Wednesday, 7 July 2010

Counselling - take 2

So here I am, with a cheeky little cocktail at the weekend .... and my cheeky little friend Kok-Yee too. I actually think we were trying to drink our cocktails with our arms linked through each others like the old champagne drinking move ... instead it just looks like she's trying to plant a great big kiss on me!

Exhibit number 2: All the girls dressed up and ready to go out on Saturday night - me on the left in my lovely French Connection dress and some gorgeous orange Kurt Geiger shoes I picked up during the day in Bath.

And finally, at Komedia with the bride, Katherine on the left, and one of her bridesmaids, Sonia, on the right.

This weekend, we're shooting off to Loughborough for my friends' 30th - still no idea what dress to wear, but at least after last weekend, I know that I can have a plan to get through it without deviating from eating well and I should be fine.

Tonight, had my second session with my counsellor. We talked more around my mum's death and how it's affected my relationship with my dad, as well as how things are with my friends at the moment. I was far calmer than I was during last week's session - no emotional shitstorms to wade through, but it was still really productive. Maybe even more productive that last week.

Last week, I pretty much vented for an hour - all that pent-up stress and anxiety and frustration - she didn't really push me on anything I was saying, or question too much, but I left feeling far, far calmer anyway. Simply because I'd let it out and voiced it.

This week, she picked me up on things I said, and forced (no, that's not right, asked) me to examine what I was saying vs. feeling. Apparently, I'm rather good at not saying what I'm feeling, even to myself. I've got a lot I need to think over, but she's definitely given me a fresh perspective on two big things that have been bothering me. Not necessarily the answers to how to solve them, but a different starting point. I would seem to have some quite big abandonment issues amongst other things, and my coping tactic so far when faced with something difficult has been to back away and separate myself from the things that upset me. That needs to change.

I came home and had a Chinese takeaway afterwards, since I didn't feel much like cooking - I don't mind as I had the points available, although I doubt I'll feel that good tomorrow (damn MSG). Feeling much cheered by the football results though - Spain won their semi-final, which means I've definitely won at least some money in my office sweepstake now!

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