Ugh - I'm feeling a bit depressed now. I just updated my own personal weight tracker with this week's horrible number at the scales, and because I technically didn't weigh in last Friday the total number this week was the full gain: 6.5lbs.
Just horrible.
That puts me back to what I weighed mid-October when I got to that for the first time. It then took me til right to the end of the year just to slog down through the next half a stone. That half a stone took longer than any of the previous whole stones took. And now I'm right back where I was and for the first time actually starting to wonder if I can do this.
The Twelves seem to be cursed for me and the longer I wallow in them the more frustrated I get. When I don't look at the bigger picture I'm able to stay more positive, but the truth is that I can feel my confidence in my ability to suceed starting to slide away. And I so don't want it to!!!! I desperately want to do this - I really, REALLY do.
Ok - wallow over. Baby steps.
First step - get the bloody scales moving down again - however small.
Second step - crawl back to 12st 6lbs and 4 stone gone.
Third step - slow and steady progress past that and into new territory - I live for the day I see 11st something on the scale - I've NEVER seen that before. NEVER.
And I badly want to. First steps first then - ANYTHING down - just get back past that 50lbs gone (half a lb away this morning).
-- Posted from my iPhone
Friday, 29 January 2010
Not quite what I wanted
Weigh in today didn't quite go the way I wanted it to, but that wasn't entirely unexpected. I hate to admit it but the scales crept up another lb to leave me at 12st 12.5lbs.
I've been eating properly since Monday this week but the scales have continued to creep up through the week, which is frustrating but I guess it's still the after-affects of last week's excesses, and I mustn't let it distract me from what I'm doing this week.
Yesterday was another day within my points - I ended up with a slight switch towards dinner time as I made Thai turkey burgers for tea and chose to swap my planned dessert for an extra burger, but over all I was still within my limits by the end of the day.
I also went to my first Body Balance class since Xmas last night and it was so nice to be back, although I was feeling most unbendy. I'd also managed to eat too much dinner too soon before the class so that felt a bit uncomfortable - I MUST take more care with my portion sizes of vegetables as I had way more than I actually needed to be comfortably full.
So. Plans to make next week better. Keep planning my food for the whole day in advance. More activity. Be realistic with my portion sizes. Sleep.
The planning has been good so I think that's something I should stick with for a bit. Activity-wise I've only done 2 sessions this week and I've felt pretty sluggish. Next week I'm scheduled to do at least 4 classes, including the new and experimental Aerojam on Sunday, so that should help with my energy levels. I want to practice using smaller plates for meals this week and leaving stuff when I'm full. And finally, I want to get some more sleep - I've been going to bed too late the past couple of days and then feeling terrible in the morning so I shall make an effort to remedy that.
Right - back to work, then my afternoon off and the Imax tonight to see Avatar in 3D with friends.
Catch ya later. Xx
-- Posted from my iPhone
I've been eating properly since Monday this week but the scales have continued to creep up through the week, which is frustrating but I guess it's still the after-affects of last week's excesses, and I mustn't let it distract me from what I'm doing this week.
Yesterday was another day within my points - I ended up with a slight switch towards dinner time as I made Thai turkey burgers for tea and chose to swap my planned dessert for an extra burger, but over all I was still within my limits by the end of the day.
I also went to my first Body Balance class since Xmas last night and it was so nice to be back, although I was feeling most unbendy. I'd also managed to eat too much dinner too soon before the class so that felt a bit uncomfortable - I MUST take more care with my portion sizes of vegetables as I had way more than I actually needed to be comfortably full.
So. Plans to make next week better. Keep planning my food for the whole day in advance. More activity. Be realistic with my portion sizes. Sleep.
The planning has been good so I think that's something I should stick with for a bit. Activity-wise I've only done 2 sessions this week and I've felt pretty sluggish. Next week I'm scheduled to do at least 4 classes, including the new and experimental Aerojam on Sunday, so that should help with my energy levels. I want to practice using smaller plates for meals this week and leaving stuff when I'm full. And finally, I want to get some more sleep - I've been going to bed too late the past couple of days and then feeling terrible in the morning so I shall make an effort to remedy that.
Right - back to work, then my afternoon off and the Imax tonight to see Avatar in 3D with friends.
Catch ya later. Xx
-- Posted from my iPhone
Thursday, 28 January 2010
Things to watch out for
Hey party people!
How goes it?
I'm ticking along ok at the moment. I'm still following my little experiment of pre-planning my entire day's food a day or two in advance, and it definitely has it's advantages. For a start, I stop trying to second-guess myself on how much bad food I can cram into the day. I'm definitely guilty of this usually - if someone brings in cakes or sweets or something, I usually start mentally moving my day round to fit them in, but as I proved with the sweets the other day, I'm definitely doing that less.
Another good point is that I don't spend all morning wondering where my next bit of food is coming from. Mornings at work are a particular danger point for me (and again in the late afternoon), because I tend to start to get hungry, whether it's real hunger or boredom, and I start eating snacks. With my food all planned out, I already know what my snack allowance is for the day, and I just make do with what I have. And actually? It's not so bad! I'm getting reacquainted with what (mild) hunger actually feels like, and I'm learning that it's bearable and not the end of the world. Which means, that for a change, I'm actually hungry when I get to my major meal times: result!! It's also helping me to cut back on my diving-into-the-cupboard-before dinner-time tendencies, as I'm often starving when I get home in the evenings.
Ok, so it's not all roses. Last night, we had our flat inspection, which means I'm now reveling in the zen-like calm of our gloriously tidy flat. I love it this way, although I doubt it will last longer than a week if I'm honest. After our landlady had gone I made my healthy dinner that was on my plan - lightly smoked salmon fillet (oven-baked) with broccoli and a little experiment. My mum always used to make ratatouille style confections with our Sunday dinners, either from marrow, tomato and onion or leek, tomato and onion. I saw marrows at the supermarket on Monday and had a real hankering to try them again, so I thought this would be a good place to start. It was delicious!! And no points on Weightwatchers either, so I had that instead of a carbs portion. After dinner though, I found myself in the middle of an impromptu girls' night out our flat, and I had completely forgotten that Sheena (my new flatmate) always provides loads of goodies for girls' night. Or should I say baddies. A share bag of Doritos and a box of Maltesers between 3 of us. I can't honestly say how much of them I consumed, but it wasn't on my plan. On the plus side I've been leaving a few points on each days menu unallocated and I didn't have the planned Skinny Cow bar I was going to have for dessert, so that all soaked up some of the baddies. I would imagine I ended up a few points over though.
Overall, I'm really pleased with my eating over the past couple of days though. I'm eating in a more varied fashion, I'm getting a few more portions of fruit and veg in daily and I'm being more honest with what I'm consuming.
I've not really done much exercise since Monday's spin, courtesy of 2 nights of frantic cleaning and tidying and a pub quiz on Tuesday night (although I did walk to the pub and back, and just had one slimline vodka and tonic there). Tonight I've got Body Balance which I'm looking forward to, and then I'm heading into town to meet some friends for drinks - strictly Diet Coke for me though as I'll be driving straight from my class!
Tomorrow is weigh in day. I don't expect a great result, as despite a few days of better eating the scales are still resolutely where they were. Patience, little grasshopper, I'm just going to have to have patience. Sustained better eating, and some movement - that's where it's at! And no complacency - I realised last night, mid-tidying, that my wardrobe at my current size has got pretty comprehensive. In other words, I've fallen into the trap of buying more and more clothes as if this is the size I'm planning on staying at. It isn't - I'm a (large) size 14 at the moment, and I definitely want to get to a 12 before I'm done.
Time to cut the shopping. And the complacency. I've made a good start with my focus since coming back from holiday. I've just got to keep adding to that.
How goes it?
I'm ticking along ok at the moment. I'm still following my little experiment of pre-planning my entire day's food a day or two in advance, and it definitely has it's advantages. For a start, I stop trying to second-guess myself on how much bad food I can cram into the day. I'm definitely guilty of this usually - if someone brings in cakes or sweets or something, I usually start mentally moving my day round to fit them in, but as I proved with the sweets the other day, I'm definitely doing that less.
Another good point is that I don't spend all morning wondering where my next bit of food is coming from. Mornings at work are a particular danger point for me (and again in the late afternoon), because I tend to start to get hungry, whether it's real hunger or boredom, and I start eating snacks. With my food all planned out, I already know what my snack allowance is for the day, and I just make do with what I have. And actually? It's not so bad! I'm getting reacquainted with what (mild) hunger actually feels like, and I'm learning that it's bearable and not the end of the world. Which means, that for a change, I'm actually hungry when I get to my major meal times: result!! It's also helping me to cut back on my diving-into-the-cupboard-before dinner-time tendencies, as I'm often starving when I get home in the evenings.
Ok, so it's not all roses. Last night, we had our flat inspection, which means I'm now reveling in the zen-like calm of our gloriously tidy flat. I love it this way, although I doubt it will last longer than a week if I'm honest. After our landlady had gone I made my healthy dinner that was on my plan - lightly smoked salmon fillet (oven-baked) with broccoli and a little experiment. My mum always used to make ratatouille style confections with our Sunday dinners, either from marrow, tomato and onion or leek, tomato and onion. I saw marrows at the supermarket on Monday and had a real hankering to try them again, so I thought this would be a good place to start. It was delicious!! And no points on Weightwatchers either, so I had that instead of a carbs portion. After dinner though, I found myself in the middle of an impromptu girls' night out our flat, and I had completely forgotten that Sheena (my new flatmate) always provides loads of goodies for girls' night. Or should I say baddies. A share bag of Doritos and a box of Maltesers between 3 of us. I can't honestly say how much of them I consumed, but it wasn't on my plan. On the plus side I've been leaving a few points on each days menu unallocated and I didn't have the planned Skinny Cow bar I was going to have for dessert, so that all soaked up some of the baddies. I would imagine I ended up a few points over though.
Overall, I'm really pleased with my eating over the past couple of days though. I'm eating in a more varied fashion, I'm getting a few more portions of fruit and veg in daily and I'm being more honest with what I'm consuming.
I've not really done much exercise since Monday's spin, courtesy of 2 nights of frantic cleaning and tidying and a pub quiz on Tuesday night (although I did walk to the pub and back, and just had one slimline vodka and tonic there). Tonight I've got Body Balance which I'm looking forward to, and then I'm heading into town to meet some friends for drinks - strictly Diet Coke for me though as I'll be driving straight from my class!
Tomorrow is weigh in day. I don't expect a great result, as despite a few days of better eating the scales are still resolutely where they were. Patience, little grasshopper, I'm just going to have to have patience. Sustained better eating, and some movement - that's where it's at! And no complacency - I realised last night, mid-tidying, that my wardrobe at my current size has got pretty comprehensive. In other words, I've fallen into the trap of buying more and more clothes as if this is the size I'm planning on staying at. It isn't - I'm a (large) size 14 at the moment, and I definitely want to get to a 12 before I'm done.
Time to cut the shopping. And the complacency. I've made a good start with my focus since coming back from holiday. I've just got to keep adding to that.
Tuesday, 26 January 2010
Planning it out
Morning lovely people, how are we all today? Good? Awesome, glad to hear it.
I slept like an absolute baby last night - god it was good!!! Who reckons that that is the result of getting back to doing exercise yesterday??
Today, I am following my pre-determined eating plan that I laid out last night. It's kind of odd actually, having my whole day structured and planned out like this - I don't have to think about what I want, just pick up my lunch from the kitchen on the way out this morning, and follow the instructions on the packet, so to speak. Quite nice really. And actually, it's very helpful too, as one of my colleagues decided we needed cheering up this morning (after big work upheaval announcements made yesterday, involving several redundancies, although thankfully not me at the moment, and lots of job description changes), and bought several packets of jelly sweets in. Since they don't figure in my eating plan today, I'm bizarrely finding it much easier than usual to just keep my hands well away from them. Kind of a straight-up "nah - I've already got my points mapped out for the day", rather than my usual "well, if I just shuffle points around here and there, I could have a few now and just have a lighter dinner later". I kind-a like it!
I know a lot of folks around here say that if they just get their exercise ducks in a row, then everything else falls into place (Jack and Lizzie amongst others), but I'm totally the other way round. When I focus on exercise, I have a habit of eating all the extra points I've earned. But if I focus on the food first, and then add the activity around it, I'm all set to lose even if I come up with a week's worth of excuses on the gym front. So for the moment, I'm going to continue with my current experiment, and see how it pans out.
And, yes, if you're curious, I'm still referring to my "fear notes" when the irrational urge to eat comes upon me - so far, still working.
I've updated my food plans for the next couple of days in my tracker, and I'm ready to try this experiment again tomorrow and see how it goes.
Monday, 25 January 2010
Sitting in the dark
Actually, in this case I do mean literally, not figuratively, since the genius water board drilled through one of our power lines.
Food-wise I did ok yesterday til about tea-time and then the habits of last week caught up with me and I wanted more food than I had points for. Honestly, I didn't stop to examine my hunger motives too much, and just ate the extra, and very tasty, food that I wanted. I think it was probably just my brain rebelling against going straight back on plan. I also got to a point where I just absolutely did not want to go for a run, so I didn't. Instead I got to about 9pm and suddenly found I was stupendously knackered and just went to bed.
Today is a different story. I've eaten on plan and I've been to a spin class. I've also booked myself in for a new class called Aerojam on Sunday morning which is supposed to be dance / aerobics hybrid and I've done something very unusual for me -I've planned out all my food for the next couple of days. Oh yes - and I've asked Jon to teach me how to play squash. I'm determined to make progress!
Xx
-- Posted from my iPhone
Food-wise I did ok yesterday til about tea-time and then the habits of last week caught up with me and I wanted more food than I had points for. Honestly, I didn't stop to examine my hunger motives too much, and just ate the extra, and very tasty, food that I wanted. I think it was probably just my brain rebelling against going straight back on plan. I also got to a point where I just absolutely did not want to go for a run, so I didn't. Instead I got to about 9pm and suddenly found I was stupendously knackered and just went to bed.
Today is a different story. I've eaten on plan and I've been to a spin class. I've also booked myself in for a new class called Aerojam on Sunday morning which is supposed to be dance / aerobics hybrid and I've done something very unusual for me -I've planned out all my food for the next couple of days. Oh yes - and I've asked Jon to teach me how to play squash. I'm determined to make progress!
Xx
-- Posted from my iPhone
Sunday, 24 January 2010
New start
Well, I'm back, and as expected the scales are somewhat up - back to 12ss 11lbs. Not entirely unexpected after a week of rich food and then 2 meals of crap grabbed on the go yesterday as we were on the move from 6.30am til 9.30pm yesterday.
Enough of that though. Time to get back to it. I've been monkeying around in this weight region for months now - I go down a bit and then I go up again. Time to get this thing done now - as of today I have 19lbs to lose to get to my current goal of 11st 6lbs. I need to focus and get this wrapped up - then at least when I go up and down a little I'll know I've already achieved what I set out to do.
First mini-goal - get back to 12st 6lbs - my 4-stone-off, 1-stone-to-go point. That's 5lbs from where I was at this morning's weigh in. Hopefully, some of what I've put on will just be water retention after all the salty food yesterday, so I'm aiming to get at least a couple of lbs down by Friday's official weigh in.
I'm back on plan already with porridge for breakfast, and I want to go out and get some sort of fresh air today whether that's walking / running errands this afternoon, or time for a quick run.
I'll post up some photos from the holiday when I get hold of them - I think there should be some quite nice ones lurking around somewhere!
Nice to be back with you all in the real world, even if I am going to miss my daily sessions on the piste and then in the hot tub!! :o(
xx
Enough of that though. Time to get back to it. I've been monkeying around in this weight region for months now - I go down a bit and then I go up again. Time to get this thing done now - as of today I have 19lbs to lose to get to my current goal of 11st 6lbs. I need to focus and get this wrapped up - then at least when I go up and down a little I'll know I've already achieved what I set out to do.
First mini-goal - get back to 12st 6lbs - my 4-stone-off, 1-stone-to-go point. That's 5lbs from where I was at this morning's weigh in. Hopefully, some of what I've put on will just be water retention after all the salty food yesterday, so I'm aiming to get at least a couple of lbs down by Friday's official weigh in.
I'm back on plan already with porridge for breakfast, and I want to go out and get some sort of fresh air today whether that's walking / running errands this afternoon, or time for a quick run.
I'll post up some photos from the holiday when I get hold of them - I think there should be some quite nice ones lurking around somewhere!
Nice to be back with you all in the real world, even if I am going to miss my daily sessions on the piste and then in the hot tub!! :o(
xx
Friday, 22 January 2010
Back to reality!
We've come to the end of our holiday and I'm pretty down sad to be honest. It's been an awesome couple of days and I haven't tagged in here because I've been too damn shattered in the evenings!
In the last 3 or so days I've tried border cross racetracks (woohoo oooo - fast and adrenaline-fueled), more red runs, off-piste and powder, some jumps and a lot of falling over in the powder, some inadvertant detours off into hidden powder-filled valleys (much to the amusement of the people on the lift overhead who watched us attempting to get out again) and finally my first 2 black runs today (took about 10 years off my life and precipitated a complete hissy fit half way down the first one, but I'm proud I did them).
I've also eaten a shit-load of lovely food, slept like a baby and achieved some supremely sore knees by the end of today. I've probably also spent at least several hours soaking in the jacuzzi and a lot of time creaking up and down the many flights of stairs in our chalet.
Back to real life tomorrow (noooooooo) and then I'll get to find out what the damage on the scales is (oh joy). Just a looooong journey on the train to look forward to before I get home.
See ya back in the real world!
-- Posted from my iPhone
In the last 3 or so days I've tried border cross racetracks (woohoo oooo - fast and adrenaline-fueled), more red runs, off-piste and powder, some jumps and a lot of falling over in the powder, some inadvertant detours off into hidden powder-filled valleys (much to the amusement of the people on the lift overhead who watched us attempting to get out again) and finally my first 2 black runs today (took about 10 years off my life and precipitated a complete hissy fit half way down the first one, but I'm proud I did them).
I've also eaten a shit-load of lovely food, slept like a baby and achieved some supremely sore knees by the end of today. I've probably also spent at least several hours soaking in the jacuzzi and a lot of time creaking up and down the many flights of stairs in our chalet.
Back to real life tomorrow (noooooooo) and then I'll get to find out what the damage on the scales is (oh joy). Just a looooong journey on the train to look forward to before I get home.
See ya back in the real world!
-- Posted from my iPhone
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