Thursday, 8 September 2011

Still Here And Staying Here

I'm often surprised how you can be making progress even when you don't feel like you've put in enough effort.  Allow me to demonstrate:  I tend to think of the world in terms of black and white - either you're 100% on it and you succeed at whatever you're working on, or it's nothing and fail, fail, fail.

As always, my body reminds me that isn't necessarily so, and that 80% of the effort will indeed see some results.  A little patience and persistence goes a long way, as long as I can keep my current buttered toast obsession as least slightly in check. 

I think a lot of the success factor of "mostly" being on track, comes from compromise.  Nothing new there really, but you can get away with a lot if you make a few trade-offs.  For instance, on Tuesday I meant to run at lunchtime with my friend Liz from work.  As the appointed time rolled around (and it pissed it down outside), Liz didn't reappear from her meeting.  I waited for about 45 mins, but it was clear that she'd got caught up, and the run wasn't happening.  I could have gone out on my own, but by this point it was late lunch-hour, and I'd have both got drenched, and missed the opening hours at the canteen for my lunch.  I debated for a little while and decided to skip it, but it was nagging at me all afternoon.  How I wasn't going to be getting any exercise now, and I could do with it.  Since the sky was looking a little less threatening as the afternoon progressed, I ended up deciding to go straight from work instead, and as always, once the decision is made, you just kind of settle into it. 

That run turned out to be one of the best I've had in ages.  I know, I know, I've totally said that before, but the runs I'm reluctant to go on, nearly always turn out to be my best.  Having been off running for a while now, I ran two nice steady 4k's last week, and Tuesday night just felt .... nice.  So I tacked the extra loop on to take it up to 5k, and it still felt fine.  I honestly think I could have kept on going for another couple of k easily, but I wanted to keep the enjoyment, so that I don't feel overwhelmed by my next run - I'd rather finish strong this time, than so tired that I dread the next one.  It's all about the psychological games with me!

Other than that, life is pretty hectic at the moment, which is why I don't always get on here for a couple of days (sorry about that!).  I always come back to here though, because this is my accountability.  Not just to you, but to me - what I write here can't be unwritten - it's a record for me of my ups and downs and realisations.  I've seen a few blogs recently dying off, and it makes me sad.  I wonder what happens to those that go, but I have a horrible feeling that probably 75% of them will regain.  Yeah, so much faith in my fellow man!  But if you look through the last posts of most of those blogs that go quiet, you so often see that the writer is struggling, or just disinterested.  Maybe they didn't get to where they thought they would, or maybe they have and now that thing called life is getting in the way.  I don't know, but for both of those scenarios, I see that the disinterest in writing is most likely symptomatic of a growing disinterest in trying or maintaining.  Either they don't want to face the truth of why it's not working, or they've got comfortable and relaxed their vigilance.  I don't know. 

For me, I don't see a time when I will truly be able to relax around food, and maybe that sounds a little sad to you.  Sure, I can manage periods when I'm not tracking and blogging (see my month in Costa Rica last year for a successful example), but I still have to be conscientious in at least a small part about my eating and exercise, and I come back to tracking sooner or later.  Maybe I will eventually get to my original goal of 11 and a half stone.  Maybe I'll even go past it, or maybe I'll find that actually I'm comfortable somewhere this side of it.  What I am sure of, is that for me I don't want to be bigger than I am now, and I enjoy my health and fitness too much to give them up.  And part of what works for me, is talking about it, reading about it, and getting feedback.  One thing I don't want to do is give up.

I'm always particularly proud of the blogs that go quiet, but pop up again later.  They might be coming back 20 or 50lbs heavier, and it's a bittersweet moment reading that after you've seen someone do so well to begin with, but I admire them for doing it anyway.

So yes, my life might be hectic, but somebody please come and nag me if I start leaving it too long between posts!

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