Oh deary me

I've decided to go back to basics this week. I've got a quiet week socially, so it's a good chance to have a week when I stick to the points day by day, eat sensibly and work on laying the new ground rules for eating more healthily in the future.

The first lesson has been portion control - I'm the first person to admit that my eyes are far bigger than my stomach and I've forgotten what a normal meal on a plate should look like. For example, I've been really looking at my dinners as I cook and thinking how filling everything will be as I cook and therefore how much of everything do I really want. Last night was pretty educational. Firstly, I was looking at the scampi I was measuring out - the instructions on the portion said half the pack (it was a little one) - I measured it on the scales to be sure I was splitting it equally, but caught myself thinking "maybe just another one". I didn't though. Then, as I was thinking I was pretty hungry, I debated added a sweet potato to the potato I was chopping for oven-baked wedges. Why??? I realised as soon as I'd cut the potato up that there was more than enough there for one, and put the sweet potato back. Then measuring out the frozen peas and sweetcorn I was thinking "well, doesn't look like much, and this is veg so better to fill up on this". I put them away at that point.

My concept of what will fill me up seems to have got completely warped - I think that for the rest of the week I shall try and concentrate on keeping portions small, and I can go back for something else if I'm genuinely still hungry - going to be the only way to break myself out of it.

I was very good and went to the gym this evening after work, despite feeling less than enthusiastic on the way home in the car. So to gain some enthusiasm, I put my motivations list to good use. I mentally went over all the reasons I want to succeed at this, and how well I've done already, and by the time I got onto the drive, I knew that it was worth going and found the enthusiasm to go. I feel good for that, although I have come to the conclusion that I need to book an appointment to see the resident physio at the gym. The twinges in my leg are still there, and were pretty painful while I was doing abs work after my cardio - I guess you tense more muscles than you know when you're doing floor work. Annoying, as I don't want it to get in the way of my exercising.

Finally, I'm trying very hard to work out my feelings, now that my flatmate has joined WW's too. I didn't really want her to as I'm feeling selfish about my losses - maybe I just don't want to share the glory, and I certainly don't want it to turn into some sort of competition. So I suppose I view it as both a good and bad thing that her boyfriend has decided to do it with her, albeit without actually joining himself. On the upside, this probably means that any competitiveness on her part will be directed towards him, as will her need to discuss it. The downside (brace yourself - this sounds terrible) - the two of them together are far more likely to stick to it and do well (ugh - ugly sentiment that one). Why can't I just wish them well? I think it's because they've only decided to do it "because you've done so well". I think I feel a little patronised (i.e. well it must be easy then) and that they're jumping on the bandwagon now they've seen it will work. I have to find a positive side to this .... I'm trying, really I am ....