Still being good

Not quite such a clean day eating yesterday, but I still scrambled through it and emerged unscathed. I found myself munching through a fair bit of stuff at work yesterday, and although I did pull myself up, I didn't have many points left by dinner time. As promised though - I went for a walk. In fact, I did a bit of practical multi-tasking, since I'm not terribly good at non-scenic, aimless walking in the dark - so I walked my butt over to the supermarket to pick up some healthy stuff for tea. 15 mins each way, plus meandering time in the supermarket, equals the minimum 30 mins that I wanted to do. Between those few precious activity points, and the couple I had saved, I safely navigated tea when Bridget arrived - very tasty oven-baked haddock in an oatmeal crust and a big pile of veg - tenderstem broccoli, green beans, some oven baked mushrooms with just a spritz of olive oil and a pinch of tarragon, and a load of lovely, leafy baby spinach, finished off with a little blob of low fat mayo on the side. Who needs the chips, eh??

Had a little individual pack of Weightwatchers cookies afterwards while watching a Gossip Girl marathon and job's a good 'un!

I'm a little bit munchy again today, but more under control, and I think I'll prob be heading to the gym tonight for circuits (very carefully), so that's even more of a cushion - I'm happy I can make this day another good one. Which is really all I need to do.

Spent most of my lunch break shopping for a new rash vest online - makes such a difference from this time last year, when it was really hard work finding a brand that went up to my size. I found the rash vest ok last year - since they're stretchy I was able to get a size 18, although I had to pay nearly £40 for it, but the board shorts almost reduced me to tears. Not many companies make shorts up to that size, and the pairs I found were just too small ... by inches. I ended up having to buy the biggest size in the mens' shorts (a 38" waist) and even then it was a struggle. I hated the thought of possibly standing out, hated that sports clothing companies seem to think you couldn't possibly want to do sport if you're over a size 14-16, hated that I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin. I hated that when I got there I had to stay hidden in my tankini, and only felt really comfy around the windsurfing club when I'd got my cover-up on. Hated that I felt so self-conscious beside the professionally fit windsurfing staff (who incidentally, couldn't have been nicer and less judgmental) and that I shied away from the cameras during the video tutoring sessions we had. I hated that after an absolutely fabulous holiday, I bought the video of the week, and cringed when I caught a glimpse of my bulk on film.

I'm hoping to be as close to 4 stone lighter as I can be this year. I'll wear bikinis and feel more comfortable about who I am. With any luck I may even see an improvement in my windsurfing through having more energy, better balance, and it not being such an effort to get back up on the board when you've fallen in. Events like this holiday account for so much of my motivation to lose weight - they're the thing that keeps me going when I'm struggling with the day-to-day trudge of trying to get it right.

Beyond this holiday, my friends are currently starting to organise this year's ski trip. I desperately want to go, and I'm juggling my finances to try and make it work. And the reason I'm so desperate to go? I want to go while last year is still so fresh in my mind. I want to see the contrast between feeling ungainly last year and having a bit more confidence this year. Last year was injury-ridden - I spent 4 days of the week away cooped up in the chalet after ripping muscles in my back snowboarding (although it didn't stop me going out for one last blast on the last day, doped up on painkillers, because I refused to be defeated by it) - as a result I'll have to switch back to skiing this year.

The last time I skied I totally lost my confidence, whereas the first time I absolutely loved it. The difference between the first and last times? Weight (well, weight and age, but mostly weight). I first went when I was fresh out of school. I weighed about what I do now, prob a little more, and ironically, it was when I was so disgusted with my weight that I first tried Weight Watchers. It didn't work, but I had the best time skiing. Took to it like a duck to water and bombed everywhere for the week with the utmost confidence. The second time I went was about 5 years later, and 5 stone heavier. I was the heaviest I'd ever been - close to 17 stone, or thereabouts. Nothing fit, and I had a massive stress (again) trying to find ski-pants to fit. I felt exhausted very quickly, and my muscles protested all the time. I felt out-of-control because I tended to speed up so quickly, and I found it extraordinarily difficult to get up after I'd fallen over (sat down - Lissa and Jo said I never fell over, I just sat down when I decided I was going too fast) without taking one of my skis off. Not surprising that I switched to snowboarding after that! Well, I want to give it another go now, and see if I fare any better. And the other reason? I want to see the people we ski with, people who I mostly haven't seen for a year, and surprise them with my weight loss. Shallow. As. A. Puddle.

Well, after that melodramatic little tour through my sporting holiday miseries, I shall go get on with making the rest of today a good one!

Ooooh, and before I forget - thanks for all your comments yesterday!! Yes, I'm terribly excited about holidays, and I love going exotic places to do the things I love! And you should all totally come on holiday with me - the more the merrier!!! :O) What? I should have given you more notice, because you can't just drop things and come along? Well, that's rubbish!! Next year!!