Thursday, 6 October 2011

Still Wobbling

So, I won't lie, I'm still struggling with my eating.  And along with that, I'm watching with loathing as the scale inches up away from where I want it to be.  This morning it was just a hair's breadth away from being back at 13 stone.  It's been a while since I crept back up to there - I think I did it last year at some point for a very short time, but other than that, I haven't been there since I went past it the first time when I was losing all the weight in 2009. 

It.  Does.  Not.  Make.  Me.  Happy.  Being.  There.

I do not want to get back to 13 stone, but with my current struggle I wouldn't be surprised if I do see it by the time the weekend is through.  Crap.

I was just about to write that yesterday day was good on eating, but then remembered that I had chocolate at work.  Unneccessary, unwarranted and unearnt chocolate.  Still, it wasn't a terrible day, but I was wound so tight on adrenaline by the time I left work yesterday (busy times) that I got home and ended up sinking three gin and tonics over the evening.  I had my only night in this week last night, which was the non-date with the Aussie Surfer.  Since he appears to be becoming a bit of a permanent fixture in my life, we'll call him by his proper name - Dave. 

Have you ever gone from dating someone to being friends with them?  It's a little strange.  We've been extremely open with each other from the beginning, rather than the poncing round trying to make ourselves look good that you often go through with dating (maybe this was where we went wrong - killed all the mystery and image of suave sophistication right at the beginning???), but it's still weird going from feeling the need to flirt, to just chilling out.  Actually, I think we still flirt as much as we did on the dates - we banter a lot, it's just taken all the pressure off.  The funny thing is that we were probably more tactile last night than we were on any of our dates, as we relaxed on the sofa after dinner watching a DVD. 

I'm a strange person, as I'm much more comfortable and relaxed around the guys I consider "safe" - I think in my head Dave as now moved onto my "safe" list, which probably explains why I watched the film with my feet on his lap (he does a great foot massage it turns out!) - I actually have very few male friends I'm tactile with, and they're mostly ones I've known for years (we'll gloss over the fact that I've also mostly either had some kind of physical relationship with them or they're gay - that just complicates the matter).  Anyway, it was a nice evening.

Not so good was my eating - we opted for Thai takeaway, and I did at least resist the urge to have curry, and went for a chicken stir-fry dish, but I did eat the whole (bloody big) portion of rice.  Stupid girl - I didn't need all that!

Anyway - I continue to struggle onwards.  I've got a wedding I'm going to this weekend in Portmeirion in North Wales - the hotel is famed for it's amazing food, and we're staying B&B for two nights, with the wedding being fully catered.  I need some kind of plan to prevent me coming back about half a stone heavier - argh!!!!

1 comment:

Seren said...

Come on, keep going! I find sometimes if I want to keep myself hyper aware I buy myself a brand new notebook and keep it with me at all times and track EVERYTHING as soon as it has disappeared into my maw. The new notebook gives novelty and the act of tracking like a religious nut helps me think through everything before I eat.

Sure I'm teaching my grandmother to suck eggs here, but you never know...

Thinking of you, and hope things become less stressful soon.