Wednesday, 10 February 2010

The war of attrition

I am one of those people that frequently struggles with motivation. I'd like to be the sort of person that forges ahead, regardless of the circumstances or obstacles in my way, but the truth is that as soon as something doesn't go my way my willpower can flag. And that, dear readers, can be a vicious cycle for us weight loss types.

When I'm eating right, the weight comes off. When the weight comes off I see the rewards for my work, and I'm encouraged to do more of the same. A positive feedback cycle. When the weight loss slows, or I gain, then I get a bit of a fuck-you mentality on - it's harder to persuade myself to put the good stuff in my mouth because I can't see the result anymore, and so things can easily spiral out of control. Blame it on my 3 second, goldfish memory.

That's where I could have been after skiing - I've been struggling with the 12 stone bracket for what feels like forever. I'm within sight of my goal, and yet far enough away that it's a long final push to get there. I'm tired of watching what I eat for the moment, but know that it's all that stands between me and a big backwards slide (as Saturday loudly reminds me), so I'm using the one tool in my arsenal that I have left - one day at a time and live in the present and immediate future only.

That way, mistakes I make are in the past - I can learn from them, but I can't change them - 20/20 hindsight and all that - so there's no point letting them have a negative impact on what comes next. Done it, log it, move right along. At the same time I'm just keeping my eye on the here and now and my immediate choices and options -there's no point looking too far ahead - for a time when I reach goal - and waiting for it to happen. I'll get there eventually, but I have to keep living my life until I get there.

I'm stuck in a funk and I have to keep going until I can find my way out again. The fabulous Ms. Bitchcakes described it perfectly the other day - the first phase of whole-hearted committment and steady results; the slow decline into complacency, weight-loss plateau and going-round-in-circles; and eventually re-committment when my brain finally catches up with me. I've just got to not quit before that point.

To the people who had the grit to do it all on the first time with no distractions - the lovely Kari, gorgeous Lizzie and of course the eponymous Jack Sh!t - I salute you. For the rest of us - who's still here plodding along with me??

-- Posted from my iPhone


Linz M said...

I am exactly the same and totally stuggling at the minute and ending up feeling really frustrated at myself.

My line is drawn as of today and I am now taking it one day at a time. It might take me years, but I am determined to get there in the end.

So I am here - plodding alongside you!


Jaframity said...

Brilliant post - is me to a tee too. I feel I'm at the going round in circles point, fed up with managing only staying on track 4/7 days most weeks.
We'll just keep chipping away at it and get there. We will.

Claire xx said...

I'm with you! Really struggling at the moment - need to shake things up me thinks.
Claire xx