I don't know what tomorrow's weigh in will bring, but I feel that it's not going to be good, after this last week. I know a couple of you have said don't beat yourself up over a couple of bad days (and incidentally, thank you so much for the supportive messages left this last week - much appreciated), but for me, this isn't just a couple of bad days, this is the start of a long and slippery slope to falling off plan altogether. I say this not because I'm a defeatist, or pessimist, or a glass-half-empty kind of person, but just because I'm world-weary and I've been here before with myself. I recognise the signs.
However, that doesn't mean I have to be here and go there again. I like this new me that can take control too much to want to relinquish her, and I don't want to start undoing all this. Coming back from the last holiday, I said I'd have my gain off quick-smart, and it hasn't happened yet. This last week I said I'd have a good week; it started out reasonably and then went to hell in a handbasket, plan-wise. So I think I need to take a step back, and plan smaller, baby steps until I can find my mojo again.
Therefore, I'll take whatever weigh in throws at me tomorrow on the chin. If it's bad, then I've earnt it, and there ain't noone else to blame for it. If it's ok, then I have to man up and admit that I'll have escaped by the skin of my teeth. No excuses.
Then tomorrow - I want a good day. No cheating. I'm starting small - just one 24 hour period, when I stick to my points allowance, and move my ass, and get my heartrate up. Nothing more. Baby steps all the way, since I can't seem to handle anything bigger.
When I've done that I'll start on Tuesday - same again - get the eating right. Move ass where I can. A lot of the next couple of evenings is going to be spent packing, but that's no reason not to do the rest of it right.
And I need a notebook for Croatia. I will diary. Food diary and blog, even if it is on paper. I think I need the reflection time each day to stop and think about what I'm doing.
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