Thursday, 24 December 2009

I found another way not to diet.

Oh deary me - I'm just not very on the ball at the moment. I made it through yesterday without taking any damage from the gauntlet of sweets at work and then promptly fucked it up in the evening.

The snow finally arrived for us yesterday night - so I left work early and swung by the retail park on the way home to pick up de-icer and screenwash for the car. And some warn pyjamas for Xmas and skiing. Since I was already in M & S for the pj's, I ducked into the food hall to pick up a few extra provisions in case of it being an impromptu snow day today. Salad. Fine. Some croutons - checked the nutritional info - fine. A small snack pack of savoury Xmas treats, a slice of Xmas cheesecake and a little box of 6 chocolates .... errrmmm ... would be fine if I didn't consume the cheesecake, chocolates and half the snack pack in one go after my dinner. FOOL!!

I feel pretty gross today. So, in the interests of being festively positive what have I learned?

1. I only ate half the snack pack - I knew I didn't want or need all of it with tea, so I stopped.

2. The cheesecake was ok, but actually it wasn't spectacular. I should have stopped when I realised this half-way through the slice. I felt guilty and annoyed afterwards. I know that that having the cheesecake wasn't better than having that disappointed feeling. I already knew that halfway through the slice. Everytime this happens and I acknowledge that feeling I find the balance tipping slowly towards the not-eating side. In the beginning I didn't think til afterwards. Then I started to have vague thoughts which I'd discard in order to continue eating. Now I full-on stop and waver before continuing, or sometimes I actually stop. In time I'll win this battle with my fear of not finishing things. There's no shame in throwing away food that you don't really want. There's no waste in not clearing your plate if you're not hungry or don't really like something. And if you do like it, but you're full, it's not going to magically disappear from the fridge when you're not looking. My brain knows this - my body is slowly learning to listen.

3. Those chocolates were gorgeous but rich. Oh so rich. I should have saved half for tonight.

I've payed for my indiscretion on the scale this morning. I know it's temporary, no-one can gain 2lbs of fat overnight. I want to be disappointed, but I shall look at the positives above instead. Someone yesterday was talking about Thomas Eddison's quote regarding his invention of the lightbulb - "I didn't fail to make a lightbulb a 1000 times, I just found a 1000 ways not to make a lightbulb". I think we can safely say that I found another couple of ways not to eat healthily for life last night. Habits that still need to be dissolved.

The only good thing about the times I trip up like last night? I wake up in the morning with a sour stomach and a refreshed sense of purpose. I had beans on toast for breakfast and bought fruit on the way to work this morning. Wish me luck for lunch out later!

-- Posted from my iPhone

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