Rant Warning!

I'm warning you right now - this post is going to be a ranty, whiny, it's-so-not-fair kind of post. So if you don't feel up to that with your morning coffee, probably a good idea to skip straight to someone elses's blog right now.

******

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH!!!!! My damn back has gone again. Just when I thought that I was over the last lot of random injury and my ankle was returning to a normal size and I was looking forward to getting back to exercise this week. I bent over ever so slightly to do something yesterday - yes, it really was as completely innocuous as it sounds, a nothing movement - and there was a horrible pop in my lower back followed by a flash of pain. As usual I just froze and thought "Oh God no - not again!!".

It wasn't so bad after that yesterday, it seemed to ease up over the afternoon and I thought I'd got away with it, but I woke in the middle of the night and couldn't move, and that's pretty much the way I am right now. Everything hurts. Sitting hurts. Standing hurts. Moving from sitting to standing hurts. Moving full-stop hurts. Lying down hurts. I've eaten as many painkillers as I can already, and everything still HURTS.

I bloody hate this. Why the hell am I falling apart like this at the grand age of 28???? It's not bloody FAIR.

I've got stronger painkillers, but I can't take them as I need to be at work today, and I can't drive if I take them. So I've struggled into work amidst various cursing and impending tearful moments, and as soon as I've done what has to be done, I'm fucking off home and dosing up on the good stuff. Which I'm a bit scared to use as it's Diazepam - otherwise known as good old Valium - and will most likely completely space me out. I'm also scared to use it as I know loads of people develop dependencies on it, and I have about the most addictive personality on the planet. Hell, I've stayed well away from cigarettes and drugs my whole life because, aside from the obvious health benefits of doing so, I know that with my levels of self-restraint it's a road to disaster. But, goddamnit, this HURTS.

Just to make my day better, my period snuck up on me when I wasn't looking, bringing with it its usual miscellaneous assortment of aches, pains and grouchiness (although possibly also explaining my cravings for all things sugar-loaded the past couple of days), so now I just feel gross on top of in pain.

I lost a lb at weigh in this morning, so I'm now back where I was before Norway, i.e. hovering just above the 14st point STILL not fucking going anyway. What the hell??? I need to get off my ass and get moving below here. Except I can't fucking get off my ass because it's bloody well HURTS!!!!

And I'm getting grumpier just writing this, so I'm going to stop before I burst into irrational tears in the middle of my office, or start throwing things at unsuspecting colleagues.

I might be in a mildly better mood later. Or in a chemical induced haze. I'm not sure which.