At some point over the last 48 hours, I decided that I needed a bit more help with what I’m attempting to do. I started this process alone – googling emotional eating, and then following that trail of breadcrumbs to websites and books that could help. And they have helped, immensely, as I’m far better educated now on what I’m doing.
The problem remains though, that education alone is not enough. I know logically what I’m doing wrong and what I need to change, but putting into practice the process of divorcing myself from those habits is far harder, because I have to catch myself in the moment and then have the clarity to see what I’m doing each time and find a better way to deal with it, and that is a far cry from sitting down and doing journaling exercises when you’re calm and relaxed and sitting on your bed after dinner.
So I’ve decided that it’s time to bring in the big guns. The extra resource I’ve decided on is the website linked to the first book I read, Shrink Yourself. I hadn’t used it up until now, as it’s a subscription based service, not dissimilar to Weightwatchers, Slimming World or any other. But also light years different, as instead of tracking food and giving rules on what you can and can’t eat, the website has a series of interactive tools that you can use whenever you’re feeling a bit out of control and like it’s about to go wrong. They’re designed to be used in the heat of the moment, to help slow you down and review what you’re feeling and understand it. There’s an app, so you can carry it with you wherever you are, and the different tools range from short ones used to deal with a craving right there when it arises, to more complex ones allowing you to explore your stress and feelings, journal your progress and do reading around chapters of the book that might be helpful for less urgent but deeper times. The fact I’ve already read the book a couple of times is probably helpful because the concepts are already familiar to me.
Of course, in typical fashion, having paid my subscription last night, today has turned out to be a pretty easy day and I haven’t really had cause to use it yet, but I couldn’t honestly tell you whether today’s ease is a result of knowing I have a better net to fall back on or just a good day anyway.
I’m interested to see how it goes, as part of me remains eternally optimistic that this will be the key to unlocking the next bit of my progress, and the other half resignedly believes that it can’t possibly be that easy. I guess the first week will give me a good idea of whether it’s going to help make a difference as usually my streaks of good days last 4 or 5 in a row at best.
The subscription I’ve paid for lasts 3 months, which co-incidentally is also the length of time they suggest that you give yourself to complete all the exercises and allow your old habits to fade and better behaviours to take their place. It also happens to pretty much take me up to the date I head off to Borneo, which is neither here nor there I guess, but pleases my inherent sense of neatness and karmic “it’s meant to be”.