton Court to come back over Clifton Suspension Bridge and down through Clifton Village. Always lots of options, but most importantly, that great first run back makes me think that night / city / winter running doesn’t suck as much as I thought it would.
Regular readers of this blog will be familiar with the fact that I regularly seem to hit “quiet times” when I hover at a weight for a while instead of actively losing. I think that’s where I am right now, but since I’m hovering within a lb or so of my lowest weight ever, and staying consistently below that barrier weight of 12st 6lbs it took me so long to crack through, I’m not too worried. I’ll pick up momentum again sometime soon and edge down a little more. Into those last 10lbs. Into the 11’s. It’ll come when it’s ready, and I’ve lost the anxiousness to achieve X weight by Y date. I’ll get there some time, and it’s just about improving just a tiny bit at a time.
Monday, 29 November 2010
Oh my good god it's been so busy!!
My birthday has been and gone (and oh what fun it was), but I have to admit that I never quite got my eating back under wraps, what with moving flats and all that entertaining, so I had a small gain at my weigh in on Friday. Mind you, it was only half a lb, so I guess keeping moving helps ward off slightly crappy eating.
Then housemoving went into full swing from Thursday to yesterday and I fully admit that for the most part the eating's been pretty shitty. BUT ... I have been moving non-stop, packing, hauling crates, massive bags and furniture up and down stairs, and for the most part all on my own, for the last 4 days, and the scales are actually down from Friday as a result.
Most of my stuff has now made it to the flat, and I was due to be flying off to Edinburgh today with work - that's been cancelled because of all the snow up there, but just in case, I got up early, braved the minus temperatures and went to the gym before work this morning. Just half an hour cardio (X-trainer and running) to ease myself back in after my 6 weeks away, but I felt good for it. I need to get my ass back in a yoga / pilates studio pronto too, as something is pulled somewhere in the back of my ribcage after all the moving - I need to be stretchy again!
Hopefully, I'll be less AWOL now - I have regular Internet access again, and intend to get back to it in the run-up to Xmas!
Love you - have missed reading about everyone's adventures!!
- Posted from my iPhone
Tuesday, 23 November 2010
Still here plodding along, just been ridiculously busy. I'm currently lying on the bed in my lovely new flat, which I picked up the keys for yesterday. That means that this Thursday and Friday I have the lovely task of ferrying all my crap down here in my hired van.
Also yesterday, my office moved to it's new building, so that was a bit more upheaval. With the new flat and office sorted though, I took advantage of the proximity of the Fitness First gym to work and joined last night. And I had my first workout over there after work this evening.
This weekend also saw my 30th birthday fly past in a blur of alcohol and friends. I freely admit
I didn't point on either Saturday r Sunday, but neither did I go bat-shit crazy. I've just assumed I've used all of my flex points for the week and moved on from there.
The birthday was good but emotional - lots of drama happening - a he'll of a good time but I don't think I'd want to do that again in a hurry!!
I'm a bit short of time right now, between moving and then potentially going to Edinburgh next week with work, followed Brussels a few days later for pleasure, plus a lack of broadband access at the flat at the mo, but I'll try and keep checking in.
Right now, I'm head down and trying to work with the persistence now perfection theory.
- Posted from my iPhone
Wednesday, 17 November 2010
Well thank god for that – a day actually on track.
Sometimes, when things aren’t going quite as well as you’d like, just stepping back and focusing on what’s right in front of you helps. I know I’ve said that before, but it’s still true. When something’s overwhelming, just focus on the little things. So for me, just focusing on making this one day right really helps.
Tomorrow, I’ll focus on just getting tomorrow right.
Finished the day off with a nice chunk of rump steak, with some roasted acorn squash, and veg. Which brings me to an interesting point. I understood that the new points system was based on how long it took to digest something. So, an item like a biscuit that is all carbs and sugars – essentially empty calories that the body processes very quickly, and then stores as fat, has quite a high points value. But on that principle, steak, which is all lean protein, with no carbs or fat to speak of (I trim the fat off mine), should be low points, as it’s tough for the body to digest, but steak tonight was 9 points! That ain’t low point!
Oh well – I’m sure Weightwatchers know what they’re doing.
Good eating today was accompanied by a good day at work, and some list-writing for the weekend’s plans. The shopping list is coming along nicely so far. And the dress for the weekend is picked out, as I tried on one I bought a while ago, but was a bit tight across the bust and back, and it fits pretty much perfectly now. Yay!
Organised chaos will be reigning here for the next couple of days :o)
Tuesday, 16 November 2010
…. by this Propoints malarkey. Despite a loss last week, I’m massively struggling to stay on points, as even the best of my old meal-plans (tried and tested) sends me spiralling over my daily points.
Add to that, that alcohol is now the devil, which means this weekend royally screwed me over. Friday, with a breakfast of a bacon and mushroom roll, 2 small hash browns and a smoothie, no lunch, and an Indian meal in the evening (it was a set menu, but I had a small plate of starters, a few spoonfulls of 2 dishes, a very small portion of rice and a plain naan – best I could do in the circumstances), followed by, admittedly a few cocktails and a couple of glasses of wine, saw a staggering 100 points accumulated.
Yes – that is correct – 100 of your finest Weightwatchers Pro Points.
So that was all of my daily allowance, my weekly allowance, my activity points accumulated to that point, and a deficit to kick the week off. And on a normal day I just can’t seem to find a menu that gets me to the end of the day without blowing over my daily points. Unless I don’t eat any carbs, don’t eat any meat, and don’t drink any alcohol.
I feel a bit like a giant, trying really hard not to put great big clumsy feet down and break something in a room that’s far too small – the room is my daily points allowance, and my feet are my meal choices. Everything just seems to be wrong, right now.
I keep trying to start each day right, but it’s extra frustrating knowing that even if I could somehow make it to the end of the day with something to spare, I can’t save it, and I really don’t have time to get any exercise in right now, between 4 hours of commuting daily, planning my 30th birthday party for the weekend, sorting my new flat out for next week and generally trying to be present and correct in my social life.
In summary, this week can only finish on a big deficit, even if I’m perfect for the last 2 days, and I don’t hold out any hope of a loss, and am really rather expecting a gain in fact.
No choice now but to keep going forwards I guess. It’s going to be tough with another weekend of heavy socialising / drinking coming up (and god knows I am going to need to drink to get through the trauma of my 30th birthday and the crashing sound that will be
all of most of my life goals for being 30 splintering unmet on the floor. Maybe I’ll just take the actual day off and just concentrate on keeping the other 6 days of the week on track.
Not a very cheery post I’m afraid.
Friday, 12 November 2010
And helloooooooo to the weekend! Mwah - Weekend, have I mentioned how much I love you recently??
(You too, my lovelies!)
By some extreme act of flukeyness, I filled in my tracker this morning for yesterday's night out, and ended the week exactly on zero points. Very strange! But nice.
Today starts a new week for me .... and kicking off with another night out. Oooooof! We did the post-drinking, hangover (or not in my case) breakfast thing this morning at work. 18 points disappeared on my breakfast, but ohh, a bacon and mushroom bap, hash browns and a smoothie? Breakfast o' champions! However, then I found myself completely full at lunchtime ... and for the first time in I-can't-remember-how-long I didn't have lunch on a work day! I grabbed a small fruit salad from the supermarket, but I absolutely didn't need any more than that. In fact, I also grabbed a small pack of cooked chicken, thinking I could snack mid-afternoon when I got hungry, but it never happened.
And that's something that I've really been noticing on this new plan. My hunger levels are generally waaaaay down, and my snacking has tailed off to virtually nothing, apart from a few pieces of fruit here and there, and the occasional Mini Babybel Light (god knows who put me on to those, but thank you whoever you are!).
Considering fruit is now zero points, I find myself eating far less than I thought I might. I really consider whether I need it before I eat it, and try and eat a variety during the day. Although my fruit intake is certainly up on what it used to be, it's completely substituting my snacking on cereal bars or whatever else used to get chowed down on an average morning in the office.
So despite breakfast, I've got a few points left for tonight's charity fundraiser night out from my daily allowance. We're heading out for an Indian somewhere along the line, so I think I'll stick to my stand-by of Tandoori prawns and a naan bread (not Peshwari - tastey, but too "costly"). I'll be dipping into my flex points, but not by tooooo much I don't think.
Change of subject.
You know how sometimes, something just catches your eye in passing? Today it was belt on my jeans. I remember buying that belt last June on a long weekend in Oslo, when I'd gone away beltless and my damn jeans wouldn't stay put. At the time I bought it, it did up with only a few inches of tail to tuck away. Looking today, I can see where the dents from then, and the dents further along from where I was regularly wearing it this year, and then finally another inch or so from those, where I now wear it. I don't think I'd appreciated that there's probably about 5 inches difference between the June dents and now. And by June I'd already dropped a 1 1/2 to 2 clothing sizes. Sometimes it's so hard to appreciate where we've come from.
Yesterday, I had a similar appreciation as I walked from the car to work in a pair of newly washed skinny jeans, and realised I could feel the denim shifting against the back of my legs as I walked - a sure sign that they are not as skinny as they used to be. These are jeans that I got into last Christmas, but have avoided for most of the year as they've been a constant reminder of my skiing gain that I just couldn't shift. Now there's no muffin top. And in fact, I bought a smaller pair of skinnies (same size, just a different cut) ready to downsize into - hopefully sometime soon.
I've spent so much of this year being worried and frustrated that I was wasting a whole year with zero progress, and even a step backwards. But finally, I'm back where I was, and past it; pressing forwards again, and I have to admit it does feel great. What Mrs Fatass rightly described as the sweet spot. When it's not neccessarily easy, but it's not so much effort to make the effort. You never know how long it will last, but by God you should hang on to it while it does.
Right now? I'm practically crying out to get back in the gym. I cannot wait for the keys to the new flat the Monday after next, so I can join a new gym and re-gain some muscles. And walk to work every day! I liked my arms over the summer, and they feel a little soft again now. Combat? Oh yeah! Circuits with oodles of press-ups? Bring it on! The treadmill? Yes! Even you! I want to see the muscles in my legs again!
So that's me, right now. A little confused by the fact that Weightwatchers can't seem to consistenly point all their foods in the database right now (come on WW - a Cadbury Crunchie is not 3 points, much as I'd love it to be - even I can see from the calculator that it's 5 - stop teasing me!!!), but willing to make the effort and make this plan work.
Come along for the ride!
Thursday, 11 November 2010
This week's been a bit of a mixed bag as I did old Weightwatchers Points over the weekend, then new Weightwatchers Pro Points from Monday to today. But here's the good news: I've dropped 1.5lbs this week, meaning I'm back at 12st 3lb again. Whooop.
Of course, in ideal world, I will freely admit that I'd have liked a bigger loss. Partly because I've seen people who were trialling Pro Points reporting big losses, and partly because I'd have liked, no loved, to have hit a new lowest weight. There's something pschologically very satisfying about seeing a new weight, even if it's only by the smallest margin.
I was thinking about this yesterday though, and I very definitely came to the conclusion that on the whole I would much rather have a steady series of smaller losses, where I nibble away at what's left a little every week, than a big loss followed by a frustrating series of stay-the-sames and little gains. Much less stressful. Much more consistent.
So far, I'm finding that I can't quite decide if I like the new plan, or want the old one back. Yes, I get a few more points a day, but I find that on the whole that's hugely outweighed by how many more points everything "costs". This isn't helped by the fact that Weightwatchers have put me on the minimum possible number of points on the plan.
I'm a carbs girl - I love me some carbs. Pasta, rice, couscous, bread - my idea of heaven. And apparently Weightwatchers' idea of hell. It's driving me nuts, as all my go-to meals have been slashed and burned under the plan. So far, I've had to massively adjust what I'm eating to a more protein-based diet, and whilst that's good for keeping me full (I'm still eating a cooked breakfast each day), I'm practically have withdrawal symptoms from my pasta.
I'm finiding it near impossible to not dip into my flex points on a normal day. This week I've kind of got away with it, as I just happened to do a couple of big exercise sessions over the weekend that gave me a bumper crop of activity points to supplement my daily and flex. So even with tonight's dinner and drinks out, I'll probably just about squeak it.
I really need to sit down with a copy of a meal plan from previous weeks and actually work out how it compares to the new plan - maybe it's not as bad as I think and I'm just getting distracted by the, relatively speaking, bigger numbers??
One thing I've learned - we can't rely on Weightwatchers ready meals anymore - as they've all massively shot up in points. Does anyone think that they'll relaunch the range with the new Pro Points in mind?? Would be great if they did!
Anyway, in the meantime, I'm measuring and considering all my food choices carefully. I can't remember the last time I actually weighed my jacket potato to see how big it was - it's quite eye-opening for sure! I'll be interested to see what a full week on the new plan brings!
Monday, 8 November 2010
I have to confess, I’m a little bit confused still by the new Weightwatchers plan, but I have managed to stick more or less to my points for the day, with just a few taken out of my flex.
Confusing point no. 1: when I finished converting my week’s tracker so far to the new Pro Points, I went from having a small deficit of 6 points, which included all my activity points netted off already, to still having about 12 flex points, and 28 activity points untouched. Weird.
Confusing point. 2: I can’t quite figure out yet, what I should be looking for in my food when I shop. Should I be looking for low everything values? Low fat, low carb, low protein and low fibre, or do I look for low fat, high carb, high fibre, high protein? What’s better? What contributes to lower points / more ban per buck??
Whilst I try and figure that conundrum out, I’ve reverted to sticking to really basic foods. Tuna, chicken, plain veg and a few Weightwatchers ready meals – stuff that should be relatively easy to point. So far today, I’ve been filling up on fruit instead of rubbish for my snacks. Now that they’re zero points, that definitely encourages me to turn to them rather than some fake rubbish snack, so I’ve had a pear, a banana and mixed berry pot throughout today, as well as a big pile of leafy green spinach with half a pizza for dinner.
I have to say, one good thing, is that so far I’ve been feeling pretty full. Being able to reach for the fruit without having a points impact, means I don’t have to think twice about having an energy stopgap, which is pretty cool.
In normal news, I was massively grumpy this morning to find that my stupid iPhone alarms still aren’t working properly after last weeks clocks going back and hour. I thought I had them sorted at the end of last week, but nope – I didn’t wake up til 6.45 this morning, and my 6am alarm sounded at 7am. Boooooooo – not a great start to a Monday morning!
I was also traumatised to get to work and find that the “clean” jumper I’d slung on this morning actually reeked of BO. I had a proper freakout, of “oh my god, did I remember to have a shower and deoderant on this morning?????” proportions (remember I was in a massive rush and running late?), and had to go to the ladies to ascertain the situation discreetly. Definitely the jumper, not me! It’s an older one, so I guess it’s just got to that stage where they’re never really clean even after washing, after a couple of years of weekly abuse in the office. I couldn’t wait to get to lunchtime, so I could go and raid the clothes section of the supermarket next to work for a plain and clean jumper. Much better!
I’ve spent a bit of time this evening reading around what Weightwatchers has to say about the plan. I’m out for the evening with work on Thursday night, and then straight out on Friday night, so my plan is to try and eat on my daily points tomorrow and Wednesday, and rack up a few more activity points where possible, which will be my buffer for Thursday night. We’re going for a Thai meal, so as long as I stick to some sort of stir-fry and plain rice, I should be relatively ok for points. Luckily, Friday’s shenanigans fall into a new tracking week. Friday is the eponymously entitled “Get Fucked for Fitz” – an annual blowout held my members of Bristol Uni Canoe Club to remember a friend and member who tragically drowned whilst paddling just after his graduation – the money raised goes to the club’s safety funds. A lot of my friends were Canoe Club members, so this is quite a bit event for them, although the first time I’ve been along – it’s going to be nice to be out with lots of new people and some folks I don’t get to see very often.
Right kids, time for me to watch Gossip Girl and fall into bed!
I had a prawn Mayo sandwich for lunch which had 290 cals and 1.2 g Sat Fat. On the old Weightwatchers that would have been around 4 points from my daily 21.
On new Weightwatchers it works out as a whopping 8 points. That's a 1/3 of my days points. On a teeny sandwich.
- Posted from my iPhone
Firstly, they don't take calories into account any more? With a billion different parameters like fibre, protein and carbs now being used to calculate it, I'm in a spin about how the hell I'm going to be estimating my meal out in Thursday. Shit!
Then there's the fact that alcohol now appears to be the demon - ummm - I drink a fair amount so this is going to be difficult!
And then there's the fact that my tracker on my phone is now pretty much useless as I can't calculate anything on it any more and don't know how to guess the points.
Ok, breath deep. I'll run with this for the week and see how it goes. I weighed in this morning, I know my measurements from Saturday, and my points for the weekend have all been converted over. I've still got some flex points available for this week.
Wish me luck!!
How's everybody else finding it?
- Posted from my iPhone
Sunday, 7 November 2010
Hellooooooooo, my lovelies!
This weekend has been gorgeously peaceful, although as per usual, I champ at the bit for more things to do when I do finally get a chunk of craved-for downtime.
I’ve had a quiet weekend of tasty food, some gentle company, and some much needed Autumn / Winter sunshine and fresh air. Friday night was spent with friends for a bonfire night get-together – it turned out the rain postponed our fireworks til Monday night, but much home-cooked food was consumed and the chat flowed (along with the mulled cider – dangerously nice stuff, but I stayed away this time in favour of my trusty vodka and slimline) and we played with sparklers out in the yard at midnight when it finally dried up a bit.
Yesterday, to make up for some of Friday night’s indulgence, I took advantage of waking up ludicrously early, and shoved off to the gym for a much needed work-out. I feel a bit like I’m turning to flab at the moment, as I haven’t had as much chance to work out as usual, but it doesn’t seem to be showing up on my fitness just yet. Running on the treadmill went surprisingly well, as I found myself churning out an easy 20 mins barely out of breath, and 20 mins on the X-trainer and 20 mins on the new computer spin bikes (they’re awesome - more on these in a second!) rounded out my workout.
Oh my god – the bikes?? They rock! Weighted fly-wheel spin bikes that are hooked up to a computer and flat-screen monitor – they’re like an adults computer game. You sign in with your own profile, and pick out mountain-biking tracks to spin round – the computer automatically adjusts the resistance to match the track and you have to break and steer (yes!! They have moveable handle-bars with resistance) to stay on track. You race against a pack of cyclists of varying skills level, depending on what level you’re working too, and as you progress you unlock new, harder tracks and more competitive adversaries to race against. If you’ve got to stay indoors, then this is definitely a fun way to do it :o)
After a mooch into town for a bit of shopping, I had an enjoyably lazy evening in front of the tv, taking in the delights of Strictly Come Dancing, X Factor and whatever other trash was on. Through a bit of mindful eating, I managed to fit in a takeaway for traditional Saturday night status and still save plenty of points to bank against Friday. Result!!!
Today it was time to remove my lazy carcass from the house and go for a nice Winter walk with Jo. We did this same route a couple of years ago and I remember it being far worse – nice to find it was just my crappy fitness. Scrambling up hills, slipping and sliding down there and chat,chat, chatting the whole way, we cruised round a rather nice 5 miles, during which we saw turkeys, geese, deer and pheasants. And what follows a walk? Why Sunday Roast! And cheesecake!! And I still get to bank points at the end of today!! Check. Me. Out! :o)
Amongst other things I’ve been checking out the gym schedule at what will be my new gym in a couple of weeks time. I’m actually gutted to be leaving my current gym as I’ve been a regular there for 5+ years now, and I’m friendly terms with all the staff – it’s like a second home for me, but I have to admit that I’m excited about my new one! For one thing, it’s literally right by work, which means morning and lunch-time classes become a very real possibility. Also, the class schedule rocks! I mean, hell, there’s a Strictly Fit class – ballroom dancing fitness??? Oh hell yes!!! Also much circuits, spinning, Combat and yoga / pilates / Balance, and even some kick-boxing and Core class – all my current favourites, plus exciting new possibilities. And the whole things only a 10 / 15 min walk (or 5 mins bike) from my new flat – winner!
So, the weekend’s near an end, and just for once, I damn near balanced out on a points front. With new Weightwatchers starting tomorrow, I wanted to make sure I stood a good shot of having a clean week and seeing how good it really is. I’ve spent a bit of time this evening going back over the weekend’s tracker and making sure that I’ve filled it in properly from the lists, rather than quick entries, so they’re able to convert the points properly at the changeover tonight.
Since Friday’s protein breakfast was such a success, I’ve decided to keep this up for a bit and see if I can curb my snacking at work and get a bit more of a handle on it. It’s definitely my downfall at the moment, so that would be awesome to conquer it.
Right kids – I need to go and clear some of the mountain of washing up in my kitchen – see you tomorrow for the great unveiling of new Weightwatchers … and hopefully the kick up the arse I need to get my that last little jump to goal!
Saturday, 6 November 2010
- That “persistence not perfection” really does work. By not getting too upset about the Friday / Sunday overeating debacle last week, I made the rest of the week not too bad at all, and although I’m sure there was a sizeable points deficit still there at the end of the week, I’ve lost another lb at weigh in. That puts me at 12st 4.5lbs, and tantalisingly close back to that lowest weight to date of 12st 3lbs.
- That protein breakfasts really are the stuff of legends, and despite being what I consider to be very high in points for a breakfast, they really really do seem to keep me full all morning and reduce the cravings to snack, but more than that I seem to be able to concentrate better too. More experimentation to follow on that point.
- That I’m getting more than a little excited about the new plan, because I keep seeing huge losses posted from the people who’ve been trialling it, and in my head, it’s now building up to be something of a miracle cure that’s going to get me that last little bit to goal quickly. In reality, I know that that’s unlikely to happen and I’m just setting myself up for a fall, but a girl can dream ….
Tuesday, 2 November 2010
I'm feeling pretty conflicted, as I've just been reading about the latest release of the Weightwatchers plan which is out next week. Seems like it's going to be all change!!
It worries me rather, as to a certain extent, I can now do (current) WW's plan on the fly without having to think about it too much (as in, I can point things fairly accurately from experience, and I know how my daily meals / exercise should roughly workout .... not that I neccessarily always make the right decisions!), and the thought of having to learn everything all over again and start a completely new system .... I won't lie .... SCARY!!!!
From the leaked stuff I've read - the way points are calculated is changing, as they're now taking into account protein and fibre content, which means that all the points I've learned will now be completely different. In theory, I completely approve of that change as it should help steer me towards more filling foods, in the same way that I started eating far more veg after I first started WW's. What I don't like is that I'm not going to know how to point anything. And even worse, it's just occurred to me that my (very heavily relied upon) iPhone app won't work anymore. Gaaaaaah!
Secondly, I'm going to have a different points allowance, and it's stuctured in a different way. Instead of having a flat 21 points a day, I'll now have something over 29 points (the new minimum, which previously used to be 16 or 18, I think), and an additional one-off weekly allowance of something like 49 points. That's more like the American system I think?? God knows!
I also expect that all my activity points are going to change.
On a good note - veg remains a freebie, and apparently fruit has now been added to that! That's particularly awesome for me, as I trough down quite a lot of fruit while I'm at work, although I do worry that I'll overkill it and end up having a negative impact.
Sooooo ... looks like I've got one more week of knowing what the hell I'm doing, and after that it's territory unknown.
I have a feeling that I'm either going to end up with a real peak of a loss over the next couple of weeks, as I'm going to be forced to examine absolutely everything I'm eating, or it's going to go horribly wrong and everything will stall or go backwards.
Thoughts please??? Anyone else having a minor panic at the security blanket being taken away? Damn it - I'm less than a stone from goal now, and I just want to finish and get it done now without interruptions!
This weekend turned out to be a mixed bag of results. Friday, as already reported I was over points. Saturday, being planned to the nth degree, therefore turned out fine. So of course Sunday, after a whole 3.5 hours sleep and quite a lot to drink the previous evening, was not so great. I pretty much got thrown off by a cooked breakfast that accounted for nearly all my day's points, and it didn't get much better from there.
Still, it's all pointed. I'm not in denial about it. Yesterday, I struggled with myself to haul my butt back to it. Despite some cakes (charity bake sale at work ... it'd be kind of rude not to!), I finished with a point or so to spare yesterday, and even wrestled myself into not buying snacks at the cinema last night (Red by the way .... pretty good! Worth a watch). Today is going similarly. Two enormous tins of chocolates have appeared on the desks at work, but I'm religiously pointing what goes in my gob, with every intention of finishing today on track too.
I'm feeling horribly lazy at the moment, with the lack of regular exercise, so I'm actually debating bringing my running kit to work a couple of days a week and trying to get in an outing on my lunchtime. We'll see if that happens and how it goes if it does!
More anon - hangers-in-there-in-the-face-of-cake-and-uncertainty!
Saturday, 30 October 2010
I did something that I don't think I've done since getting back from Costa Rica, and I just stopped caring for a little while.
Firstly, I let a slow day at work and consequent boredom turn me to more snacks than I needed. Errr .... 2 cookies?? Did that really make the day pass any faster? No.
Then I let the world's crappiest journey home (3 hours and counting) mean that instead of talking myself out of the takeaway I'd been thinking of having after work, because I'd eaten the damn cookies and now didn't have any points to spare, I thought I needed a treat after a bit if rubbish day. Wrong!!!
Oh yeah, and there were a couple of snacks in the car on the way home. Calorie-controlled, and left over from the day (because I had the stupid cookies instead) but I was hungry by then!!
And I think somewhere after all that, I realised I'd blown the day, and instead of quitting while I was ahead, I topped it off with a glass of wine, a late-night slice of pizza and a couple of biscuits at the boys.
Genius - thy name is Sue.
Now, this morning, I feel the usual dieter's remorse, plus mildly physically food-hungover. It would be easy to say that I've completely humped this new Weightwatchers week on the first day, that I'm eating out at an Indian restaurant tonight and it's all screwed up and just give up and let go. However, then I definitely won't see anything I like on the scales next Friday.
So it's time to pick myself up (out of bed), dust myself down and get on with making this week as good as I can. Yes, today probably won't be great, but I've planned my food already and I'm going on a walk later, so I can at least aim for a break-even today or better. And there's no excuse that the rest of the week can't be good.
I haven't had a day like yesterday for a while. And I discovered something (again!) - they really aren't worth it.
But I am.
- Posted from my iPhone