Bear with me, because this is going to sound trite, and I totally feel like some evangelical convert waxing lyrical about how their new religion is the best ever, and they can't understand how they never converted before, but the truth is: I feel great after eating consciously over the last couple of days. Not just smug but actually, physically different. Better.
I've been really thinking about what I need and as a result I've felt full all day. I even cut down my pasta portion at dinner because I didnt want to cheat on my day's points. I also really looked at how much veg I was adding and properly considered it. The result was surprising - prob half of my normal amounts - and I realised my "standard" portions of veg had gone up at some point. Where I used to use half a pepper, a carrot, a couple of mushrooms, and half a courgette, I realised that I'd changed to a whole pepper and courgette, and half a punnet of mushrooms - just far, far too much food. Of course, cutting back the veg and pasta means I also needed less pesto to make sauce too - saving points the easy way!
It struck me, as I reached into the cupboard for a plate, that I've been seing the signs for a while but not registering them. Consciously or not, I've been ignoring it, but I realised that I have always been reaching for the big dinner plates recently in order to be able to fit my meal on, and healthy food or not, that's not a good sign. Last night, I only needed a small plate, and when I stopped to compare my meal it was about 2/3 of my recent portion sizes. No kidding. But it was a normal size portion, a portion that would fill me comfortably, and I took my time to eat it and felt good when I was finished. No pudding required.
I know 2 days on track hardly makes a success story but it does feel great - I'm not over-stuffed as I now realise I have been after a lot of meals recently. I need to remember this. And keep working at it.
Those were my thoughts last night. I got back from the pub (mostly diet Cokes and 1 vodka and tonic from my activity points), and I had all these thoughts whirling round my head as I lay in bed, so I jotted them down before I forgot. I had a moment of frustration this morning, when my weekly weigh in put me at 12st 9.4lbs, only a lb down from when I returned from holiday on Sunday, and officially a lb up from my last pre-holiday weigh in, but then I realised why I was so disappointed: in my head I'm equating the fact that I feel so good with what I'm expecting to see on the scales, and of course, it doesn't work that way.
However, I'm still walking the saintly path today, despite my minor (and irrational) niggle with the scales. Mid-morning I caught myself thinking I really wanted some more breakfast. I stopped and examined that thought - I wasn't physically hungry (I kept checking myself over a good 30 mins to be sure), and what I really wanted was the taste and texture of food and the act of eating - it was a feeling I can only describe as a comfort I was craving. I don't know why - I wasn't particularly bored or stressed or anything else. So I took that thought, asked myself whether I needed to eat, and knew the answer was "no", and sure enough it faded away after a little while. Of course it's not easy - whoever said this stuff was, but at least I'm thinking about it.
Next challenge today - trying to break my "treat" mentality that I've got into for weekends. It goes like this: "it's the start of the weekend and a new tracking week, so I've got flex points to use, therefore I must deserve a treat." Funny how it never stops at one treat isn't it. And also - since when was a "treat" a regular weekly occurrence.
*sigh* - there's a long way to go.
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