I have to put my hands up and confess that I am in fact a shopaholic. Financially speaking I've got myself in and out of trouble more times than I can count - which is a bit depressing really when you consider how much money I could have saved into a nice little nest egg if I'd never overspent in the first place. Kind of ironic for a qualified accountant don't you think?
The problem is, I know exactly why I shop, and have just never been able to break the cycle. Every time I buy something new, shiny and pretty I buy a little slice of confidence and re-inforce my feelings of self-worth. It's pretty tragic isn't it? When I'm bored I'll window shop - usually on the internet, but the irresistable need to buy usually comes when I'm either feeling down about something, or when I've got a situation coming up where I don't feel confident.
I'm sure, that when it comes to clothes, I use them more like a suit of armour, than modesty-protectors and decoration - if I can make the outside look good enough, nobody will notice the distinctly shakey self-esteem hiding behind it. For me confidence is something you project like a hologram, not feel. Occasionally if you're very lucky the hologram becomes real and you do feel good.
Anyhoo, I find myself in an interesting conundrum now I'm starting to shrink a little bit. Normally, if there was even a niggle of doubt that something doesn't look good on, it gets tossed to the back of the (cavernous) wardrobe, and something suspiciously new-looking magically appears in it's place. Well, now several of my old faithful pairs of work-trousers are starting to look distinctly baggy round the bottom and thighs (hooray!), which is never a great look, but I find myself thinking, I'll just hang on a bit before I get something new. Similarly, I was looking on the Hobbs website earlier and found a gorgeous dress in my size that would be lovely for a wedding I'm going to in May, and some beach stuff and board shorts on the Fat Face website - ditto for upcoming holidays, but I'm not tempted to buy any of it. Actually, it's more that I'm hesitant to buy it.
I think the fact that my size is changing, and will hopefully continue to change is confusing me - I'm part afraid to hope that I might actually reach a point where I need smaller sizes, and part hopeful that if I buy stuff for future events like holidays it might be too big for me by the time it rolls round. At this rate I'm not going to be doing a lot of shopping any time soon and I am going to be one rich girl!!
Perhaps even rich enough (and beach-confident enough!) to go on the holiday to Hawaii that my friend suggested this morning for the summer!! Ooooh - now that's an incentive to save!!! Watch this space!
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