Monday, 11 January 2010

Guilty face

I spent most of the weekend feeling like I was in an emotional washing machine. I can't decide, therefore, whether it was a good thing that it was a busy weekend and I've not had a lot of time to dwell on things. Everytime I did stop it all caught up with me.

Thank you so much for your supportive comments on my last post - I wasn't looking for sympathy or validation particularly - I knew I'd dug my own hole and jumped, and I knew I was in the wrong - but I appreciate your support more than I can say none-the-less.

So where did that leave me? Still not eating fantastically. I start the day well, and it tends to come unravelled in the evenings at the moment. I'm still tracking and I haven't gained anymore. But I'm not happy with what I'm eating.

I have been fairly active though. Friday I finally got my ski lesson at the Snowdome. Wow - does losing weight make a difference!! I was a little nervous beforehand in case I hated it, and found it hard, but my most excellent instructor Dave took me from right-back-to-basics to paralell turns in the space of our hour together, and I didn't want to leave the slopes at the end.

Friday evening I went to meet loads of friends at the pub and ended up stumbling home at 11am the next morning. I had just enough time to have a shower and lunch before driving to Bristol to meet for a date. Nice guy but no chemistry there (prob not helped by my brain spinning at about 1000mph by that time), but I hadn't the heart to say that straight out when he asked if I'd like to meet again, so I'll have to deal with that at some later date. Joy.

Saturday night I watched films with the guys and fell asleep on their sofa, before waking up and crawling home at 4am. Yesterday I caught up on cleaning, which helped me feel a bit more balanced, and in the evening we celebrated my flatmate's birthday. An early dinner out at Ask (very restrained menu choices) and then we hit the park for a giant game of hide and seek in the dark and the snow. It probably looked pretty funny to any passers-by to see 17 fully grown adults pegging it across the park in the dark while one person counted to 100 in the bandstand with their hands over their eyes. In fact probably as weird as watching 17 people climb out of a fir tree when the last person lost the game of sardines. Good times and an original way to have fun before trooping off to the pub to defrost over vodkas and champagne. Fair to say I wasn't feeling spectacular this morning. Actually, I was also feeling shattered because I stayed up late watching tv - stupid.

-- Posted from my iPhone


Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

Sometimes I long for my misspent youth, but then I read about your life and it just makes me tired.

Good luck getting back in your groove.

Linz M said...

If you ever need someone to sound off at - just give me a shout. An 'anonymous' ear may be handy :) Glad to hear things maybe aren't as bad as you first thought though.

I am still with you on the lack of complete control over my eating. Its frustrating me now. I am desperate to get to WI, but the snow here is still pretty bad. Fingers crossed I can make it on Weds or I'll be totally off the rails!


Zanna, travelling tart said...

Feel for you - but I guess the focus is now going forward - we can't change the past - regret it sometimes maybe - but it's done and so I think you now just have to put it to the back of your mind - and accept that there might have been one of life's lessons there - and move on. All of which I think you're doing admirably. Zxx

trio said...

Yay glad the ski lesson went well, you are bound to have a fab holiday! Still really jealous!

Try not to stress about the eating and everything else. It is harder to eat well when other things are happening. I beat myself up about what I eat a lot. But at the end of the day happiness is more important and it sounds like you have some great friends!

kate said...

sounds like you need a holiday ;)
having a bit of a 'fuck it' weekend is allowed and needed sometimes. like trio says, it sounds like you got some brilliant mates. i'm things will work themselves out