Tuesday, 14 June 2011


One of my best friends just texted me to say that she's got engaged. Her boyfriend, who I introduced her to about 4 years ago, got down on one knee on the beach at sunset in Cape Cod and proposed.

This should be wonderful news, but instead I just feel hollow. Another friend, younger than me too, getting on with a part of life that seems to pass me by.

To add insult, an even closer friend emailed me yesterday to ask advice because she's been offered yet another promotion with her work; another payrise and a possible move to London and an even more prestigious director's title than the one she has now. She's 30 and she's already a director with her company. But she's not sure what it means for the 4 bedroom detached property she was just about to buy, so she's trying to find out if work will pay for her pad in London so she can buy the place in the country anyway. This, while I'm contemplating cutting my social life back to nothing at all because I can barely afford to pay my bills at the moment.

Why do other people's fortunes always go up when mine seem to hit rock-bottom? Some people say "why me"? I feel more "why's it never me?".

But mostly I wish I was a nicer person who could at least feel joy at other people's successes and good news instead of just letting it reflect how much of a failure I feel; 30, flat broke and alone.

- Posted from my iPhone


Lor said...

life is seriously what you make of it, love. 100%. rock bottom is good, solid ground, and a dead end road is an excellent place to turn around. rather than guilt yourself over the way you feel, accept it. we're human, and sometimes we can't help the way we feel. but there are always people who have it worse than we do. there will always, always be people who have it better, and at the same time, always people who have it worse. we have to learn to be happy with what we've got at the moment. you might be unhappy that you're alone, but somewhere, some girl is feeling trapped in a relationship. you might be broke, but somewhere, someone has more money than they know what to do with, but they're still unhappy. i know it's no easy feat; i'm flat broke, too, but rather than be unhappy with the cards you've been dealt, try to play a hand. you'll never get anywhere if you don't try. xo chin up!

Seren said...

You are not alone in feeling this way! There's a quote...can't remember by whom for the moment, something like "Every time a friend of mine succeeds a little part of me dies." Always makes me smile (a little bit).

It's easy to focus on what you don't have, and I know you are not going to want to hear the standard "Count your blessings" line at the moment. But I reckon you would be surprised at what people think when they hear about your life. I read your blog, and I think what a fantastic, supportive, funny group of friends you have, I envy (in a good way!) your energy, your spirit, your fitness. You have many things.

On a more practical note, have you considered going to the CAB for advice on how to restructure your debt? I haven't myself (I really should) but I hear they can be quite good.

Chin up chick.


Love Cat said...

Do not feel guilty about feeling low upon hearing your friends' news. That is perfectly normal.

I had a major freak out earlier this year when I found out my best friend is preggers. I felt selfish and bitter and then disgusted with myself for behaving that way.

I had to reallign my thinking and remember that no two paths are the same. There are things about my life which will come together at the right time. When things happen they will be happening for me at a time that is right for me. It's the same for you too. I know life feels rough sometimes and luck sometimes doesn't seem to be on your side but you are doing your best.

Keep your chin up love. x

Peridot said...

I agree - as ever - with Seren and LoveCat. Of course it's normal to compare and feel down but you do have more than you think - you seem to have a fantastic gang of mates to do exciting things with and you have boundless energy and joie de vivre. It's never a fair comparason because you can't see inside someone's soul - you only know your own angst and anxities. Your time will come, it really will. It's already here actually - but I mean for men, money and babies. Although not all at the same time I expect (I understand it's nigh on impossible to have babies AND money for instance)