Progress report

I'm sat here looking at the blank page trying to work out what's new since I last scribbled my thoughts on here.

The answer appears to be not a huge amount.

Let's see ..... Friday afternoon it was such a nice afternoon that I decided to go for a stroll on the hills. Normally I cheat and drive to one of the car parks up on the hills and then walk to the top from there, but since my hills pass (that allows me to park for free) is still in my car, stranded at the dealership, I decided to walk up from the house for a change. Wanting to take it easy, I decided I would just walk up for half an hour, see where I got to, and then stroll back down.

I usually avoid walking from the house, because the first bit, through town to get to the hills, is pretty steep, and it always annoys me that it's 15 mins before you hit the hills proper. But actually it was pleasant to just stroll up at my own pace, taking it slowly and enjoying the afternoon. I also found that even when I left town and started walking up through the gardens that lead on to the hills (where it starts to get a lot steeper - it kicks off with a flight of about 50 steps), that actually I wasn't all out of breath and sweaty, and just kept steadily plodding on up the hill. At my designated half an hour point I had just arrived above the St Annes Well, which is some way up the Worcestershire Beacon, and where there is a rather convenient view point over the Worcestershire countryside.

Sometimes it's just so nice to stop and sit, listen to the silence on the hills, and the noises drifting up from below and feel the breeze floating past. It makes me realise that I should make more use of the gorgeous hills I live on, and I think maybe I should try and make more of a habit of going for a Friday afternoon walk. Maybe just stick to an hour at first, and I can always make it longer once I feel a bit fitter and the sunsets are later.

Saturday saw me off on a jaunt to Cribbs Causeway for shopping with the girls - Amanda (my flatmate) and Sheena. Spent way, way too much money, but came back very satisfied that I'd purchased another top from Animal in a 16 (and a structured top rather than a t-shirt this time), and a cute little double-breasted swing jacket from M & S in blue in a 16, after the 18 proved to be too baggy. There was also a lovely, long, nipped-waist shirt from H & M that looks great belted over leggings or jeans - it was an 18, but given how notoriously stingy H & M sizes can be on occasion, I'm happy with that. Other purchases included new flip-flops for the summer and some awesomely high canvas wedges to wear with my lovely new super-flares I bought the other week.

Ok, so I'm broke now, but also happy.

Saturday evening saw us attending the 50th birthday party of my friend Bridget's dad. Even though I had some points saved for drinks, it turned out that there was a massive and amazing buffet laid on. Rather than sit there being miserable and wanting stuff from it all night, I made the conscious decision to go off-plan for one night only as long as I was sensible. So I had one moderate plate from the savoury stuff, and two of the mini (and I mean mini!) desserts - the size of individual chocolates, they probably contained all the calories under the sun, but damn they tasted good. Add a slice of b'day cake (it would be rude not to really!) and some white wine spritzers, and it was a lovely evening.

This morning I've jumped straight back on plan, and I've pointed the damage from last night, which wasn't really any better or worse than expected. A SP this morning showed that I was still on course for a good loss this week, but either way I don't regret it. These situations will crop up from time to time and we've just got to learn to cope with them - either to be strong enough to slog it out with a night of denial (like my flatmate), or just to take it in your stride and say "hey, the losses might be slower this way, but oh boy, am I enjoying it!" (my preferred choice). Only the scales can reveal the truth tomorrow morning!

Had a nice chilled out day today, up late and then went to get some flowers for my grandma's 95th birthday tomorrow. Three dozen pink roses later, I met Sheena for (the now routine) afternoon coffee and gossip, and then mooched on over to my Dad's to see him and my grandma. Had a sandwich for tea, and but resisted most of the cakes as felt that I was already full.

And that brings me to my latest discovery this week. I think I'm finally getting back in touch with my appetite and my understanding of when I feel full. I've noticed a couple of times in the last couple of days that as I've neared the end of a meal I've realised I'm full and that I don't really need, or therefore want, the last little bit. A bit of a surprise when I even did it with the remains of the chips at Nando's yesterday lunchtime!

The first part of next week should be pretty quiet on a social front, so it's a good excuse for me to stockpile some points. I'm going to need them as I'm away the whole of next weekend on a hen party with a group of 20 girls. I haven't quite decided my strategy yet - whether to save as much as poss and then not point, but just try and be sensible, or to try and point it as I go along. A while ago I was thinking about what to do when I go away and don't have internet access, and I thought the best thing might be to buy myself a pretty little notebook and take it with me to scribble down what I've had and anything else of relevance while I'm away. This weekend will also be a test of self-esteem, as not only am I required to dress up as a footballer's wife for the murder mystery on the Sat night (complete with short, short skirt), but there's a private indoor pool at the cottage and I suspect there's going to be an impromptu pool party at some point - oh joy!!!

Check back in to see how preparations are going this week, and to give your thoughts and suggestions on the best way to tackle it!!!

Still hanging in there

Haven't found a lot of time to write in the last couple of days, but I'm still hanging in there, doing the WW's thing. Went out for a b'day dinner last night, and ran over on points, but I'm on the way to recouping them now, so should finish the week on an even keel. Have finally got round to booking to see the physio at the gym next Tuesday - bit scared that she's going to say I have to lay off all exercise for a while, but guess I'll have to jump that hurdle when I get to it. I wanted to try Body Combat tonight and had booked in, especially as I missed spin class yesterday, but I'm just too damn achey to risk it at the moment - will try and do a gentle session tomorrow to make up for it.

Have realised today that I at least have more confidence than a lot of people my size - there were lots of people on the forum earlier talking about how they dread the summer because they hate their bodies so much they won't even wear a skirt or a sleeveless top, and there's me - galumphing round merrily in whatever I choose. I guess that's a bit of perspective for me - I may not love my body, but I've come to terms with most of it, and can at least identify one or two bits that are worth showing off (my cleavage usually lol).

The funny thing is, I genuinely think that that's one of the reasons I might actually have a bit of success with WW's - that I don't hate myself, and I can like myself enough to want to do something good for me, and that I do deserve that much.

Just can't figure out why I had to wait so long to get to that point, and waste the best part of goddamn 20's getting to that point!!!

..... and she's back in the game!

I just wanted to say thanks guys, for your absolutely spot on comments after my last post. You're absolutely right - I've really only been at this a short while so far, it will just slide away a bit at a time, and frankly as for my self-inflicted target of 15 st by the end of the month - weeell, I'm close enough now, that really what does it matter by a couple of lb's? It's not like I'd see that difference in my clothes / appearance.

So - the self-indulgent wallowing is packed up back in it's bag and put away where it belongs.

On the upside, I treated myself to a couple of new pairs of jeans yesterday - ones that will hopefully give me a bit of leeway to lose weight and have them still fit. I was particularly happy to be able to buy size 18 jeans from Next, as although I've always been in and out of 18's in pretty much every other shop - theirs have always defeated me.

I've also started to ruthlessly cull my wardrobe, one little bit at a time. If I put it on, look at it, and it doesn't make me comfortable because it's hanging a bit baggy - it's going. If it's got funny little marks on that I know aren't going to come out - it's going. If it's got those funny little holes in that just seem to magically appear in your favourite tops when you're not looking - it's going. There is absolutely no point in me keeping clothes that are worn out, or already starting to look too big - especially the last one as I have no intention of going back there to fit them again. The only ones I don't currently wear that get to stay are the one's that are still a bit too small. Bit by bit I'm going to slim this wardrobe down so it's actually all good stuff that I wear.

Woman on a mission - coming through!!!

Feeling frustrated

I'm feeling more than a little frustrated today. I weighed in this morning and lost 1.5lbs. Well, that's good I hear you say! And it is good, but I just think this is going to take forever!!! I mean I've got 70lbs to lose overall - and ok, I've kissed 16.5 of that good-bye already, but that still leaves over 50 to go!! 50 - that's such a massive number.

*Sigh*

I think part of the problem is, when everything was going so well to start with, I set myself a little goal of being 15 st by the time I go to a friend's hen party at the end of the month - a target that seemed perfectly reasonable at the time. But now, with only one official weigh in to go before then, I realise I've set myself up for the first failure of my WW's career, as 3.5lbs left to lose in one week just doesn't seem feasible - stupid, stupid girl!!

Things haven't seemed so bad so far, I've had some steady losses, and I've seen some changes in myself and the way my clothes fit, but bloody hell, I've got such a flipping long way still to go. And I really don't want to fail this stupid little mini-goal I set myself - since I did set the damn thing now I feel like I've got to make it.

So, as I sit here eating my mid-morning snack of pineapple, I'm wondering how on earth I can drop 3.5 by next Monday .......oh god - I do make things complicated for myself sometimes!!!

PWT (Pre Weigh-in Tension)

Eeeek - weigh in tomorrow, and I can't tell if I'm impatient to see the results from this week, or anxious in case they're not as good as I'd hoped. I really must stop peeking at the scales throughout the week - up til yesterday they were saying I'd already clocked a big 3lb loss this week, but they'd bounced back to only a 1lb loss this morning. Ah well, it's all in the averages I suppose so I need to stop getting so fixated on the individual weekly results, but it's hard not to when you've been particularly well behaved during the week - have been trying so hard to stick to my daily point allowances this week each day and not really eaten into my bonus points.

Since the bike ride this morning was cancelled due to me not being over with my friends after all, I made the most of the sun and walked down to retrieve my bike from the car which is now marooned at the garage. Had a nice sunny 20 min walk down the hill to garage, and then a fun (?) bike ride back up. I was quite pleased though actually because I'm not finding that hill as tough as I'm sure I used to. Going to have to walk back down again tomorrow to take the keys in and explain what's happened, and hopefully (fingers crossed) to pick up a courtesy car, otherwise I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to be getting to work this week since the office is 20 miles away!

Wandered in town after that to meet my friend Sheena for coffee and a belated lunch in my case. Grrr that the coffee shop has run out of skimmed milk for my chai latte, so had to have semi-skimmed instead - a whole extra point and a half!!!!! lol Weird how these things matter now. Sheena said that she really thought she could see a difference in me now though, which was very sweet of her - buoyed me up a little bit.

Actually I've just had a bit of a funny thought - I was musing on the way home from coffee about a guy I think I quite like, and then doing my usual routine of mentally slapping myself and thinking "oh but he won't fancy you - why would he? You're fat", and it's just occurred to me - what excuse am I going to use when I'm not any more? Hmmm - think I'd better start thinking about that! (Oh, and don't worry - it's not that I hate myself when I think these things - more a useful self-defence mechanism to avoid disappointment :o))

An evening wasted

Gaaaaah - stupid car broke down on the way to J and L's; had to wait nearly 3 hours on a pitch black dual-carriageway for the RAC to come and get me, despite about 4 phone calls to find out what the hell was taking them so long. The long and the short of it is that the car is temporarily dead, and I had to be towed back to my local garage before being given a lift home. What an absolute waste of an evening, and now I won't get to see the girls for a couple of weeks. :o(

On the upside, I suppose it saved me from my second meal out of the day, and at least I managed to sort out the shopping first. The offfending expensive items have been taken back, and I've bought some useful (and inexpensive) tops from H & M in their place. I tried on a couple of pairs of jeans whilst I was out, and although I was very pleased to see that the 18's in both Dorothy Perkins and Next were starting to fit very nicely, I decided against buying anything yet. With any luck I might be able to cling on to my current pairs of jeans long enough that I can just skip to getting a couple of pairs of size 16's instead. Oh my god - I can't tell how excited I would be to be buying a 16 - don't think I've ever really properly been that size before!

Weekend again already?

The happy, upbeat feelings still persist this morning - where the hell have these come from? Not that I'm complaining, I'm just not used to feeling quite this optimistic about life!

I tootled off to the gym as I said I would last night, and decided to shake things up a little bit. Rather than just spending 30 mins on the x-trainer as I usually would I split the 30 mins in to 3 10 min sections instead. Did some on the x-trainer cranked up to a decent resistance to warm up, then hopped on to the rower for 10. Normally I find this pretty hard work, but last night the 10 mins and 2k seemed to go quickly and easily. Bizarre. Was going to then work a sweat on the x-runner for the remaining 10 mins (a bizarre cross between a x-trainer and a treadmill - it's an elliptical like the x-trainer, but free-swinging instead of on a defined track - so the more you work the more extreme the stride you take, going from a gentle walk up to a full-out run in an on-the-moon-zero-gravity kind of way - somehow you usually end up going full tilt which is pretty brutal). Sadly they were both currently in use so I settled for another 10 mins on the x-trainer on medium to high. Was chatting to my spin instructor Mark, who happened to be on duty in the gym, whilst I did some floor work. He's only recently started teaching, and it's nice how eager he is for feed-back on the class - last night he was showing me the new track-listing and what he'd got planned for each track - looks cracking (the track-list that is lol), so now really looking forward to Wednesday's class. The only downside is that my leg / back is still really achey and sore - couldn't do most variations of crunches because they caused twinges, so I settled for going back to basic straight up crunches -3 sets of as many as I could manage before the burn became disabling. God I hate injuries ... grrrrrrr.

Having a nice quiet morning today, just enjoying having a bit of time to myself. Most of friends have gone for a long walk up the hills, but I said I'd maybe meet them for lunch and give the walk a skip - it seems to be the walk 2 weeks ago that triggered the current twinges so figured I wouldn't risk this one. So will hopefully meet them for lunch (hoping the hotel we're meeting at will have nice fresh soup on the menu), then possibly meeting another friend who's down visiting her parents for the weekend for coffee. After that will wander into town to take back the clothes from last weekend and then going over to see 2 of my school-friends, Jo and Lissa who now live about 40 mins drive away. Will go out for dinner tonight and stay over with them tonight and then going to go for a bike ride with Jo in the morning - something nice and gentle along the canal I think.

Funny how my nice quiet weekend has somehow filled up with loads of stuff to do!