When I started the tracker back in Feb or thereabouts, I looked to be well on the way to getting to goal by the time I go to Egypt in November. In fact, it looked like I would get there at the beginning of November, giving me a couple of weeks leeway. Now the projection is that I won't get there til pretty much the end of the year.
I know this doesn't sound much, but if that keeps sliding away it'll be well in to next year before I get there, or I just won't get there at all. Looking back through my posts on here, I can see a common theme emerging. And it sounds remarkably like this:
- Yeah!! I'm totally going to reach this goal, x, at by this week, y!!!! Yeah!!!!
- Oh, well, actually, this social event, z, got in the way, but never mind, because I can still totally make it. Yeah!!!
- Oh man - I'm totally going to have to pull my socks up to make that target. But I can do it. I can be that good. Honestly. Yeah.
- So I might have slipped up a little. I didn't quite make it. I know I promised I would, and I know I planned it all out, but it's ok, because I had a really good time doing whatever it was that seemed more important instead. And there's always next time.
- In fact I'm going to make another goal right now!!! And go back to step 1.
I know that I am making progress of a sorts - but I go through too many phases where my efforts are altogether too half-assed. And I am waaaay too good at making excuses for myself. After all - I've had 28 years to practice it.
Wouldn't it be good if there were easy ways to keep ourselves on track.
- An electronic shock from the scales if you don't get a loss of some sort.
- Speaking scales that not just announce your weight, but also any gains in an obnoxiously loud voice. That way it won't make any difference if you lock yourself away in the bathroom as your neighbours will be rooting for you to make the damn loss every week anyway!
- A treadmill that won't actually stop and let you off until you've done the required amount of exercise.
- TV that won't come on / stay on unless you're doing some form of exercise
- Curfew 5 nights a week - actually enforced by some independent third party, complete with prison-ankle-tracker-type arrangement.
- Your friends won't actually let you go on holiday until you've met the target you set!
This last one is the killer for me. I'm heading off to Scotland with friends in 5 and a half weeks. When I did my original tracker, I was supposed to be under 13 stone by then. I was so damn excited about that. And yet here I am - 5 weigh ins to go before I leave, and still struggling to get into the 13's, never mind back out of them.
How many times have I written in this blog about how amazed and grateful I am that I haven't given up yet? Answer: More than a few. But does 90% effort really count? How about 75% or 50%? Because that's what's happening most weeks. I can honestly say that I can't think of a single week where I've had a 100% perfect week. I'm not even sure there was one right at the very beginning, it's just that when you're starting out, your body is a lot more forgiving of your little slips, because it's still in shock that you're doing anything at all!!
So, yet again, I think I need to go back to basics. To taking every day one at a time. Trying to eat the right things, move my ass a bit, and not let the weekends sneak up behind me and smack me round the back of the head. Because apparently, that's all a bit harder than I make it sound!
This is now my 4th week stuck at this weight - hovering just about 14 stone. I'm so excited to get into the 13's and yet somehow I'm not getting there. I got to 14st 3lbs. Then I stayed there for a week. Then I dropped 2lbs. Then I put a lb back on. Enough of this namby-pamby watery version of WW's. The only way I'm going to get there is to do it properly. Because I do not want to fail at yet another thing. And, yes, by failing I am including do it in a completely half-assed kind of way and getting there later than everybody else. For once in my life, I WILL be successful at this. Damn it - I REFUSE to give in on this point!