Hauling my ass back on track

Yes, my lovely little readers, I am glad to report that I did not abandon you to wallow in the pit of food and guilt I found myself in over the weekend, but rather to go find the ladder and get the hell up and out of it!!!

Interestingly, the form my own personal ladder took? My iPhone. I know, it's curious isn't it.

Since I couldn't stop eating, and going over my motivations wasn't enough to halt me either, I tackled it from the other side and started considering why it was I couldn't stop. What I was afraid would happen. Since I was at work at the time, I scribbled my thoughts down on my post-it notes as I had them.

Four little bullet points later and I realised that my "fears" were a pretty feeble set of excuses to keep stuffing my face. Like opening up the attic from which big scary noises are coming and finding it's actually just a bunch of bloody squirrels (true story - we have a very noisy squirrel infestation in out loft. Well we used to - now we have some squirrel traps and not so many squirrels thanks to Mr Pest Control Man. I digress).

Once I'd done my fears, I re-scribbled my immediate motivations to eat right.

And a funny thing happened. Up to that point I would have sworn blind to you that I was starving hungry that afternoon. As I read over my little list and digested it (excuse the pun) my hunger disappeared, and with it a tension I didn't even know I was holding.

When I got cranky again about 15 mins later, I read it again and got the same effect. Calm.

So I could have the list with me at all times, I typed the list onto the notes section on my iPhone. I always have it with me, so my list is just a screen-tap away. Discreet and comforting (why does that sentence sound like an ad for ladies' feminine hygiene products??? Lol).

Since then I seem to have made my way back to a bit of healthy-eating sanity. The original post-it is in the front of my work notebook and I can glance at that or my phone when I need to re-centre. Working so far. I feel in control and less bloated. And better still I feel like it'll be a useful tool to help cope with next week (more on that in a second).

Want to know what was on my list?

Fears:

• Being hungry.
• Missing out.
• Boredom.
• Feeling negative emotions - or even just feeling any emotions.

Benefits of eating right:

• Feeling strong.
• Feeling in control.
• Losing weight.
• Achieving a goal I've set.
• Feeling attractive.
• Clothes fitting better.
• Feeling successful.

That list is my saviour.

I've had another funny week - at work Monday and Tuesday but long journeys due to motorway closures. Then it snowed again, pretty majorly and I couldn't go anywhere yesterday so I worked from Jon's sofa instead as he was stuck home too. We managed to get the car dug out this morning and then my flatmate and another friend pushed me free, so I'm back in the office for the last day as I'm off skiing in France tomorrow!!

We're catching an overnight train from London to Bourg tomorrow and we hit the slopes Saturday as long as we have no weather delays - fingers crossed for me please!!!! We're spending the week in a luxury chalet which is fully catered so that's going to be a bit of a challenge. On the other hand we should be out skiing all day everyday with any luck. I've got morning lessons booked so that should force me to shift my ass out the door every morning. :-)

So in summary, I'm a lot calmer and feeling much better, I'm looking forward to my holiday and my weight's back down a couple of lbs in time for weigh in tomorrow. Much better.


-- Posted from my iPhone