I've got a challenge ahead of me today - I've just got to work to realise that I've got another encounter with the lunch buffet from hell today. The super luxury (but super nice) one where one plateful can very easily be an entire day's worth of points.
Time for some careful choices, soup for dinner and the Body Combat class that I already had booked for this evening!
Wish me luck!
EDIT - I survived lunch!!! Just had a sandwich, some lean roast meat and a couple of mini sausage rolls - result!!
-- Posted from my iPhone
Thursday, 11 March 2010
Wednesday, 10 March 2010
Lists, lists, lists
Sometimes you really underestimate how good your friends are. After getting council from Bridget at the pub, I spent a long time chatting to Jon last night when I got home on MSN - more good advice and unquestioning support later, and I finally went to bed feeling more peaceful.
And the advice I got? Take your problems and break them down into more manageable bits, then break them down again. Keep going until you have a list of lots of little tasks that are easy to tackle. Also - stop worrying about the things you can change, and just change them, and the things you can't change? Well, stop worrying about them.
Good advice indeed.
So I spent my lunch hour today scribbling in my notepads, doing just that - it looks a bit more like a molehill than a mountain now, albeit a bloody big molehill. But there's the basic strategies on dealing with my debts, my career, travelling, my health / weight and family. And I came up with some basic rules and guidelines I want to keep in mind too. To keep me focused, I want to get a big pin-board and put all this stuff where I can see it. I'm not the most creative of people, so it's going to be a bit like a 5 year old being set loose with the crayons. I am quite a visual person though, so I think this would be a good thing to have. Being able to see me ticking off mini-goals along the way - not just weight stuff, but on all my goals - will be rewarding.
Back to my awesome friends - not only do they offer me good advice and non-judgmental support, they are apparently psychic. I was chatting to them on email this afternoon at work (actually discussing where I could get my pin-board from), when Sid said he thought I'd seemed a bit down and had bought me a present. How nice is that?!?! He bought it round this evening - the guy is officially a legend - here's what he got me:
Oh yeah!!!
I'm very excited about this - I've wanted this for ages!!! Not particularly healthy recipes I'll grant you, but then as I've already discovered - when learning to bake, I have a lot of friends and workmates who are more than happy to devour the extras!
So yeah - my friends totally rock!
Food's been ok-ish today, I've done something off my list, in that I went and had dinner with my Dad after work (spending more time with my family is one of my goals), and said no to pudding - it's not perfect, but I feel like I'm heading in the right direction one little bit at a time.
And the advice I got? Take your problems and break them down into more manageable bits, then break them down again. Keep going until you have a list of lots of little tasks that are easy to tackle. Also - stop worrying about the things you can change, and just change them, and the things you can't change? Well, stop worrying about them.
Good advice indeed.
So I spent my lunch hour today scribbling in my notepads, doing just that - it looks a bit more like a molehill than a mountain now, albeit a bloody big molehill. But there's the basic strategies on dealing with my debts, my career, travelling, my health / weight and family. And I came up with some basic rules and guidelines I want to keep in mind too. To keep me focused, I want to get a big pin-board and put all this stuff where I can see it. I'm not the most creative of people, so it's going to be a bit like a 5 year old being set loose with the crayons. I am quite a visual person though, so I think this would be a good thing to have. Being able to see me ticking off mini-goals along the way - not just weight stuff, but on all my goals - will be rewarding.
Back to my awesome friends - not only do they offer me good advice and non-judgmental support, they are apparently psychic. I was chatting to them on email this afternoon at work (actually discussing where I could get my pin-board from), when Sid said he thought I'd seemed a bit down and had bought me a present. How nice is that?!?! He bought it round this evening - the guy is officially a legend - here's what he got me:
Oh yeah!!!
I'm very excited about this - I've wanted this for ages!!! Not particularly healthy recipes I'll grant you, but then as I've already discovered - when learning to bake, I have a lot of friends and workmates who are more than happy to devour the extras!
So yeah - my friends totally rock!
Food's been ok-ish today, I've done something off my list, in that I went and had dinner with my Dad after work (spending more time with my family is one of my goals), and said no to pudding - it's not perfect, but I feel like I'm heading in the right direction one little bit at a time.
Tuesday, 9 March 2010
Not feeling too shiny right now
I'm feeling a bit fragile right now. Everything feels too much, like someone turned the volume up on the world and everything's shouting at me at the same time. How much my job is making me stressed and miserable at the moment, worries over travel plans and whether I'm making the right decision or have the balls to go through with it, the black cloud of my debts constantly hanging over my head, worries about my Dad who just had a corrective laser surgery on his eyes yesterday and is genuinely scared he might go blind, and my increasingly frail soon-to-be-95 grandma, sadness that the 3 year anniversary of my mother's death was 2 days ago, and guilt that I actually forgot on the day, and ongoing confusion over what happened with The Guy.
Basically my head's a bit fucked. I just got back from a pub-quiz and a much-needed girly one-on-one chat with Bridget afterwards, during which I 'fessed up most of the above, including alluding to The Guy. She's such a star that she didn't even press me for details - just gave me a hug, told me I was an idiot for thinking she would judge me, that her phone was always on and she wished there was something she could do to help in practical terms. She's the best.
On getting back from the pub, the first thing I did was head for the cake tin, and I got it as far as the kitchen counter before thinking that this wasn't the right reason to be eating late-night cake and putting it away again.
My eating is by no means perfect at the moment, but I feel a bit nearer to being on track than I have done in recent weeks. The weekend wasn't amazing, but was certainly better than it could have been. At least I'm starting to consciously think about my choices and the consequences again and also to track everything and I'm also taking on board lessons learned.
We had another long walk on the weekend - 12 miles of hills. This time I pointed my picnic food in advance, unlike the Great Day of 70 points, and I made a more sensible dinner time choice at the lovely pub / restaurant. I was still a few points over at the end, but only a handful.
Sunday was also a few points over, due to a visit to Yo! Sushi during a shopping trip - although I did maintain some awareness of what I was eating whilst I was there. Today and yesterday haven't been too bad at all. So although the scales were back up over the 13 st mark after the weekend, they weren't as bad as the previous weekend and were already climbing back down this morning. If my weekend's aren't going to be perfect, then if I can at least keep that trend of not being as high as the previous week, and then climbing straight back on it on the Monday (or sooner) then I should at least see some slow progress in the right direction.
Now I just need to figure out how to tackle all the other crap in my life before my head explodes or I jump off the nearest cliff.
On a more positive note, the walk was a lot of fun on Saturday - I pushed myself marginally harder than I did last time but doing all the peaks along the way this time rather than taking the paths round a few of them, so that was good. There's a few photos below of us on top of the hills and also hiding for a mid-morning break in a dell while we waited for friends to meet us. The theme of the day, which was my friend Graeme's birthday celebration, was to bring one super-extravagant thing with you - I was quite boring with my luxury item, which was organic clotted cream fudge yoghurt, but some of the others were quite original - at the lunchtime picnic we had fresh G & T's with lemons, freshly done toast (on a camping stove) to go with the pate and Gentleman's Relish, and a whole hot roast chicken, roast potatoes and gravy, complete with salt and pepper shakers!!! Genius!
So there, we go, I'm trying hard to end on a positive note I don't quite feel at the moment, the mojo's still a bit elusive, but I did realise earlier that I do feel much better when I can feel in control of at least one aspect of the chaos, and if that's my eating that's fine.
Basically my head's a bit fucked. I just got back from a pub-quiz and a much-needed girly one-on-one chat with Bridget afterwards, during which I 'fessed up most of the above, including alluding to The Guy. She's such a star that she didn't even press me for details - just gave me a hug, told me I was an idiot for thinking she would judge me, that her phone was always on and she wished there was something she could do to help in practical terms. She's the best.
On getting back from the pub, the first thing I did was head for the cake tin, and I got it as far as the kitchen counter before thinking that this wasn't the right reason to be eating late-night cake and putting it away again.
My eating is by no means perfect at the moment, but I feel a bit nearer to being on track than I have done in recent weeks. The weekend wasn't amazing, but was certainly better than it could have been. At least I'm starting to consciously think about my choices and the consequences again and also to track everything and I'm also taking on board lessons learned.
We had another long walk on the weekend - 12 miles of hills. This time I pointed my picnic food in advance, unlike the Great Day of 70 points, and I made a more sensible dinner time choice at the lovely pub / restaurant. I was still a few points over at the end, but only a handful.
Sunday was also a few points over, due to a visit to Yo! Sushi during a shopping trip - although I did maintain some awareness of what I was eating whilst I was there. Today and yesterday haven't been too bad at all. So although the scales were back up over the 13 st mark after the weekend, they weren't as bad as the previous weekend and were already climbing back down this morning. If my weekend's aren't going to be perfect, then if I can at least keep that trend of not being as high as the previous week, and then climbing straight back on it on the Monday (or sooner) then I should at least see some slow progress in the right direction.
Now I just need to figure out how to tackle all the other crap in my life before my head explodes or I jump off the nearest cliff.
On a more positive note, the walk was a lot of fun on Saturday - I pushed myself marginally harder than I did last time but doing all the peaks along the way this time rather than taking the paths round a few of them, so that was good. There's a few photos below of us on top of the hills and also hiding for a mid-morning break in a dell while we waited for friends to meet us. The theme of the day, which was my friend Graeme's birthday celebration, was to bring one super-extravagant thing with you - I was quite boring with my luxury item, which was organic clotted cream fudge yoghurt, but some of the others were quite original - at the lunchtime picnic we had fresh G & T's with lemons, freshly done toast (on a camping stove) to go with the pate and Gentleman's Relish, and a whole hot roast chicken, roast potatoes and gravy, complete with salt and pepper shakers!!! Genius!
So there, we go, I'm trying hard to end on a positive note I don't quite feel at the moment, the mojo's still a bit elusive, but I did realise earlier that I do feel much better when I can feel in control of at least one aspect of the chaos, and if that's my eating that's fine.
Friday, 5 March 2010
Yup - these are definitely mojo tracks I'm following
Still plodding along, resolutely following the trail of my errant mojo.
By some miracle I'd lost half a lb this morning at weigh in - it doesn't sound much, but when you consider that the scales were 5lbs up a couple of days ago I'm so damn relieved that I pulled the week back.
Now I have the challenge of a weekend ahead - usually about the time in the mojo hunt where a rest and an indulgent picnic at the side of the trail calls to me - I'm just going to have to keep putting one foot in front of the other this weekend.
By some miracle I'd lost half a lb this morning at weigh in - it doesn't sound much, but when you consider that the scales were 5lbs up a couple of days ago I'm so damn relieved that I pulled the week back.
Now I have the challenge of a weekend ahead - usually about the time in the mojo hunt where a rest and an indulgent picnic at the side of the trail calls to me - I'm just going to have to keep putting one foot in front of the other this weekend.
Thursday, 4 March 2010
On the trail of the missing mojo
Well, I started the hunt for my missing mojo yesterday - today I'm far from home, but THINK I might have found it's trail. It's very faint and weeks old, but it's the best lead I've got as to where the damn things gone so I'm following it.
Got a long way to go yet though to catch it up.
-- Posted from my iPhone
Got a long way to go yet though to catch it up.
-- Posted from my iPhone
Wednesday, 3 March 2010
Lesson 349
I can safely say that I've found another way not to lose weight - lesson 349 - don't think before you eat.
After a painfully long and stressful day yesterday at work I came home and just gulped down leftover fajitas from Monday night. Not everything in sight but enough to leave me feeling a bit sick, and still weird this morning.
I'm doing a good job at finding ways to make the scale go up though.
I'm off to hunt for my missing mojo - I may be sometime.
-- Posted from my iPhone
After a painfully long and stressful day yesterday at work I came home and just gulped down leftover fajitas from Monday night. Not everything in sight but enough to leave me feeling a bit sick, and still weird this morning.
I'm doing a good job at finding ways to make the scale go up though.
I'm off to hunt for my missing mojo - I may be sometime.
-- Posted from my iPhone
Tuesday, 2 March 2010
Still sinking
I started writing a post yesterday saying how the weekend hadn't been perfect but could have been a lot worse. Then yesterday night happened as well (we were entertaining at ours and I literally had enough chocolate confectionary to make me feel sick) and I can't lie to myself or you ... this week is not going well.
I wouldn't be so hard on myself but that's the story of all my weeks recently and truth-to-tell I was too scared to even step on the scale this morning.
Why the hell can't I pull my act together????? 5 weeks since I got back from skiing and I've not lost any of the weight I put on at all. This is bad.
Anyone seen my missing mojo?
-- Posted from my iPhone
I wouldn't be so hard on myself but that's the story of all my weeks recently and truth-to-tell I was too scared to even step on the scale this morning.
Why the hell can't I pull my act together????? 5 weeks since I got back from skiing and I've not lost any of the weight I put on at all. This is bad.
Anyone seen my missing mojo?
-- Posted from my iPhone
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